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How do you know if you are in love? - 5/2/2008 5:56:46 PM
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FaithLegacy
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How do you know if you are in love? I always wondered about that question. I never had a boyfriend. So I dont have anything to compare it too. And when I asked this question most ppl respond- "You'll Know!" or "Why, do you think your in love?" Some annoying responses. Anyone want to share their input? I'm looking for an answer from ppl who know they are in Gods will in there current relationship. I'm not into the lust thing of this generation. I waiting for marriage. And I prefer to get involved after I finish bible school. But, I still wonder how do I know if I am in love?
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/2/2008 7:28:40 PM
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Konstantinos
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honestly i doubt there is such a thing as "being in love" thats any different than a crush or something. the "romantic" thing is that... the crush that you get. if you've felt it then you know it.
now what some people that have been together for a very long time call being in love i think thats just loving each other a lot, i have it with a few people, but i dont think it has much to do with romance as it has to do with friendship, admiration etc.
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/2/2008 9:12:18 PM
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buckifn
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I would say when you don't want to take your next breath without them by your side is a pretty good clue. :)
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/3/2008 12:11:11 AM
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merelynapping
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I would say it is obvious when you are in love. The hard part is figuring out if you actually love the person. For that I look at 1 Corinthians 13.
Sorry if that is not any help.
< Message edited by merelynapping -- 5/3/2008 2:42:25 PM >
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/3/2008 2:13:33 AM
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deermousie
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Society calls infatuation "love." It's not. It's just infatuation.
Love can always wait to give; infatuation can't wait to get.
C.S. Lewis made the sage remark in "The Screwtape Letters" that what some people mean by "I'm in love with so-and-so" is really "I want to consume so-and-so." It's selfish, and thus not love.
Love wants the best for the other person and will sacrifice for that person without resenting it.
I'm glad you're waiting, FaithLegacy. It's worth it! I met the man of my dreams long after I'd graduated from college, so don't feel like you have to hurry. God's timing is always perfect, and when you meet The One, they will know you waited just for them. Wow.
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/3/2008 2:20:38 AM
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OLEEguacamole
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your big toe always falls off. 
it's not really the same for everyone. some people feel intense emotion and attraction others just feel the quiet growing, deepening attachment.
no matter what it feels like you need to use your head in a relationship, do you have the same life perspective and goals? are there any red flags about the person that need to be considered?
being in love is part friendship that deepens, part attraction, and needs to be umpired by wisdom.
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/3/2008 3:30:53 PM
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deermousie
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mrsdash
your big toe always falls off.
*That's* why that happened! Thanks for solving that mystery, Mrs. Dash!
quote:
it's not really the same for everyone. some people feel intense emotion and attraction others just feel the quiet growing, deepening attachment.
no matter what it feels like you need to use your head in a relationship, do you have the same life perspective and goals? are there any red flags about the person that need to be considered?
being in love is part friendship that deepens, part attraction, and needs to be umpired by wisdom.
These are wise words.
Love for sure builds on trust, and I think also on respect. If you respect a person's walk with the Lord, their caring and unselfishness with others, their character, and there's a reasonable amount of sameness of where God is leading both of you, then it may be that God has led you to this person and it's His will that you marry them.
When I met my future husband we immediately hit it off. We had a blast getting to know each other, mature Christian people who knew us (including pastors) thought we were a good match (one guy who had counseled both of us before we'd even met said when he heard of our engagement, "Of course!") and there were no red flags. It felt "right" because we didn't have to lie to ourselves or hide any thing that we really knew didn't fit. It *did* fit. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this guy.
Some wag once said, imagine being awakened in the middle of the night by your mate who is sick and needs help getting to the bathroom. As you support them there, they throw up on the floor. You get them into the bathroom and go back to clean up the floor. If this is a person you love, you won't mind doing this. Even if the floor is carpet.
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/3/2008 7:23:51 PM
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firefly31784
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Before I was married I often wondered that. I think the answer is you know it when it happens. And I want to encourage you to wait until you are married. I am in my mid 20's. My husband and I had both waited. We are so happy we did. I understand it is extremely difficult to find someone with that committment.
