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Big relationship questions - 7/7/2008 10:22:34 PM
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thebigfishstory
Posts: 23
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: online
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ok since everyone was so helpful with my LAST question here on this forum, I would now like t post another one in hopes that some more wisdom may come through.
I am not married, but in a relationship. I would like it to last, that is marry her, but I am always getting mixed signals.
I guess that I need to give history here. I have been in severl LTR before getting saved a few years ago, so I know the pitfalls of immorality. I have not been 100 percent pure after being saved either, which is grave danger. I have improved, but I know that is not the right attitude either.
the main issue I am struggling with is that I love the company of women, I love to be around them, esp. my girlfriends, maybe too much. You see, I enjoy their company so much that I find myself always touching them, not in overtly sexual ways, but wanting to hold hands, put my arm around them, hug them, touch their hair, etc., etc, I really like long talks and being alone, even if its just walking around the city together. One would think this wouldn't be a problem, as most women complain that men are too cold or distant, but to those men who get that line, let me tell you that it seems like you cant be too open with your feelings either, or you will get rejected.
So even if I don't call my girlfriend everyday, or talk to her long on the phone, she still claims that I am too open with my emotions and that I am clingy or whatever.
So, is she the wrong girl for me? Does true-love exist when both people can't stand being without the other all the time or is what I am doing wrong and driving women away?
help Help HELP
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RE: Big relationship questions - 7/8/2008 9:35:24 AM
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preserved
Posts: 923
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline
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Based upon what you have written here...You should not be in a committed relationship...Your character is not comforting to your current girlfriend. So suggestion since rome was not built overnight, therefore your ways are not going to disappear overnight...It is going to take discipline and prayers to God...If you really want to change...
You can drive the women away that are in a relationship with you...you may lead the women on that you are clingy to. You need to determine if you want to remain single and flirt or be in a committed relationship and cease the clinginess of other women
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RE: Big relationship questions - 7/8/2008 10:28:47 AM
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Auben
Posts: 1633
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
Status: offline
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She may not be the one for you, or possibly your affection is coming too soon too fast.
My husband was much like you when we were dating. We joke now that he's a man who's meant to be married. He really shines in that role.
When we were first dating I was very uncomfortable with the level of physical affection. For our depth of involvement (just dating, recently dating) it was far too much for me. I think if we hadn't been dating long distance I would have broken up with him. The constant physical affection was embarrassing around others and made me constantly worry that he would lead me into sexual sin. I was always the one putting the brakes on and saying No to things and I really came to hate that I was thrown into that role.
He needed to tone it down for me (at least until we knew each other better) and I needed to stretch and be more affectionate to him (since that is how he expressed and received love). It really was the work of a long time and a lot of communication. Many people move on before they reach that point.
_____________________________
Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Big relationship questions - 7/8/2008 3:43:41 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 803
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
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I don't get the idea you two are on the same page...
be aware of that.
*Since you are open about your problem then you know you have some
work to do - grow spiritually first - do not give your flesh the opportunity
to lead you into sin.
It isn't good for man to be alone - so make sure you are doing that
which is good and brings honor to the Lord and protects your testimony
and that of the woman you are spending time with... plan your dates so you aren't alone too much with a woman and have someone who's a mature Christian to help
you make appropriate decisions in your personal life/dating relationships. In other words - Set good boundaries (get assistance if needed)!
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RE: Big relationship questions - 7/9/2008 12:04:49 AM
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georgerobbyjr
Posts: 61
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline
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Now that you have a girlfriend do you have female friends you hold hands with and put your arms around, or are you referring to past friendships? If your current girlfriend feels you are clingy that isn't a good sign. Perhaps another girl may better appreciate your affectionate nature, although few women want a guy who seems clingy. Try not to be too affectionate too soon, this will scare many women away. Easier said than done.
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