How much of my sordid past should I leave out when in a relationship or marriage?
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[Poll]
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How much of my sordid past should I leave out when in a relationship or marriage?
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| A friend of mine got me into porn at age 7. |
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| My sexual experiences as a child with other children. |
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| Several years ago I used to visit strip clubs on a regular basis. |
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| I have been with an escort (twice) and a prostitute. |
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Total Votes : 15
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(last vote on : 5/1/2008 1:01:03 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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How much of my sordid past should I leave out when in a... - 4/15/2008 1:43:03 PM
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samnflo
Posts: 2
Joined: 4/15/2008
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Which of the following should I tell someone who I will get married to.
I dont' think there is anyway she could every find out about any of these.
I have cleaned myself up and do not participate in the following now (or within the past few years).
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RE: How much of my sordid past should I leave out when ... - 4/15/2008 1:48:17 PM
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ta_mosquito
Posts: 10982
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: from MN, now in Ontario :D
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Leave out the sordid details, but I think it's important when entering marriage to know about the other person's struggles in these areas.
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"When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department generally uses water." ~Unknown
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RE: How much of my sordid past should I leave out when ... - 4/15/2008 4:09:28 PM
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funny_girl
Posts: 787
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samnflo,
Your past is still really bothering you a lot otherwise you wouldn't have brought it up like this.
Have you had some counseling about these areas? If not, I highly recommend that you seek a good counselor to help you work through these things.
You absolutely can have a beautiful marriage and freedom from your past and you don't want to carry all this baggage into a relationship. Bringing two people to live under the same house is hard enough without having had to deal with some of these issues.
_____________________________
"...bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known yet regarded as unknown...poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." II Corinthians 6:8-10
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RE: How much of my sordid past should I leave out when ... - 4/15/2008 8:11:00 PM
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samnflo
Posts: 2
Joined: 4/15/2008
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Yes, I have recieved counseling for these types of problems and am still recieving such therapy.
But I was wanting to know how much of these needs to be shared with someone I am headed toward marriage with.
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RE: How much of my sordid past should I leave out when ... - 4/15/2008 9:13:17 PM
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Cute-N-Sassy
Posts: 6229
Joined: 5/2/2005
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Hi, samnflo. Each person/couple is different, so there is no easy answer. You certainly don't want to reveal everything when you first meet a person, but do be honest about who you are. Your struggles are what make you special. We all have struggles and we should be careful not to create a facade - that will keep others from getting to know the real you. If you have done something wrong in the past, be upfront about it. If she can't handle it, then she'll move on, and you'll be spared a difficult relationship. But know that some people will be very well equipped to deal with what you've been through. The hard part is, you don't know which one that will be.
If you're in a healthy relationship, there will come a time when you will feel comfortable sharing your past, but you will want to make sure this happens in plenty of time before you propose.
Is this your first relationship since you gave up your past? If so, you may find that your issues may pop up throughout the relationship. There's something about intimacy that brings us into closer contact with ourselves. If this is the case, you may want to discuss these things with your therapist for support.
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RE: How much of my sordid past should I leave out when ... - 4/16/2008 11:53:21 AM
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fluffmonkey
Posts: 1730
Joined: 2/17/2007
From: some where over the rainbow
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quote:
But I was wanting to know how much of these needs to be shared with someone I am headed toward marriage with.
There will get to a time when you feel very comfortable with a lady especially if you are heading towards marriage with, that you may want to talk about all this stuff because its on your heart to do so... maybe not everything should be told only you will know what is right...
but if you do tell her let her know that you are no longer this person, and that you have been and are still getting help, and just give her your testimony.
show her where you once were and how God has brought you to where you are now, and that you dont do any of those things anymore.
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RE: How much of my sordid past should I leave out when ... - 4/16/2008 2:02:08 PM
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stellaluna
Posts: 3362
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: online
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I would think the most pressing issues would be whether you are infected with an STD--and if you haven't been tested, I suggest you do so--and whether you have fathered any children.
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RE: How much of my sordid past should I leave out when ... - 4/26/2008 11:06:18 PM
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vixir
Posts: 134
Joined: 2/27/2007
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Personally, I don't think you should hold anything from your future wife. You would be worse off by hiding it, and chancing her finding out and then leaving you because of it.
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RE: How much of my sordid past should I leave out when ... - 5/3/2008 12:59:06 PM
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ladyamythist
Posts: 56
Joined: 4/28/2008
Status: offline
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It's best to be truthful...some women don't want to marry someone that has that kind of past...the consequence of it is that it creeps back up and into things. So talk to her and be honest....it's what she thinks about you, not what we think.
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