|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: I Seriously Don't Get It..... - 9/17/2008 1:10:08 PM
|
|
|
jaimestarcross
Posts: 785
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
|
The trouble your boyfriend is having is that for too long you both lived
in sin and snubbed the Lord's standard for righteousness.
Sit down with your bf and talk about this matter - you and him did wrong and
you need to confess to God and ask Him to restore to you the joy of your salvation. Tell God this situation is hard because you and him indulged in sex and living contrary to His standards/morals and sullied your testimonies.
The Lord will help those who draw near to Him with sincerity and brokenness over their sin(s).
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Seriously Don't Get It..... - 9/17/2008 1:27:40 PM
|
|
|
Child4Jesus
Posts: 458
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
Status: online
|
You say you don't want to compromise so don't. He is already showing you what he will be like as a husband.
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Seriously Don't Get It..... - 9/17/2008 2:18:53 PM
|
|
|
MC4JC
Posts: 201
Joined: 7/6/2008
From: Minnesota
Status: offline
|
If he's so concerned about things, then what is stopping you from getting married? You guys created the child, he talks about being a family. And no its not church that is preventing you guys from being together. Its GOD that is disapproving of what you guys are doing/want to do.
Living together is not gonna solve anything. I suggest you guys get some counseling and a pre-marriage course and find out if you really should be married. If not, then make arrangements to end the relationship BUT the child has to be supported by both of you.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Seriously Don't Get It..... - 9/17/2008 3:16:23 PM
|
|
|
Christian30
Posts: 204
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Stafford, TX (Houston suburb)
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: jaimestarcross
The trouble your boyfriend is having is that for too long you both lived
in sin and snubbed the Lord's standard for righteousness.
Sit down with your bf and talk about this matter - you and him did wrong and
you need to confess to God and ask Him to restore to you the joy of your salvation. Tell God this situation is hard because you and him indulged in sex and living contrary to His standards/morals and sullied your testimonies.
The Lord will help those who draw near to Him with sincerity and brokenness over their sin(s).
Correct.
If you study the more "relational" forums in here and look at many threads, you will see plenty of evidence of what happens when sex is viewed/practiced as recreation. Get CHRISTIAN counseling, and I plead for you to put God before your bf. Make sure you have solid Christian friends and suggest he have the same. Keep in mind that you are BOTH struggling, but your direction is better at this point.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Seriously Don't Get It..... - 9/17/2008 3:30:08 PM
|
|
|
raivyne
Posts: 862
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
|
It sounds like you are caught smack in the middle of a tug-o-war for your life between God and the world. You have heard the call and you wish to answer it, but you have dead weight holding you back… the world is trying to drag you back. You must decide which road you will choose to walk. I recently faced this same kind of choice (I’d been at this crossroad many a time before).
Your choice is not an easy one sister. If you choose to go God’s way your boyfriend will not understand until he allows the Lord to minister to him directly. Maybe he will never make that choice, but it’s a choice only he can make. You cannot make it for him or coax him into it.
You cannot allow the enemy to make a stronghold in your heart by using this man (or the child you share with him) against you. Recognize that God is not now, nor would He EVER, prevent you from having a family. My advice is to walk God’s path (including no more pre-marital sex) and pray for Him to minister to your boyfriend. I know that is very difficult to do, believe me I know! Been there, done that! Go with God, it’s a choice you will never regret. Give your life to him.
I hope you don't take any of this as post as harsh towards you. I hope you view it with the honest love its intended to reflect.
I will pray the Lord grant you the strength you need to make the right decision, that He will dry your tears and that he will comfort you when you are feeling lonely and cast out from the world.
_____________________________
God grades on the cross – not on a curve
Good – God = 0
In the dark? Follow the Son!
The Power of a Simple Gift! samaritanspurse.org
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Seriously Don't Get It..... - 9/18/2008 11:44:14 AM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 1863
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: oneblessedwit4d
I'm dealing with conflict with my boyfriend because i want to wait to live together until/if we get married.
Has he asked you to marry him and set a date? If he hasn't, I'm suspicious of how serious he is about marrying you.
You can get married at a justice of the peace or one of those "wedding chapels" - you sign a paper that says you're already living together, and the date is kept confidential. It's cheap, and your family can come.
quote:
He doesnt' see where i'm coming from. He is starting to resent church because he feels like its what is keeping me from moving in with him.
This is going to be very blunt, but do you think the problem really is he resents anything that keeps you from intimacy more? Because it is a key: If a guy can't be self-controlled before marriage, he's statistically more likely to be unfaithful after marriage. Especially since he's been abused by parents and doesn't know how to "do" family.
quote:
He's believed and went to church the whole time we have been together until recently. I asked him why and he told me because thats the very thing that is keeping me from having my family.