If you think that you are sure you fell in love, and know he is just as committed to christ, You've got the formula to let yourself keep falling ;)
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/12/2008 8:56:57 PM
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FaithLegacy
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wow, thanks everyone. all the answers I was looking for. and what really blesses me is to know that I knew this. but sometimes we need others to remind us. all of your advice was awesome that love is not selfish and is willing to wait. love is putting God first and self last. love desires to bring honor to a possible relationship and love is sometimes caring enough to do the dirty work like throw up on the carpet. and oddly enough I can see myself doing that. so i guess that means wait- God will reveal the rest.
someone said something about no red flags- like what specifically?
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/12/2008 10:44:32 PM
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deermousie
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quote:
ORIGINAL: FaithLegacysomeone said something about no red flags- like what specifically?
Like, your parents don't like the guy. Like your pastor thinks you aren't ready to marry. Like your friends are warning you this guy has lead on and dumped other girls or uses drugs or something. Like, he's fine except for one little thing.... that bothers you.... but you'll ignore it (moral or character problem). He lies once in a while, or he keeps getting fired from jobs and it's always someone else's fault according to him (and they're out to get him) or he doesn't pay his bills on time and has skipped out on obligations. You get my drift.
Here's my mantra: true love can always wait to give but infatuation can't wait to get.
God's best to you, dear one!
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Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/13/2008 8:36:11 AM
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DaveW
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I love my wife
I love my children
I love baroque music
I love friends
I love good food
I love to watch tv
I love my home town and state
All the same word to describe very different things. CS Lewis wrote a book where he described "The Four Loves." Four different classical greek words we all call love here.
Eros encompasses romantic love and sexuality
Phileo is brotherly and friendly love
Storge is a love that is a sense of belonging with someone
Agape is a selfless love, one that needs no recripical response from the beloved
"Being in love" or having a crush or infatuation is just an early stage of eros. Truly loving someone adds agape to the others on the list. It is a choice rather than a feeling.
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/13/2008 12:46:01 PM
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deermousie
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The four loves in Greek help us understand; thanks, DaveW. We have to separate love from infatuation. I'm talking about as something you do, not something you feel.
It's love that makes me take out the trash at 9 pm so DH doesn't have to get out of his chair after a long, hard day (for both of us) to do it himself (taking out the trash means loading it in the car and driving over a mile to a dumpster. There are no lights except from the car).
Love means walking the floor all night with a colicky baby and then making meals and cleaning the house the next day.
Love means not getting new clothes or shoes so your growing kid can get clothes and shoes.
Love means being delighted with the fresh-picked flower your kid brought you (tracking mud across the floor, and you just planted that flower this morning and the kid pulled the whole thing up).
Love means a man working a job he hates for 25 years so he can feed his family.
Infatuation *can* lead to love, but often is dissipated in the consequences of indulged selfishness.
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Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/14/2008 1:08:41 PM
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preserved
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Red Flags...If he dis-respects you in any way shape or form..
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/16/2008 6:57:25 PM
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SomeDaySoon
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what does it feel like to be in love? I always asked myself that until.. i fell in love. Yes it is something you just know. But its not infatuation. It is not selfish, but it is a true desire to serve that person. Love that person for who he/she is no matter what is outside. It is about doing anything for that person just because you want to and not out of selfish ambition.
Red Flags are definitely something you want to look out for. Such as, the person tries to push you into going too far. Your parents, pastor, and friends don't like him. Things like that.
I am praying for you!
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***There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him. ***
-C. S. Lewis
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RE: How do you know if you are in love? - 5/17/2008 5:22:07 PM
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FayOTO0102
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From my experience It took me a long time to learn the difference between love and infatuation. Both can come with very strong feelings and even sometimes infatuation comes with stronger feelings (I know sounds nuts) and that is why you have to be so careful. If you feel you are in love with someone based on outward things about them primarily (looks, charm, tough acting, talent, status, etc etc) you better be careful. There is nothing wrong with feeling attracted or appreciating those outward qualities of a person but if it is the main basis for why you are falling for them and they lack true important inward qualities (kindness, patience, ambition, and of course the same moral and faith values/following as you) then you better move on.. no matter how strong the feelings pull. Very hard to resist, especially in your lonely vulnerable moments. Just remember that if you trust God, put him first and keep and open and alert mind as you wait/look for someone, he will show you that special someone when and if the time is right. Main point is DONT be fooled by infatuation, it is untrue short lived, and lead to a road of waisted time and pain.
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