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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 4:45:45 PM
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peculiar_lady2
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exactly what Donna said is how we teach our kids also. If you are a message therapist and God has called you to teach then you are out of His will...if you are a scientist and God called you to be a teacher then you are out of His will...and if you are a carpenter and God called you to stay home then again you are out of God's will. Above ALL our goal is to teach our kids to listen to God and to follow not what others tell them but what God tells them. It would absolutely not be a disappointment to me if one day my kids turn out to be a scientist, or a teacher, or a carpenter, or a SAHM/D...as long as that's what God would have them be.
_____________________________
"Some [babies] are just so inexplicably persnickety and unpleasing that it's easy to imagine that they were not actually floating in amniotic fluid but in pickle juice!" -Maggie (3cappuccinosmom)
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/27/2007 5:10:20 PM
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PrudentWife
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I want my daughters to do what God has called them to do. I don't think God has called all women to be SAHMs for their entire adult life, so I won't limit their preparation to that. I would hope my daughters would pursue some sort of advanced education that will make them better at what they are going to do with their life. Mothering is a season, and it's not even guaranteed. Not every woman marries. Not all married women end up being able to bear children.
I have a bachelor's & master's degrees, and don't regret it for a second. It is a very big part of who I am. I acquired those degrees while using the talents God gave me, and pursuing what I believed was his will for my life. I worked for several years before becomming a SAHM, and will work for decades more when I decide my children no longer need me at home full time. As much as I believe God needs me at home with my children making a difference in their lives right now, I believe He needs me out in my field in the future, making a difference.
I believe a mom being home with young children is very beneficial, but that doesn't mean she can't work. Perhaps the training or education my daughter acquires will enable her to work from home. As long as she's taking care of her family, the extra money would surely be a blessing to the household.
Almost every person I know IRL got married in their late 20s or later. I am the only of my friends who is married, and I got married at 24. That's a whole lot of years waiting for marriage. Why not get some skills & training? She'll earn a higher wage, and those skills will be be valuable when her children are grown.
_____________________________
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 2:09:11 AM
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Hislittleone
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I am a SAHM. I only have sons but if I had a daughter I would teach her that it is very important for moms to stay at home with their children. Hopefully my sons will see how important this is and will encourage (not force) their wives to do the same.
3Cappucinosmom: "And yes, if I have a daughter and she chooses not to be home with her children when she could be, I'd be disappointed. And if I have a son who won't work his butt off to make sure his babies have a mom at home, I'll be disappointed in him, too."
Well said 3Caps! My sentiments exactly!
I will strongly encourage all my children to get a college education. We believe that education is very important. Also, having a degree will open many doors (hopefully). I have about 1.5 years left in school and will finish it at some point when the children are older. I would be disappointed if they choose not to further their education at all. What career choices they make is between them and God. I just want them to follow His will for their lives and to do their best in whatever career they choose. If a daughter only learns one trade or home economics she will be greatly limited in her choices. So unless she is very clear at a young age about what God's will for her life is, I would definitely encourage college.
< Message edited by Hislittleone -- 8/28/2007 2:25:33 AM >
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 6:17:21 AM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
Mothering is a season
That's so true. My baby is three years old today, and by the time he's eighteen I'm only going to be in my mid forties. If I don't have any more babies, I'll have possibly half of my life left and no kids at home. Will I want to do something else at that point? Maybe. That time when our kids are at home is really such a small slice of our lives--I wouldn't want to waste it by being away from the home if I didn't have to. Kids grow up so fast. There's plenty of years left for pursuing other things.
_____________________________
<--My engagement picture. I was 16, he was 17 in this photo.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 8:16:39 AM
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PrudentWife
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I agree consecrated. For me, staying home has been an enormous emotional sacrifice. But it's such a small part of my life. I can sacrifice these few years for my children. I get to have the rest of my life to myself.
