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Strangers - 4/11/2008 12:49:52 PM
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Georgia-Peach
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From: Georgia on my mind
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How do you teach your children not to talk to strangers, but also teach them not to be rude to people either? I am thinking about this more now that Hunter is getting older. I have always been friendly when people talk to him in public. I am just at a loss as to how you make them aware of the dangers with strangers, but not make them rude either.
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RE: Strangers - 4/11/2008 1:02:08 PM
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Mrs.X
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My mom always told me to say, "I'm sorry, but my mom said not to talk to strangers." And, leave it at that. Unless, she was with me. then I could. She also taught me it is rude of adults to talk to children first right in front of their parents.
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RE: Strangers - 4/11/2008 1:44:40 PM
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rainbowtvp
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Yes- my ds was very social and my dd very timid. What I did with them was allow them (and even encourage them) to talk to "strangers" as long as I was with them. When alone, they were always to get an adult if another adult approached them. We also had rules like you don't go anywhere with anyone, no matter what they say, even people you know well unless my dh or I approves- the only exception being their grandparents.
It is hard to find just the right balance- but it is important to teach kids to avoid dangerous situations BUT that most people are good. They also need to understand that you cannot tell by looking at someone that they are good or bad; that even good people (maybe people we love) sometimes do things that are bad or hurt us; that kids and parents shouldn't have secrets and that they really can tell me anything and I won't be angry (this one is really hard to teach kids, because our actions don't always match our words).
Tara P
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RE: Strangers - 4/11/2008 4:19:12 PM
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IAMJulie
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I don't. I want my kids to be as confident with strangers as they are people they know that way they have a better chance of standing up for themselves and not being deceived or convinced to do something contrary to what I have taught them. I teach my children (OK, oldest since #2 is still too young) not to go with strangers and that adults will NOT ask a child for help (help me find my puppy...) etc.
I also do not intend to teach my children to go to a security guard for help because that is a job that many pedophiles (including Jeffrey Dahlmer and others) seek out because it puts them in a position of power but to seek out another mom who has kids if he needs help.
Check out the book "Protecting The Gift". I can't remember the author's name but it is awesome!!! I checked it out from the library and have resolved to go buy it but haven't had a chance yet. The author is by profession someone who individuals and businesses hire to teach security and how to keep themselves safe. It also goes into how to pick a babysitter, pediatrician and all that. And I really like that it gives the "why" behind what it teaches so that you know it's not just someone's opinion but is backed up by research and statistics.
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RE: Strangers - 4/11/2008 4:25:24 PM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2814
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quote:
We also had rules like you don't go anywhere with anyone, no matter what they say, even people you know well unless my dh or I approves- the only exception being their grandparents.
We had a "code" word that we used.
If someone my children weren't expecting came to pick them up from school or where ever, that person had to have the code word or my kids weren't to go with them.
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 When you go through menopause they don't tell you what you are becoming. I think I'm becoming my Dad.
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RE: Strangers - 4/11/2008 4:49:59 PM
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pbaribeault
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I have no intention of training my girls not to talk to strangers. Since she is not alone at her age, I guess that means not talking to strangers when alone... but I don't see a tangible risk in talking to strangers, even alone-with-other-kids, once they are old enough to be alone (with other kids).
For those situations (alone with other kids) I intend to teach other ways of identifying risk - maybe: adults that come to playgrounds without kids of their own, if they are offered something, if the adult asks for help, or tries to get them to go somewhere else, if the adult touches them etc.
I also intend to teach for an awareness of trusted adults doing things that feel wrong.
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RE: Strangers - 4/11/2008 5:31:59 PM
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nicole6598
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I am the same with Pam, in school we don't use the word "stranger" as most often that not, someone they know is more likely to hurt them then a "stranger" and "strangers" can get away with it by introducing themselves to the child etc etc. You need to teach your child that ANY person may be able to hurt them and how to identify that, what it feels like when they don't feel safe and what to do about it.
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RE: Strangers - 4/11/2008 6:35:47 PM
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Jenny-Fair
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I have never taught my kids to not talk to strangers. It's baloney. Kids don't know what a stranger is, so it doesn't work. Also, WE talk to strangers ALL THE TIME, and kids will do what we do, not what we say.
Instead I have followed the advice in a very good book called Street Smarts for Kids. This book was written by a police detective who had dealt with crimes against kids. I have found it in every library I have frequented. It basically helps you help your child to pay attention to their surroundings and to those nagging uncomfortable feelings that some people cause in us.
We have never had a problem, and my kids talk to everyone they meet, all over town.
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RE: Strangers - 4/11/2008 9:08:52 PM
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Sunnymom
Posts: 1973
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quote:
ORIGINAL: IAMJulie
I don't. I want my kids to be as confident with strangers as they are people they know that way they have a better chance of standing up for themselves and not being deceived or convinced to do something contrary to what I have taught them. I teach my children (OK, oldest since #2 is still too young) not to go with strangers and that adults will NOT ask a child for help (help me find my puppy...) etc.
