RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (Full Version)

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David7704 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/2/2007 10:57:46 PM)

Where are all the Christian men? I can tell you where they're not....in CHURCH! Maybe if churches were more geared toard singles (90 million in the US alone) there would be more in church



benelchi -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/3/2007 12:49:26 AM)

quote:

Maybe if churches were more geared toard singles (90 million in the US alone) there would be more in church


Speaking from the perspective of a single Christian, I believe many churches are already too geared towards singles. Churches need to do a much better job at integrating singles into the rest of the church body instead gearing special services, or sometimes even whole churches, just for the "needs" of singles. Singles should be using their God given gifts to serve the church body (including those who are not single), not waiting to see how the church can serve them.



draexo -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/3/2007 8:16:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: David7704

Where are all the Christian men? I can tell you where they're not....in CHURCH! Maybe if churches were more geared toard singles (90 million in the US alone) there would be more in church


I disagree. I also agree.

Some churches are too geared toward singles. Others offer them nothing.
We need balance.



gaylel1 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/3/2007 9:51:03 AM)

There are single men in ministry and most churches are encouraging the single saints to be servants of God. Some are family oriented that singles sometimes are excluded because of the stereotype that you are not worthy to serve because of your status.

I notice the poster before these two was an attempt to advertise his Christian dating service.



benelchi -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/3/2007 10:15:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: draexo

quote:

ORIGINAL: David7704

Where are all the Christian men? I can tell you where they're not....in CHURCH! Maybe if churches were more geared toard singles (90 million in the US alone) there would be more in church


I disagree. I also agree.

Some churches are too geared toward singles. Others offer them nothing.
We need balance.


If we go back just a 100 years in history, we find that none of the churches specifically offered the singles anything, but in most churches singles were well integrated as part of the body. The idea that we need different ministries for different groups of people is a pretty modern concept, and one that I think often hurts the church (and singles) more than it helps. I don't think that everything about singles ministries is wrong, but I think a key indicator of the problem is that in many contemporary churches the singles rarely interact or fellowship with members who are not single (especially in bigger churches). The church is supposed to be our Christian family, and singles should be a part of that family, contributing and fellowshipping with the rest of the family members. I do believe that many churches could do this better, but so could many singles attending those churches, this is really a two ways street.



Kat_D -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/3/2007 10:51:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: David7704

Where are all the Christian men? I can tell you where they're not....in CHURCH! Maybe if churches were more geared toard singles (90 million in the US alone) there would be more in church



Oh, they're in church...at least in ours. But from what I've heard, they're just lame when it comes to women. My theory is that many were probably womanizers before they came to the Lord and revert to the opposite extreme after. You can't really blame them!



dinomax55 -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/3/2007 6:06:20 PM)

I see I missed a lot..
I would agree that balance is needed with regards to a church 'dealing' with singles in their congregation. There should be a ministry somewhat separate from the main church body, but the church should have service requirements for the group as well. That way there is dedicated involvement, as well as having their needs attended to. I've been in a church where singles were kind of pushed to the side- it was very family- friendly, and I didn't feel comfortable or engaged there. Singleness was treated almost as a condition, rather than a lifestyle- 'When are you gonna find a good woman???' and all of that.

That said, a person should not join a church merely to seek what he/she can get out of it, but what needs that person can help attend to- how to best serve the congregation. I firmly believe that. So despite any grumblings I may have regarding the quality of women in my church, my first priority remains (as it should for everyone, I think) to serve those within that body, and the body of Christ in general.

As far as the baggage issue, I haven't met anyone without some drama in their lives- but we all have a different tolerance level for it. As for me, I wouldn't be concerned too much about divorced parents and the like- nuclear families undergoing fission are commonplace- but I could be concerned if the person had some unresolved relationships of her own ('baby-mama drama' for those of the hip-hop set). I wouldn't be judgemental about the person, but I've been in that situation before, and it is not for me...



jadedsaint -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/11/2007 1:11:51 AM)

So, is that why christian women date non-christian men? It's hard enough to find someone - especially a christian. So when I see christian women dating none christian men it makes me think I'm wasting my time trying to find one. I guess I should just look for women I'm attracted to regardless of faith like I used to.



Telemachus -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/12/2007 12:10:19 AM)

It's not a matter of knowing where the single Christian men or single Christian women are; it's a matter of finding single Christians at all. My generation (I'm 23) has strayed so far from God that it is difficult for either gender to find a proper mate.



draexo -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/12/2007 8:37:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Telemachus

It's not a matter of knowing where the single Christian men or single Christian women are; it's a matter of finding single Christians at all. My generation (I'm 23) has strayed so far from God that it is difficult for either gender to find a proper mate.