Maybe you'll be able to start pursuing something before the baby is 18. You are homeschooling & taking care of 6 kids now. When you are down to 2 or 3, you'll probably be bored  You can take some online classes or something, and graduate with your baby!
_____________________________
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 10:20:25 AM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
Maybe you'll be able to start pursuing something before the baby is 18. You are homeschooling & taking care of 6 kids now. When you are down to 2 or 3, you'll probably be bored You can take some online classes or something, and graduate with your baby!
That actually is something I'm seriously considering. I'm thinking at least by the time he's in high school he should be pretty independant by then, and I could go back to school. I'm still not entirely sure for what yet, though! I've got a few ideas, but I'll let them simmer a few more years and wait and see where God directs me.
_____________________________
<--My engagement picture. I was 16, he was 17 in this photo.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 10:53:40 AM
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kernsfamily
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As a father of THREE girls (ages 5, 7 & 9)....and whose wife continues to be a "stay at home mom"....
Education simply allows you to reach the potential of God's will in your life....that's not to say it's for everyone...
We have a few women in our sunday school class who are moms AND are doctors (one is a trauma surgeon, the other a cardiologist)....they are in the profession because of God's gifts that were given to them....though, overall, the majority of the moms in the class are "stay at home"......I would NEVER even consider thinking that those moms who are doctors are doing so "against God's will"....
My wife will continue being a "mom" even when all the kids are in school (they are in public school....as a result of honestly and prayerfully looking at ALL available schooling options).....NOW, she will take the opportunity to help out at school even more than she has in the past...and be active in ministering to and serving the students in the classroom as a volunteer when she can....
Will our daughters attend and go to college? It's likely....the age of someone marrying is at an "average" of about 28-29 or so right now....(there isn't the 'pressure' to find a man to be a "provider" for a young woman like there once was)....
My daughter, who is 9, has said since she was TWO that she wants to be an Obstetrician (did I spell that right?)....
Like the above poster said, it's not up to me to decide what paths they take....what God has directed us to do, doesn't mean that is what God is going to direct THEM to do....
_____________________________
Proud dad of 3 great girls....Erin, Emilie and Elise
Blessed to have all of them in a "totally awesome" public elementary school!
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 11:31:50 AM
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Auben
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I have only sons, but if I had a daughter I would encourage her to follow her gifts, listen to the voice of God, and have a profession before she marries. Having a profession does not necessarily mean college. It could mean she has gathered skills (secretarial, apprenticeship, degree) which can help her get a job when she needs one.
I do think that children should be with their parents and I hope to teach my children the true responsibility of caring for another life. It is a strong and sacred responsibility for both parents which requires sacrifice.
I certainly hope that all of my children enjoy learning enough that college will be a part of their growth. I try to encourage life-long interest in learning. To me college is an extension of that interest, a place to study deeply of specialized topics instead of learning generally.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 11:43:41 AM
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Consecrated2God
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The biggest drawback I see to having a career before becoming a SAHM is that taking a break from the career for 18 or more years may be difficult. A girl may start strong, get the education, get the skills, get the job, and then have to quit working for a couple of decades when she has kids. Twenty years later she may find that in getting back into the field her education is obsolete and she has to go back to school again to learn the things that have changed since she graduated. I don't know this for sure, so please correct me if I'm wrong, but would a resume be much good if the job history was all twenty years old? Can you just jump out and jump back in years later like that with no setbacks or difficulties? Wouldn't that stall your momentum just a bit?
_____________________________
<--My engagement picture. I was 16, he was 17 in this photo.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 11:45:46 AM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God
The biggest drawback I see to having a career before becoming a SAHM is that taking a break from the career for 18 or more years may be difficult. A girl may start strong, get the education, get the skills, get the job, and then have to quit working for a couple of decades when she has kids. Twenty years later she may find that in getting back into the field her education is obsolete and she has to go back to school again to learn the things that have changed since she graduated. I don't know this for sure, so please correct me if I'm wrong, but would a resume be much good if the job history was all twenty years old? Can you just jump out and jump back in years later like that with no setbacks or difficulties? Wouldn't that stall your momentum just a bit?
