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Young marriage - 5/8/2008 2:38:47 PM
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allison2008bn
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I am going to get married in September. I will be 18 and my fiance 19....Do you think that is too young, and if not can you give us some advice for our marrige? I love him and i know god has sent him just for me.
Ps. He and I are both saved.
< Message edited by allison2008bn -- 5/8/2008 3:28:51 PM >
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Allison Brooke
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RE: Young marriage - 5/8/2008 3:21:30 PM
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christsgirl
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My advice is...if he is not saved (and I mean TRULY walking the walk to the best of his ability...RUN!!! and NEVER look back!!!
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RE: Young marriage - 5/8/2008 3:50:39 PM
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pbaribeault
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I was married young, at 19. My advice is grace, grace and more grace.
You are both still "growing up" - meaning that you are getting smarter, stronger, more balanced etc. You are in the process of deciding who you want to be and working towards becoming that person. Much of the 'don't get married too young' advice has to do with this concept - that you want to settle into being the self you want to be, before you become so deeply entangled with someone else that they might effect that process. I don't believe that it's such a problem to allow your entanglement with your partner-for-life to effect what kind of person you choose to become... it actually sounds pretty smart to me.
But! The big but is that you know that neither you nor your spouse is 'there yet' and you need to both be working hard at self-control (for you) and grace (for the other person's mistakes). Don't bring your fantasies into marriage, but rather choose to expect a low-end-of-average relationship to start with... and then be pleasantly surprised as you get better at this being-married thing.
And, definitely, as keelgirl says, live a lifestyle that fits easily within your income, and choose to be content with that. Keep good track of your money, so that it doesn't run away with your life. The years of plenty are expected to arrive sometime after your 10th anniversary.
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RE: Young marriage - 5/8/2008 4:28:54 PM
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ChoirDJ
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Personally I'm not a fan of teenagers getting married because of the lack of life experience both of you have. I believe you both need time to continue maturing and coming into your own as adults before you have a good sense of what you want and need in a relationship. Under normal circumstances, 50+ percent of the marriages end in divorce and there's a reason for that huge statistic. Your life perspective will drastically change over the next several years so I would vote for giving yourselves time to mature as single adults before making a beeline to the altar. That's not to say that it couldn't work, as the previous posters have affirmed that it could, but you would be going into things with the odds stacked against you even moreso. Some quesions to consider.
Are either of you ready to take on the responsibility of your own household many can you afford to pay your own way? If you're planning on living with family members then you're definitely not ready.
Are either one of you planning on furthering your education? If so, how does that get paid for and who's going while the other works fulltime to hold down the fort?
It sounds like you've made up your mind but I would rather see you postpone marriage and give yourselves the best chance to succeed than to rush into things prematurely and end up being a divorce statistic.
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RE: Young marriage - 5/8/2008 6:00:29 PM
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dradynsmom
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Keelgirl don't feel bad I was 19 and my hubby was 28. Although if you would look at us you would think it is the other way around. I am very mature and don't joke very well while my husband is the biggest kid i've ever known. My advice for you allison is to make God be number one priority and do bible study together, go to church every sunday, pray together ect. My hubby and I fight alot less when we do all of these things.
Steph
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RE: Young marriage - 5/8/2008 6:32:32 PM
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isaacsmom
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Congratulations, Allison, and welcome to the forums. 
My husband and I got married when I was 18 and he had just turned 21. We were both Christians and had our parents' support.
There has been very good advice given so far. I want to reemphasize this:
quote:
You are both still "growing up" - meaning that you are getting smarter, stronger, more balanced etc. You are in the process of deciding who you want to be and working towards becoming that person. Much of the 'don't get married too young' advice has to do with this concept - that you want to settle into being the self you want to be, before you become so deeply entangled with someone else that they might effect that process. I don't believe that it's such a problem to allow your entanglement with your partner-for-life to effect what kind of person you choose to become... it actually sounds pretty smart to me.