I've attended two churches in the last 7 years. One has about 1100 members and caters to all groups. The other has 110 members and very few singles. (I can name most of them off the top of my head). I really feel for the singles at the smaller church as they are pretty much forced to look outside their home church for Christians.

I would recommend trying different Christian churches in your area.



A_crucified_man -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/12/2007 11:25:03 PM)

As for churches "catering" to different groups, including singles, just sounds wrong to me - we are the Church, the body of Christ, and He is the Head. With that said, if you're believing the Lord wants for you to be married, then you simply have to trust Him to lead you to the godly brother or sister that He has chosen for you; He is Faithful.

You should never look for a partner, but allow God to have His way in your life by bringing you the right mate.



draexo -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/14/2007 1:40:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: A_crucified_man

As for churches "catering" to different groups, including singles, just sounds wrong to me - we are the Church, the body of Christ, and He is the Head. With that said, if you're believing the Lord wants for you to be married, then you simply have to trust Him to lead you to the godly brother or sister that He has chosen for you; He is Faithful.

You should never look for a partner, but allow God to have His way in your life by bringing you the right mate.

Part of the reason we left that church that "catered" was that is was ... not sure how to word this...
comparmentalizing its groups without integration and giving too much power to some without sufficient oversight. Anyways I am off on a tangent!

I disagree. I went looking for a partner and found her. I limited myself to Christians in my area and not just my church. It worked for us. God was in it. Sometimes God will want us to take initiative!



derek_from_canada -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/14/2007 2:04:27 PM)

Sometimes God can lead through the old "road to damascus", bolt of lighting, experience. Where there is a clear word from God. And certainly being open to that and aware of that possibility is good.

But I think that most of us don't get that experience and it is no less a direction to use the other means of knowing God's will with scripture, discernment, experience and reason. Reading God's word, listening to wise christian counsel (through pastors,friends,family and books), praying about relationships, reasoning about it, acting and initiating can give God opportunities to work.

God doesn't usually steer a parked car. You've stil got to move and act and be engaged in life and in the people around you.

Going to the mountaintop or desert or 40 day fast on your own and waiting for years for a "forced" word from God when he already gave it to you through scripture and common sense is not always the right thing.



A_crucified_man -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/14/2007 8:51:57 PM)

You're assuming, that by not looking, the "car" is in park - alas, it is actually moving with the Lord and He will be the One Who leads you to your mate.

I was told 5 years ago that the Lord has a wife for me, so it would be foolish of me to go out searching for her when all I have to do is wait on His timing to bring us together. BTW, the advice I gave was given to me by a minister I highly respect and she gives the same advice to every person she counsels who desires a mate.

If you want to go "searching", my advice is to do so with the Lord's permission, and leading otherwise you might miss His perfect will for your life.



draexo -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/15/2007 11:29:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: A_crucified_man

You're assuming, that by not looking, the "car" is in park - alas, it is actually moving with the Lord and He will be the One Who leads you to your mate.

I was told 5 years ago that the Lord has a wife for me, so it would be foolish of me to go out searching for her when all I have to do is wait on His timing to bring us together. BTW, the advice I gave was given to me by a minister I highly respect and she gives the same advice to every person she counsels who desires a mate.

If you want to go "searching", my advice is to do so with the Lord's permission, and leading otherwise you might miss His perfect will for your life.

A female minister. That is in itself not biblical.

I guess you could sit at home or at work and wait for your mate to show up and say "Here I am, God sent me!". Sounds boring to me. Maybe it is just me, but I do not think God likes boring.



mutinywxgirl -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/15/2007 11:55:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: draexo

quote:

ORIGINAL: A_crucified_man

You're assuming, that by not looking, the "car" is in park - alas, it is actually moving with the Lord and He will be the One Who leads you to your mate.

I was told 5 years ago that the Lord has a wife for me, so it would be foolish of me to go out searching for her when all I have to do is wait on His timing to bring us together. BTW, the advice I gave was given to me by a minister I highly respect and she gives the same advice to every person she counsels who desires a mate.

If you want to go "searching", my advice is to do so with the Lord's permission, and leading otherwise you might miss His perfect will for your life.

A female minister. That is in itself not biblical.

I guess you could sit at home or at work and wait for your mate to show up and say "Here I am, God sent me!". Sounds boring to me. Maybe it is just me, but I do not think God likes boring.

bolded the parts that stood out to me.

Something doesn't sound right if she's giving the SAME advice to everyone. Isn't God able to work in each of our lives individually? And why do you need to hear from God through her? God needs to be talking TO YOU.

We cannot remain stagnant and expect God to drop our spouse in our laps!!!!!!!!!! Who said going out and searching for her was foolish? We are to seek for our spouses and allow God to work through our circumstances. No matter what you are doing, it's going to be in God's timing. Why shut yourself off from meeting some incredibly wonderful people who may be in your life to teach you things YOU need to learn BEFORE you are ready for this spouse dropping into your life?



