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Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 8:00:26 AM
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Georgia-Peach
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From: Georgia on my mind
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**Don't want this to be a debate if at all possible so please let's try hard not to**
My mom didn't have sons and my sister is only a year a head of me with this whole parenting boys. So I don't have anyone in IRL that I feel comfortable asking this question. How do you handle your little boys when the play with themselves? I don't know maybe little girls do this too. Hunter has found himself and as soon as he is in the bath tub he starts playing with it. I distract him and usually he forgets about it then starts playing with his bath toys. But, it has me thinking how my hubby and I are to handle this the older he gets. I would just like to know how you have handle it with your sons, just advice and tips. I never want to make my children feel ashamed of their body in anyway, but I also don't want him to become obsessed with playing with it either.
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 8:43:58 AM
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bluestone
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We taught our son as soon as he was able to understand that certain actions are rude in public. Public is in front of anyone but yourself. THAT is rude, and NEVER to be done in front of other people.
Until he reached that point, there really was not a lot to do about it, and it did not concern us that he found it to be a toy while bathing once in a while. (while still a toddler).
A kid at church used to walk around with his hands in his pants all the time, and his parents were embarrassed to death. Someone finally suggested that there may be something wrong in that area, and sure enough, the doctor found something wrong. (Don't remember what it was).
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I need Christ. Not something that resembles Christ.
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 9:45:13 AM
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Ellie-Mae
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At that age, we just tell them that there are some parts that we don't play with because they are special and private. We just take care of them and make sure that they are clean and healthy, but other than that we leave them alone. In the bathtub, we let them explore that area a little as they keep it clean. When they are done, they are told to play with things that they are allowed such as their toys, bubbles or hair. As they got older we told them that their private areas are a gift for them to give to their spouse if they get married someday. It might be the only gift that they have to really give. Like all good gifts, it is to stay wrapped up and private until the appropriate time. We also don't want to be messing around with the gift because it can detract from the specialness of their gift. We do want to take very good care of it and keep them clean and healthy.
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Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 9:49:06 AM
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buckifn
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It depends on the age of the child. I would say some of the best ways to handle it are...redirection- have something else for him to focus on, a toy, an activity, etc but at the same time tell him/her that is private behavior not public. Repeating the same message in a nonthreatening way is essential. Don't make it a bigger issue than what it is and don't embarrass the child about it. Curiosity is normal but it is the parent's responsibility to direct a child appropriately.
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 9:54:22 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5721
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Georgia-Peach
How do you handle your little boys when the play with themselves? I don't know maybe little girls do this too. Hunter has found himself and as soon as he is in the bath tub he starts playing with it. I distract him and usually he forgets about it then starts playing with his bath toys. But, it has me thinking how my hubby and I are to handle this the older he gets. I would just like to know how you have handle it with your sons, just advice and tips. I never want to make my children feel ashamed of their body in anyway, but I also don't want him to become obsessed with playing with it either.
With my ds (now 18), we always told him it was fine to play with himself in the bath, but that it was not appropriate in public. We explained that if you're in the bath, you can wash your hands right away so they don't get smelly. We said that it was ok to touch himself when he was in bed too, but that then he'd have to get up and wash his hands afterwards right away.
(We never used words like 'wrong' or 'rude' - to me they're too "loaded", and atttribute importance that it shouldn't really have - but we taught "appropriate" and "inappropriate" right from the beginning. We also taught the word "private", teaching our ds and dd that there were certain parts of the body that were "private". Again, we used this word right from the beginning, and this made it easier, later on, to teach them about keeping themselves safe from abuse.)
That was enough for him. He has grown up feeling comfortable and not ashamed bout his body, and modesty and integrity have been important to him all through his teens. He's always felt able to talk about very personal things with us, and we still have healthy open discussions about those things.
(We made the same rules about blowing bubbles in your drink too. We said that it wasn't appropriate to do that in your drink, but it was fine to do it in the bath (we provided straws at bathtime - as well as lots of toys of course!). I feel that including this in the "appropriateness" category also helped in not making the "touching himself" out to be too important. We also used "appropriate/inappropriate" regarding shouting - that it was appropriate to shout when you're outside at the park, or on the beach, or playing a sport, but not indoors or at church etc.
It's totally natural for boys to be curious about their bodies, especially a part which feels nice and "does things". I believe that cultivating a healthy outlook depends on teaching them appropriateness without making them feel like they are doing anything wrong. Making them feel that it's wrong or rude or dirty or naughty or whatever can make them feel ashamed, and that could actually make them more likely to be obsessive over it.
Distraction is good, while it works, but when they get a bit older, you will likely find you need something else. It was my next-door neighbour who got me onto the "appropriate/inappropriate" thing, and I have found it totally helpful in a number of areas.
