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Advice on how to deal with a lost sister? - 7/14/2008 10:38:15 PM
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h_seaton
Posts: 24
Joined: 4/23/2008
From: Kansas City, KS
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I am the only one of my sisters who have been saved. My older sister and my younger sister are both caught up in their sinful lives. One sister cheated on her husband, and then moved in with her lover after she got pregnant with his child. My little sister had a baby at 17, and has had many partners since then. She parties every weekend with her friends. She has taken naked photos of herself and posted them online.
Basically, they are really lost. I genuinely pray for them every day. I talk to them about Jesus and his saving grace as often as I can, and I try to be an example with my own life. I try to be as kind as possible and I try hard to not be condescending or judging. They still don't like me telling them about it because it makes them realize how wrong they are living, and they usually tell me to shut up, or they just completely quit listening. It also makes it hard because I live 700 miles away and only get to talk to them every so often.
How do I talk to them? I don't know how to have a relationship with my sisters because I completely disagree with pretty much every way they live their life. I love them so much, and just thinking about how they are living and what they are missing out on makes my heart hurt and I just want to cry. But I don't want to point out their faults every time I see one, because nobody likes to be treated that way, and I'm afraid they will quit talking to me all together.
Advice?
_____________________________
†Heather
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RE: Advice on how to deal with a lost sister? - 7/14/2008 10:58:06 PM
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colliefan
Posts: 2992
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Raleigh, NC
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Preach the gospel always, when neccessry use words.
St, Francis of Assisi
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RE: Advice on how to deal with a lost sister? - 7/15/2008 12:56:01 AM
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OneJohn410
Posts: 1517
Joined: 6/1/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: h_seaton
I am the only one of my sisters who have been saved. My older sister and my younger sister are both caught up in their sinful lives. One sister cheated on her husband, and then moved in with her lover after she got pregnant with his child. My little sister had a baby at 17, and has had many partners since then. She parties every weekend with her friends. She has taken naked photos of herself and posted them online.
Basically, they are really lost. I genuinely pray for them every day. I talk to them about Jesus and his saving grace as often as I can, and I try to be an example with my own life. I try to be as kind as possible and I try hard to not be condescending or judging. They still don't like me telling them about it because it makes them realize how wrong they are living, and they usually tell me to shut up, or they just completely quit listening. It also makes it hard because I live 700 miles away and only get to talk to them every so often.
How do I talk to them? I don't know how to have a relationship with my sisters because I completely disagree with pretty much every way they live their life. I love them so much, and just thinking about how they are living and what they are missing out on makes my heart hurt and I just want to cry. But I don't want to point out their faults every time I see one, because nobody likes to be treated that way, and I'm afraid they will quit talking to me all together.
Advice?
Hi Heather,
I've got an immediate action step  , an idea, and then a not so deep but somewhat deep thought. I know you were just looking for advice, so I apologize.
action step- Without feeling the need to type in but just what you want to, go over to the prayer and praise section of this community and post a prayer request for your family and especially your two sisters. Maybe you already did that. This leads to the idea...
That that post, plus sharing what you are able with those you trust around you (pastor, 'adoptive' and godly adults at church), what you are experiencing, and that you'd like their prayers about it. 'Blanket' the whole situation with some prayer.
Deep thought- probably not deep, but it certainly could be for you because how can you be aware of anyone else who is sharing Christ with your sisters- is that you may not be the person that eventually may well lead them to a saving faith in Jesus. That it would be anyone, and you'd be thrilled, I know. That you'd be thrilled to drop your life and go and look for such people and steer them toward your sisters, too. I just want to suggest you count yourself in as part of this situation, and that you also need prayer in this- that you not stress over thinking their rejection of you means you've failed somehow. No!
That is one vicious fight you've got going, and I'm keeping you in prayer about it.
In Christ,
OneJohn410
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RE: Advice on how to deal with a lost sister? - 7/15/2008 10:07:58 AM
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mvic
Posts: 1796
Joined: 1/17/2008
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Hi Heather,
I have a challenge for you. Not for your sisters; but just you.
OK - here goes:
How much do you trust God? Do you trust Him to the point that when you pray "Thy will be done", you really truly mean it?
If this is so. Then hand over the whole situation to God. Tell Him about your sisters and ask Him to look after them and guide them.
Leave the situation in His hands. Do not pester Him for a quick result. He doesn't work that way. Let His will be done in His way in His time.
When you speak to your sisters do not ever again mention their lifestyles or criticise them in any way. Instead, say a silent prayer for them. And wait ...
_____________________________
Visit http://www.holyvisions.co.uk
My Book My Blog
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RE: Advice on how to deal with a lost sister? - 7/15/2008 10:48:24 AM
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rcjames
Posts: 5767
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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quote:
ORIGINAL: h_seaton
How do I talk to them? I don't know how to have a relationship with my sisters because I completely disagree with pretty much every way they live their life.
you bring up a good point here; how does one have a relationship withou seeming condone and there by encourage that one's sin?
We must draw the line on condonig sin, no matter who the folks are.
If a Christian is around someone they should always be representative of Chrixt, and if that means asking folks to speak about something else when they are glorifying sin, or excusing oneself when folks begin to talk foul mouthed, then that must be done.
Sometime we feel that to be a 'Good Christian" we must (especiallly with our families) force ourselves to participate in a lot of areas we know that we should not participate in. Even if one sits quietly while others in attendance are yucking it up about the pleasures and their participation in some sin or another; by our silence we are (in thier minds) agreeing and condoning.
