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Casual dating - 6/11/2008 12:59:20 AM
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MissInnocent
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What does that mean to you? I'll explain why I'm asking and give my thoughts on dating and courting after I get some responses.
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 2:31:10 AM
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rgod
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MissInnocent
What does that mean to you? I'll explain why I'm asking and give my thoughts on dating and courting after I get some responses.
To me, casual dating is spending a little time getting to know one or more people before you and one other person moves into the courtship phase, which is a lot more focused and more exclusive. I personally don't believe in dating if you aren't ready to consider marriage. That is what the world considers to be casual dating. I think it just gets you invovled in long relationships and exposed to temptation that will be very difficult to fight. But, that is my take on it - others might feel differently.
Lots of Christians are against dating - they say it isn't biblical and that they'd rather wait for a mate. Others don't have a problem with it since they believe that - just like we pursue a job - we can also pursue mates (well, mostly the men). My personal take on this is that God will lead you in the way that He wants you to go. I know a friend who has tried to date but God is leading her to wait. In the past, she had lots of boyfriends. Now, she has none and God is tell her to wait. I'm the opposite. I've had very little experience with dating and relationships. But, earlier this year, I felt led to date/court. It has been a really neat experience and I've met some really cool people and now have a new acquaintance and a new friend as a result.
< Message edited by rgod -- 6/11/2008 7:12:33 AM >
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 4:54:35 AM
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Luv4self
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To me, casual dating means dating without title. It means you and the person may have an interest in one another but it doesn't mean that you are "boyfriend/girlfriend" or that you are pursuing anything further with that person. If you wanted to you could see other people. When you are casually dating you don't have any strings attached.
I am casually dating people right now. Believe me, I am NOT a fan of dating at all, but I feel the need to right now. Knowing myself I will not be dating long, but I'm just trying to see if I like anyone enough to mutually pursue a relationship with as I casually date!
< Message edited by Luv4self -- 6/11/2008 5:03:13 AM >
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 5:59:58 AM
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mayfly
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To me, casual dating is dating without having marriage in mind, which I don't think is very wise. As my dad always told me, if you're too young to get married, you're too young to date. I see so many young teens dating these days and getting their hearts broken, not to mention all the sexual temptation that goes along with that. Very few people, young teens especially, can deal with the pressures and temptations of casual dating, so I just don't think it's a healthy thing to do in most cases. I just don't really understand what the point of dating is if you aren't actively looking for someone to marry.
_____________________________
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.
Psalm 130:5
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 9:00:08 AM
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preserved
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Casual dating to me means...just that...there is an interest and simply going out here and there with no attachment..nor any committment.Someone you feel comfortable as friends with to just simply hang out....
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 9:42:56 AM
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jlp1
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Hanging out with No commitment but have some interest that may or may not lead to something serious. You may go dutch or he may pay sometimes or she may pay sometimes (may not have a full interest in that person). If I am seriously dating someone HE pays the majority of time I will pay some of the time (he's pursuing me and I want him to).
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 12:09:49 PM
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Tinkerbell_
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Casual dating can also mean dating more than one person at a time. You aren't committed so the term "cheating' is null and void.
What most you describe as 'casual dating' is nothing more than two friends hanging out. My girlfriend and I go to places together...sometimes we each buy our own, sometimes she buys, sometimes I buy. *shrug*
How can two people 'date' if one isn't interested in the other?
Any type of "dating" means there's at least mutual attraction.
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 1:25:26 PM
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jlp1
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quote:
How can two people 'date' if one isn't interested in the other?
Any type of "dating" means there's at least mutual attraction.
There's some interest and attraction but no commitment, your just being cautious and not jumping into a relationship with knowing the person (your getting to know them before you commit).
I have male friends I hang out with but would not date because I'm not interested in them in that way.
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 3:18:25 PM
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MissInnocent
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Thanks for all the replies folks. I started a thread about casual dating on another site and ended up wanting to strangle people cause no one seemed to be grasping what I was trying to explain. Finally I had an epiphany that I think is the right wording folks will understand.
