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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 9:10:01 AM
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LaurainAL
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quote:
As to the OP, I personally feel that it is right for me to stay home with my children, and that in ideal circumstances one parent should, but as to whatever choices my dd makes when she is older, that is up to her, and I won't be "disappointed" with whatever she chooses, because it's her life, her story, not mine - it's not all about me, it's all about her.
I agree.
quote:
she did not have a 40 minute commute both ways,
Maybe she did. Unless her home was right next to the market where she sold her goods, then she had a commute either on foot or riding livestock.
But that really is irrelavant. Like Sideways says, the P31 woman should not be used to justify or condemn either choice.
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My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy! ~Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 9:19:12 AM
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Sideways
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One gentleman at our church is a SAH, homeschooling dad to three daughters. His wife brings in the paycheck. For them it works well, and I doubt he'd be upset if his daughters decided to WOH or to homeschool their own children.
Man, that has to be a lonely life, a HSing dad. Most HSers are very conservative and might look down on a male not bringing in a paycheck. I need to talk to him more, he seems extremely passionate about what he does. At church I caught him speaking at least 3 different languages to his young girls; it was a bit confusing, but cool. 
My hubby works with a woman who has a son and a SAH husband. Seems to work well for them, too.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 9:23:00 AM
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LaurainAL
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I was think about another issue that goes along with this thread.
For those of you who believe that Mom should stay home and Dad should work, what are your expectations for your sons? Are you encouraging a career that pays a high salary so that it will be easier for his wife to stay home?
_____________________________
My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on earth enjoy! ~Thomas Jefferson
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 9:30:55 AM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 12178
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quote:
For those of you who believe that Mom should stay home and Dad should work, what are your expectations for your sons? Are you encouraging a career that pays a high salary so that it will be easier for his wife to stay home?
no...as with our daughters we will encourage our sons to do what God calls them to do. I never grew up with parents that made much money (they were in ministry)...and my hubby being in the military doesn't make much money....yet God has provided for us over and over and over again. My hubby's family never had to worry about money...they all have high paying jobs and if they ever fell on hard times and couldn't pay a bill that came in they have ways of still getting money. Now I am not saying that it's a bad thing, but there are things that they have never had to learn to do because of it....and they don't rely on God for what they have. They instead rely on their own strength and in doing so don't see God in anything. I would much rather my child lean on God to provide then think that it's in their own strength and wisdom that they can provide. That's not their place....they are all, boys and girls, being taught that they are simply the vessel that God can work through in everything.
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"Some [babies] are just so inexplicably persnickety and unpleasing that it's easy to imagine that they were not actually floating in amniotic fluid but in pickle juice!" -Maggie (3cappuccinosmom)
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 9:31:48 AM
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Sideways
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My inlaws are both teachers at a Christian School, and they feel very passionately that this is their mission field in service to God. That being said, they strongly discouraged my hubby from being either a teacher or a pastor (he was interested in doing either or both), partially because they'd become disenchanted with the downsides of both professions and largely because of money.
They have been open about the fact that they wanted their sons to have "the good life" and get higher paying careers. But it was never about helping out their future DIL's to stay home (though they've been extremely supportive of me and SIL staying home).
Do I want my children to be rich? Well, yes, as long as they are following God's call in their lives. Money used wisely brings a lot of security and ease to life. But dH and I will teach our children to manage what money they have wisely (something dH was never taught).
dH wanted a higher salary to give me the option of staying home, and still allow us a comfortable standard of living. I guess that's what I would want for my children, that they have enough money to have choices about who will stay home, if at all. (And if I have a daughter, they maybe she can make big bucks and have her hubby stay home.  )
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 12:05:04 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
Do I want my children to be rich? Well, yes, as long as they are following God's call in their lives. Money used wisely brings a lot of security and ease to life. But dH and I will teach our children to manage what money they have wisely (something dH was never taught).
dH wanted a higher salary to give me the option of staying home, and still allow us a comfortable standard of living. I guess that's what I would want for my children, that they have enough money to have choices about who will stay home, if at all. (And if I have a daughter, they maybe she can make big bucks and have her hubby stay home.)
I agree, Ruth.
Micah and I have sort of done things backwards from most people, we got married and started a family and THEN went back to college. But it's working for us, and that is what matters.
Do we desire "riches", yes, of course we do. There are a lot of things that we enjoy doing that we would LOVE to do more often especially with kids and things like fun vacations, summer camps, etc... just aren't feasible on $30k a year.
But anyway, our biggest desire as parents is that our children learn to love and serve the Lord, following His plan for their lives. If that means our DD works, or our (if we ever have one) son stays home then that's fine. It really doesn't have anything to do with us, it's about them and their ability to hear the Lord.
_____________________________
Ryanne Gabriella Alexis born 8-22-07!
