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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/30/2007 3:47:50 PM
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shadowspring
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I thought the OP specifically wanted the opinions of SAHMs or Dads.
Did I miss something?
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/30/2007 5:38:10 PM
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Consecrated2God
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Yeah, I think it's getting a little off-topic. Starting to sound like one-stop Men's/Women's Roles thread here.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/30/2007 5:40:00 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8915
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From: land of limbo
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OFFICIAL MODERATORS NUDGE
This is not the men/women's role of the home thread. Please return to the topic at hand which is: How do we educate girls who we hope will be SAHM's.
Any further off-topic posts will be deleted.
Do not send me PM's about this.
Do not discuss this in the puclic forums.
If you have any questions please contact community@salemwebnetwork.com
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L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/30/2007 7:44:21 PM
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10SNE1?
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I'm not sure what the exact parameters of "hope to be SAHMs" are but I can give you this much:
All things being equal, this future Grandma would rest easier knowing that her grandchildren were in the care of one of their own parents the vast majority of the time.
So, did that factor into my children's education?
On the one hand,
No, it really didn't and here's why. I just don't believe that there is any special "training" or "education" required to be a SAHM or Dad, above and beyond just modeling good parenting and raising emotionally secure adults. I believe all young people( boys and girls) need to learn basic budgeting, cooking and home upkeep skills regardless of their career plans.
Beyond that, this is the 21st century folks....getting a meal on the table and cleaning the house just isn't that hard. It doesn't take special "training". If you can read a recipe you can cook/bake anything.
On the other hand,
By encouraging education and a well thought out plan for future income potential, I believe we have actually increased the odds that our adult children will have more choices, including the choice to have the children cared for by the parents while still meeting the family's financial needs. A highly educated adult can often work fewer hours for more money than one with only a high school education, a great thing for a dad who wants to spend time with his kids. A girl who is encouraged to give thought to a future career is more likely to think about how that could impact her future family.
My oldest dd is a great example of this. She is a pharmacist and can earn a significant amount just by working a few evening and/or weekend hours.
She knew that this was a "great job for a mom" and that factored into her decision.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 8/31/2007 12:22:06 AM
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zmanfan38
Posts: 8824
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From: ...for it's root, root, root for the CUBBIES!!!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 10SNE1?
A highly educated adult can often work fewer hours for more money than one with only a high school education, a great thing for a dad who wants to spend time with his kids. A girl who is encouraged to give thought to a future career is more likely to think about how that could impact her future family.
This is incidentally how we are able to make our family situation work. I say incidentally because I got my college degree long before I had *any* desire to be a mother. Hubby works a regular, 40 hour per week, M-F job. I am a SAHM first and foremost, but I do work occasionally. I have a degree in the medical field and I have to "keep up" my license, get continuing education credits, etc. After a year of not working outside the home at all I decided to try to find a job that would work around my limited availability. I interviewed at a local hospital and was very honest with them about when I could work. They offered me the job and it's been great for both parties. I only work 7p-11p shifts when needed and even though it's only a 4 hour shift, it's pretty good money since I have that degree in a specialized field.
I'm just blessed...that's all. God knew my heart even before I had a heart for children. He blessed me with an education that could keep me at home with my daughter while earning a pretty decent amount of money to supplement hubby's income. I couldn't have thought it out any better, and I'm glad He did.
I do hope she will want to be a SAHM when she has her own children. This is the most precious time for both of us. She's almost 2 1/2 years old and I haven't had to miss out on her and she's had the benefit of learning from me instead of kind and wonderful strangers. I'll encourage her to get a higher education also.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 9/5/2007 6:38:04 AM
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Carleejoan
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As Christian parents we should be open to what God has for child. I agree it is important to be trained in a highly skilled career as well as be open as to what type of ministry God would have them do. I was very goal oriented when I first moved on my own to get a job which required certain skills. I wasn't able to attend university but when I married in my early twenties the economy was really bad at that time for jobs for men so my husband's career suffered. I always was able to get work in what I did but he was from job to job for what seemed to be quite a while. We were Christians and he was open to ministry but not trained in anything. I think my job kept us afloat financially as God's provision. God does provide for His children too and we never lacked for what we needed. So, yes it's good to get some training in a job that's in demand no matter happens in the economy.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 9/5/2007 7:59:45 AM
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Hazel2
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Laura, I was recently thinking of how, shortly before I met my husband, I tried so very hard to get into my company's executive MBA program. I was heartbroken when I didn't make it ... thank goodness I didn't! I would have spent two years struggling to keep my head above water with work and school. Then I would have gotten married and quit my job to raise our kids. Now it seems like it would have been a lot of trouble without benefit. I suppose that is why God worked things out the way he did.
