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Am I handling this well? - 6/16/2008 9:17:51 PM
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calalaram
Posts: 5
Joined: 6/16/2008
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I know this is my first post, but what better place to get opinion then from a bunch of Christian women who like to help :). *Sorry in advance for the length
I have met a woman and I have determined the interest is mutual (we are both early 30's). Here is the background.
Over the last 10 weeks we got to know each other while participating in a venture in which we would see each other 2-3 days a week with in a group of friends. During this time we would talk when the occasion arose, and flirt as much as possible (or at least I made my feeble attempts at flirting and she returned the favor). As our venture came to an end I decided to make my interest known. I asked her out and she said yes, but she couldn't do anything on the day I had originally planned because she had a prior engagement. So we decided on an alternative date a week later.
As the time grew closer I called her to confirm our plans and chat for a bit (last Wednesday). At this time she apologized for having to cancel, but she had received word, that morning, her sister-in-law had been in a pretty bad car accident and things didn't look good. Her plan was to leave town (last Thursday) and return (this Sunday possibly). Again she apologized for having to put off going out and I told her there would be plenty of time to go out later she needed to be with her family. I told her I understood (which I did and still do), wished her a safe trip and that I would be praying for her and her family.
To be clear I'm very aware this isn't about me. She, and her family are possibly going through an extremely difficult time and I can only imagine what she is feeling. I had hoped to stay in touch in some way, but didn't expect anything extreme. So on Saturday morning I sent her a simple text "Are you doing ok? You and your family are in my prayers." At this time I've had no response.
I'm confused on how to proceed. My gut tells me I just need to be patient give her time to handle family issues. My curious george and concern side says I want to know how things are. At the time she left she had no info but that her sil was in real bad shape. The problem is that I don't think I know her well enough to just call. I don't want her to think I'm trying to hard, I just want to be a friend and show that I care.
I'm thinking I'll just wait until Thursday or Friday and try to give her a call. I mean worst case scenario she's still half way across the country dealing with a funeral. I certainly don't want to get in the way of her grieving.
Am I making any sense?
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RE: Am I handling this well? - 6/16/2008 9:46:09 PM
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GladForGRACE
Posts: 21
Joined: 5/5/2006
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Yes, you are definately making sense. And I think you are handling the situation well. When you call later this week maybe just offer an ear and let her know you were thinking of her. If you think it's appropriate to ask her out again (it may not be), do it with the understanding that she may say no. A death/serious accident opens your eyes to what is really important in life. She may need time to deal with that and a date with someone she doesn't know all that well may be the furthest thing from her mind for right now. Blessings.
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RE: Am I handling this well? - 6/17/2008 6:11:53 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 2578
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From: just north of Florida
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yes, being patient is a good thing right now. The text message may have not gotten through or been forgotten, so a simple "hello, I hope you are doing well" later on will be nice.
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RE: Am I handling this well? - 6/18/2008 11:53:29 AM
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fluffmonkey
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From: some where over the rainbow
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Just continue to be patient a little longer, and then call her to see how she is doing, let her know you will pray for her and her family, and I wouldn't mention anything about a date at this time...
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RE: Am I handling this well? - 6/29/2008 3:55:39 AM
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beachcooky
Posts: 666
Joined: 6/21/2008
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Hey! You make perfect sense. And I know you do realize that her and her family are grieving right now. You are handling it very well.
My only advice to you is that she may not be responding to your texts because she probably doesn't want to talk to anyone. When I was dating my former boyfriend, two of my family members were diagnosed with cancer and my friend died of leukemia. And my boyfriend texted me, asking if I was ok. I appreciated how much he cared, but I didn't want to respond to his text. I was still grieving and I just wanted to be left alone.
So maybe she's doing that. But I don't know since I don't know her in real life :)
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RE: Am I handling this well? - 7/1/2008 12:19:30 PM
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calalaram
Posts: 5
Joined: 6/16/2008
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I want to thank everyone for your responses.
Update.....
I followed up with a phone call the following Thursday after my text on Saturday. The call went straight to voice mail and I just said something about "I hope things are OK feel free to give me a call if you would like, if not I'll talk with you later". She sent a text that night saying "thanks for checking in. I'll be in touch soon."
She followed that up 2 days later with an email to the director of our venture and he forwarded it to everyone involved. She said her sis-in-law did not survive the accident and she thanked us for our prayers.
I took that email as her follow up and pushed her out of my mind for the time being, with plans to call in about 2-3 weeks just to say Hi.
Well this past Friday (one week after her email) she completely surprised me with a phone call that lasted about 40 minutes. She caught me up with the whole situation, thanked me for keeping in touch and sincerely wanted to know what I'd been up to. As we finished the call I found out her mom was coming into town for a visit, and I told her I'd touch base after her mom left. She said, "Ah it's just my mom call anytime."
She's obviously still grieving but she's opened the door for me to keep in touch. I plan to do just that and take things one day at a time. We shall see.
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RE: Am I handling this well? - 7/2/2008 11:58:23 AM
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fluffmonkey
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Thanks for an update, I hope things continue to go well and I hate to hear that her SIL didnt make it :(
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RE: Am I handling this well? - 7/2/2008 5:04:29 PM
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4IMPersuaded
Posts: 424
Joined: 11/17/2007
From: Florence, KY
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It sounds like you might be just what she needs as she deals with this difficult situation. You will be a listening ear that is not entrenched in the family and she will be able to laugh or cry in your presence.
Keep in prayer for both of you (as I'm sure you have been already) and continue to be available, but not pushy. As long as you are available but not smothering her to let you in, she will likely continue to appreciate your presence. This sounds like something that could be the catalyst to a solid foundation to a relationship. I hope it works out for you.
Blessings.
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RE: Am I handling this well? - 7/11/2008 1:48:01 PM
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calalaram
Posts: 5
Joined: 6/16/2008
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Thanks again everyone for your thoughts. I'll update again in a couple of weeks. I've decided to pray for a guarded heart and call once a week or so. She's been entertaining family for a week now and hasn't returned my call, but did respond to a text. I'm not sure what her thoughts are, but I'll let her have the time I'm sure she needs.
BTW this post is for OneOfHisJewels......:)
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RE: Am I handling this well? - 7/11/2008 5:49:39 PM
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beachcooky
Posts: 666
Joined: 6/21/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: calalaram
I want to thank everyone for your responses.
Update.....
I followed up with a phone call the following Thursday after my text on Saturday. The call went straight to voice mail and I just said something about "I hope things are OK feel free to give me a call if you would like, if not I'll talk with you later". She sent a text that night saying "thanks for checking in. I'll be in touch soon."
She followed that up 2 days later with an email to the director of our venture and he forwarded it to everyone involved. She said her sis-in-law did not survive the accident and she thanked us for our prayers.
I took that email as her follow up and pushed her out of my mind for the time being, with plans to call in about 2-3 weeks just to say Hi.
Well this past Friday (one week after her email) she completely surprised me with a phone call that lasted about 40 minutes. She caught me up with the whole situation, thanked me for keeping in touch and sincerely wanted to know what I'd been up to. As we finished the call I found out her mom was coming into town for a visit, and I told her I'd touch base after her mom left. She said, "Ah it's just my mom call anytime."
She's obviously still grieving but she's opened the door for me to keep in touch. I plan to do just that and take things one day at a time. We shall see.
I am so glad that she called you. I am so sorry to hear that her sister didn't make it. Let us hope she is in such a better place! God bless!
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