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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/5/2008 1:58:47 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11978
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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yay....a new thread!!!!
Well, I married my hubby almost ten years ago (ten years in June) and because he is in the Army and we move often I chose to be a SAHW. Then kids came along, and it turned into a SAHM. Now I also homeschool our oldest two (well, really all of them in some way) and plan to be home with all of them for as long as is humanly possible. I have done a few odd jobs here and there through the years (babysitting, sewing, etc) but have never stuck with anything too long because it seems to take time away from the family.
Good about staying home...
our kids get along great...they are great kids and friendly with each other. They play together all day long and don't mind being around each other...and I think it stems from them having to be around each other so much.
Bad about staying home...
I don't get out much and don't have too many (well, not any here) friends. Since we homeschool we don't meet too many people...and because we move so often people really don't want to accept new people into their already formed groups of friends. So that's the hardest for me. So that's why I stay with the forums...y'all are my friends, even if not in person.
_____________________________
"Some [babies] are just so inexplicably persnickety and unpleasing that it's easy to imagine that they were not actually floating in amniotic fluid but in pickle juice!" -Maggie (3cappuccinosmom)
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/5/2008 2:30:55 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2833
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Need to indroduce myself in my own thread. 
I'm Maggie, SAHM to my three boys who are coming up on birthdays and will be 5, 3, and 1
I SAH because I have always believed it to be the right thing to do, that I my babies were designed to need me and I was designed to fill that need, at least through the first year. Other reasons I'm home--it makes breastfeeding easier, dh wants me home, my boys like me being with them, I can manage the home better if I'm here, and I can make dh's life easier by being home full-time.
I guess a lot of those reasons are also in the "benefits" category.
What i really struggled with lately is feeling stuck at home, not being able to exercise and spending way too much time cooking and eating. I think that boredom factor was more due to the bad winter than to being home, and it is already starting to be relieved, as we have had several nice days, giving me hope that Spring will eventually roll around!
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"Children are durable and don’t necessarily wilt under adversity, just as our children don’t necessarily thrive under luxury and comfort." Garrison Keillor
Shameless Self Promotion
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/5/2008 2:32:21 PM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2256
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
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Well, I stay at home because it's best for my kids and hubby. If I worked I wouldn't make enough money to pay for daycare, even if I got assistance from the government, it wouldn't make much a difference. Plus, the governement doesn't cover KinderCare which is the only facility good enough for my children. I worked two graveyard shifts a week after Timmy was born. It was so hard trying to switch from nights to days for the rest of the week. And, the pumping at work became too hard, and my mom would bring Timmy in to my room and wake me up to nurse him. It was just too hard. I was tired all the time, and it was making me and everyone else miserable.
The good thing about staying at home is getting to be with my babies. I have all day to do the things a working mom would only be able to do in the evening and weekends.
The bad thing about staying at home is...well, I dunno. I don't think there's anything bad about it, except the flack I get from extended family. I'm a homebody, so it works out. My grandma and uncles always ask me when I'm going back to work. I always tell them I'll be going back part time when Jimmy starts kindergarten, 5 years from now. And, they still ask me almost like they are trying to encourage me to go back sooner. My grandma always talks about how she worked in the evening and on Saturdays while her hubby worked in the day, so they never had to leave the kids with a babysitter. So, I tell her "that must have been sad never getting to see Grandpa." They never did learn to have healthy relationships. Dad has never been married, aunt Linda marries drunks, uncle Rick is divorced twice and so is uncle Jim. I really think it's important for kids to see what a good marriage looks like more often than just Sundays.
< Message edited by SteelMagnolia -- 3/5/2008 2:52:54 PM >
_____________________________
-=|Christina|=-
MySpace
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House (blog)
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/5/2008 2:37:26 PM
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isaacsmom
Posts: 1674
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: online
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I've been staying home since my oldest was 6 months old. Between birth-6 months, I took him to work with me. I knew I'd be quitting soon and my boss was the most awesome boss in the world at the time. I've always wanted to be a SAHM, ever since I was a little girl and my mom stayed home with me and my brothers. My husband and I both feel that the Lord has called me to be home with our children.
My husband and I married in 1999, we both worked full-time at good jobs and went to school for the first 5 years. 5 1/2 years after we were married came our son.  I was 7 mos. pregnant with him at my college graduation. I was so EAGER to have my babies right after I finished school!!! 22 months later came our daughter. They are 3 yrs. old and 14 months old now. I've been staying home since 2005, when the Lord provided a job for my husband that met our provisions without me having to work.