I also do not intend to teach my children to go to a security guard for help because that is a job that many pedophiles (including Jeffrey Dahlmer and others) seek out because it puts them in a position of power but to seek out another mom who has kids if he needs help.
Check out the book "Protecting The Gift". I can't remember the author's name but it is awesome!!! I checked it out from the library and have resolved to go buy it but haven't had a chance yet. The author is by profession someone who individuals and businesses hire to teach security and how to keep themselves safe. It also goes into how to pick a babysitter, pediatrician and all that. And I really like that it gives the "why" behind what it teaches so that you know it's not just someone's opinion but is backed up by research and statistics.
The author is Gavin de Becker, and I recommend his books constantly.
It is no longer considered wise to teach kids not to talk to strangers or to have code words (which a predator can get out of a kid faster than a Ferrari can go from 0 to 60 mph). Kids need to know how to read people and learn to discern who is 'safe', and what is/isn't appropriate behavior.
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RE: Strangers - 4/11/2008 9:15:19 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10716
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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We teach our kids that they can talk to anyone as long as Mom or Dad are right there. We don't use the word "stranger" either. We talk early and often about good and bad touch, and that our kids don't have to "be nice" to anyone they are uncomfortable around. They have permission to tell us they are uncomfortable and not have to deal with the person. Rarely do they use it, but we want them to know they have that right, no matter who it is. We have taught the kids to seek out someone with a nametag or a mom with kids/baby.
I can't tell you how many kids were found wandering around Walmart when I worked there. I also can't tell you how many people immediately yelled at their 2-4 year old for "getting lost". Made me want to slap them (the parents).
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So we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen. 2 Cor. 4:18
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RE: Strangers - 4/11/2008 9:34:52 PM
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nicole6598
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From: Australia
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as a teacher, you have to do a protective behaviours subject, our lecturer was a professor who has been a child advocate against abuse in Australia for years, in her research she found that all children though a "stranger" or someone who would hurt them was a man, who wore a coat and gave them lollies. When she asked the children if she was a stranger, they replied "no, you are a lady". They also thought it was ok to talk to someone if they said their dog was lost, called on the phone and asked if mummy and daddy were there etc etc.
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RE: Strangers - 4/12/2008 7:57:57 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 11952
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: Between Hither and Yon
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
quote:
We also had rules like you don't go anywhere with anyone, no matter what they say, even people you know well unless my dh or I approves- the only exception being their grandparents.
We had a "code" word that we used.
If someone my children weren't expecting came to pick them up from school or where ever, that person had to have the code word or my kids weren't to go with them.
the only problem with that is, do you then change the code word because now someone other then you and your child know it? and if you do change it, isn't that confusing to the child to remember what that word is this time?
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"Some [babies] are just so inexplicably persnickety and unpleasing that it's easy to imagine that they were not actually floating in amniotic fluid but in pickle juice!" -Maggie (3cappuccinosmom)
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RE: Strangers - 4/12/2008 8:13:52 PM
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Jenny-Fair
Posts: 6282
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: WA
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I had a code word as a kid. I think it only ever got used once. It was a code phrase, actually--Salt and Pepper. Hmm, probably I should have one with my own kids, but with the cell phones and stuff, I don't know that it would ever be necessary.
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RE: Strangers - 4/15/2008 11:42:24 AM
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Memaw.
Posts: 2814
Joined: 1/29/2007
From: Sunflower State
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
ORIGINAL: Memaw.
quote:
We also had rules like you don't go anywhere with anyone, no matter what they say, even people you know well unless my dh or I approves- the only exception being their grandparents.
We had a "code" word that we used.
If someone my children weren't expecting came to pick them up from school or where ever, that person had to have the code word or my kids weren't to go with them.
the only problem with that is, do you then change the code word because now someone other then you and your child know it? and if you do change it, isn't that confusing to the child to remember what that word is this time?
We never changed it. It was "parakeet".
I only needed to use it one time when I gave it to a good friend whom my children knew very well but weren't expecting her to pick them up.
_____________________________
~Kimmie
When you go through menopause they don't tell you what you are becoming. I think I'm becoming my Dad.
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RE: Strangers - 4/16/2008 10:08:41 AM
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small_creation
Posts: 208
Joined: 10/30/2007
From: midwest
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
I have no intention of training my girls not to talk to strangers. Since she is not alone at her age, I guess that means not talking to strangers when alone... but I don't see a tangible risk in talking to strangers, even alone-with-other-kids, once they are old enough to be alone (with other kids).
For those situations (alone with other kids) I intend to teach other ways of identifying risk - maybe: adults that come to playgrounds without kids of their own, if they are offered something, if the adult asks for help, or tries to get them to go somewhere else, if the adult touches them etc.
I also intend to teach for an awareness of trusted adults doing things that feel wrong.
Ditto.
j
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