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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 1:02:28 PM
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Little_1
Posts: 1461
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My dad was a hard working man who did without a lot of things to give to his children. He sacrificed a lot for us and I love and miss him. He died in 1984. I don't know where my father stood before God regarding salvation but the one main memory and picture of him that I have in my mind is that of a week before he died - he was in his greenhouse whistling the tune 'There is a Green Hill Far Away'. He used to play this tune sometimes on my children's organ (it was all he could play) but this is a fond memory of him that I have in my mind.
About 5 years after my father died, I became a Christian. Dad's death played a part in me seeking God because I believed that there had to be a purpose to life and not just being here one day and gone the next...... up until my father's death - this question never bothered me.
< Message edited by Little_1 -- 6/15/2008 1:15:21 PM >
_____________________________
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 4:10:53 PM
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rcjames
Posts: 5586
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Oklahoma
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MY Dad was a hard working man, grew up in the depression, supporting his birth family until all his brothers and sister got at least a high school education (he had to quit school in the 6th grade to go to work). He married my mom and supported both his birth family and ours for 13 years (until his youngest sibling graduated high school); then continued to support his wife and child.
He love to drink beer, but never would aroung his wife or child, nor cussed, nor spoke badly of folks around his family.
He was a good man, but became better when he and my mother was saved after I became a minister and they attended some of my revivals.
Thank You Jesus.
Thanks
RC
< Message edited by rcjames -- 6/15/2008 4:16:59 PM >
_____________________________
Just a country Preacher's humble opinion
Read the first chapter of my latest book here;
http://www.deliveranceofsara.com
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 5:09:17 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1841
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God chose to give me a wonderful earthly father. My dad has been gone twenty years now (died young at 66) but probably not a day goes by that I don't think of or speak of him. He was the true picture of Christlike humility. He ruled our home but with a quiet strength I would not defy. He spoke few words but when he did speak, everyone listened.
I can't watch Anne of Green Gables without melting in tears. Richard Farnsworth who plays Matthew Cuthbert is the image of my father---a quiet, gentle, loving man. The music alone makes me melt.
My father's wisdom lived out guides me day by day. I am so very thankful.
No other men in my life have compared to my father. Although my spouse comes close. 
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 5:10:32 PM
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4IMPersuaded
Posts: 422
Joined: 11/17/2007
From: Florence, KY
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I am fortunate that my Dad is a beautiful Christian. My mom once said that he is about as close to a saint as anyone she had ever known and she is right. He is gentle, quiet and lives his life to serve others.
The biggest gift Dad has given me in life is in expressing in human form the sort of parental love that has allowed me to see God as loving. Because of my dad, I know that God will not just give me what I want because I stamp my foot-- He disciplines, teaches and comforts me in order that I might grow more like His Son... Dad (and Mom, too) said "no" for my gain.
My dad also gave me the confidence to try anything. It never occured to me growing up that there was anything that was "off limits" to me because of my gender, social status, etc. He beleived in me and still does. Yeah, my dad is one of my heros for sure-- because he shows me who God is. (sniff!)
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 5:13:43 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 6923
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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It's so cool to hear of wonderful relationships with fathers.
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 5:38:26 PM
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mvic
Posts: 1545
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Thanx pstrdebi for the opportunity to pay tribute to my dad.
My life story is too long and complicated to go into right here. But my father did his utmost for his family and children.
I'll never be as good as him.
_____________________________
Christian words of comfort at http://www.holyvisions.co.uk
Welcome to my Blog
MEI VITA INDICO CHRISTUS
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 5:56:53 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3122
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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My Dad...
He was extremely hard working (never had a sick day) his language of love to his family was making sure they were always provided for.
He served his country in the military (Coast Guard).
He would do anything for anyone who needed help.
He didn't really like my Mom very much (she was very difficult), but he stayed married to her because he took a vow and he was a man of his word.
He could fix anything.
He was extremely strict with us, but always fair.
He had big pancake breakfasts for the entire neighborhood.
He was trustworthy, loyal and respected by everyone who knew him.
He loved beer and when he had a few, he loved to dance.
He never bought anything on credit including his cars...why I didn't learn from his example, I'll never know.