The opinions stated in the above post are solely mine and in no way should they be
construed as offensive due to your own insecurity.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 12:18:36 PM
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ladyingrace1979
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Both my husband and I have stayed at home at various times. Usually the choice was based on who could earn the most living wage. We never had a lot but my kids only spent short amounts of time in daycare.
This is what I have encouraged my daughters to do. As far as college, you never loose the skills and knowledge you gain from a degree. The general education is very valuable either to help your kids with public/private education or as a homeschool parent. Life is very uncertain, you may never marry or have kids. If you do marry and have kids, there are a number of reasons you may have to be the bread winner for the family, or even to supliment your husband's income when the kids are in school. Gaining skills and knowledge are never a waste of time. I encourage my daughters to get their college degree or some form of training when they are young and life tends to be less difficult.
Kim Q
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 2:19:39 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
For those of you who believe that Mom should stay home and Dad should work, what are your expectations for your sons? Are you encouraging a career that pays a high salary so that it will be easier for his wife to stay home?
When my younger brother was born, my parents decided that mom would stay home for a few years. Well, my dad's job didn't pay to much, even though he dearly loved his job. There were times when "God provided" in the form of financial help from family or friends, but then they had to go on the government welfare program known as WIC.
Going on welfare was the last straw for my dad, so he decided to be a man and accept a higher paying job, even though he didn't like it as much. I would definitely want my son to act this way. I've seen to many uncles try to "pursue their dream", leaving their wives struggling to care for the kids and hold down a difficult job.
I would disappointed with my son if he deliberately did not take a decent paying job, just to pursue his dream, and I'd be mighty suspicious if "God told him" to take a job that didn't provide a basic standard of living for his family. Of course, if my son and DIL decide together that he will stay home, while she brings in the bucks... then good for them. That wouldn't bother me at all.
I will expect any daughters I have to be able to bring in a good salary, even if they choose to stay home, but I think the emotions are different.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 5:22:30 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 4929
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
There were times when "God provided" in the form of financial help from family or friends, but then they had to go on the government welfare program known as WIC.
I know you didn't mean that as derogatory, but there are alot of families here who are on WIC and it may be construed that way... WIC is not really welfare, they don't provide enough food for you to live on(not even close). It's only things like milk, cheese, juice, dried beans, and then tuna and/or peanut butter if you are nursing. It's only for pregnant/nursing women and kids under 5...
_____________________________
Ryanne Gabriella Alexis born 8-22-07!
The opinions stated in the above post are solely mine and in no way should they be
construed as offensive due to your own insecurity.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 5:53:06 PM
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Bro_Shane
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
quote:
There were times when "God provided" in the form of financial help from family or friends, but then they had to go on the government welfare program known as WIC.
I know you didn't mean that as derogatory, but there are alot of families here who are on WIC and it may be construed that way... WIC is not really welfare, they don't provide enough food for you to live on(not even close). It's only things like milk, cheese, juice, dried beans, and then tuna and/or peanut butter if you are nursing. It's only for pregnant/nursing women and kids under 5...
Welfare is not determined by how much aid you receive, but that you recieve aid. There is an income level that, when you reach it, you do not qualify for WIC.
WIC is welfare. When you have a segment of the population that is included or excluded from a program based on income, and the funding from such programs comes from tax dollars, it is welfare.
Derogative or not, it is what it is.
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Now, where was that Benny Hinn thread?
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 6:18:19 PM
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ladyingrace1979
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
quote:
There were times when "God provided" in the form of financial help from family or friends, but then they had to go on the government welfare program known as WIC.
I know you didn't mean that as derogatory, but there are alot of families here who are on WIC and it may be construed that way... WIC is not really welfare, they don't provide enough food for you to live on(not even close). It's only things like milk, cheese, juice, dried beans, and then tuna and/or peanut butter if you are nursing. It's only for pregnant/nursing women and kids under 5...
Even if it were is that evil?
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 6:19:21 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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My point was that it is not food stamps, it's not something to be ashamed of needing. If all men whose families received WIC went and found higher paying jobs, the majority of our enlisted military personnel would cease to be active.
Would you be the one putting on 70lbs of armor and wearing it 7 days a week, for 15+ hours at a time?
_____________________________
Ryanne Gabriella Alexis born 8-22-07!
The opinions stated in the above post are solely mine and in no way should they be
construed as offensive due to your own insecurity.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 6:49:23 PM
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Bro_Shane
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ladyingrace1979
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
quote:
There were times when "God provided" in the form of financial help from family or friends, but then they had to go on the government welfare program known as WIC.
I know you didn't mean that as derogatory, but there are alot of families here who are on WIC and it may be construed that way... WIC is not really welfare, they don't provide enough food for you to live on(not even close). It's only things like milk, cheese, juice, dried beans, and then tuna and/or peanut butter if you are nursing. It's only for pregnant/nursing women and kids under 5...
