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disowning child - 7/8/2008 5:09:39 PM
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LinDavis
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What is your christian view on one parent disowning/claiming not to be the biological parent? and the absent parent is very actively involved with church. Doesn't even ask about child's overall condition and can't keep his words or breaks promises to the child.
What should I do? I pray about this all the time, and I feel so sad for my son!!
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RE: disowning child - 7/8/2008 6:39:38 PM
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crankius
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Is the absent parent the biological dad?
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
He Himself is our peace! Ephesians 2:14:a
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RE: disowning child - 7/8/2008 6:49:47 PM
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csl7037
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It's a root of bitterness that can't be excused in light of scripture whether it's a parent or any other kind of relationship, IMO. But my grandmother an aunt have a similar break in their relationship - it's very much mutual but my grandmother is the (loudly) professing Christian and it makes me NUTS. I just want to shake her. But the Holy Spirit is the only one who can break through that ugliness she's allowed to take root. There's nothing you can say or do to talk someone out of that kind of bitterness and unforgiveness.
It is sad for your son but try to not let his heart be hardened to his father too because then the same thing will take root in his own life - and this does really destroy people from the inside out when it's not dealt with. If I were you, that would be my biggest concern. Assuming your son is old enough to understand, do whatever you can to teach him that we are to love and forgive no matter what is done to us and that letting unforgiveness take root in our own lives will only bring pain and death. If his father's sin can be used to teach him this lesson without him having to learn it the hard way - I've seen how miserable my grandmother has been for so many years that I'm very wary of this in my own heart, then at least he will have the benefit of that.
It's hard to watch, I know.
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RE: disowning child - 7/8/2008 6:55:58 PM
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Kat_D
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From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
What should I do?
Get a paternity test??
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~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
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RE: disowning child - 7/8/2008 7:35:18 PM
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earthless
Posts: 5643
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From: where pigeons are getting their sweaters ready....
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LinDavis
What is your christian view on one parent disowning/claiming not to be the biological parent?
Downright shameful.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LinDavis
and the absent parent is very actively involved with church.
Wait.. what?
So this person had intimate relationships with you.. are you two married? If you're not married then how can he be actively involved (I assume ministry) in church? Does the pastor and the elders know this?
And if you two are married - how can he deny that it is not his child? Where you unfaithful?
quote:
ORIGINAL: LinDavis
Doesn't even ask about child's overall condition and can't keep his words or breaks promises to the child.
What should I do? I pray about this all the time, and I feel so sad for my son!!
Why is there any doubt who the father is?
_____________________________
Probing Today's Religious Movements | Promoting Doctrinal Discernment & Critical Thinking | Providing Reasons for Christian Faith & Ethics
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 2:00:45 PM
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LinDavis
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Is the absent parent the biological dad? YES, he is.
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 2:12:00 PM
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LinDavis
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It is sad for your son but try to not let his heart be hardened to his father too because then the same thing will take root in his own life -
the thing is my son has no hard or ill feelings towards his father. all my son wants right now is just to have his birth name changed to my late uncle's full name. we have gone to court for this and his father was ordered to pay for the name changes but he still hasn't done this yet. in Sept. it will be a year and still no changes.
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 2:23:28 PM
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LinDavis
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]Why is there any doubt who the father is?
[/quote] not on my part, but his yes because all he hears/listens to are gossips. His family hasn't liked me from the beginning. his little sister is the main one telling lies about me. I'M SO SORRY, I forgot to mention that we dated very briefly back in high school. (stopped due his family)
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 3:00:03 PM
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earthless
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Lin,
Can you please answer the questions I asked - it would shed a lot of light into your situation.
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 3:54:51 PM
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LinDavis
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at the time i wasn't married, he was separated from his wife. since then I have married again. he is still married to the same woman. I don't know if his pastor and co pastors know about this. He has 2 girls with his wife, 1 boy with me, and 1 girl with another lady. the only one he disowns is my son. we were never married to each other. I wasn't unfaithful, but all this has come about due to him listening the the lies his sister has told and the gossip that has been spread around.