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Will you please remember my husband, John, in prayer He is not saved. Thank you and God bless you!
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 9/7/2007 8:52:41 AM
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jayrandolph
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I think it is important for one of the parents to stay home till the child is going to school
Children learn so much during those first 6 yrs and there is so much that they do for the first time, its a good time for great memories. It is very hard to find Child Care that will love your children like you do.
We encourage both of our daughters and both our boys they could be anything they wanted, however we encouraged them when they had small children one of the parents should stay home.
Either my wife or I stayed home with our children till they were in High School
{ Jay R }
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 9/16/2007 10:55:57 PM
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NikkiH
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
For those of you who believe that a woman should stay home with her children, what exactly do you teach your daughters? Will you encourage her to stay home when she has children? Will you encourage her to go to college? If yes, why? Should she learn a trade or only learn home economics?
I believe that women should stay home with their kids if that's at all possible financially. kids need their moms at all ages. I also believe that women have the right and responsibility to work outside the home in ministry and/or in the workplace if that is what the Lord has called them to do.
I am encouraging my daughter to seek God's will for her life in every area, and to go for it full throttle. I believe that she can be highly educated and also be a highly effective home executive. It is my desire for her to marry early (21 or so if she goes to college) a mighty, loving, brilliant, handsome man after the Lord's own heart who is crazy about her and who will love the 10 grandkids she's going to give me.  (No pressure...)
I would never counsel her to limit herself in any way; I want her to live the abundant life God has for her, and I want my granddaughters and great-granddaughters to do the same. If that's staying at home and thriving in home econ, that's great. If that's rocket science, then go with that.
I'm teaching her from my example. I worked 60 hour weeks for most of her life until this year, when God opened the door for me to be a SAHM and to start my own business from home. He is good, and faithful! Hallelujah! I want to show her that she can be successful and happy following her God and her heart and no one else's idea of what she should do, not even mine.
_____________________________
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. - Phil 4: 4-5 (NLT)
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 10/14/2007 4:05:47 PM
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mrwrench
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As a husband I leave that up to my wife. the advantage of her being at home is I know who is teaching my kids good from bad. though her working would bring the extra money, as her husband I am willing to work extra hard so that she does have to. I am the type that will put my family first even if it means that she stays home and does not work. When she is ready to work(if she ever does) I figure she will make that decision on her own.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 10/15/2007 9:21:22 AM
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lexie
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We don't believe that a woman should stay at home with the children, we believe that a parent should stay at home. The reason why I am the parent at home is that my husband can make more money than I can at a full time job.
I will teach my daughter the importance of education and I hope she will go to university. I have an Honours BA and a graduate degree and I never used any of them. We became pregnant as I was finishing school. I don't regret not using my degrees at all because I know they are in my pocket should I need them. It's nice to say that a woman should be at home with her children because she has been blessed by them, but to me that's in an ideal world. We are fortunate to be able to afford our daughter, but future kids may require me to work outside of the house some.
If my daughter wants to stay at home I would be happy for her. If she goes to college I do not think she should take home economics (umm...I don't think you can even take that at college here). My degrees are in fields nowhere near home economics and I'm doing just fine as a SAHM.
_____________________________
Economics is like the Dutch language....I'm told it makes sense, but I seriously have my doubts.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 10/15/2007 9:45:09 AM
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shadowspring
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quote:
If my daughter wants to stay at home I would be happy for her. If she goes to college I do not think she should take home economics (umm...I don't think you can even take that at college here).
LOL!
My older sister has a degree in home economic- which she used to build a twenty year career in the US Army! She retired after twenty years over the objections of her superiors, who were quite confident she would make full bird colonel if she remained in the service.
She left to enjoy her husband and their horse farm. She freelances web design, is on the local board of the red cross in her area, volunteers at church, and entertains her gourmet cooking club members frequently.
She has never been a mom of any kind.
