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...the wife - 2/13/2008 11:26:18 AM
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ajlewis
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From: State of Confusion
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~ Ladies ~
First of all, happy valentines!
next, how do you feel when a guy refers to his spouse as "...the wife"? As a (very) longtime single I've always considered it to be slightly disrespectful; like "...the car" or "...the house"
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 11:34:50 AM
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agapetos
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Well, I'm not married, but it would kind of depend on how it's said...
I know one couple where he refers to her as 'the diary' because his brain just doesn't work well for getting dates right and he'll frequently forget to tell her or arrange 2 things for the same day/time.
But he does it with a wonderful affectionate tone in his voice.
And I know someone who refers to her husband as 'him indoors' ~ and again, it's said with a wonderful affectionate tone.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 12:06:40 PM
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moon_mouse
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In isolation, I wouldn't make any assumptions about it. I'd only be offended if it was part of a wider pattern of dismissive behavior.
But then, I refer to my hubby as "the hubby" upon occasion. Usually, I'll say my hubby if I'm describing him or telling a story about him, but sometimes I'll use the hubby if I'm referring to him in passing. Like "My hubby plays golf" as opposed to "I'll have to check with the hubby to see if we're free on Saturday night." I'm not sure why my conversation has developed like that, but I don't think it really makes any statement about how I feel about him.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 12:28:08 PM
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GodsProperty18
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well i am not married, but when i hear men say that about their wives....to me it sounds like they are seeing there wife as a possession not as a person....at least thats how it makes them sound....very shallow.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 1:08:21 PM
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tinydancer2
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ajlewis
~ Ladies ~
First of all, happy valentines!
next, how do you feel when a guy refers to his spouse as "...the wife"? As a (very) longtime single I've always considered it to be slightly disrespectful; like "...the car" or "...the house"
Well..maybe because Englsh is not my mother tongue and there is just one word in Portuguese for "wife" that is spouse (esposa) and it does not sound bad at all but proper way, I dont see anything disrespectfull at all, and even when men specific refering to their wives as "their women", does not sound bad at all, but women may refer to their husbands as esposo (spouse) or marido (instead of my men). Sure people will use the possessive pronome as my, naturaly, not "the", but still if they do is not bad, to my knowlegde...
The expression that I dont like in English, at all, and may be a very popular one is "hubby" - it just sound terrible in my ears and not one I would choose to use.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 2:21:07 PM
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car2ner
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I wouldn't get bent out of shape over it. I agree with the previous posters. Not to worry unless there was a pattern of disrespect, in which case using "the" instead of "my" would be the least of their problems.
I get a kick out of when my husband refers to me as "woman". It is tongue in cheek and I have no question that he loves me and respects me. But the looks we get when he does that, and the relief on those faces when I respond and they realize he is just teasing.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 3:11:46 PM
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ajlewis
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quote:
I get a kick out of when my husband refers to me as "woman". It is tongue in cheek and I have no question that he loves me and respects me. But the looks we get when he does that, and the relief on those faces when I respond and they realize he is just teasing.
Back "in the day" some women would refer to their husbands/bf as "my old man". It was generally used in a tongue-in-cheek manner. But still, I never thought it was very cute.
When I hear "...the wife" I think the guy has been taking his marriage long for granted. A guy I worked closely with used to say all the time "my wife this..." or "my wife that..." all the time. I finally had to ask what her name was. I don't think he was being disrespectful. All things considered I think they probably have a good marriage.
< Message edited by ajlewis -- 2/13/2008 3:20:55 PM >
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 3:13:33 PM
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miasma
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I wouldn't think that, at all. It's just a pronoun. If it was prefaced with a negative adjective, that'd be one thing.
I'd feel silly, constantly referring to them by name.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 3:13:34 PM
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azroadrunner
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Thanks, AJ. Happy Valentine's Day to you, too.
To answer your question, yeah, I hate that phrase. To me, it's boorish and disrespectful.
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Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken ... lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket ... it will change ... it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. -C.S. Lewis
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 3:59:55 PM
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miasma
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No, not a definitive "pronoun" (personal/nominative, objective, possessive, and reflexive; relative; indefinite, etc.) but swap out "pronoun" for "term of endearment" or whatever suits your fancy.
