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Change - 7/2/2008 10:21:22 PM

pastrech

Posts: 15
Joined: 1/30/2008
Status: offline

Changing your man. How often do women think in the back of their minds that I may not or probably will not find the man that will meet all that I want in a husband but I will find the important things and change the rest later after we are married? Do you believe it is a double standard but are willing to invest in the concept anyway for the sake of happiness and fullfillment?

Post #: 1

RE: Change - 7/2/2008 10:58:38 PM

ta_mosquito

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Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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Rarely do women do this, IMO.

I did not. Sure, my husband didn't meet ALL that I WANTED in a husband (no man is perfect), but whatever didn't was minor, and I have no desire to change him.

OK, I do admit I wouldn't mind if he liked vegetables and salads, and I would love it if he'd help cook and clean up once in a while, but other than that...

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RE: Change - 7/3/2008 12:55:08 AM

trinigirl722

Posts: 339
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline

I agree with ta_mosquito. It would be the rare person who had in mind ahead of time to change her future spouse, especially if she had not even met the man yet.

While it may be human nature to try to change the other person while IN a relationship, I think it would be the rare woman who would count on doing that ahead of time. Instead, I think many women believe they actually will meet a man who will be all they want in a husband (except for minor stuff like eating vegetables, etc.

Post #: 3

RE: Change - 7/3/2008 1:56:37 AM

Harvie

Posts: 1235
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: california
Status: offline

Before I was married, I owned cats. (I still do.)

What I learned from my years of owning cats is that you CANNOT change them. Each cat is unique, with its own personality, and there is no changing 'em. Some people hate cats ... I love them. (I have never been a "dog person" ... someone who wanted an obedient, trainable pet!)

I think that my outlook on cats prepared me well for my outlook on marriage.

I love my husband unconditionally and without reservation. He is who he is ... He is who God has created him to be. I love him and accept him for who he is ... I have no interest in trying to change him.

_____________________________

PLEASE PRAY FOR MY DEPLOYED (AGAIN) HUSBAND ... THIS IS HIS FIFTH TIME

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RE: Change - 7/3/2008 8:17:23 AM

car2ner

Posts: 2769
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
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I think some women believe that they can change a man. But that would involve acting like a Mother, correcting behavior. Most men would not really want that and would fight it, IMHO.

I refused to settle for less than my ten Must Haves and made no excuses for my ten Can't Stands. I learned this the hard way.

_____________________________

http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".

Post #: 5

RE: Change - 7/4/2008 6:18:41 PM

song

Posts: 237
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: It Varies
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I once heard it said that women marry a man hoping he'll change and they never do and men marry a woman hoping she'll never change and she always does.

I personally think it's ridiculous to think you can change a man (they are usually more stubborn then women despite popular belief) but I know women who think they can. Everybody wants to be a savior.

_____________________________

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ~ 1 John

Post #: 6

RE: Change - 7/4/2008 6:38:20 PM

ta_mosquito

Posts: 11157
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From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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quote:

ORIGINAL: song

I once heard it said that women marry a man hoping he'll change and they never do and men marry a woman hoping she'll never change and she always does.

I personally think it's ridiculous to think you can change a man (they are usually more stubborn then women despite popular belief) but I know women who think they can. Everybody wants to be a savior.

Yep. And it's also ridiculous to think a woman will never change (as per the saying).

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Tricia

"There's a fine line between being open-minded and empty-headed." ~Michael Coren

Post #: 7

RE: Change - 7/4/2008 7:02:53 PM

OneOfHisJewels

Posts: 2543
Joined: 8/9/2007
From: California
Status: online

The most miserable wives I have EVER met are the ones who thought they could change their husbands. I knew one lady who told me before she married her husband, she kind of had a feeling he was a jerk, but she truly thought she could change him, and they were a MISERABLE couple...if a woman wants certain qualities, she better make sure the guy has those qualities in the first place. Humans may be clay, but it ain't gonna be other humans that are the potter. That is God's job and God's job alone.

IMO, it is very ARROGANT for anyone to think they can CHANGE anyone else.

< Message edited by OneOfHisJewels -- 7/5/2008 2:06:04 AM >

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RE: Change - 7/4/2008 8:20:16 PM

BugLady

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Joined: 12/5/2005
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quote:

IMO, it is very ARROGANT for anyone to think they can CHANGE anyone else.

I don't know about arrogant, but it's certainly not very bright.

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Post #: 9

RE: Change - 7/5/2008 8:14:40 AM

ebony101

Posts: 880
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: offline

Ha! It is ridiculous to think that you can change a man. What you get when you met him, dated him and finally married him - is what he always will be. So if he has some habit or idea or characteristic that irritates you during the dating stage, it will irritate you for the rest of your married life - till death do you part.

On the other hand if he has some habit or idea or characteristic that you just adore during the dating stage, you will continue to adore it for the rest of your married life - till death do you part.

Now, according to my married friends, the only thing that changes is the effort that he puts out to pursue you. Once you're married he doesn't put out that much effort anymore

.

_____________________________

'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'

Post #: 10

RE: Change - 7/5/2008 8:16:40 AM

ebony101

Posts: 880
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: offline

Hmmm that new status of senior member doesn't really match with my avatar, I may have to change it .

_____________________________

'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'

Post #: 11

RE: Change - 7/5/2008 10:01:18 AM

ta_mosquito

Posts: 11157
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ebony101

Now, according to my married friends, the only thing that changes is the effort that he puts out to pursue you. Once you're married he doesn't put out that much effort anymore .

LOL! Yep, true in our case!

_____________________________

Tricia

"There's a fine line between being open-minded and empty-headed." ~Michael Coren

Post #: 12

RE: Change - 7/6/2008 4:08:33 AM

saraimay75

Posts: 7618
Joined: 5/11/2005
From: Wherever God plants me.
Status: offline

I would not wan to change a man. Too much responsibility. I leave the changing up yo G-d.

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God love admiration . . . I think it annoys God if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it.
~Alice Walker~

http://360.yahoo.com/saraimay75

Post #: 13

RE: Change - 7/6/2008 8:27:28 AM

car2ner

Posts: 2769
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline

True, don't try to be the Holy Spirit for someone else.

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"May your days be long and your hardships few".

Post #: 14

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