_____________________________
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 10/15/2007 12:48:11 PM
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phreddy
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I am a SAH Dad. We chose this way because I had a better chance to earn extra money from home than my wife. Also, she earned quite a bit more than me at the time which was easier on the budget. Now, I work only when the girls are in school, which amounts to about 20 hours per week. I don't expect anything more from my girls than for them to follow God's will in their lives and for them to do the best at everything they attempt. We will support them in any education goals that they set. In response to their questions about why dad stays home and mom works, we have told that it was important for us that a parent stayed home with them and that in our case it made more sense for it to be dad. I hope that when they have families that they will make sure that a parent can stay home with the kids. The job of a stay at home parent is much more the home economics. In my mind that is probably the leanest definition of the job I have seen. Also, with the average age of people when they marry today, it is very likely that they will have a chance for a career before they marry and have children. Once the children are grown, the stay at home parent can resume thier career or put their skills to use in other areas: ministry, philanthropies.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 10/16/2007 5:22:32 PM
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shadowspring
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Cool family, phreddy. I have known a couple SAHDs and they were all, without exception, stellar folk.
And like your family, the mom was making the higher salary when the babies were born, so it just seemed sensible to forgo the lesser income.
What's so cool is that your children will grow up understanding teamwork and sacrifice in a family by watching mom and dad. Yay! And hopefully without outside influences denigrating your choice.
_____________________________
"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." -J. R. R. Tolkien
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/29/2008 11:05:01 AM
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LaurainAL
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Comments made on this thread have been recently referenced on the SAHM support thread. I feel the discussion should move back here so we don't get that thread off track.
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My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy! ~Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/29/2008 6:32:17 PM
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Bro_Shane
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Bro_Shane
quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
quote:
but, she also had a job and was in the market place, managed people in her "employ".
I think it is a mistake to compare the Prov. 31 woman with a modern day CEO or even manager. It is very unlikely that she left home and family for 8-10 hours every day in a business suit with a briefcase.
Not if you know the custom and culture.
What I find amazing is that so many people use the Proverbs 31 woman to justify being a SAHM and not working outside the home to the point of saying women who work or work outside the home are sinning (not directing this at you 3cap, just making a general observation) when the reality was that she probably spent most of time overseeing the running of the household which meant making sure livestock were fed, groomed, cleaned; fabrics were being woven and upholstery was being repaired; food was being prepared and stored (also according to dietary laws); property was being maintained; and all this as she bought and sold land and the fruit of the labor of her household, which would include servants ans slaves.
The simple fact of the matter is that the Proverbs 31 woman probably had servants to watch after her children as she worked and conducted business. If anyone doubts this, read it carefully then read a little history.
I'm not knocking SAHMs or WAHMs at all. I feel it is a personal choice as to what a woman does and she should seek the will of God when she does so. But, frankly, I'm just a little tired of seeing Proverbs 31 being used as a cudgel with which to flog women who work outside the home (even to the point of saying they sin by doing so, at times) when the usual SAHM bears little to no resemblance to the woman in Proverbs 31.
It seems that this post has been the center of a little confusion and/or discussion recently. By virture of my manhood I am not allowed to read and respond where it is being discussed. I have reposted it here for a few reasons. First, so those who wish to read it will not have to search for it. Second, so the post that prompted it can be seen to try to give some context. Lastly, so that anyone who wants to question or discuss this post with me can.
If anyone feels that I have misrepresented anything, worked off faulty assumptions, or have misused scripture in any way, please say so. If you simply disagree I can respect your right to do so. If you are going to say I am wrong I ask you to please give your reasoning. I readily admit that I am not perfect so, if I am wrong, I would appreciate you giving me enough evidence to be able to consider both sides of the issue.
This post was not made with the goal of hurting, offending, or otherwise harming anyone. There are many people on this board that I consider friends even though I have not been here in quite a while. At times I have disagreed with my friends (as I did here with 3capp - Hi, BTW!) and have never, not one time, meant to cause anyone - especially my brothers and sisters in Christ - any discomfort of mind or spirit.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/29/2008 9:15:47 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
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quote:
The simple fact of the matter is that the Proverbs 31 woman probably had servants to watch after her children as she worked and conducted business. If anyone doubts this, read it carefully then read a little history.
Oooorrr...she may have supervised servants in household tasks and had her children working with her.  She wasn't a Victorian lady, or an Edwardian lady with nannies and nurses, or a queen in the Middle Ages. She was living her life way before that.
Even if she did have help with child care (nothing wrong with that by itself), she did not have a 40 minute commute both ways, her children were not in institutions, and she was very likely in their immediate vicinity and available to them most days, if not every day. Unless she was gone a long, long time, she wouldn't have been able to go far at all, given the types of transportation available.
And i know she didn't have a briefcase. 
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Shameless Self Promotion
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/29/2008 9:42:43 PM
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Bro_Shane
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
quote:
The simple fact of the matter is that the Proverbs 31 woman probably had servants to watch after her children as she worked and conducted business. If anyone doubts this, read it carefully then read a little history.