Best part of staying home -- being HOME and being free to serve my family and serve in our church. I worked so hard and so long for the first 5 years of our marriage, and all during that time, I just kept my sights set on being able to be home and enjoy my family and take care of my home and not have to worry about the office, or appointments or deadlines or class or papers . . . . etc.! One of my favorite sayings came from my mom regarding being a SAHM - "I'm the ultimate liberated woman!" My children are such a joy to be around. They are wonderful children and I enjoy seeing them learn and grow every single day.
Worst part of staying home -- We get a little cabin fever during the winter (I know that kinda contradicts what I wrote above, ha!). We live on a little bit of land, so at least during the summer we can go outside. Gas prices are SO high and we live in a rural area where we have to drive quite a bit to get anywhere, so we can't just go go go. So that can be disappointing.
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<<< Pretty wildflowers my hubby picked for me
*~*~*Rachel*~*~*
My Space
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/5/2008 3:05:56 PM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1972
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
Status: online
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I have been a SAHM ever since my son was born almost 14 months ago and a SAHW since finding out we were pregnant in May '06. I had planned to work through my pregnancy, but God had other plans. I have always wanted to be a housewife and SAHM since I was a little girl. I never wanted to have children for someone else to raise so I told my hubby before we ever said I do that once we had children I would not work. Thankfully he was in total agreement about me staying home and being the one to raise our children. For our family this is the only option and I would make any sacrifice I had to in order to make that happen. Plus, it is just simply easier to be home when it comes to housework, time, appointments, errands, vacations, etc. We only have to worry about hubby's work schedule not mine too.
The best part of staying home -- You get to stay in your pajamas all day if you want, duh! Just kidding I really try to avoid that pitfall at all cost though today I did not succeed at that...lol! The best part about being home with Hunter is getting to watch him grow and change daily. Also, I haven't had to miss out on any of his firsts, I am the one to comfort him when he is hurt/needy/upset, I am the one that gets to laugh along when he is silly, I am the one who gets to chase him around the house, I was able to nurse for a whole year in my own home, I am the first one he gets to see when he wakes up, etc. There are so many reasons I love being home and those are just a few.
The worst part of staying home -- Getting cabin fever and feeling isolated. I try to make it a point to get out of the house everyday whether it is just for a walk, play outside, or go to the mall. Still no matter what I do sometimes I still feel isolated and bored. I am starting to realize though that my attitude and outlook have a lot to do with that as well. I am working hard to find the joy in every area of life even if it is scrubbing a toilet or changing a poopy diaper. Another bad part of staying home is having access to food all the time. I really have to make a concerted effort to not eat out of boredom and make sure that I have healthy foods, not junk as well.
_____________________________
Chelle
<------- My Heart <3
"Friends are like bras: close to the heart and there for support."
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/5/2008 4:16:59 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4400
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
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I have been a SAHM since Grace was born 3 years ago, although I did do casual work for the first 2 years, about 10-15 hours a week where she was left with family or a close friend. I am now a full time SAHM as we have Nathaniel too (5 months).
I struggled at first staying home as I was a professional, a teacher at the school at our church, so I was "important" and then I struggled "just being a mum". That was due to my own feelings and comments daily from hubby.
What I like about staying home is I get to see my kid's grow and get to have all the input into their lives vs someone else who may not have the same standards ot beliefs as I do. I also do things for church and the school which I couldn't do if I wasn't at home.
What I don't like is the isolation and lonliness at times, its hard to just go and hang out with my girlfriends as they either have kids too and then most of the time is spent watching your kids play or calming down arguments, or they are single and they always have to come over here as there homes are not child proof.
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that is a dolphin at our beach
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/5/2008 4:24:03 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 2531
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
Perhaps introduce yourself, and why you're staying home, and maybe what are the best and worst parts of being a SAHM for you.
What? You mean we're allowed to admit that SAH isn't always bright, cherry and wonderful with angels from on high singing down to us?  Sorry, I was being a little tongue in cheek.
I SAH, although I sometimes do a little bit of paid work from home.
I was very much opposed to staying home when I was younger, but while I am proud of the career I had, I began to realize that the price of working full time with young children was not one I was willing to pay. Even so, neither dH nor myself was sure how I would handle it, till I actually did.