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"I love Manda's suggestion to just laugh most of it off.."
Tinkerbell, September 2008
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 10:07:49 AM
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bluestone
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what is the big difference in rude and inappropriate?
Fondling yourself in public is rude.
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I need Christ. Not something that resembles Christ.
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 10:17:58 AM
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Memaw.
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From: Sunflower State
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My daughter is just starting to deal with this with her nearly 3 yr old.
She put panties on her for the first time yesterday and my granddaughters' hands were exploring that area because for the first time (outside of a bath) it was "accessible". 
It's natural for all children to explore their bodies and we have to make sure they know it is ok for them to touch their own bodies without any shame attached.
When my kids (1 son 4 daughters) were little, I would tell them "we don't touch our bottoms around other people, that's private", without making them feel that what they were doing was wrong.
I think we can do alot of damage to our children by making them feel "nasty", "dirty", and "ashamed" of their bodies (not that anyone here has done that but I know people who have).
Distracting with toys, busying their hands with something else usually works and not making a big deal about it worked with my kids.
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 10:22:48 AM
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bluestone
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
It's natural for all children to explore their bodies and we have to make sure they know it is ok for them to touch their own bodies without any shame attached.
When my kids (1 son 4 daughters) were little, I would tell them "we don't touch our bottoms around other people, that's private", without making them feel that what they were doing was wrong.
I think we can do alot of damage to our children by making them feel "nasty", "dirty", and "ashamed" of their bodies (not that anyone here has done that but I know people who have).
]
I agree totally.
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I need Christ. Not something that resembles Christ.
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 11:25:48 AM
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manda59
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bluestone
what is the big difference in rude and inappropriate?
Fondling yourself in public is rude.
"inappropriate" isn't such a loaded word.
To me, "rude" makes it sound like the child has done something really wrong - which this actually isn't. "Rude" is things like calling people names, being nasty or unpleasant - it's deliberately setting out to offend, a conscious act.
The words "inappropriate" and "private" are more effective IMO in putting the behaviour in context, rather than giving it a negative label.
< Message edited by manda59 -- 4/17/2008 11:32:38 AM >
_____________________________
"I love Manda's suggestion to just laugh most of it off.."
Tinkerbell, September 2008
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 9:17:24 PM
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pbaribeault
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I was dealing with my daughter touching her vagina at the same time as we were dealing with not putting her hands in her mouth or her fingers up her nose. We dealt with all 3 areas with mostly the same techniques. I don't think she thinks of her vagina as any different from her nose as far as keeping her hands away. (We have taught privacy, just not really in conjunction with touching or not touching.)
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/17/2008 9:35:01 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10274
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
I was dealing with my daughter touching her vagina at the same time as we were dealing with not putting her hands in her mouth or her fingers up her nose.
Us too. When we noticed she started doing both hands in the mouth and touching her vagina at the same time, we also talked about germs...bottom germs getting into mouth, and mouth germs getting into her bottom. Of course, she was a good deal older than the OP's little guy, and able to understand that better.
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I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
~Psalm 57:9-10~
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/18/2008 8:22:43 AM
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DaveW
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It is very easy at this point to come down hard on the child for touching "there" and heaping a lot of shame. I have seen some parents scream at babies and toddlers for hands going to the diapered areas.
And we wonder why many people have this deep seated unease with their private parts and think them dirty or evil.
What I did (had 3 girls and a boy) back in the day was to keep theit hands away when changing diapers until after everything was cleaned up. Then I gave them a brief time to explore (about a minute) then closed up the diaper. If they looked at me, I would smile an approval. THis was too early for them to comprehend "appropriate" or not. I just did not want them to link having a hand down there with a bunch of negativity.
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/18/2008 8:32:06 AM
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bluestone
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I think the primary concern is dirty diapers/dirty hands going from down there into eyes or mouth. Sanitary concerns with kids can be soooo frustrating!
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/18/2008 9:08:27 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10274
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From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Right. My daughter was old enough to understand the concept of germs that can make us sick, even on "clean" hands or bottoms. She knew I wasn't calling her body parts "dirty". There is a difference.
Chelle's son is not old enough to understand that yet though.
_____________________________
I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
~Psalm 57:9-10~
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RE: Question Regarding Boys - 4/18/2008 12:19:07 PM
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manda59
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From: Hampshire, UK
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We tended to use the concept of hands getting "sticky" and needing washing, rather than "germy".
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"I love Manda's suggestion to just laugh most of it off.."
Tinkerbell, September 2008
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"Sweetie, that's not a toy. Remember, we need to be modest, so get you undies on and lets get dressed and do something fun". 
but it was so inappropriate and horribly embarassing.
My other sons just needed occasional reminders of what was appropriate and inappropriate.