He was not demonstrative and I never remember him telling me he loved me until one day right before He died. I was giving him a haircut and I nicked his ear and said, "Oh Daddy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you" and then I hugged him and told him I loved him. In a voice just above a whisper, he said, "I love you too." I'll never forget it as long as I live.
A few months before he passed, I led him to the Lord...my greatest privilege.
I miss him.
< Message edited by Kat_D -- 6/15/2008 8:12:51 PM >
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 8:04:40 PM
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zamdad
Posts: 1666
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As I write this, I find myself about to call my dad to wish him a happy father's day. I haven't spoken to him in months. The relationship is not fractured, it's very difficult to explain.
I remember my dad as being a loving man who was extremely well liked by everyone we knew. He was a hard worker, but took time to be with the family. He never participated in sports with us, but he encouraged us to do our best in whatever we did. When it came to sports, he didn't like to watch as he feared he would see one of us get hurt. He also liked his beer. He'd have a six pack of Coors every night. He was a butcher and he used to come home from work and take his boots off at the door. The dog would lick those boots clean every night.
I was 14 when he told me that he and my mom were getting divorced. He told me never to hate women, to always treat women with kindness and respect. He moved away and I got to spend some weekends with him. He didn't stay single long and I got to spend extra time with he and his new wife. But, when I graduated high school and moved away, we seem to have lost contact.
In my 27 years of adulthood, he has called me once a year, generally on my birthday. He didn't call this year. I find that I am the one who has had to call if I want to speak with him, find out what's going on. In speaking with my sister, she tells me how he is the worlds greatest grandpa to her kids. They live in the same town. For many years I have not let any of this bother me. Now, I am beginning to feel out of sight, out of mind.
Deep down, however, I know my dad is a great man who taught me well. He modeled what a dad should be well before his time.
_____________________________
“A dead thing goes with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.”
G.K. Chesterton
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 8:31:41 PM
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mvic
Posts: 1545
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Zamdad,
Thank you for your story. Please, call your dad. You're not out of sight out of mind.
Too often when people reach an impasse in life neither party wants to give way. Neither wants to speak first.
Please forgive me for interfering.
God bless.
_____________________________
Christian words of comfort at http://www.holyvisions.co.uk
Welcome to my Blog
MEI VITA INDICO CHRISTUS
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 9:26:21 PM
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colliefan
Posts: 2750
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Raleigh, NC
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I never had a positive example of a father. My parents were missionaries to Mexico. Although my dad claimed to be a Christian, he physically abused my mom and sexually, physically, abused me. He also, greatly abused my mom. One memory that I had of him was hiding in my closet as he beat on my mom. Another memory was him slapping me on the mouth and cutting my lip because I didn’t pray the way he wanted me to pray.
The abuse got worse and we were ordered to the mission field for him to seek counsel so we moved to California. He refused. The abuse continued to worsen so my mom packed up my sister and me and moved to Tampa, Florida. He would visit on a yearly basis only if my mom paid his way. He never sent any money for child support.
I had accepted Christ as a child. We attended church but it seems the only ones we attended were legalistic ones. In my teen years I began to wonder about my faith because I had never really seen it lived out. As a result, I left the church. Over the years our relationship became estranged to the point we were not on speaking terms. When he died of AIDs in 1983, I had to be dragged to his funeral in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan
A job change brought me to Raleigh and I would attend a local church on occasion just to keep my mom somewhat happy (being a people pleaser). But this church was different as it lived out the gospel message. But I was a wounded soul ready to explode. I had stuffed all my anger and bitterness inside and fell into a wrong relationship with another wounded soul from my singles group. She hadn’t fully dealt with her relationship with her father and things came to a crashing end/
It took time for me to work through my sinful acts towards my father and his towards me and put all the garbage on the cross. I could see his woundedness as a response towards his father. He had founded a grocery store chain, a bible college, and served in parliament but he was never a father towards his children. For many years the term “Father” sent chills up my spine.
I knew that I needed some sort of closure, but going to my father’s grave in Moose Jaw was not practical. So, in one year’s Easter service I donated an Easter lily in his name. His name was in the bulletin but only I knew I was finally emotionally free.
