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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/22/2008 6:45:32 AM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4051
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: offline
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As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the military base where he was working.
Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.
"Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"
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Pam
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/22/2008 8:19:55 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8850
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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I have CDO. It's like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order like they are supposed to be.
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/22/2008 11:58:53 PM
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MyCatSmokey2006
Posts: 2728
Status: offline
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Anyone know a few good Knock, Knock jokes?
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Melissa
Vote John McCain For President!
<----Smokey, the Jungle Cat!
Who Am I?
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/23/2008 6:57:40 AM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4051
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: offline
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April who?
In the meantime:
I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a hairstyle I liked for myself, and I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the photo.
"Leave some ID, a driver's license or a credit card," she said.
"But my husband is here getting a haircut," I explained.
"Yes," she replied. "But I need something you'll come back for."
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Pam
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/24/2008 6:38:58 AM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4051
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: offline
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A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.
He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."
"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."
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Pam
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/27/2008 9:16:30 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1583
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Toronto the Good
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
As a soon to be Math teacher - I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does this mean you'll be an expert in attrition, subversion, mortification and derision?
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Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/27/2008 9:22:59 PM
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mutinywxgirl
Posts: 12810
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: west coast of FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 9drtr
quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
As a soon to be Math teacher - I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does this mean you'll be an expert in attrition, subversion, mortification and derision?
Argh!!!!!!!
_____________________________
When blood and water hit the ground.
Walls we couldn't move came crashing down.
We were free and made alive.
The day true love died. The day true love died.
Lisa is happy THE ROWDIES ARE BACK!
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/27/2008 10:30:01 PM
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9drtr
Posts: 1583
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Toronto the Good
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
quote:
ORIGINAL: 9drtr
quote:
ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl
As a soon to be Math teacher - I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does this mean you'll be an expert in attrition, subversion, mortification and derision?
Argh!!!!!!!
My job here is done.
_____________________________
Edwin
When we know who is coming, how can we worry about what is coming? When the last hour belongs to us, how can we worry about the next minute?
Ross Crighton
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/27/2008 11:33:03 PM
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kj88il
Posts: 1531
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: IL (NW Central)
Status: offline
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The Dolls
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, " my grandmother told me, the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
A Prayer.......
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death,
because I don't know how to crochet.
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Kimberly
Shifing Gears w/ Kimberly
Matt 11:29 "...for I am gentle & humble in heart, & you will find rest for your souls."
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/28/2008 6:52:30 AM
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.Pammy
Posts: 4051
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Mechanicsburg, PA, USA
Status: offline
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The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television.
The harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return.
I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar.
"Hey," commented my 11-year-old, "it sounds as if someone just got his food."
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Pam
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/28/2008 9:45:40 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7087
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not
just an athlete and endorser for Chap Stick lip balm. After she retired from
active competition, she is now using her nursing degree. She is now a nurse
currently working in the Intensive Care Unit of a major Colorado hospital.
However, she is not permitted to answer the hospital telephone while at work.
It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,,,,,,,
“Picabo, ICU.”
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/28/2008 9:52:08 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7087
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: .Pammy
And I love your new avatar, Tink!
I have a similar button I wear when I'm going to pick up my photgraphs.
"Someday my prints will come"
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/28/2008 11:07:11 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7087
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.
As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.
“Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!” she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.
“We were just playing ‘church’ mommy,” he said.
“And I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes.”
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/28/2008 11:20:37 AM
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MyCatSmokey2006
Posts: 2728
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not
just an athlete and endorser for Chap Stick lip balm. After she retired from
active competition, she is now using her nursing degree. She is now a nurse
currently working in the Intensive Care Unit of a major Colorado hospital.
However, she is not permitted to answer the hospital telephone while at work.
It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,,,,,,,
“Picabo, ICU.”
_____________________________
Melissa
Vote John McCain For President!
<----Smokey, the Jungle Cat!
Who Am I?
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RE: Hey! I've got a joke. : ) - 7/28/2008 11:29:35 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7087
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, ‘So y’all want to be cops, huh?’
The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder. Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, ‘To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth.’ So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds.
‘Now,’ he said, ‘did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?’
The blonde immediately said, ‘Yes, I did. He has only one eye!’
The detective shook his head and said, ‘Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It’s a profile of his face! You’re dismissed!’ The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, ‘What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?’
‘Yes! He only has one ear!’
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, ‘Didn’t you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man’s face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You’re excused too!’ The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, ‘This is probably a waste of time, but...’ He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, ‘All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?’
The blonde said, ‘I sure did. This man wears contact lenses.’
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, ‘You’re absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?’
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, ‘Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can’t wear glasses.
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Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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