But! The big but is that you know that neither you nor your spouse is 'there yet' and you need to both be working hard at self-control (for you) and grace (for the other person's mistakes). Don't bring your fantasies into marriage, but rather choose to expect a low-end-of-average relationship to start with... and then be pleasantly surprised as you get better at this being-married thing.
Yes, you will still have a LOT of "growing up together" to do. My husband and I were/are generally responsible people, but we still had a lot of maturing to do spiritually and as adults. We learned how to communicate, put up with each other, and seek Christ together for direction for our marriage/lives. Keep Christ the center of your marriage and stay in a good, supportive church where you can receive fellowship and mentoring from other Christians. Put your spouse before yourself, as Sandy said. Know that you cannot change them, only God can, you can only change your own attitude. So always pray for each other.
My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years, we have 2 beautiful children, we have finished our college degrees (which is what we felt led to do), worked hard, and have always done just fine. You can do it! Don't let anyone look down on you, if you are in the Lord's will.
< Message edited by isaacsmom -- 5/8/2008 6:40:04 PM >
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RE: Young marriage - 5/9/2008 7:08:55 AM
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DaveW
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Get premarital counseling. Take it very seriously.
Follow the Lord with your whole heart soul mind strength and anything else you have.
Remember that any loving act, any service, any sacrifice you give to your spouse is loving God. 1 John 3.16 (That is the first epistle, not the gospel, of John)
Always be ready to talk and to hear. You may WILL hear stuff that is totally foreign to you. Learn it. Learn it well. This is part of the person you love and are marrying. Make it part of you as well.
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RE: Young marriage - 5/10/2008 2:41:45 PM
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futuremartyr
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quote:
ORIGINAL: allison2008bn
I am going to get married in September. I will be 18 and my fiance 19....Do you think that is too young, and if not can you give us some advice for our marrige? I love him and i know god has sent him just for me.
Ps. He and I are both saved.
My husband and I got married young, he was 19 I was 18. Neither of us were saved at the time. It was rough, but we grew up together, I was saved about 9 years ago, he still is not. But we are the closest we have ever been, he is my friend and my husband.
my advice: That "in love" feeling comes and goes. What should hold you together is your love for God, not your love for one another. Marriage is about a covenant, not being in love. Of course loving each other with agape love helps, but also remember love is a choice and an action.
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RE: Young marriage - 5/10/2008 9:00:28 PM
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mbgb
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allison,
There are soooo many things to consider. You are following the right path by seeking God first and foremost. Also, seeking advice of others who are experienced in marriage is a very wise move. NO matter how much advice one seeks, I believe every single marriage will go through their own trials. And only the two people within the marriage can truly help make it work, with God being at the center of that marriage. It will take much patience, persistance, and willingness to let go of your own desires or even the idea that what you thought was right or accurate, may be wrong. Always seek God in your decisions. There will most likely come a time where Satan is going to want to attack your marriage. Realize that. If God wills your marriage, it is His will, and it has been for a reason. Love your husband, but love God more. Learn to decipher the difference between God's word and the enemy's. But most of all, enjoy every moment of your marriage, and do all that you can to make the experience positive for both of you. Never allow yourselves to be miserable for an extended period of time, because it's just not worth it. Work it out, work it out, work it out. No matter what it takes, work it out.
That's my advice anyway. I've been married almost 2 years. haha. Maybe you should talk to me in a few more years and see if I say the same things. :) Best of luck, and if you love him, by all means, MARRY THE BOY!!! Nothing beats the feeling of love, nothing.
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RE: Young marriage - 5/11/2008 2:35:39 AM
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SinnerSaved
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I was 20 when I married my wife, who was 18. That was 33 years ago.