Oooorrr...she may have supervised servants in household tasks and had her children working with her. She wasn't a Victorian lady, or an Edwardian lady with nannies and nurses, or a queen in the Middle Ages. She was living her life way before that.
Even if she did have help with child care (nothing wrong with that by itself), she did not have a 40 minute commute both ways, her children were not in institutions, and she was very likely in their immediate vicinity and available to them most days, if not every day. Unless she was gone a long, long time, she wouldn't have been able to go far at all, given the types of transportation available.
And i know she didn't have a briefcase.
Many may have been in the exact situation you describe. It is also just as likely that just as many were in the exact situation I describe. By using the same approach, the Proverbs 31 woman did not have indoor plumbing so modern women should also not use indoor plumbing. She also did not have laptop computers and many other things we have.
My point is that using the Proverbs 31 woman as the sole example of a biblical wife and mom, or redefining (or selective defining) it to fit paticular situations does no one any good. All it does is breed resentment and contributes to a false (and dangerous) sense of piety and superiority. There are women on either side of the argument that raise brats. There are also just as many on either side that raise well adjusted, God fearing children.
With the evil in this world and the work the Lord has called us all to, to cannibalize one another on such trivial points leads to division and fertilizes the root of bitterness when we should be earnestly praying for and edifying one another.
I hope all is well with you and yours.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 4:45:03 AM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Bro_Shane
There are women on either side of the argument that raise brats. There are also just as many on either side that raise well adjusted, God fearing children.
Extremely well put. Bro Shane does it ever get frustrating to you to be so reasonable in a world that often isn't?
The main point of Prov 31 is to lift up the ideal of a woman who serves God and her family as God has called her to do. God did not inspire this passage to defend my or anyone else's method of caring for my family.
No one has a a life that looks like this woman's, because we don't live in the ancient Middle East. We don't know exactly how her family dynamics worked, and if you really wanted to get crazy, you could say that all men who work far from home are not following God's will, because biblical men usually had home-based businesses. Prov 31 could not have had her children in daycare and had a commute, because such things did not exist.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 7:45:39 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 2343
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
quote:
Prov 31 could not have had her children in daycare and had a commute, because such things did not exist.
Of course. Yet people use her as an example of why the modern career-woman setup must be good, since she was a "working woman".
Well, my thought is that Prov 31 should not be used to justify either SAH or WOH. I feel as though the main lesson from that passage is that the woman feared the Lord and worked hard to serve God and her family. How exactly she went about that is only details and not important.
I feel the passage does show an extremely industrious woman, but I don't take that to be an attack on either side of the working fence.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 8:12:45 AM
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lightshineon
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Joined: 4/11/2005
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Two of my daughters are in college, one is still in Junior High, They are all still at home. We decided long ago, that that My husband and I decided long ago, that I should stay at home, because no one was happy when I worked. I want my daughters to have a choice, they are all very young, no marriage plans, and make the choice best for them, I had that freedom.
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Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 8:16:06 AM
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manda59
Posts: 5197
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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Well, I had never read this thread before, and so when a post here was mentioned in the other folder, I read the whole thing right from the beginning.
I personally had never heard of the Proverbs 31 Woman being lifted up as an example for any
modern-day woman, working outside or within the home until I came to Crosswalk, and am quite amazed that some seem to take it as such.
Sideways put it brilliantly  :
quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
The main point of Prov 31 is to lift up the ideal of a woman who serves God and her family as God has called her to do. God did not inspire this passage to defend my or anyone else's method of caring for my family.
No one has a a life that looks like this woman's, because we don't live in the ancient Middle East. We don't know exactly how her family dynamics worked, and if you really wanted to get crazy, you could say that all men who work far from home are not following God's will, because biblical men usually had home-based businesses. Prov 31 could not have had her children in daycare and had a commute, because such things did not exist.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
Well, my thought is that Prov 31 should not be used to justify either SAH or WOH. I feel as though the main lesson from that passage is that the woman feared the Lord and worked hard to serve God and her family. How exactly she went about that is only details and not important.
I feel the passage does show an extremely industrious woman, but I don't take that to be an attack on either side of the working fence.
As to the OP, I personally feel that it is right for me to stay home with my children, and that in ideal circumstances one parent should, but as to whatever choices my dd makes when she is older, that is up to her, and I won't be "disappointed" with whatever she chooses, because it's her life, her story, not mine - it's not all about me, it's all about her.
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"I have nothing to add, except to agree with Manda."
(agapetos, July 2008)
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