The modern 'Feel Good" get along with and have peace with eveyone religion that is being preached today skips the following passage by Christ;
(Mat 10:34) Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
(Mat 10:35) For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
(Mat 10:36) And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
(Mat 10:37) He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
(Mat 10:38) And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
Prayerfully the Believer and their family can live in peace (unity even), but if being by bieng a Believer it sets the family against each other, then what happens then that is what happens; and it was spoken to by Christ.
Thsnks
RC
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: Advice on how to deal with a lost sister? - 7/15/2008 10:57:39 AM
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mvic
Posts: 1796
Joined: 1/17/2008
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Hi RCJames,
I am not criticising. I'm genuinely trying to understand because I respect your views as published in other threads and posts.
Are you saying here that Heather should reproach her sisters' lifestyles to the point that it may even risk a total breakdown in communications between them?
Is that really what Jesus wants?
What about "hate the sin, not the sinner" and "love your neighbour/enemy"?
You've really lost me here ...
_____________________________
Visit http://www.holyvisions.co.uk
My Book My Blog
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RE: Advice on how to deal with a lost sister? - 7/15/2008 11:47:31 AM
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Liveloved
Posts: 2072
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quote:
Basically, they are really lost.
What a sweet statement but it is true of everyone who doesn't know Jesus as their Savior and Lord---so apart from Him, we're all really lost.
Your heart, your love, and your desire for your sisters to be saved is precious. And you are praying and speaking to them of Jesus. Bless you! You are doing just what you should/need to do.
Are you discouraged because you don't see it making any difference? Don't judge the rightness of your actions by the consequences. In the spiritual realm, things often don't add up, look right, or make sense to us. That is why we walk by faith. Hold faith over your sisters. Plead with our gracious God to be as hard as He has to be and gentle as He can be to bring them to salvation, to the cross. His ways are not our ways. He may take a very different path than you would choose. Sometimes His way is to let people continue to spiral down, down, down, until they hit bottom and look up and He is there.
Believe that He hears your prayers and that your sister's salvation is on its way. Thank Him for it.
And love and bless your sisters. Be a good friend to them. Don't talk about what's wrong with their lives. Talk about the wonder of knowing Jesus, having a friend who will never leave or forsake you, who loves you like no other and layed down His life so you could truly live. He did that for you while you were yet a sinner. He did it for me while I was really lost. He did it for your sisters.
Believe He'll get the job done for them as He did for us. That's my prayer for you. Bless ya! LL
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RE: Advice on how to deal with a lost sister? - 7/15/2008 12:30:08 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 7421
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
Status: offline
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My sister is in the same situation (just different sins). She angers when people try to witness to her. I pray for her a lot!
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RE: Advice on how to deal with a lost sister? - 7/15/2008 12:31:42 PM
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mvic
Posts: 1796
Joined: 1/17/2008
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Thanx RCJames.
God bless you.
_____________________________
Visit http://www.holyvisions.co.uk
My Book My Blog
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RE: Advice on how to deal with a lost sister? - 7/15/2008 2:49:53 PM
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SavedByGraceMD
Posts: 910
Joined: 2/13/2008
From: the poconos
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Liveloved
quote:
Basically, they are really lost.
What a sweet statement but it is true of everyone who doesn't know Jesus as their Savior and Lord---so apart from Him, we're all really lost.
Your heart, your love, and your desire for your sisters to be saved is precious. And you are praying and speaking to them of Jesus. Bless you! You are doing just what you should/need to do.
Are you discouraged because you don't see it making any difference? Don't judge the rightness of your actions by the consequences. In the spiritual realm, things often don't add up, look right, or make sense to us. That is why we walk by faith. Hold faith over your sisters. Plead with our gracious God to be as hard as He has to be and gentle as He can be to bring them to salvation, to the cross. His ways are not our ways. He may take a very different path than you would choose. Sometimes His way is to let people continue to spiral down, down, down, until they hit bottom and look up and He is there.
Believe that He hears your prayers and that your sister's salvation is on its way. Thank Him for it.
And love and bless your sisters. Be a good friend to them. Don't talk about what's wrong with their lives. Talk about the wonder of knowing Jesus, having a friend who will never leave or forsake you, who loves you like no other and layed down His life so you could truly live. He did that for you while you were yet a sinner. He did it for me while I was really lost. He did it for your sisters.
Believe He'll get the job done for them as He did for us. That's my prayer for you. Bless ya! LL
Well, once again, I agree with Liveloved here. I know firsthand how hard it is to not tell your own siblings what they are doing is wrong. I have an older brother and a younger sister who are also living apart from Jesus. I try not to seem condemning of what they are doing, but sometimes I can't help it. Of all the people you wish were saved, of course your family will come first. You want it so bad for them, yet they always run the other way when you approach them. They shut down, because you know them and they know you, and who are you to preach to them(you know what I mean). It is hard to watch them in destructive lifestyles.
My advice is of course to pray about it, as I am sure you have. Let God do His thing, yet at the same time, don't judge, don't condone, at the same time love them. Let His love live through you, and maybe by your example, and the life you lead, those 2 will show them the love of Christ. Our actions do speak louder than our words.
So pray, don't judge, yet don't condone, and let His love be felt through you.
We are all lost sinners, and when we are lost, it is hard to see that we can be loved by God. It can even make us feel worse, and drive us further away. So just be there for them(as much as you can, being so far apart), and be a friend and sister to them.
Good luck, I will pray for you, and may God bless you and keep you.
_____________________________
Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not for I am with you,
Do not be dismayed for I am your God,
I will strengthen you and help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"
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