I think you are correct.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 11:45:53 AM
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zoebob
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I suppose it would depend on the job
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L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 12:17:01 PM
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Sideways
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Not everyone plans on a 20 year break. Some work from home, some return to work part time.
My mom was home for a number of years and still maintained her nursing license. When she returned to work it was always around our schedule.
My SIL is an accountant. Keeping abreast of the newest tax laws is easy for her to do from home, and she can also work part time or from home or both.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 12:52:45 PM
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kernsfamily
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kernsfamily
We have a few women in our sunday school class who are moms AND are doctors (one is a trauma surgeon, the other a cardiologist)....they are in the profession because of God's gifts that were given to them....though, overall, the majority of the moms in the class are "stay at home"......I would NEVER even consider thinking that those moms who are doctors are doing so "against God's will"....
TOTALLY forgot to mention another family....she's a corporate lawyer....he WAS in sales at a company doing "something or another".....Mom has the gifts and abilities to earn much more than dad does....Dad, for the time being, is a "Stay at home dad" and loves it....
Sales is something that, once kids are all in school, he can find SOMETHING to do...no matter how long he's been out...even if it is "part time" or "from home"....just to get "reconnected" into some form of outside work....
_____________________________
Proud dad of 3 great girls....Erin, Emilie and Elise
Blessed to have all of them in a "totally awesome" public elementary school!
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 12:57:39 PM
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danas_mom
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I am a SAHM because that's what I feel God led me to be. I can't say for sure what he has in store for my children, because I'm not him and I'm not them. We encourage our children to seek God's will and follow what they are interested in and feel they have been given a gift for, period. If that's being a doctor, great. If that's digging sewers, great. We are confident they will be used wherever they are at, as long as they are where they're supposed to be.
As far as being disappointed if my daughter chooses to work outside the home after having children - I will be disappointed ONLY if she chooses to do so for the wrong reasons. Meaning, if she has bought into the mindset that a family has to have two incomes to "survive" or that there's nothing fulfilling in being a SAHM. That will mean that I've done MY job wrong.
I mean to add - I have a friend who was a SAHM while her kids were little, she was a nurse before that. She kept her nursing license up to date (renewed it every year) and when her kids were all in school she had no problem finding work as a part-time home health aid.
_____________________________
I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing. ~ 2 Samuel 24:24
Avatar pic is Keith Wheeler.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 1:02:52 PM
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butterflieznbugz
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
For those of you who believe that a woman should stay home with her children, what exactly do you teach your daughters? Will you encourage her to stay home when she has children? Will you encourage her to go to college? If yes, why? Should she learn a trade or only learn home economics?
- We teach our daughters to obey God's call in their lives, whatever that may be.
-Yes, we would encourage them to stay home when she has children.
-Yes, we would encourage them to go to college. College was a great experience for me and I wouldn't want any of my children deprived of that. We would also want them to have a career and live on their own (or with roommates) before getting married. We hope that they would find a profession they love and that would enable them to stay at home with their and still earn extra income if they need it. Also, having a good education would help them educate their own children if they chose to homeschool as well.
-If they want to learn a trade, that is fine. No, they shouldn't learn only home economics. We want them to do what God wants them to do, whether that included getting married and having a family or staying single and doing missions or whatever it is God called them to do.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 1:08:15 PM
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PrudentWife
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Consecrated, your last point is very valid. I know in my field, when women have returned to work after some years as a SAHM, they always have to take several steps back, and usually start at a more entry level position.
I am very aware that this will likely be the case for me too. I don't plan on being out of work for 20 years, but I know I won't walk back into a senior level position like I had before. And I can't blame employers for not wanting to give me that kind of responsibility after a decade long hiatus.
But I don't think it's a reason not to pursue education before marriage. Being a SAHM is a sacrifice for most women. (There are those for whom it's a lifelong dream) The set-back in the career is just one of those sacrifices.
