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My mother's words of wisdom on marriage - 5/12/2008 9:23:33 PM
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RichLP
Posts: 1640
Joined: 5/4/2005
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After I hit my mid-late 20s, my mother and father began to talk to me about the need to settle down. They weren't pressuring me, but they were saying, "Rich, you're gonna turn 30 soon. Some of our friends who are your age are not yet 30 and they've already settled down. Soon, your turn will come."
Although they don't express it openly - well, my mother does sometimes - I know that my parents are a bit anxious to see their children married.
She used to say, "Rich my son. I love you, and I will be very glad when I see you married to a girl who will take my place."
HUH?
"Mom. I don't want to be babied. I want to have a lifelong partner, an equal, my spouse."
"Of course, Rich. You don't understand. One day I will leave - I'm not getting younger. You will however have to have an important woman in your life, and that will be your wife. My job as a mother raising you is complete. I'll always be here for you as I will always be your mother. You're an adult now. But you need to find your half."
Agree or disagree with this, I think my mother was spot-on when she said I needed to find my half - that everyone (excepting, of course, those who are called to celibacy) needs to find a mate.
She referred to a relative of ours; a younger cousin of my father's (who is, I estimate, at least 25 years older than me). I call him "Uncle." He is a good and kind man, but he never married.
"Your uncle is a good man, but I feel bad for him. He has no wife and no children. You think he never feels lonely?"
Personally, sometimes the hardest part of singleness and of simultaneously desiring a spouse is the moments of loneliness. Now, I know that in today's world, there are millions of young adults in their 20s and 30s who live their own lives independently, no longer living with or near family. Whether it's night jobs, grad school, or just being young (or wanting to live as if young), a lot of single folks like it that way.
I just happen to be past that stage... way past it, I think.
In a way I feel I've "made it" - in a way. I am a homeowner, have a car, have a job. Some retirement savings. Some money. Healthy. Family is all doing very well. All that's missing is her.
I come home to my clean, tidy, well-furnished, pretty apartment (really; my married friend and wife recently stopped over; she expressed surprise at how clean my place was, and her husband said, "honey, Rich is not your average single man.") and there's plenty of space for one person... and I wish there was someone to be here with me. Someone I could snuggle with at night and embrace, listen to, encourage, love.
Yesterday was Mother's Day, and I spoke to my mom... and her wisdom is always the same. The things I wrote here about what she told me about marriage... these were comments from years ago. But my mom knows me, and I think her life experience becomes more evident to me the older I get.
< Message edited by RichLP -- 5/12/2008 9:30:51 PM >
_____________________________
"We have removed an ally of Al Qaeda" - G.W. Bush lies to America and to the world, 5/1/2003
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RE: My mother's words of wisdom on marriage - 5/12/2008 9:36:53 PM
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42servehymn
Posts: 373
Joined: 4/16/2005
From: Littleton, Colorado
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I think your mother will make an awesome mother-in-law. It sounds like you have done your part to be a great partner and I will pray that you find someone worthy of your company. And yes I agree with your mothers wisdom.
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Lord help me to be the person that my dog thinks I am.
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RE: My mother's words of wisdom on marriage - 5/13/2008 10:46:46 AM
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laura...
Posts: 2750
Joined: 3/1/2005
From: NE Ohio
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quote:
Agree or disagree with this, I think my mother was spot-on when she said I needed to find my half - that everyone (excepting, of course, those who are called to celibacy) needs to find a mate.
I disagree. Everyone needs to find contentment in their current marital status. If you cannot be content in singleness you will not be content in marriage.
You will never ever ever never ever find wholeness in marriage. Wholeness comes only through a relationship with Jesus Christ. PERIOD. Marriage will not make you whole. Marriage will not make you content. Noone is your other half. A good marriage is made up of 2 whole people who have found their wholeness in Jesus.
Where you are right now is where God has put you. What you have right now is what God has given you. Be thankful. Be content.
I know that singleness can be very lonely. I have lived that loneliness. That loneliness is nothing compared to the loneliness and misery of a bad marriage.
I praise God for my years of singleness. I praised him for my life while I was single with no marital prospects on the horizon. I now praise God for a wonderful marriage.
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This is what the Lord says: “Stop at the crossroads and look around. Ask for the old, godly way, and walk in it. Travel its path, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, ‘No, that’s not the road we want!’ Jer 6:16
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RE: My mother's words of wisdom on marriage - 5/13/2008 11:05:36 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2567
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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Laura,
Your post was absolutely spot on!
When God took the rib from Adam to create Eve, He didn't leave Adam as a half person, and when He created Eve from the rib, He made a complete person from that rib.
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Life is uncertain...eat dessert first!
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RE: My mother's words of wisdom on marriage - 5/13/2008 1:55:11 PM
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3tulips
Posts: 323
Joined: 2/1/2007
From: sandy shore
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I agree with Laura and Memaw. IF God wants you to get married, I hope you wait for that person. I know your mom means well. She probably has a great marriage to your father and wants the same for you.
_____________________________
I opened up the mouth of love and found the wisdom tooth. Larry Norman 1947 - 2008
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RE: My mother's words of wisdom on marriage - 5/13/2008 8:19:03 PM
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manda59
Posts: 5712
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: laura...
Everyone needs to find contentment in their current marital status. If you cannot be content in singleness you will not be content in marriage.
I absolutely agree.
It was only (some time after a traumatic break-up) when I had learned to lean on God again, and become totally comfortable with being single, and wasn't even looking for a partner, that I met the man who became my husband. We came together as two people who relied firstly on the Lord - not as people who were looking for someone else to make them feel complete. We were already complete (in Christ) before our paths crossed and we started seeing each other.
_____________________________
"I love Manda's suggestion to just laugh most of it off.."
Tinkerbell, September 2008
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RE: My mother's words of wisdom on marriage - 5/14/2008 7:40:25 AM
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mbgb
Posts: 250
Joined: 12/18/2007
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You sound like a great catch! Just be patient. God is preparing you, and He won't allow you to remain single any longer than you can handle it. It's definitely getting you ready and you are going through trails and downtimes that will maybe make you match your "other half" even better one day! Just hang in there, and enjoy being single. You won't always be single. And use this time to round out the other rough edges in your life, so that when your perfect girl comes along, it'll all just be perfect and you'll be so glad God put her in your life when He did. I'll be praying!
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