I do love what I do, though I sometimes wish for the days when I really put my brain to work as an engineer. Sorry to admit this, but SAH just isn't as mentally challenging as design engineering. That's been a big negative for me. I was very proud of the work I did, but I do very little engineering now.
I miss talking to my coworkers, though I sometimes meet other engineers at the occasional seminar I attend, especially now that my boy is getting older. My dH and my mom are wonderful about watching the baby when I have something like that.
The good parts? Well that can be summed up nicely. Yesterday a t-storm was rolling in, but it is warm here in Atlanta, so I had the window up, and Nathan and I sat by the window screen listening to the thunder. I watched his face as he listened to the sounds of the storm and felt the wind on his face. Then when rain started pushing through the screen, he stuck his tongue out to feel the rain. I would've missed that moment, if Nathan had been in daycare and I at work.
I could make enough to make a "profit" even after the cost of daycare, and I don't look down on those women who do use daycare. But right now... it isn't for me. I'm right where I want to be.
< Message edited by Sideways -- 3/5/2008 4:30:32 PM >
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/5/2008 4:40:48 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 4400
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
Status: offline
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That's what I found too Ruth, that I needed something else to stimulate and challenge me, so that's why I did the odd working and I also then did a bible study course and I am on the School Board so that means I do alot of work for the school, and I have also sort of assisted the pastors in doing things like sending out letters, making invites etc.
But now that Grace is older I find it sort of "easier" to not worry about all that stuff because I enjoy doing things with her.
_____________________________
that is a dolphin at our beach
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/5/2008 4:41:39 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 1114
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
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I'm Kathryn and I'm a SAHM. Hah, sounds like a self help group.
Anyway. I've been a SAHM since one week before my daughter was born, August of 05, so almost 3 years, wow. And while it took me some time to get used to it (I struggled for about a year, but I think PPD had something to do with that), but once I got used to it, I blossomed. I thrived. I LOVE it. I don't want anything else. I feel so fulfilled in this.
We/I do it, because I feel it's right. I've worked in daycare, I vowed that I would do whatever possible to keep my children out of that situation. Nadia doesn't get as sick, she is better behaved and she doesn't get ignored because she is good. I love that I can make all sorts of good, wholesome foods for my family. I don't have to worry about when Nadia gets sick, who is going to keep her? I don't have to worry about what is being done to her, or what she is being taught. I love that I can make our home a haven for my hubby. I love that I can sew to my hearts content.
What don't I love? There are days at a time that I don't get out of the house. I don't like that. I don't like that most of the time the only interaction I get is from a 2.5 yr old. I sometimes crave adult females. That's why I frequent here. I don't like that sometimes I feel people look down on me because all I do is stay at home. And I don't like that I let that get to me. I second the cabin fever!
_____________________________
Kathryn
Just Me
Second bun in the oven
30 weeks - Due Sept 24
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/5/2008 9:42:59 PM
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Krislynx
Posts: 483
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline
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I'm Kris and I am a stay at home mom to an 8 month old boy. I was a stay at home wife before he was born with the exception of a few part time jobs here and there. I love being around my baby and watching him grow and change. I look forward to seeing each new stage and having the time to enjoy the current one fully. I stay at home partially because I know that for me working outside the home means that my husband and child would not receive my best, or even 2nd best. It just would not work for me. I don't like feeling "stuck" at home, but I am looking forward to nicer weather soon. Taking Bug out for walks doesn't totally lift my feelings of isolation, but it helps a lot. I also enjoy going to activities with Bug to get us out of the house and to interact with other adults.
Kris
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/6/2008 12:05:44 AM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5115
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
Status: offline
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Ya'll know my name already
I SAH for the most part although I am working about 5-10 hours a week, not enough to count IMO.
Best things- Seeing Gabby grow and learn, being the "domestic" housewife that my mom taught me to be and having time to take some online college classes.
Worst things- We aren't isolated so I agree with Jess... The worst thing is feeling like I have to keep to the house clean just because I'm home, but the truth is, we don't spend a ton of time at home. We do KinderMusik and Swim lessons, I work some, we go to a women's Bible study, hang out with friends, and spend time with Micah's family and the cousins.
_____________________________
Ryanne Gabriella Alexis born 8-22-07!
