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I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. I've been there and understand how you feel. What I've found is that many people have cycled in and out of my life. Often people are at different stages and different seasons in their lives. During the good times, everyone wants to be your friend. What I've noticed, is when I've been through storms, often there would be a couple of people who would really stick through it with me and the rest would fall away (or fade into the distance). I'm also blessed that my family has always been with me. (I'm not married, but my mom, dad, sister, and aunts are amazing. I feel very blessed.) Sometimes in rough times, someone totally unexpected that I hadn't considered to be a close friend, turned out to really provide support. But often a lot of people would drop away. It is painful when you've supported someone else but when you need support they desert you. I've had that happen quite a few times in my life. At one point I I was so hurt and disappointed that I did the wrong thing - I closed up and didn't reach out any more. But I've learned to forgive them and not let that keep me from reaching out to others.

On the flip side, I've not always been the best friend. I didn't run from pain so I'd always listen or try to be helpful - never talked about people - kept confidences. But I didn't always initiate contact or take that step that would have made a difference in someone's life. And there are many times when I wouldn't open up - so there would be a distance there. So I had to learn to do those things so that I could provide more support. And I had to learn how to grow relationships, step by step.

I think too, that there are seasons in our lives when we are alone, suffering, and it is just us and God. He sends people to be a comfort or a help but he is the primary focal point - the friend who sticks closer than a brother. And there are times when you feel utterly alone too - you aren't hearing from God - but you are just hanging on. This time - "the dark night of the soul" - doesn't last forever - but it can be difficult. All of these things are part of the walk and I think that the Lord uses these things to teach us many things, including how to be a better friend to others and how to be more compassionate (these were my lessons at least). I always think about Jesus - he called the disciples friends, even though he knew they were going to betray him less than a day later and that he would die on the cross almost alone (just John and Mary there). He obviously did nothing wrong. But there was purpose in all that he suffered, just as there is purpose in your suffering now. Now Jesus has many friends and He is always our true Friend.

So I guess what I'm saying is - going through tough times and being alone doesn't always mean that it is something that you've done wrong. You can look back and see if you've been a good friend to others - and it might yield some insight if you haven't - but regardless, it is a season of time when you have to press into God. Or, He might provide friendship and support from unexpected places - and in unexpected packages (true friends don't always look the way we think that they do).

I'll pray for you that the Lord will send you friendships that he's designed to be in your life - the Jonathan/David kind of friendship. You be blessed today.