No, it's you guys not being married that's holding things up. Why isn't he making an appointment with a justice of the peace for a quick wedding?
quote:
He's had a hard childhood. In and out of foster homes and treated horible by his bio parents. He wants the security of a family and wants to make sure that our baby girl has that same security.
He should be pounding down the doors of the courthouse to get a judge to marry you guys. And bugging you to say "yes."
quote:
I understand all of this but i'm trying to live to the standard that i know God's called me. It's so hard. I love him soo much and i want our to relationship work and Jaydn to have both her mom and dad but what do i do ... i don't want to compermise. 
You can't keep going like this, you guys need to marry or break up. Get some good counseling from a Christian (start with your pastor - if he can't do it, find a Christian counselor in the phone book or better yet use someone else's pastor).
Here's something to think about: is this guy willing to ditch God whenever things are tough and he's not getting something he wants and can lever you ("If I don't get _____ I'll stop going to church until I do"). That's not Christian belief, that's manipulation with his desires at the top of his priority list (which is probably a form of idolatry: "my desires are the most important thing in the world - not God"). And life is always hard at times. How will he deal with it ten years from now? Twenty?
I'm sorry you're painted into a corner. God can get you out, and as you're choosing to do what is right and do what needs to be done, you are well on your way (Ha! Not like any of us have never painted ourselves into corners, right? We just find all kinds of ways to do it). So keep rolling up your sleeves, thank God He loves you and will help you, and keep applying Biblical remedies to your problems. Again, your pastor should be your best resource on this. God bless you, dear one. I am praying for you. (((Hugs)))
_____________________________
Want to know where a certain word or phrase in the Bible is found? www.biblegateway.com Yay!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Seriously Don't Get It..... - 9/18/2008 1:36:21 PM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2509
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
|
quote:
He wants the security of a family and wants to make sure that our baby girl has that same security.
If that's what he wants, is he willing to go to the Justice of the Peace tomorrow and marry you? If not, what he really wants is a bed-mate, baby mama, and housekeeper, but not a secure family.
If you want to marry him, don't put it off for the sake of a big wedding or "more money". Set up premarital counseling appointments, get it all worked out, and get married. If he truly wants to marry and sees the wedding date on the calendar, there's no need for him to pressure you for sex or shacking up.
If you don't want to marry him, don't move in with him, and don't string him along with "someday" promises.
_____________________________
 Moo
Shameless Self Promotion~Christmas giveaway this week!
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Seriously Don't Get It..... - 9/21/2008 2:35:26 AM
|
|
|
Focusing
Posts: 6002
Status: offline
|
quote:
If you don't want to marry him
You said you want your relationship to work, but do you want to marry him? If yes, why are you not married? Do you have doubts that you can't quite put your finger on?
I think deermousie had a lot of very good points to consider. Do you think he is trying to manipulate you, or do you feel he has your and the the baby's best interests in mind?
_____________________________
There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
|
|
|
|
|
RE: I Seriously Don't Get It..... - 9/21/2008 1:21:02 PM
|
|
|
hnt
Posts: 542
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
He needs to deal with his past it sounds like before committing to a relationship. If he is going to use the church as an excuse for NOT feeling secure because he can't live with you - and not marry you - what other excuses is he going to use to NOT do what is right in the future?
He needs to deal with and accept his past, and become his own man. If he is going to follow the faith he needs to accept this lifestyle, and follow his beliefs. You can't cherry pick things as he is doing. It sounds like his past have ingrained fears of true commitment. If he is not willing to face those, and learn to heal from those hurts.......it may be better that you wait until he does. Marriage is hard work at times. He needs to be fully commited, and he doesn't sound like he is capable of that yet. That doesn't mean he never will be!
His comments are manipulative. Keep to your principals.
_____________________________
h
Emotional abuse and Faith
Reaching for IT!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
My boyfriend and i have been together off and on for about 2 years now and we also have a baby that is 6 months. I've been raised in a christian home and i've made some poor choices as far as sex before marriage and such. I'm dealing with conflict with my boyfriend because i want to wait to live together until/if we get married. He doesnt' see where i'm coming from. He is starting to resent church because he feels like its what is keeping me from moving in with him. He's believed and went to church the whole time we have been together until recently. I asked him why and he told me because thats the very thing that is keeping me from having my family. He's had a hard childhood. In and out of foster homes and treated horible by his bio parents. He wants the security of a family and wants to make sure that our baby girl has that same security. I understand all of this but i'm trying to live to the standard that i know God's called me. It's so hard. I love him soo much and i want our to relationship work and Jaydn to have both her mom and dad but what do i do ... i don't want to compermise. 