I don't feel good about casual dating. If others can do it without sinning good for them (however most people, even profressing Christians see nothing wrong with making out all the time and even having sex), but it's not for ME.
I have been interested in guys that didn't like me, I have had guys like me that I did not want a thing in the world to do with. I have only been on one date, it was a blind date set up by my cousin with a friend of her hubby's, the 4 of us went out together and I HATED IT. I was not REMOTELY attracted to the guy, turned off by a habit I noticed he had the second I did see him so even if he'd been the best looking thing on the planet it woulda been over with in a second. I was bored..then I got annoyed cause instead of helping me out of a situation that she KNEW I wanted out of my cousin allowed her hubby and this dude to take us for a long drive into the woods. UGH! I was mesirable. The only good thing that came from it was God telling me "don't let people tell you you're wrong for doing things you're way. You know what you want and need, trust me to work it out for ya."
If the first date stinks and there is no mutual attraction between the people I see no purpose of a second date. What I desire though is NOT casual but not "hey we have to get married right away" either. If (hopefully) I go on another date it will lead to a 2nd...3rd...eventually marriage. What I could not get through to people on the other site was that I am not pressuring a man to marry me. They said if I point out on the 2nd date I'm only looking for a husband, not just fun that I'll scare potentially great guys off. But here's my thinking: I went into that misadventure with my cousin, her hubby and his friend not EXPECTING anything to come from it. If it had great, but I wasn't getting worked up over it. If I get interested in a guy and we both want a 2nd date this is what I want: ANTICIPATION NOT EXPECTATION. We date EXCLUSIVELY with the knowledge that there will be NO sex before marriage and NO kissing on the lips unless we know we are serious and it's going toward marriage. We get to know each other and HOPE to fall in love. If one or both realizes we aren't falling in love...move on...no big deal. But there must be a HOPE of finding love.
I have guy friends I've hung out with. But that's it. If he just wants to be friends then we aren't dating. If he wants to see other people well he can he just won't be seeing me. I fail to see how being upfront early on is wrong and would scare the RIGHT man off. If he gets scared off that easily then he's not the man for me.
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 4:31:23 PM
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Cloak
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There is nothing wrong or unbiblical about dating or casual dating provided being mature Christian and preferably dating Mature Christian fellow to be on the safe side. This is the way God created people to get to know each other. I also believe that a wise Christian would be in communication with God and other mature believers asking them to pray for them during this whole process.
I am sure during biblical times people dated, otherwise how would they know each other, even if physical attraction!
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Blessings!
And My God shall meet ALL Your Needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 19)
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 4:32:08 PM
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rgod
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Miss Innocent - I kind of had a feeling that you'd probably be strongly against casual dating as defined as "dating without the intention of marriage" - and to be honest, I hesitated before answering because I honestly felt like I was walking into some sort of trap or some major type of argument (pro-dating, anti-dating). But I decided to answer anyway and was even the first one to respond. I guess we'll see how the rest of this thread shapes up as to whether my fears will be realized - but from what you've written, it sounds like you've gone through a battle of your own over this issue. I feel badly that you had to go through something like that - I hate feeling cornered or feeling like I have to defend myself so I think I can relate a bit to what you've said. I think this is a personal decision and really, no one has the right to criticize you for it. As long as God understands and you are following Him, it really isn't anyone else's business (except for the man that you are courting).
I think that because biblically, I can see both sides of the issue, each person needs to be led by God to determine whether they personally should date casually or not (or even date at all). I don't think that there is anything wrong or unrealistic about what you've described - that you see someone exclusively to explore the possibility of marriage. I don't think that there is anything wierd about no sex before marriage (after all the bible prohibits it) and I think that each person has to think and pray long and hard about how much physical affection they will engage in before the engagement and during the engagement period. I also don't think it is unreasonable to not kiss. I prefer to delay until there is a serious commitment/engagement, but I have a friend who has decided not to kiss until marriage. None of what you described sounds so different or strange to me - I know a number of people who feel the way that you do. And, I've definitely met men who were "all about" marriage from the very start - sometimes to the point of being a bit overwhelming for me. They made it very clear that they wanted to court and were looking considering me for a wife. So yes, those guys do exist. I kind of like that actually because everything is quite clear.
