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How do women feel when... - 7/6/2008 4:37:14 AM
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StephenJ
Posts: 166
Joined: 12/3/2007
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A guy asks if he can hold there hand, or hug/kiss them? Do you all consider it cowardly and spineless or is it appreciated? Would you tell a guy that it's okay even if you didn't really like them? I ask this because I've had several mixed and very confusing experiences with this issue. I could tell you the stories if you want, but I am curious to hear what members of this forum think.
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RE: How do women feel when... - 7/6/2008 12:26:25 PM
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IonMoon
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From: The Unted State of Confusion
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1) No, i don't like to be asked... however, I don't like to be 'attacked' either... I am not a huggy person except with people I feel close to- so I wouldn't ant someone to do those things until we are close enough that they wouldn't need to ask.
2) No, I wouldn't say it was okay if it wasn't!!
Tara P
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RE: How do women feel when... - 7/6/2008 3:28:57 PM
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PrincessButtercup
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From: not my home...
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It would seem kind of awkward for a guy to ask if he could hold my hand. My boyfriend takes hold of my hand without a word and its the sweetest thing ever.
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RE: How do women feel when... - 7/6/2008 3:57:17 PM
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StephenJ
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So what you're saying is that guys shouldn't ask if it's okay, they should just go for it and wait to see if the girl reciprocates?
So none of you have ever been in a situation where a guy initiated something (like holding your hand or kissing) and you went along with it even though you didn't like them or want to?
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RE: How do women feel when... - 7/6/2008 4:30:30 PM
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rgod
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I don't mind someone asking me - but usually there is a just a time when it is right for the person to hold your hand or to kiss you. Sometimes a woman can give little signals - like if you are walking with a guy and you kind of bump your hands with his (yeah, that's a little sneaky but ... well ... some people do it). Or you don't move away if he gets a little "close" to you. Generally, I am pretty good at giving signals in the other direction too - I can easily let someone know that I'm not interested - clearly, before it even gets to the holding hands stage. And definitely by the time I even consider kissing someone, it would have to be a somewhat serious thing for me - so by that time, we would know each other somewhat well enough to not necessarily need an entire conversation about it.
quote:
So none of you have ever been in a situation where a guy initiated something (like holding your hand or kissing) and you went along with it even though you didn't like them or want to?
Only once. I went to the movies with a guy that I was getting to know, and he put his arm around me. Well, I didn't quite know how to get out of it nicely, so I let his arm stay there. But I wasn't comfortable, didn't lean back, kind of kept the conversation to a minimum - he kept trying to do the whole "let's talk softly" thing so that I'd lean in closely to him but I didn't do that. But, after a while, the guy tried to lean in for a kiss anyway. Well, that was the end of me handling it through body language. I wasn't rude to him at all, I told him no, and was very direct with him. We had a little conversation, he removed his arm, and I watched the rest of the movie in peace. After the day at the movies, he still kept wanting to go out with me - and I think I went out with him one more time, but it became pretty clear to me that we were on entirely different pages (different books even) so I ended it a few days later.
If you are in doubt, I'd say ask. If the woman likes you, then she probably won't mind. But you might want to think about what is best here - where will you draw the line? What about her? Rushing into physical things fairly quickly before you know someone that well might not be the best course of action. Instead, I'd say, focus on getting to know her inside. The hand holding will come in time - the kiss will come in time.
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RE: How do women feel when... - 7/7/2008 1:06:57 AM
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free-to-worship
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I agree, being asked is nice, and shows respect, but there is nothing wrong with just leaning in (I think it's more romantic), assuming that you have read the signs right. If you are unsure about the signs, then it is courteous and safer to ask, and not be presumptous.
quote:
ORIGINAL: rainbowtvp
1) No, i don't like to be asked... however, I don't like to be 'attacked' either... I am not a huggy person except with people I feel close to- so I wouldn't ant someone to do those things until we are close enough that they wouldn't need to ask.
2) No, I wouldn't say it was okay if it wasn't!!
Tara P
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RE: How do women feel when... - 7/7/2008 10:02:40 AM
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car2ner
Posts: 2908
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From: just north of Florida
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I'm blunt... if someone leaned in for a kiss or a hug that I didn't want, I'd make it obvious and discrete that it was unwelcomed. Embarassing for the guy but better than leading them on to be "kind".
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RE: How do women feel when... - 7/7/2008 7:36:12 PM
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IonMoon
Posts: 956
Joined: 4/21/2005
From: The Unted State of Confusion
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quote:
ORIGINAL: StephenJ
So what you're saying is that guys shouldn't ask if it's okay, they should just go for it and wait to see if the girl reciprocates?
Well... you have to wait until the right time... which can be ahrd to figure out.
quote:
So none of you have ever been in a situation where a guy initiated something (like holding your hand or kissing) and you went along with it even though you didn't like them or want to?
No. BUT I do know there are women whoe will allow such things to happen. Some people are easily intimidated, shy, whatever...
I think the best thing is to be slow and careful--give her an out, you know?
Tara P
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RE: How do women feel when... - 7/7/2008 9:50:30 PM
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Auben
Posts: 1611
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Where pines tower and cranberries float
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I liked being asked for the first kiss.
Hand holding and hugs are a bit less intimate and can be done by friends and family so they don't need as much introduction.
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RE: How do women feel when... - 7/9/2008 3:30:24 AM
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ebony101
Posts: 913
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
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I don't want to be asked that woud ruin the intimacy of the moment!
I think that depending on the stage at which the relationship is at - holding hands would just come naturally.
As for the first kiss circumstances lead up to that - so there's no need to ask.
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PRAISE THE LORD -- MY HUSBAND IS BACK FROM IRAQ 
He handled it well-tucked my napkin in with his and then held his hand out again, lol.
