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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 1:24:48 PM
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manda59
Posts: 5427
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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The skirt and blouse are quite nice, I magine (not being one who wears skirts and blouses) but I would personally hate for anyone to buy me clothes. Buying clothes is such a personal thing. No-one knows me well enough to know what I'd like and besides, I'd always rather choose for myself.
Last time I knew a friend was in need of clothes (she had had a nervous breakdown and was in hospital), I bought her a gift voucher for a ladies clothes store, so that she could choose some things for herself.
I'm not saying you did anything wrong buying these items for your friend, it's just that I personally wouldn't have liked it.
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Mrs Wifey, August 2008.
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 2:04:32 PM
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VisitorinWaiting
Posts: 841
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I guess she didn't like something...huh? I like the skirt. I'd like to have one myself...and I dress modestly. I read that it falls below the knee...so that's good. I don't have any convictions about covering except that dressing modestly and not showing too much is a good thing...I am not sure how much your friend likes to cover...
The shirt, I'm not crazy about, just because it isn't my "thing." I am not sure if I've ever owned a button up shirt in my life. It's just me. I love the summery color of it though, but I wouldn't like 3/4 length sleeves for summer, but since she has convicts about covering, maybe that's why you chose that one...
So, what did she not like about the outfit?
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Hebrews 11:13,16 "...They said they were like visitors and strangers on earth...they were waiting for a better country, a heavenly country." (NCV)
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 2:12:23 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 8181
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
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You can buy clothes for me anytime, Bee. I really like that outfit. 
But, as a general rule, I prefer if people don't get me clothes. Clothes are real personal and something may be in my size but not fit well on me, ya know?
With that said, no matter what someone buys me, I sure do appreciate that they thought of me and were so thoughtful to get me anything.
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 2:29:56 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 8181
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
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quote:
ORIGINAL: landabee
I kept the receipt.
Okay, the rest of the story:
I gave her the present Saturday morning. I dropped it off at her home. (She knew I was coming with a birthday gift)
She opened it...exclaimed... and thanked me. (I think she liked it)
She called last night and asked if she could stop by. I said "sure".
She brought back the gift and said that she would not be able to keep it. I offered her the receipt, if it didn't fit well. She said, "no".
She said her husband said the color was too bright and the shirt wasn't a type she should be wearing.
I offered the receipt again... and she said that her husband said she couldn't accept a gift from me again. She looked like she'd been crying.
I'm devastated.
I feel that I caused discenssion in her home. 
It was awkward. I don't know what to do. I cried my eyes out...because she is a great woman and I value her friendship.
NO WAY! Bee that's crazy. Even if he really didn't think it was suitable, it's a colossal overreaction.
_____________________________
Some days it's just not worth
chewing through the restraints.
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 2:34:07 PM
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christsstar
Posts: 4587
Joined: 4/8/2005
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Sounds like the husband has VERY strict ideas of what she should be wearing and if you don't understand those ideas, he doesn't want you to exchange gifts with her anymore.
Very sad.
I'm sorry Landabee. That's just plain hurtful, IMO. I would be offended, not by Molly, but by Molly's DH.
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 2:43:45 PM
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christsstar
Posts: 4587
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A card of apology?
"I'm sorry if my gift caused strife. Call when you want."?????
without knowing Molly, it's hard to say how to word something like that. But it would go a long way in my heart if that happened.
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 2:44:22 PM
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landabee
Posts: 2928
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Central Florida
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quote:
ORIGINAL: christsstar
A card of apology?
"I'm sorry if my gift caused strife. Call when you want."?????
without knowing Molly, it's hard to say how to word something like that. But it would go a long way in my heart if that happened.
Great idea! I will get one in the mail!
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 2:44:50 PM
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christsstar
Posts: 4587
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quote:
ORIGINAL: landabee
quote:
ORIGINAL: christsstar
A card of apology?
"I'm sorry if my gift caused strife. Call when you want."?????
without knowing Molly, it's hard to say how to word something like that. But it would go a long way in my heart if that happened.
Great idea! I will get one in the mail!
Keep us updated please.
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 3:12:26 PM
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SweetLittleErin
Posts: 3452
Joined: 7/20/2005
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WOW. I feel really bad for your friend. I personally didnt see anything wrong with the outfit. I'm sorry her husband was so rude. I agree with maybe sending her a note, its not HER that did anything, make sure she knows you are not upset with her. Because I can imagine she is afraid she lost or will lose your friendship. I'd also be careful to not cause too much strife at home because her husband sounds very controlling and it does sound like he may not like you because you dont fit HIS mold of what a woman should be. ((hugs)) I'm sorry.
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Mommy to Isaac, born 7/29, 12 weeks early.
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 3:24:34 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2570
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Well, here I am.  Landabee, you can buy clothes for me anytime.  I thought that outfit was lovely! You have great taste.
I'm sorry it ended up in a mess. I always worry a little that that will happen to friends of ours. Just because sometimes my dh will react to something in a way nobody would have expected. For us it's partly a cultural thing and partly personality--there are situations where he feels our convictions or marriage are threatened in some way, and if he feels that way, he will launch into "protect at all costs" mode, which to outsiders may seem controlling or just plain mean. He also tends to immediately think the worst until proven otherwise, while I tend to think the best until proven otherwise. Certainly we have run into some painfully awkward situations because of this.
I bet your friend feels caught in the middle. Feeling bad having to return a gift, which I'm sure she appreciated, feeling bad realizing that she and her dh may not have been exactly on the same page as far as clothing, feeling bad that she ended up being the center point of both you and her dh having their feelings hurt. This is my guess because this is exactly how I feel at times. Living with dh, I've gotten to know how he feels and that some things I'd never imagine to be hurtful deeply wound him, but I also am used to American culture and pretty open and flexible about stuff (and if I don't like it, I was raised to be gracious!), so I know some refusals, and certainly returning a gift would be hurtful. 
I don't think you have anything at all to apologize for, but I bet a sorry-to-have-caused-strife card would smooth things out a little.
{{{{Landabee}}}}
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 3:32:04 PM
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landabee
Posts: 2928
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Central Florida
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Maggie, thank you so much for your input. I really appreciate the insight about how her hubby may have felt.
I definitely will get a card out to her.
_____________________________
"Sound theology discourages ignorance instead of promoting it." ~ CourdeLeon
Visit My Blog:
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 4:06:13 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10207
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
I think your friend either has a husband who is controlling, doesn't like you (sorry, but it's a possibility), or has some issue with people giving to his wife. Maybe he sees it as an insult to his ability to provide.
These were my thoughts also.
YOU did not cause any of these issues. They are his issues. Do not take responsibility over his upset.
That said, I can tell you love this friend. A carefully worded card might be just the thing to smooth things over. And then I'd not mention it and just pray and continue to be her friend.
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RE: Friend's Birthday Gift - 7/14/2008 5:05:45 PM
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Sadey
Posts: 522
Joined: 7/25/2007
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I wouldn't put anything about causing strife in the card, her husband probably will read it and it might start some more reaction from him.
I think a "So glad you're my friend" card would work.
Just don't let this hurt your friendship with her. Next birthday just give her a card and a big hug and let it go. She will understand.
I feel bad for both of you, can't you just imagine how hard it was for her come to you and bring the gift back. How humiliating for her. It may have hurt his feelings and pride if she can't afford clothes right now. She may have done it to protect his feelings or he may be a stinker. Just make sure you don't say a word against him.
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