Even if it were is that evil?
I don't think it's evil. I hate to answer for someone else, so my opinion is that if someone really needs the help I see no problem in them getting it. Where the problem lies, with me at least, is when people receive it when they are more than capable of taking care of themselves. I think this is what Sideways meant, but if I am wrong I do not mind being corrected.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
My point was that it is not food stamps, it's not something to be ashamed of needing. If all men whose families received WIC went and found higher paying jobs, the majority of our enlisted military personnel would cease to be active.
I agree that people who have a true need should not be ashamed, and I didn't say they should. You said it "was not really welfare" when that is what it is. That was the point I was making.
quote:
Would you be the one putting on 70lbs of armor and wearing it 7 days a week, for 15+ hours at a time?
Oh, so there is a prerequisite to be able to state facts? I would also know where you got your numbers that state the majority of our enlisted military personnel are on WIC, or would "cease to be active" if they did not receive it. By your tone I will assume you know someone on WIC that is a military family. If this is so, then you should also know that enlisted men have little to no choice as to when they may cease to do pretty much anything until their enlistment is up.
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Now, where was that Benny Hinn thread?
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 6:52:45 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 2346
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
quote:
There were times when "God provided" in the form of financial help from family or friends, but then they had to go on the government welfare program known as WIC.
I know you didn't mean that as derogatory, but there are alot of families here who are on WIC and it may be construed that way... WIC is not really welfare, they don't provide enough food for you to live on(not even close). It's only things like milk, cheese, juice, dried beans, and then tuna and/or peanut butter if you are nursing. It's only for pregnant/nursing women and kids under 5...
Well, Bro Shane is right that it is welfare, but I did not mean to disparage those who need it. I just meant that when we needed WIC, that was the final kick for my dad to make the change he did.
Funnily enough, he joined the Army to receive better training for a better paying job. He started as an E3, so I think we were technically below the poverty level, but we did not need to use WIC once he became active military. Of course, his choice was difficult as it meant uprooting us once for his training then again for his assignment, but he did what he had to do.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 6:59:35 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 12178
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From: Between Hither and Yon
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quote:
I would also know where you got your numbers that state the majority of our enlisted military personnel are on WIC, or would "cease to be active" if they did not receive it. By your tone I will assume you know someone on WIC that is a military family. If this is so, then you should also know that enlisted men have little to no choice as to when they may cease to do pretty much anything until their enlistment is up.
actually yes, the majority of lower enlisted married in the military ARE on WIC. I can't just name one...I can name dozens....actually I can name one that ISN'T on it and that is us...even though we qualify for it we do not see the need to be on it just because of that. God has blessed our meager salary enough that we are debt free and able to afford food for our kids....so we choose to not use that.
_____________________________
"Some [babies] are just so inexplicably persnickety and unpleasing that it's easy to imagine that they were not actually floating in amniotic fluid but in pickle juice!" -Maggie (3cappuccinosmom)
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 7:00:11 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 4929
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Bro_Shane
quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
My point was that it is not food stamps, it's not something to be ashamed of needing. If all men whose families received WIC went and found higher paying jobs, the majority of our enlisted military personnel would cease to be active.
I agree that people who have a true need should not be ashamed, and I didn't say they should. You said it "was not really welfare" when that is what it is. That was the point I was making.
quote:
Would you be the one putting on 70lbs of armor and wearing it 7 days a week, for 15+ hours at a time?
Oh, so there is a prerequisite to be able to state facts? I would also know where you got your numbers that state the majority of our enlisted military personnel are on WIC, or would "cease to be active" if they did not receive it. By your tone I will assume you know someone on WIC that is a military family. If this is so, then you should also know that enlisted men have little to no choice as to when they may cease to do pretty much anything until their enlistment is up.
I agree that my definition of "welfare" was incorrect.
I can attest that I was a navy brat whose family received WIC, and I do happen to know more then one(more like 10 or 15 in my personal life) military family who receive WIC. Our enlisted personnel live under the poverty level by a decent amount. When my DH was active(yup, I'm a military wife too) he brought home a whopping $22k a year including our housing allowance. He was a "grunt", an Infantry Rifleman in the Marine Corps who worked 15 hours a day on post and filling sandbags and then spent 7 hours sleeping on "high alert", which basically meant he could have to go at any time.
So yeah... I happen to know that they have to serve their contract and can't just leave.
_____________________________
Ryanne Gabriella Alexis born 8-22-07!
The opinions stated in the above post are solely mine and in no way should they be
construed as offensive due to your own insecurity.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 4/30/2008 7:28:31 PM
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PrincessDonna
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quote:
First of all, this is not meant to be a debate thread and I am asking for information only. If you want to debate the merits of staying home or not, this is not the thread for you.