It took many years to see my Abba Father as the perfect father. My faith journey has given me my calling; a calling to those in prison. A number of them have experienced similar abuse. In my teachings I share Scriptures about the necessity and the freeing nature of forgiveness and the close with this song:
The Living Years
If you are struggling with abuse and anger from that abuse, put it on the cross
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 10:37:52 PM
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WesleyGlenn
Posts: 31
Joined: 6/9/2008
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My mother and father married at a young age and my mother had me when she was 18 years old. My father was in the military at the time. He got discharged for beating down his seargent. That was his problem, violence. He beat my mother for 5 years and me on occasion. He was also a heavy drug user. Weed constantly and cocaine when he got around certain friends of his. My mother took me and left one day while he was at work. Next came the custody battles and being stuck in all of the he said/she said mess. My dad quickly found him another woman that he would marry and she had 3 kids. I remember being at my great grandmother's house, which was right across the street from the house me and my mother moved out of to get away from him, and seeing him play in the yard with her kids. It was devastating because he never played out in the yard with me. He always had something else that he was wrapped up in.
About 2 years went by on our own and my mother moved us in with another guy, whom she ended up marrying. There was always friction because he wasn't my real dad. When I was 8, I walked into the kitchen to say something to my mom and he put in his 2 cents. I told him that I wasn't talking to him, I was talking to my mother. He procedded to pick up a plastic pepper shaker that he had stolen from the local Hardees and hum it at me. It hit me above my left eye and cut me wide open. After that, all of the "I'm sorries" came. He put clothes on my back and food on my table for 11 years after that, but it meant nothing to me. All I could remember was a grown man who threw a pepper shaker at 8 year old and layed his eyebrow open.
In all of this my "real" father was trying to skip out on paying a measley $50 a week for child support. He had set up a secret meeting with his lawyer so she could "tell me what to say to the judge". When the court date came, the judge took me into his office. He asked me if my dad had been paying the money? I told him only a couple of times had he given it to me to give to my mother. I told the truth. Because of that, my father skipped out on me for 4 years. No phone calls, no birthday cards, no Christmas, no letters, no visits every other weekend (which was his custody arrangement), nothing. He even avoided family gatherings because he knew that I would be there. Finally, he popped up out of the blue one day and expected everything to be the way it was. It was normal for a while. But as I got older, I began to resent him for what he had done. It all culminated on a Christmas Eve when he handed me a birthday card that read to the effect of, "I've watched you grow from a child to a man over the last 18 years, blah, blah, blah..." I began to boil inside for the fact that he hadn't watched me grow at all. When I was young, he ran across the country as a trucker. He had every other weekend for 4 years and left me at my oma and opa's house for half of those. Then he disappears for 4 years. The next 5 years he showed up sporadically, when it was convenient to him. Watched me grow from a child to a man? Yeah, OK.
Because of these situations, I too had a tremendous problem with the label "Father". So when it came time to allow a heavenly "Father" to take over my life, there were big-time issues. All of the "why me's" and "why did You's" were hindering me from entering into a true relationship with God. I finally started to understand my calling and purpose about the age of 26. I had to "face to face" forgive both of my earthly fathers for the things that I had held onto about them for so long. When I did so, it was like tons of weight came off of my back. I still regularly see my step father because we work for the same company and him and my mother are still together. We get along well and I respect him for raising me. My real father and myself talk every now and again, but he changes phone #'s like I have to change my 8 month old's diapers. He's hard to keep up with. My heavenly Father and I walk hand in hand every day. I'm thankful to have a Father who loved me, wathced over me, and guided me into the person that I am today. Even when I felt I had no father at all.
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 11:03:36 PM
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Roberta_
Posts: 6923
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: East Bay Area
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Wesley and Colliefan, I'm sorry you had such a painful relationship with your fathers. Mine was just never around- ever!! Even though he had custody, he was gone for weeks and weeks on end.
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/15/2008 11:19:16 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1841
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When I read the stories of men like colliefan and WesleyGlenn, I am so sad. I grieve for your loss. And I know God grieves as well. What you lived is not at all what God desired for you but I am so thankful that the evil have been overcome with good. That's our God. Bless you both! LL
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/16/2008 2:32:21 AM
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PureLight
Posts: 192
Joined: 4/30/2008
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My biological father left me before I was born. I wasn't able to forgive him until this year (mostly because I didn't think it had had any effect on me.) but it's good now and I'm actually interested in finding him now so I can tell him so.
