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RE: Step Family - 6/5/2008 7:49:11 PM
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YZGUY
Posts: 260
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline
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Yeah - that'll happen when family becomes inconsiderate of these things (or just don't think about them). Have you talked with your hubby about this?
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RE: Step Family - 6/5/2008 10:58:04 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1127
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
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Yeah, it's not nice to brag, but I think you might have your sensitivity set knob a little to high. Why would your husband's family buy a gift for a boy they are not related to? (Do they usually buy gifts for your children?)
I'm surprised that you would think your son should mean the same thing to them as their very own all-grown-up-grand-baby. A lot of other kids are graduating this year... Most people only buy gifts for their own children or their (biological) grandchildren. Kids with richer grandparents get bigger gifts than kids of more modest means. Some kids get cars and all expense paid trips to Europe.
Just because your son and your husband's son live in the same household does not mean they have the same grandparents. Your son will get whatever his grandparents choose, if anything.
And why would you want your son to have something as stupid and materialistic as a large screen TV? Where is he going to put it? In his dorm room at college? In his room at your house? (A car and/or a trip to Europe would probably be poor choices too.)
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RE: Step Family - 6/5/2008 11:19:59 PM
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Christian30
Posts: 185
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: Stafford, TX (Houston suburb)
Status: offline
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I don't mean to be callous, but since you committed to a blended family lifestyle you'll need to be a bit more thick-skinned than this. I am sorry it hurt your feelings, but you have to be careful about setting up expectations for stepfamily members. These situations will be natural results of the choices you and your husband have made.
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RE: Step Family - 6/6/2008 8:12:33 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10131
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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I'm a stepmom and do expect my parents to gift my stepson the same as my bio kids...but he has been part of our family since he was 17 months old, so really a baby.
If you're a "newer" stepfamily, I can see how they may not consider your son as their grandson. Would it be nice if they had thought of him too? Sure...but I think the amount of time you've been married to their son does make a difference.
_____________________________
God most definitely sees.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen. 2 Cor. 4:18
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RE: Step Family - 6/7/2008 7:19:00 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1668
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: offline
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I really don't get the idea that gifts are an "entitlement" on any count..children, or step-children.
If I know there is that level of entitlement I can guarantee you my wallet will not be opened. It just comes across as so rude.
Can someone explain that rationale to me please?
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RE: Step Family - 6/8/2008 8:31:24 AM
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sen10tious
Posts: 362
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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You’re right buckifn, a true gift is not an entitlement. However, I think the problem here is not the gift but the appearance of snubbing a stepchild. In a civilized world, people are entitled to basic courtesy. Snubbing is discourteous. The achievement of high school graduation ought to be acknowledged on the level that is appropriate to the relationship. The relationships are not equal, so the acknowledgements do not need to be equal. But that does not excuse rudeness or snubbing.
You told us your feelings were hurt, tracepr; but what about your son’s feelings? As a nearly full-grown man and high school graduate, does he even want to be acknowledged by step-grandparents? Does your bio-son refer to your husband as 'dad' or as 'my mom’s husband,' or as 'Joe' (by first name)? How does he refer to your husband’s parents? If your son doesn't consider them to be anything more to him than his mom’s husband’s relatives, give up the fantasy that they ought to act like they mean more than they do.
And go buy an etiquette book. A used one would be appropriate, I think. It should cover the rules on on gift-giving.
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RE: Step Family - 6/10/2008 12:28:28 AM
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MyMasquerade
Posts: 167
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline
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That is one of the hard things about step families. I have had to explain that to my daughter that because her stepmoms grandchildren are her blood grandchildren she is going to do more for them. It isn't fair but it just seems to be the way things work.
I have a neighbor who does the same thing. Anything her kids want she will do, she throws a fit any time her dh wants to do anything for his kids.
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RE: Step Family - 6/10/2008 12:30:38 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 5755
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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I understand completely where the OP is coming from. When I was married his family had the 'blood means everything' mentality, so my children were swept under a rug quite often. We weren't married long, but my parents always made sure to treat my stepson the same way they treated my kids and my brothers kids. His family wasn't like that. While they bought my stepson name brand clothes, and expensive game systems, they would buy the Things clearanced clothes and toys that were obviously out of their age group.
How does your husband feel about it? Have you spoke to him about it? Perhaps he can talk to his family about it. Or maybe it's just one of those things you have to gulp down and deal with. Either way, you're in my prayers. *huggles*
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Good afternoon, I have a hurtful thing happening in my world. I am remarried to a wonderful man and he has a son who is graduating this year from high school and a daughter who is 9 years old. I have 2 boys myself one is graduating this year as well. My husbands family has bought my stepson a 22'' flat screen tv for graduation and they called just braggin about it. That really hurt my feelings they act like mine is not graduating too.