It brings to mind an old British farmer, "Me an' thu missus..."
Bottom line, I wouldn't think/assume anything about a husband, his wife or their relationship, dependent on how they refer to each other (unless, as stated above, it's a derogatory synonym - but hey, some people have unusual pet names, so I still couldn't really assume anything unless I actually knew the nature of their relationship).
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 4:06:52 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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Nicknames don't bother me (unless they're vulgar and/or derogatory).
But when it's a choice between the (applicable spouse) versus my (applicable spouse), my sounds much better to me. The still seems to me to be disrespectful.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 4:14:19 PM
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miasma
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Words aren't disrespectful, the intention is.
You could even take it to mean a compliment. She's THE wife. Epitome. One and only. Not a, not mine as opposed to yours, but THE wife.
/shrugs
I've never thought about it before this thread. Obviously, with a certain intonation and/or physical gesture, it could be disrespectful. Eye rolling, "It's the wife calling." Grimacing, whatever. Or it could be exclaimed with pleasure. "It's the wife calling!"
The phrase on it's own isn't inherently insulting, to me.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 4:20:47 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 361
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quote:
ORIGINAL: miasma
Bottom line, I wouldn't think/assume anything about a husband, his wife or their relationship, dependent on how they refer to each other (unless, as stated above, it's a derogatory synonym - but hey, some people have unusual pet names, so I still couldn't really assume anything unless I actually knew the nature of their relationship).
Exactly!
This reminds me of the tizzy some people get in over whether or not a woman changes her surname when she marries. One woman may choose to because it symbolizes her joining to her husband. Another may choose not to because the two become one, not two become him. The fact is that it's a cultural practice of post-classical western Europe (and primarily the northern part of Europe), and has no related command in Scripture.
Why do we feel we need to make assumptions about people because they don't do things the way we would? It's silly.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 4:31:12 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: moon_mouse
Why do we feel we need to make assumptions about people because they don't do things the way we would? It's silly.
LOL!
I'm not making assumptions; I am giving my opinion (which was asked for by the OP).
quote:
Obviously, with a certain intonation and/or physical gesture, it could be disrespectful. Eye rolling, "It's the wife calling." Grimacing, whatever. This is really the only way I have ever heard / witnessed "the" being used in regards to one's spouse.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 4:41:53 PM
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moon_mouse
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
I'm not making assumptions; I am giving my opinion (which was asked for by the OP).
Actually, you are doing both. You are giving your opinion, and your opinion is based on an assumption about the speaker's attitude. I'm simply suggesting that people who are bothered or offended by the phrase consider whether or not their assumptions have an evidential basis in all cases.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 4:47:51 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
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quote:
ORIGINAL: moon_mouse
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
I'm not making assumptions; I am giving my opinion (which was asked for by the OP).
Actually, you are doing both. You are giving your opinion, and your opinion is based on an assumption about the speaker's attitude. I'm simply suggesting that people who are bothered or offended by the phrase consider whether or not their assumptions have an evidential basis in all cases.
Moon_mouse, please do not contradict me when I tell you what I am doing; and please do not tell me that you know what my opinion is based on. What I am doing is giving my opinion . . . and such opinion is based on whether I would want to be referred to as "the" wife. THAT is the basis of my opinion; and my opinion is based on the fact that I have never heard that phrase used in anything other than a negative derogatory way.
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RE: ...the wife - 2/13/2008 5:03:05 PM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 361
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Moon_mouse, please do not contradict me when I tell you what I am doing; and please do not tell me that you know what my opinion is based on. What I am doing is giving my opinion . . . and such opinion is based on whether I would want to be referred to as "the" wife. THAT is the basis of my opinion; and my opinion is based on the fact that I have never heard that phrase used in anything other than a negative derogatory way.
If you were speaking only of what you would think if your husband used the term to specifically refer to you, you are correct. I regret upsetting you if I unintentionally misunderstood your meaning.
If you were speaking of how you would think of someone else using the term to refer to their spouse, I stand by my statement.
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