My stepdad is a friend to me, we're not the best of friends but our relationship's gotten a lot better since I've been saved. He's Jewish (converted when he was like, 16.) and thinks I'm a tad self-righteous but it's because I don't resign myself to failure at every bad thing I might do. I love him though.
My spiritual father is an amazing man whom I admire and love dearly. When I was first coming into the faith, I told him I was gay and he didn't even blink at me. He helped me through my healing from homosexuality and the love he showed me (and to an extent, everyone else in my spiritual family) really made me believe that God could love me as much as he does, because His love was evident in His people. I love him dearly and I still do my best to please him even though I know he loves me no matter what. When I read Paul saying imitate him as he imitates Christ, my spiritual father is my best example and I'm so grateful for him every day even if I don't get to talk to him.
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/16/2008 8:06:46 AM
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Calea37
Posts: 744
Joined: 10/2/2007
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Very interesting to read these posts. Dads make a bigger impact than some realize, I think. (at least than I realized.) And even though I somewhat understand some of the impact my dad had on me, it is still difficult to change my thought patterns now. I remember my dad being very angry most of the time and basically being afraid of him most of the time. You just never knew what would set him off into a screaming tirade... I never felt forgiven for things I did wrong; even if I was truly sorry... I felt like a burden and a pain in the butt.
Today I still find myself feeling that way in MANY situations. I have struggled with this because when I sinned as a believer I really went through a time of feeling there was no way God could/would forgive me. To me it was one thing to be forgiven and saved initially, but if I willfully sinned AFTER being saved...well...how could that be forgiven? I knew God was different from my earthly father, but somewhere in my mind I carried that unforgiving, ANGRY view of a father. I'm still working through this.
_____________________________
Calea
Isaiah 2:22 Stop regarding man, whose breath life is in his nostrils; for why should he be esteemed?
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/16/2008 12:07:02 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1841
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Thanks for sharing your stories, PureLight, SonInMe1, and Calea. I am thankful that you had a blessed spiritual father, PureLight. And I'm thankful for the miracles that took place in your life, SonInMe1. And Calea, God will get you to the place He wants you to be. Keep on keeping on. He is faithful. Bless you all! LL
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/16/2008 1:39:18 PM
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lazareth
Posts: 22
Joined: 5/10/2008
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I was trying to avoid this one.
My dad was tough. Tough as nails. Tough to get along with.
He was brought up by tough parents in a tough era. He was a Marine, which of course made him tougher.
He was never shown love as he grew up, so never knew how to show it to me. Of course, I was no shining apple. So I didn't make it easy on him.
I love my dad, and all the time growing up, I tried hard to please him. Even enlisted in the Marines during Viet Nam to prove myself.
He never told me he loved me, although I knew he did. Still, you need to hear it. The last couple years, as we would hang up the phone, I would say,"I love you dad." and he would struggle to reply, but did.
About 2 or 3 weeks ago, when we got ready to hang up the phone, and without me initiating it, my dad said, "I love you."
I love you too dad!
_____________________________
"Believe your beliefs, and doubt your doubts-
but never believe your doubts, or doubt your beliefs!"
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/16/2008 3:42:35 PM
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colliefan
Posts: 2750
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Raleigh, NC
Status: offline
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quote:
About 2 or 3 weeks ago, when we got ready to hang up the phone, and without me initiating it, my dad said, "I love you."
I love you too dad!
Blessings to you. We, as a culture, are suffering from fatherlessness. Books have been written on the subject. In the correctional system, its impact is staggering as the vast majority lack the impact of a father.
For the most part, media no longer depicts as strong father, but an inept one. Men have mixed clues on what it means to be a man and a father. For those of us whp have been abused at the hands of a father, we know emotional healing is avaiable from our heavenly father.
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/16/2008 4:09:02 PM
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jbird56
Posts: 13
Joined: 6/13/2008
Status: offline
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My earthly dad was a violent alcoholic who abused all the children emotionally, sexually and physically. Life at home was a nightmare. Yet somehow I knew I had another Father in heaven. I knew about Jesus and used to find a quiet space and talk to Him. I knew, even at a very young age, that He was with me at all times. I moved out of my home as soon as I turned 18. Thanks to God, I turned out OK. I followed the Lord, got therapy and forgave my father. I knew he was sorry for all he had done. He never used those exact words; but he told me in other ways.