It hasn't all been sweetness and light though - there have been many trials, but that was mainly before either of us were saved. Like you, looking back, we now believe that God chose us for each other. We know all of each others strengths and weaknesses and use them to build each other up. I think that marrying at that age is fine, but each of you need to understand the others background - ones parents, siblings and environment makes us what we are. Our early struggles were petty things about how things 'should' be done (mainly because that's the way our parents did them!).
My advice to you is - Go for it but keep God firmly in the centre of your marriage - a threefold cord is not easily broken. Also, you each need to give much more than you take.
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"No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."
John Donne
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RE: Young marriage - 5/11/2008 2:56:05 AM
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crm4souls
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Ok, you are saved, that is the NUMBER ONE thing. Next, is it God's timing or are you rushing it. Remember if it is God today, it's God tomorrow. Why rush it being so young. I will have to encourage you to go with God because I got married a decade later than you two. Just remember Christ is your Rock in marriage, go listen to Jimmy Evans cds Marriage on the Rock. Blessings on your marriage, whenever it is...
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RE: Young marriage - 5/11/2008 9:49:55 AM
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Konstantinos
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quote:
I am going to get married in September. I will be 18 and my fiance 19....Do you think that is too young, and if not can you give us some advice for our marrige? I love him and i know god has sent him just for me.
Ps. He and I are both saved.
age means nothing alone. it highly depends on the people even if they are saved.
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RE: Young marriage - 5/11/2008 10:50:09 AM
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creationtalk
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Age is not the issue. Neither is "we love each other"
The issue is are you ready for marriage. How do you plan to support yourselves? Do you plan to get further education? What will you do if a baby comes along (or more than one...and "We plan to wait" isn't the answer)? Have you discussed the kind of life you want to live--this means each thought it through with out the presence of the other then compared notes--and do they agree?
I agree with the suggestion of pre-marital counseling.
There are some countries where a man cannot bet a marriage license if he hasn't demonstrated his ability to support a wife and family. I think there is merit to this idea.
PS. A lot have posted about their successful young marriage. I to know of people who married young and things worked out great (try 16 and 19). However, I know a lot more who married young and things didn't work out--even when they were both saved. I married at 21...we had different goals, expectations, and lifestyle desires. He was in the military so support wasn't an issue, and "we loved each other". But isn't enough to sustain and didn't survive a relationship with nothing else going for it. Take some advice from years of experience: Try to put the emotional away for a while and really examine what you want from life, what your expectations are of your future spouse, what type of lifestyle you want to provide for children when they come, where you want to live.
Also get the book "Saving your marriage before is starts" by Les and Leslie Parrot. You can purchase his and hers workbooks to go with it. Another suggested book (if still available) is the "Money before Marriage workbook" from Crown financial ministries and work through it together (if not available try "Money in Marriage workbook")
< Message edited by creationtalk -- 5/11/2008 11:13:54 AM >
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RE: Young marriage - 5/11/2008 11:57:46 AM
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SinnerSaved
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Allison
Check out this link for sound biblical advice:
http://www.gotquestions.org/marriage-right-time.html
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"No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."
John Donne
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RE: Young marriage - 5/14/2008 10:53:19 AM
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tiffywal
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Allison,
I got married young. We didn't know how to be married, but here we are, still married. We grew up together. We got saved together. My dh is in the Navy so I've seen many very young ppl get married. I mean 17 years old and not out of high school. Anyway, some of those marriages were successful and some weren't. Make sure you are not in love with the "idea" of being married. Marriage is a commitment. My advice:
First and foremost put God first in your life above all things and everyone. Then put God first in your marriage. Love your husband. Communicate. Talk about everything. Discuss ahead of time how you will handle money. Money use to be our issue but one day we realize that we weren't getting anywhere arguing about it. Now if there is an issue with money we figure out what happen and take responsibility for our actions instead of playing the blame game. Grow together. My favorite advice that was given to us on our wedding day, by my DH great Aunt: never allow too many ppl into your household, thats when problems arise.
Be bless
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