For those of you who believe that a woman should stay home with her children, what exactly do you teach your daughters? Will you encourage her to stay home when she has children? Will you encourage her to go to college? If yes, why? Should she learn a trade or only learn home economics?
quote:
I was think about another issue that goes along with this thread.
For those of you who believe that Mom should stay home and Dad should work, what are your expectations for your sons? Are you encouraging a career that pays a high salary so that it will be easier for his wife to stay home?
This is the OP of the thread. WIC, food stamps, or whether the military pays enough are not the topic in this thread. Please go back to topic.
Thanks,
PrincessDonna
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 5/1/2008 9:01:50 AM
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lexie
Posts: 2531
Joined: 6/27/2005
From: Toronto
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quote:
Are you encouraging a career that pays a high salary so that it will be easier for his wife to stay home?
I will encourage my sons to take a career that makes them happy. I've been a sahm for the last 16 months. I was never on maternity leave, so we have always lived on one, unstable income. At times there wasn't a lot of money coming, but we made it work and have been able to live very comfortably. You don't need to have a super high income to be able to stay home with your children.
I know of one family, where both parents work that I would love to say that maybe the wife should stay home more (but I won't because it's not my place right now). Both parents are working two jobs and are never home, and lots of people around them can see that it is affecting their children. Their household and financial needs could be met if they cut back on their hours at work but they would rather keep working and buy luxury needs.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 5/1/2008 4:23:39 PM
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Georgia-Peach
Posts: 1964
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Georgia on my mind
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quote:
For those of you who believe that a woman should stay home with her children, what exactly do you teach your daughters? Will you encourage her to stay home when she has children? Will you encourage her to go to college? If yes, why? Should she learn a trade or only learn home economics?
I do think if I ever have a daughter(s) that I will encourage them to educate themselves beyond high school. I think it is good for reasons someone else listed there are many reasons for this such as they may not marry or may marry late in life, their husbands could become disabled or something more devastating, etc. They may need to be able to be the bread winner for a season in their life whether single or married. I do believe in my heart that woman should stay home with their children whenever possible, but I would never force that on to my daughter(s) or anyone for that matter. That is my personal belief. Now if she asked me straight forward I would be honest, but ultimately that choice would be hers. I think it is awesome for women to be educated as much as possible. I plan to go back to college when my youngest is in school. But, I will work my schedule around theirs as much as possible. I am probably babbling on, but I think regardless of our children's gender we should encourage them to further themselves and be productive members of society.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 5/4/2008 3:56:13 PM
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legalnicki
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I am a SAHM, and I have a son (age 11) and daughter (age 7). I'm raising them both to be independent, and I will be strongly encouraging them both to graduate from college. I will also be encouraging them to wait until they are financially stable and off to a good start in their chosen careers before they get married and have children.
I think I'm kind of teaching them the reverse of what I've done, as I'm not at all happy with my position as a SAHM. I dropped out of college after two years (I just completed my A.A. last year), then got married when I was 23. That is fine for some people, but for *me* it was much too soon.
If my daughter were to decide to be a SAHM, I'd be happy for her as long as she thoroughly thought the decision through. I wouldn't be so pleased if my son decided to be a SAHD, however.
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 5/4/2008 4:45:42 PM
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clag4christ
Posts: 3046
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quote:
I think I'm kind of teaching them the reverse of what I've done, as I'm not at all happy with my position as a SAHM. I dropped out of college after two years (I just completed my A.A. last year), then got married when I was 23. That is fine for some people, but for *me* it was much too soon.
I'm sorry you're finding your choice to be a SAHM so hard. I encourage you to instead focus on what a blessing and a legacy you're giving your children! A mom who is there for them 100% of the time, whenever they need you, you can be there. You can rearrange your schedule to meet their needs perfectly! What a wonderful gift you're giving your children!
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<-----Sweet Jael
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RE: Question for SAHM or Dads - 5/4/2008 5:11:08 PM
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legalnicki
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I re-read my post, and it seems I was just a *tad* too harsh. I am happy that I get to be home for the kiddos, and drop them off/pick them up from school. I'm equally happy, however, that I no longer have a baby on my hip because I have been able to work towards some goals of mine (working on school and developing my art/business).
I guess my biggest regrets are not really staying home with the kids, but more like dropping out of school, getting married too young and not really developing much of a career - only because I can't financially support myself and I feel that my vote doesn't count so much when it comes to some household decisions around here. But that's another post for another topic (that I think I've actually made a while ago!).
Sorry I worded my post so harshly! I truly *am* grateful that I've been able to be home with the kids. Not grateful for some of the things that go along with that, but I'm growing and improving myself so that I'm happier in the situation that I chose.
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