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 4:02:21 PM
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earthless
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LinDavis
at the time i wasn't married, he was separated from his wife. since then I have married again. he is still married to the same woman. I don't know if his pastor and co pastors know about this. He has 2 girls with his wife, 1 boy with me, and 1 girl with another lady. the only one he disowns is my son. we were never married to each other. I wasn't unfaithful, but all this has come about due to him listening the the lies his sister has told and the gossip that has been spread around.
So this was something done years ago? I was thinking your son was an infant...
Well, you were sexually active when you were not married with a married man. He was unfaithful to his wife, to his family, to the Lord. Everything we do has consequences, the Lord indeed does forgive, amen. But the consequences remain.
Your pastor should know that one of his ministry active members is the father of your child and he is denying him. A paternity test is needed.
_____________________________
Probing Today's Religious Movements | Promoting Doctrinal Discernment & Critical Thinking | Providing Reasons for Christian Faith & Ethics
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 4:05:13 PM
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ta_mosquito
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quote:
we have gone to court for this and his father was ordered to pay for the name changes but he still hasn't done this yet. in Sept. it will be a year and still no changes.
Can he be punished for contempt of court? Can you contact the court and tell them it hasn't happened yet and have them act?
I'm not sure how that process works.
Basically, I'd say cut ties with the man and work on healing your own life without him.
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Tricia
"There's a fine line between being open-minded and empty-headed." ~Michael Coren
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 4:06:17 PM
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LinDavis
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Get a paternity test??
[/quote]
I don't have the money to pay for this and have asked him to pay for this twice already and he hasn't yet.
we had court and in the ruling he was to pay for my son's name change. my son doesn't want his birth-name anymore and wants to named after my late uncle who has past on. But he still hasn't after 11 months, so i don't think he'll even pay for the test!
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 4:14:05 PM
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Qtman
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito
quote:
we have gone to court for this and his father was ordered to pay for the name changes but he still hasn't done this yet. in Sept. it will be a year and still no changes.
Can he be punished for contempt of court? Can you contact the court and tell them it hasn't happened yet and have them act?
I'm not sure how that process works.
Basically, I'd say cut ties with the man and work on healing your own life without him.
Tricia gave some good advice. If he was under court order to do something and did not do it he is in violation of that court order. The judge can have him locked up until he is in compliance witht he court order. I don't think this would solve all your problems but it would get the name changed. Other than that I also agree with Tricia in that you should cut the ties and move on with your life. You can fix the things in your life you have control of but not him because you have no control over him.
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Don't take life here to seriously. No one gets out alive.
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 4:23:01 PM
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LinDavis
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I've already moved on with my life. I know that he will never change and that he is a big flirt and I want to let his pastor know but I don't know if I should be the one to let his pastor know. As for contempt of court still haven't received court date yet.
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 4:28:42 PM
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Qtman
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LinDavis
I've already moved on with my life. I know that he will never change and that he is a big flirt and I want to let his pastor know but I don't know if I should be the one to let his pastor know. As for contempt of court still haven't received court date yet.
I don't know where you live but in my State you don't need a court date. Simply notify the court the man did not comply with the court order and it is then in their hands.
_____________________________
Don't take life here to seriously. No one gets out alive.
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 6:40:50 PM
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Kerrlaw
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Go to your local agency that enforces child support (in some places it is DCS, others the District Attorney, others a private firm). They should help you pursue support for your child, which he should be paying if he is the father.
If he denies being the parent, a DNA test should be ordered, which should be at hhis (or the state's) expense.
You owe it to your child and yourself to do this, then you can work on the other issues.
If he breaks promises to the child, there must be some sort of relationship.