The opinions stated in the above post are solely mine and in no way should they be
construed as offensive due to your own insecurity.
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/6/2008 12:55:14 AM
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Harvie
Posts: 1686
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: california
Status: offline
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I am Harvie and I am a 42-year-old SAHW. (I hope it's ok that I've snuck into this SAHM thread)
When I married my wonderful DH in 2003, he asked me to prayerfully consider whether my highly stressful career was really the best choice for me. After several stubborn years (and getting more and more stressed as my mental and physical health deteriorated), I decided that the time away from home, the stress, and not getting to spend time with my wonderful DH wasn't making either of us happy, so I quit my job in 2005 so that I could stay home and "just be a wife."
BEST THINGS ... I love my yard. I love my gardens. I love my house. I love rescuing, fostering, and caring for animals. (We have a menagerie of our own, plus I am active in animal rescue.) I love having time to work on projects ... creative projects, philanthropic projects, research projects, detailed bible studies ... and time to pray, to read, to dream, to bike ride, to swim, to garden, to cook, to clean, to nest, and to "be still and know that He is God." And I love that when my wonderful DH is home ... I am home, and can spend time with him. (His schedule varies greatly; he is an active duty military pilot.) And I love that I am less stressed and getting healthier every day. (And, frankly, I love not having to be out in the world and constantly surrounded by other people!)
WORST THINGS ... We had a lot more flexibility financially (and a disposable income) when I was working, and our decision to have me stay home did require that we "tighten our belts," re-prioritize our spending, and to downsize and downscale our spending. (My choice to stay home cut our income in half.) And I still get a lot of criticism and flack from some people for staying home when I don't have children -- for reasons ranging from their belief that I am lazy, selfish, wasting my education, etc.
_____________________________
 PLEASE PRAY FOR MY MILITARY PILOT HUSBAND
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/6/2008 1:07:06 AM
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Mrs.X
Posts: 2256
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: Newberg, OR
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Harvie
And I still get a lot of criticism and flack from some people for staying home when I don't have children -- for reasons ranging from their belief that I am lazy, selfish, wasting my education, etc.
I get that a little too. People saw so much potential in me as a teen, and when I didn't go to college and become someone who made money, I think they felt diappointed that I'm "wasted potential". I really feel that this my calling. I've never been really good at anything in my life, I've never finished anything, I've never been a motivated person. But, being married and having kids has made me do all those things that I beat myself up about for so long. Being a wife and mom is real job. I put as much effort into if not more as I would a regular job. I research baby stuff, recipes, cleaning tips, marriage tips, and then I execute it SUCCESSFULLY. I can see the fruits of my labor. When I was a security guard, the only fruits I saw were bums being scared to sleep or pee on my block. Yep, that really holds a lot of meaning for me. LOL!
_____________________________
-=|Christina|=-
MySpace
From Sweet Grass to the Packin' House (blog)
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/6/2008 1:13:34 AM
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Harvie
Posts: 1686
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: california
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SteelMagnolia
quote:
ORIGINAL: Harvie
And I still get a lot of criticism and flack from some people for staying home when I don't have children -- for reasons ranging from their belief that I am lazy, selfish, wasting my education, etc.
I get that a little too. People saw so much potential in me as a teen, and when I didn't go to college and become someone who made money, I think they felt diappointed that I'm "wasted potential". I really feel that this my calling. I've never been really good at anything in my life, I've never finished anything, I've never been a motivated person. But, being married and having kids has made me do all those things that I beat myself up about for so long. Being a wife and mom is real job. I put as much effort into if not more as I would a regular job. I research baby stuff, recipes, cleaning tips, marriage tips, and then I execute it SUCCESSFULLY. I can see the fruits of my labor. When I was a security guard, the only fruits I saw were bums being scared to sleep or pee on my block. Yep, that really holds a lot of meaning for me. LOL!
I agree that many women are forced by circumstances to try to share their calling by trying to succeed in a career at the same time they are trying to succeed in the home.... and I rejoice to hear when women are blessed to be able to do what they love, and what the Lord called them to do!!! Wooo hooo for you! (And the other wonderful women in this thread.)
I don't miss my old career ... not the insane hours, unreasonable demands, high stress, middle-of-the-night frantic callouts, the crime scenes, the negotiations, the courtroom, the juries, the drama ... none of it. I rejoice now that my biggest stressor is figuring out a non-toxic way to kill the buggly-wugglies that are nibbling on my baby tomato plants.