So I say, stick to your convictions.
rgod
< Message edited by rgod -- 6/11/2008 4:39:43 PM >
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 5:42:50 PM
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MissInnocent
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Thanks rgod. No it wasn't a trap lol. I guess I could word it this way "first date is casual, 2nd date is courting." As I said if folks want to date around or just date one person casually it's fine as long as they aren't fornicating. It's just not for me. And no I don't wanna wait till the pastor says "You may kiss the bride" to kiss my man. I want it private b/t us the first time so I'm going for serious committment. Besides I think if you get physical even just kissing someone so soon that it clouds your judgment. You really aren't getting to know them past OOH HOT! Know what I mean?
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 6:56:51 PM
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preserved
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MissInnocent...
You are entitled as you how you feel...I think you are struggling with the definition of dating and causal dating...There is a difference..Reality only the two people in question can determine which is it...
If I go out on a second or third date I am looking for a committment. Again it all depends on what you are looking for...Sounds like you are seeking someone to date in hopes for marriage...and are afraid of your emotions. Perhaps the word casual date should be changed to casual outtings...
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 7:24:34 PM
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ChoirDJ
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Some of the single men I spoke to in the church I attend seem to be of the mind that the term "dating" is largely misused. Some prefer to use "hanging out" to refer to going on outtings with the opposite sex to build friendships and "dating" to refer to a relationship where there's the potential for marriage. Regardless of what you call the relationship, the important thing is to be clear on what stage it's at.
A good friend of mine and I came up with a 3-Stage system and each stage has its own set of expectations and "non-expectations."
Stage 1 - Hanging out, just getting to know people of the opposite sex in a casual group setting.
Stage 2 - You're interested in a person in particular and you want to get to know that person better. You may still go out on casual outtings but you also communicate with each other over the phone and texting. There is no exclusive dating relationship yet but the palying field has certainly been narrowed.
Stage 3 - The dating relationship. You and said person are an item, you date exclusively with the idea of engagement and marriage in the future.
We came up with the system when this sister he was interested in was at Stage 2, wanted to keep it at a Stage 2, but started expecting things typical of Stage 3. He was fine with the relationship staying at Stage 2 so he understandably reacted when she started becoming possessive and putting Stage 3 type expectations on him. They got back on track after a couple of long talks with our pastor and the boundaries for each stage was clarified.
Hope this helps.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 9:23:48 PM
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MissInnocent
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preserved, I'm not sure what you mean by you think I'm afraid of my emotions.
ChoirDJ, your story made me think of situations where one person is all "oh I can date whoever I want but YOU must be "faithful'." Not sure that's the kinda situation you meant with your friends or not. Your stages are good, not sure I myself would follow it all in that way though.
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 11:18:33 PM
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Prairiehiker
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Is casual dating the same as playing the field?
I don't believe in casual dating. It's either you're dating, or you're not.
If you're casually dating someone, it means you have some interests in them. Would you still continue dating that person if you know he's dating 3 other women on the side? ANd how long before you move out of the casual dating stage?
For me, you date someone once. If you're not interested, you move on. If you are interested, you date each other exclusively and see where it goes. It lessens the chances of misunderstanding and allows for trust to build. I doubt I'd learn to trust my emotion with someone who will be dating someone else the moment he drops me off after our date.
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RE: Casual dating - 6/11/2008 11:33:16 PM
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MissInnocent
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EXACTLY what I'm talking about Prairiehiker. Esp. the last part. HOWEVER some folks do date ONE person casually. But for me I just couldn't do that. We're either gonna be friends and that's it and just hang out strictly as friends. Or we're gonna have a real relationship. I can't do in between.
