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RE: How do I teach my daughter to respect her step-father? - 9/14/2008 9:42:59 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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How old is your daughter?
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RE: How do I teach my daughter to respect her step-father? - 9/15/2008 6:29:57 AM
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29redballoons
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From: Georgia
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Okay, my question is...how do you treat him?
Do you respect his authority?
What do you say to your daugther when she tattles on him?
Often whether we want to admit it or not...I am talking from
personal experience here...our daughters mirror our attitudes towards others.
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RE: How do I teach my daughter to respect her step-father? - 9/15/2008 7:55:48 AM
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Sideways
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Allright, she listens to her step-mom and to you, but not her step-dad. Sounds like she has some issues with males in authority. May I ask what happened to her bio-dad? If things went badly with him, she could be projecting that onto her step-dad.
How long was it just the two of you? Even a year is not that long to adjust to a new man in house, who suddenly comes in as some new authority figure. But she should listen to him.
Did he come in trying to change the routine, make a lot of changes in the house? You said they get a long personality wise. Sounds like she does like him. Are there other males she does respect as an authority figure? Perhaps a Pastor or teacher or grandfather?
Just trying to get a better picture here.
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RE: How do I teach my daughter to respect her step-father? - 9/15/2008 9:11:13 AM
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Memaw.
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It took several years for my children to totally accept and "respect" their stepdad.
How long have you been divorced from her dad?
Could it be she thinks your new husband is "trying to take dads' place"?
Was it just you and her for many years?
Could it be she is jealous of your relationship with him?
Is he showing her respect?
Just some things to ponder.
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RE: How do I teach my daughter to respect her step-father? - 9/15/2008 9:54:38 AM
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sisrev
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It sounds to me like they have more of 'friendship' relationship than a parent/child relationship. He obviously wasn't her parent when he first came into the picture, and seems to have done a wonderful job of getting to know her and relating to her, but that was on a more "overgrown kid" type basis--all fun & games, no authority.
Now that he is trying to step into a parenting role, she is not accepting that, because she doesn't want to lose her "big kid" friend. I think it will just take some time, but he does need to try to transition his role from "overgrown kid" to something a little more mature--even a "favorite uncle" type role--still adult, but not so uptight in her eyes as a parent.
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RE: How do I teach my daughter to respect her step-father? - 9/15/2008 11:29:43 AM
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Badger963
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A question that deserves to be asked...
Other than marrying her mother, what has your husband done to EARN your daughter's respect?
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RE: How do I teach my daughter to respect her step-father? - 9/15/2008 12:17:52 PM
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Sideways
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Now that's an interesting question. Just by marrying a child's mother, does that mean that the new man deserves to be treated just like a father?
I would think many non-parent adults deserve respect and some level of obedience (teachers, bus drivers, doctors, etc), but how far does a step child need to go in obeying this new guy her mom married?
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RE: How do I teach my daughter to respect her step-father? - 9/15/2008 12:27:50 PM
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Sadey
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Is she getting a payoff from tattling? Do you then go and talk to your husband and try to resolve it? If so,Bingo there is her payoff. Shes getting him in trouble. My grandkids would try that by telling on their parents to me. I would just laugh and tell them that my kids are adults and they can't get in trouble with me anymore. Sorry. They would get the most puzzled look on their faces, but they stopped.
I was in this same situation and a dear friend helped me to see what was going on. After that I stepped out of the conflict and they had to find their own way. Of course I was married to a man I absolutely trusted with my child.
Kids are just too smart sometimes aren't they.  I think she probably knows exactly what she is doing but remember mom you are smarter than she is.
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RE: How do I teach my daughter to respect her step-father? - 9/15/2008 10:28:11 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3630
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quote:
ORIGINAL: coconut_princess
Yes I do, but I joke with him and I wonder if she sees that as not respecting him? My husband and I tease each other now and then.
A married couple should be able to joke and tease, so long as it is not hurtful. Being playful with your husband is not disrespect. You're not his underling after all.
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