_____________________________
PLEASE PRAY FOR MY MILITARY PILOT HUSBAND
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/6/2008 6:53:07 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 2833
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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Harvie, you are welcome here.  I'm sure you get more flak than those of us with children. At least we have an "excuse"  not to be working, even if people still look down on us for using it.
My father's mother never had a career. She was a doctors wife and stayed at home from the time they had thier first child. And for someone who "did nothing" careerwise, she was an extraordinary woman. She kept the home while grandpa worked, and played a big part in their social lives, and took up painting when she was in her 40's and didn't have any little ones to keep her busy anymore (and she became a very well known local artist and even in her 80's was a youth mentor for a local school). It was really neat to have a "stay at home" grandma. Lots of fun memories from visiting them, and she was a real inspiration to me. Home and family were always her base and focus but she didn't sit around doing nothing, even when her kids were in school. I'm sure a lot of people, and maybe even she herself, felt that she had "wasted" her potential, because she surely was an awesome woman, but looking at what she accomplished, I don't think that's so. Even my dh was surprised at the love and cohesiveness that's obvious in that family, how highly all her children spoke of her, and how many people came from all over the States for her memorial services.
I was recently having a fit of insecurity, and asked dh about the tendency I'd noticed for African immigrants to have the two-career household. I guess I was thinking that maybe way down deep he was unhappy that I wasn't being a "proper" wife by working. I do understand the reasons so many immigrant women work. It must be difficult not to take advantage of the money, education, and freedom available for them here, that they perhaps wouldn't have in thier homeland. The ones we know look a little askance at me for staying at home and having so many babies--being a native English speaker and a citizen, I have even more opportunity than them and here I am, sitting at home doing "nothing" relying on my husband. Dh reassured me that he definately appreciates me being home, and that he is happy I am willing to stay at home in the face of all the pressure to work. His perspective is that it's not easy now (downright difficult for both of us at times) but it's an investment in our children and the future, so it's worth it. If that means we get a slower start economically, then so be it.
He's a keeper.
_____________________________
"Children are durable and don’t necessarily wilt under adversity, just as our children don’t necessarily thrive under luxury and comfort." Garrison Keillor
Shameless Self Promotion
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/6/2008 7:36:46 AM
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Krislynx
Posts: 483
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline
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I don't think my feeling isolated stems from being a SAHM so much as being a SAHM without any friends in my area. I would have no problem putting Bug in the car to go do something with a friend - I just don't have anyone to hang out with around here. I get out a lot but I think I need someone to do stuff with to end that sense of isolation. I do go out less in winter because it is such a pain though. The house does get away from me a lot - you ladies would undoubtedly be apalled at my dirty dish pile! I enjoy those brief moments when the sink is empty and the laundry is away though!
Kris
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/6/2008 8:00:10 AM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1972
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
Status: online
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Maggie, I really struggle with those feelings a lot. I feel like no sooner do I get the kitchen clean, the dishwasher loaded, and the table wiped down is it time for another meal. The laundry never ends and no matter how much I clean sometimes I feel like I never make progress.
Regarding people making comments about being a SAHW or SAHM it is one of my biggest pet peeves. Mainly by family members when we are down in FL visiting, but I get asked "so what do you do all day?"....ughhh!!!! I hate this question so much its not even funny. Sometimes I want to be sarcastic and other times I just want to scream. I know they really don't mean anything by it they are just making conversation or they are truly curious. But, for some reason it really bugs me.
_____________________________
Chelle
<------- My Heart <3
"Friends are like bras: close to the heart and there for support."
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RE: SAHM support/encouragement - 3/6/2008 8:18:44 AM
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BlessedMamaofmany
Posts: 1911
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Just north of nowhere
Status: offline
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Isolation can be a problem. I do get out and do things...we go to mops, and pwoc. But, it's not like I can just ring up a pal, hop in the car, and go to lunch kwim? With 4 littles, it's takes me a minute to plan things out LOL. Thankfully, I have a pal who likes to get out, and she often rings me up and comes over on the spur of the moment, which I love. Then I get fellowship, in the comfort of home!
That would irritate me too Chelle. I don't get that anymore. With 4 kids, I get the, "How DO you do it?" or "I know you're so busy..." like my kids just run me ragged...
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