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RE: Casual dating - 6/12/2008 12:17:24 AM
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sharon333
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I think it all depnds on how you were brought up.
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RE: Casual dating - 6/12/2008 12:44:51 AM
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MissInnocent
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Would you care to give examples Sharon?
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RE: Casual dating - 6/12/2008 1:44:49 AM
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ChoirDJ
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quote:
Is casual dating the same as playing the field?
I don't believe in casual dating. It's either you're dating, or you're not.
I would choose to eliminate the term casual dating altogther because the two terms are sort of mutually exclusive. The term "date" has a lot of implications attached to it. I still consider Stage 2 more of just hanging out except that you have narrowed the people you are hanging out with. I suppose you could say you are going out on "dates" with the other person in Stage 2 but you are not officially dating that person. Now, can you see the irony in the last statement I just made and how the term "date" might leave one or both confused about the status of the relationship? "Dating" means different things to different people so I choose to use terms that are less ambiguous in their meaning. I would consider Stage 3 dating because it's a mutually exclusive relationship where the altar is the goal.
quote:
HOWEVER some folks do date ONE person casually. But for me I just couldn't do that.
That would be a Stage 2.5. You are clear with yourself that there is no Stage 2.5 for you and that's perfectly fine. Incidently, I talked to my friend about this thread and asked him how things were going. They are both still at a Stage 2 but they both have chosen to focus on building their friendship and not go out with anyone else at this point. So this would be a Stage 2.5 also (lol) or maybe we need to make this Stage 3 and add a 4th Stage.
< Message edited by ChoirDJ -- 6/12/2008 1:51:10 AM >
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Casual dating - 6/12/2008 12:52:04 PM
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jaimestarcross
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My idea of casual dating is going out together with someone - because you don't want to go alone to the movies, concert, social event etc.
When I was single I liked doing things with my friends (girls) but I never liked going to movies(or other events) by myself or with another girl. I did have a couple of male friends who'd take me out to various events(if they were available) --- there was no romantic interest involved so we'd attend things together rather than going alone. I remember a time when I'd been stood up by a date and one of my male friends found out about it and he took me to the movie(I was supposed to of seen) the next evening.
*Something was mentioned about playing the field - where I'm from that term is used for guys or girls who're going out with someone for what they could get - "buttering up" someone for personal, financial or material gain - having no real interest in the other persons feelings.
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RE: Casual dating - 6/12/2008 2:44:49 PM
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ChoirDJ
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quote:
*Something was mentioned about playing the field - where I'm from that term is used for guys or girls who're going out with someone for what they could get - "buttering up" someone for personal, financial or material gain - having no real interest in the other persons feelings.
That's not the context I was using it in although I understand what you mean. I was using it as a figure of speech to refer to the zeroing in on fewer people as one starts to consider who might be a potential mate.
_____________________________
"Sin will take you further than you intended to go, keep you there longer than you intended to stay, and cost you more than you intended to spend." Got it?
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RE: Casual dating - 6/12/2008 10:09:17 PM
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frances67
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Personally when I hear the term casual dating used I think of someone who is just dating for fun and looking for no commitment. I don't believe in casual dating. I think that when a person dates that they should be looking for a mate. I don't want to waste my time on someone who has commitment issues....that will usually only lead to a broken heart.
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RE: Casual dating - 6/12/2008 10:13:29 PM
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MissInnocent
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Amen Frances.
Jaime I have heard that idea too "I just don't want to do X alone." Well that's fine for ME but don't call it a DATE. Like I mentioned going out with guy friends to lunch, football games and movies but no one ever considered it a DATE.
ChoirDJ, again I think your stages are kinda good but I sorta get a headache trying to figure it all out lol. I think I'll stick with my "first date casual, if it leads to 2nd date then it's courting" idea. 
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RE: Casual dating - 6/12/2008 10:31:14 PM
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frances67
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I agree with you MissInnocent. I have several male friends and if we go out to eat, shopping, to the movies, etc. together I do not call it a date because we have no intentions of going beyond friendship. I just call it hanging out with friends.
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