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That which does not kill us makes us fatter. ~ crankius
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RE: disowning child - 7/9/2008 7:03:06 PM
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hjemerson
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You have goo advice .do follow up with the court order. What does his wife do thur all this she may have a lot to do with this. He should have been paying child support or sign over so your hd could adopt him also change name , But with this any type of benfit you could have proof the bio father may be treurtnated, As in if the bio father die before the child is 18 the child is intitled to SSI The part about going to the HIS pastorI would have evething in order and made a pointment and take a person trusted friend with you. But again do not be suprised if nothing will be done in many church it is said it is between the Lord and the couple , they are still married tell me the wife has forgiven him an they have moved on in life. as you sound like you have to. In some stated it only cost 50.00 to change a name maybe some way it could be found. I only pray ypu son has and will really get over this it can become a issue later in life and with attachmnets. What happen was a wrong and I am sure you have discussed with or will as he get older, You and you family will have this to life with but it can become a testmonty to family and friends. God Bless as you go thur all this time will be long for the most point the court system is slow.
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RE: disowning child - 7/10/2008 2:17:37 PM
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LinDavis
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quote:
If he breaks promises to the child, there must be some sort of relationship. well this an unusual situation, his 2nd daughter and my son are in special ed classes together and after school they ride the same special ed bus that delivers them to their front doors. so my son sees him whenever the bus goes to his house.
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RE: disowning child - 7/10/2008 2:48:00 PM
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crankius
Posts: 4365
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quote:
I don't have the money to pay for this and have asked him to pay for this twice already and he hasn't yet.
we had court and in the ruling he was to pay for my son's name change. my son doesn't want his birth-name anymore and wants to named after my late uncle who has past on. But he still hasn't after 11 months, so i don't think he'll even pay for the test!
So this man is named as the father on the birth certificate? Your son has his last name?
Do you want the paternity test done? What does your husband think? Why doesn't your husband adopt your son?
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
He Himself is our peace! Ephesians 2:14:a
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RE: disowning child - 7/10/2008 2:55:52 PM
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Qtman
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From: Crimson Tide Country
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Lindavis
You have been given some very good advice in this thread. Yet for some reason you keep coming up with reasons/excuses not to take that advice. Some of the things you need to do may take money and/or an attorney. Contact your State Bar Association. I think most of them have a list of attorneys that are willing to do pro bono work. Meaning they won't charge you. I know my State Bar Association does. Anyway it will only cost you a phone call to find out.
_____________________________
Don't take life here to seriously. No one gets out alive.
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RE: disowning child - 7/10/2008 2:59:57 PM
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crankius
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By not following through, you are only further hurting your son. It appears you have told your son that this man is his father, and this must build sorrow, resentment, etc. within the heart of your son--to see this man every day and yet know that his father wants nothing to do with him. Why inflict this trauma on your son?
If this man refuses to be part of your son's life, and you won't follow through legally, it might be better to follow Tricia's advice:
quote:
Basically, I'd say cut ties with the man and work on healing your own life without him.
_____________________________
Do not be overly righteous, Nor be overly wise: Why should you destroy yourself?
Ecclesiastes 7:16
He Himself is our peace! Ephesians 2:14:a
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RE: disowning child - 7/10/2008 6:29:35 PM
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earthless
Posts: 5643
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From: where pigeons are getting their sweaters ready....
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LinDavis
quote:
If he breaks promises to the child, there must be some sort of relationship. well this an unusual situation, his 2nd daughter and my son are in special ed classes together and after school they ride the same special ed bus that delivers them to their front doors. so my son sees him whenever the bus goes to his house.
So you both go to the same church and no one else knows you and him have a child together? The pastor and elders of the church also do not know?
Something is odd here.
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Probing Today's Religious Movements | Promoting Doctrinal Discernment & Critical Thinking | Providing Reasons for Christian Faith & Ethics
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RE: disowning child - 7/10/2008 6:34:20 PM
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zoebob
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She never said they go to the same church...just that he is active in A church
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