And like I said before, most people around here get married in their late 20s or early 30s. It's an expensive area of the country, and people can't afford to get married at 19. It seems to me that getting some type of education or training between high school and marriage is easier than getting it after raising children.
If you get married young, that's a different situation. But even amoung Christians, marriage right after high school is pretty rare these days.
_____________________________
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 2:33:06 PM
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PrudentWife
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quote:
On the other hand, I know some girls who are not getting married anytime soon but really really want to be a mother, and they are going nowhere. I think they ought to do something, you know? Since there's nothing else going on in their lives anyway, it wouldn't hurt to go to school.
I agree. Even if you are certain God has called you to be a wife and mother, are you certain He is planning on that happening at 20? I think if a woman has to wait, and doesn't fill that time very productively, she can become discontent and desperate. Singleness is better than marriage to the wrong person. If a woman has no plans or endeavors at all, and finds herself waiting a long time, she may marry Mr. Wrong.
_____________________________
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 2:40:36 PM
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Consecrated2God
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I agree totally. We've got to be good stewards of our time. There are so many things to do out there. One thing I've always thought is an awesome opportunity for young people is Master's Commission. It's an intense discipleship program and it gives you so many chances to serve the Lord and grow deeper in Him, and they travel all over and do drama and outreach programs at churches. It's something that would definitely have interested me.
_____________________________
<--My engagement picture. I was 16, he was 17 in this photo.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 6:17:22 PM
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shadowspring
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I hope my dd gets to have it all: a great education, a fun-filled season of work and then: the good fortune to find and marry a man like her father who is capable and wants to provide for his family on his own.
I hope she is blessed to carry and deliver beautiful children, nurse them from her own womanly body, play with them, teach them, watch them grow, read to them, pray for them, laugh with them and cheer them on as they grow, like her mother.
AND if she can one up me by working from home and bring in the big bucks at the same time (like her Dad is blessed to do) then she should go for it!
But there are no guarantees that my hopes for her life are at all in line with God's plans for her life, as not all women marry, and not all can have children. So the most important thing of all is that she have a vital relationship with God. He is the Good Shepherd, after all. I trust He knows how to lead my dd through all of her days.
However it should be obvious that I would be very disappointed if she continued work full-time OUTSIDE THE HOME after motherhood UNLESS IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE FINANCIAL NECESSITY.
We are already pointing out to her careers that she can pursue from home. I think it would be great if she could make enough as a statistician consultant to pay someone else to clean her house and cook for her, pick up the toys and the dry cleaning, so she can be freed up to nurse and play with her babies while fitting in the consultant work around her life as a mother.
Hey, it could happen! =)
_____________________________
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/28/2007 6:42:38 PM
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peculiar_lady2
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My first job in life is to be a stay at home wife...because we have kids that is my second job...but just because the kids are gone does not mean my first job will be changing. I and my husband know that the home is where I am going to be. We homeschool, so it's not much of an issue, but if we didn't homeschool I still wouldn't get a job while the kids were at school because my job is first a wife (at home). There are a lot of things that make the home what it is that aren't necessarily done when the kids are home or when the husband is home. I would prefer to instead be open to do things for my husband and kids that having a job during those hours would not allow me to do.
Also you can not guarantee that you will be able to work only during the hours that your child is in school...most employees do not go by that schedule. Even teachers don't go by that schedule...they have to be there earlier and leave later and usually work at home too (grading and lesson plans)...which takes away from the family time.
_____________________________
"Some [babies] are just so inexplicably persnickety and unpleasing that it's easy to imagine that they were not actually floating in amniotic fluid but in pickle juice!" -Maggie (3cappuccinosmom)
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Encouraging my daughter to have a good education (which may or may not include University) is part of that. 
) I would go to work if it were necessary to pay the bills - especially since my husband will likely be able to work from home and therefore look after the kids. It's nice to have the option to go to work with an education that guarantees me a job if "stuff happens".