Oddly enough, I still learned a few good things from my father. I learned never to be prejudiced against other people because of their skin color, nationality, religion, etc. My father got along with everyone - it was only with his own family that the abuse came out - strange. I learned to be an avid reader because of him. He always had a book he was reading; plus he read all the day's newspapers. That was an important gift he gave me.
My father died in 1991, at the early age of 58, due to complications from his alcoholism. He was sober by then & struggled to make up for what he did. Nothing could turn what was into a good relationship. However, as I said, I did forgive him. I felt that underneath it all, my father actually loved me. I feel he suffered a lot of guilt because of what he did. He was very concerned about my well-being when I became sick in 1989; and he had great respect for my husband.
After all my years of praying and talking to Jesus, my father finally turned to the Lord and accepted Jesus. He was finally saved. Those who are not Christian cannot understand why I can still love my father in spite of all he did to me. Those who are Christian do understand it. They understand forgiveness and love that comes from our heavenly Father. I know that one day I will be in heaven and be reunited with my earthly father in love, and we will be with our heavenly Father forever.
Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/16/2008 6:49:02 PM
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ladyichigo
Posts: 572
Joined: 10/23/2007
From: Honolulu
Status: offline
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My dad was a hard-worker. He worked as the manager for the technicians department for Japanese ham-radio company that had come overseas to the U.S. He worked over-time every day to provide for the family. He was a typical Japanese workaholic. He worked hard at his job, and he worked hard in church. He worked hard at home. I hardly saw him rest, except for a few minutes before dinner right after he came home from work. I remember how big his hands were, and he worked well with them. He was a skilled electrician, and handyman so we rarely had to call anyone for problems that arose with the house. I guess I should say that he demonstrated a life of service.
He wasn’t much a guy who showed affection toward his kids, but he welcomed all the affection we brought to him. I remember just being able to cuddle up to him as he just relaxed on the sofa even as a teen. It was my dad who comforted me or explained things to me when I was feeling low. I was able to open up to my dad far easier than my mother. He never criticized me, but always helped me see things in a different light. That was the difference between his way and my mother’s way of talking to me. He held up the foundation in our household. He was the voice of reason in our family. When May 5th 1997 rolled around, all that came crashing down.
I miss my dad, but I realize to have had so much reliance on my earthly father was not what the Father wanted. If my dad were still alive today, I would be running to him instead of God.
To my dad:
Dear Daddy,
Thank you for doing your best as a father to me while you were here on earth. I really wish that you were here still, because my kids would want to meet you, and my husband wishes he could have gotten to know you more. There are some things that happened that could have been prevented if you were still here, but I believe that even those things were set in place for a bigger and better purpose. Thank you for your selfless acts of service through-out your life, and doing your best to provide for your family.
Love and hope to see you later,
Mari
_____________________________
Mari
I'm not cool enough to come up with a witty quote, but God is still good.
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/17/2008 3:26:48 PM
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4IMPersuaded
Posts: 422
Joined: 11/17/2007
From: Florence, KY
Status: offline
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quote:
For the most part, media no longer depicts as strong father, but an inept one. Men have mixed clues on what it means to be a man and a father. For those of us whp have been abused at the hands of a father, we know emotional healing is avaiable from our heavenly father.
Colliefan, thank you and others for sharing your struggles with your dad. I am currently working on a project that deals with the parenthood of God and I struggle with being able to relate this idea to women who were not blessed as I was. I am grateful to know that you were finally able to come to an understanding of the true nature of God as your loving Father, despite the example of your earthly father. I needed to hear that in Jesus, it is truly possible. I have prayed with each word that I don't sound smug, or self-righteous because the heartbreak is real, but so is the healing power of our Savior.
God bless you.
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RE: How did the DAD'S in your life... - 6/17/2008 6:04:33 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1760
Joined: 5/23/2006
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I know nothing about my Dad...just a tombstone with a name a date of birth and a date of death. He willingly abandoned my siblings and I when I was very young. I am not sure I would have wanted to know anyone who could so brutally treat a child in such disregard.
However, one lesson I learned from his action was the difference between a good man and a selfish one. I know I was a better person than my mom and dad in the way I have always provided for my children, spent time with them, and took them to church and Sunday School.
I guess the only other thing my dad gave me was bitterness which is still something I have to pray about because at times it still wants to have a place in my life and I know that is not God's desire for me.
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