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (12/17/2007 8:37:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mutinywxgirl

We cannot remain stagnant and expect God to drop our spouse in our laps!!!!!!!!!! Who said going out and searching for her was foolish? We are to seek for our spouses and allow God to work through our circumstances. No matter what you are doing, it's going to be in God's timing. Why shut yourself off from meeting some incredibly wonderful people who may be in your life to teach you things YOU need to learn BEFORE you are ready for this spouse dropping into your life?


I agree with this. If you are following God with your life, whether you are going into ministry or pursuing a "secular" job that you work with Christians principles (for a Christian, there is no secular work because we interact with the mission field - unsaved people - whereever we are), God can drop the perfect fit for you into your lap. I've seen it happen to others, and it happened to me. Be about God's business in your life and He can engineer that young woman to be in your path where you will find her. And God puts other people into our lives to teach and bless us, or have us bless them.

Life for the Christian is a daily adventure because you don't know what God is going to do today! Pursue God, and expect Him to give you whatever you need, in His perfect time, as a "bonus." Matt. 6:33



shelleyMM -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (4/9/2008 7:35:42 PM)

I've always said that there IS someone out there for you!?! You just have to wait until THE BOTH OF YOU are ready for each other!?! Maybe that person is in a relationship that they need to work their way out of!?! Maybe they are finishing up college in another state!?! Maybe they haven't come to the Lord yet!?! Or maybe YOU have some personal issues to WORK through before entering this life long relationship!?! Just know that your partner for life... is just getting ready for you!?! They are out there somewhere becoming the perfect person for you! NOT a perfect person... but the perfect person FOR YOU! The person you need them to be!?! And you need to be doing the same!?! You need to become the person that you would want to spend the rest of your life with!?! Offer your future partner nothing less than your best YOU!!! Never FORCE anything!?! Go... look... you WILL meet them... but when it's time. I met my future husband (We're getting married in 6 1/2 weeks!!!) on Yahoo Personals. (I was a NONpaying member! HA!) I wasn't REALLY actively looking!?! I mean... I wasn't on there every day... scouring the profiles!?! But I saw this face... these eyes... and read his profile... and I just... was hooked!?! We chatted online and on the phone for a week or so... and then poof!?! He was gone!?! It was kind of a bummer... but I wished him well. And from time to time I'd glance at his profile... and that face... that smile... and those sweet eyes... just made me smile!?! Then... 6 months later... we started conversing again... and... HOLY COW!?! That was it!?! We were totally crazy about each other!?! Fell in love QUICK!!! And we are just the perfect people for each other's lives!?! And one evening he said, "I'm just so bummed that we wasted all of that time!?! We could have spent 6 MONTHS together by now!?! Just... so much time lost!?!" And I said, "No... we just weren't ready for each other yet!?! You had some stuff to take care of... and I had some stuff to take care of... before we could REALLY be ready for THIS relationship!?!" It worked out just the way it was supposed to!?! And it will for you too!?! If you just don't force it!?! So... go... prepare yourself... look around... don't stress about it... and be ready to offer your BEST YOU to your future PARTNER FOR LIFE!!! ;)



FaithLegacy -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (4/9/2008 9:37:22 PM)

In reading some comments something stuck out to me that seemed odd. I wonder for example the girls who were passed up by men even though they held tight to Christian morals and felt bad. I'm 26yrs old and "pure" and I have asked myself the same question-but I realized that if my focus in life is saving myself for marriage then I might as well have a one night stand and get it over with. I am saving myself because I know that is what God requires of me. Not just becoz it’s the right thing in the eyes of ppl or men. The focus of my decision is the love and respect I have for my God not men. So if a man does not take notice of that value why would I want them anyway? Or why should I even care? I am not following a standard I am following God. I learned not to focus on getting married- but focus on making myself to be the women of God I’m called to be. I want to be the woman of God my husband needs me to be. And I can only do so if my focus is God NOT a man. I know God knows my desires, hopes and dreams. And I do believe that if I focus and Him and my ministries then in Gods timing it will all come. But, I am also prepared that it may not. Which ever the case maybe I desire to give my utmost not for the sake of marriage, rules, and guidelines but for the love of my savior.



deermousie -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (4/10/2008 12:48:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FaithLegacy

In reading some comments something stuck out to me that seemed odd. I wonder for example the girls who were passed up by men even though they held tight to Christian morals and felt bad. I'm 26yrs old and "pure" and I have asked myself the same question-but I realized that if my focus in life is saving myself for marriage then I might as well have a one night stand and get it over with. I am saving myself because I know that is what God requires of me. Not just becoz it’s the right thing in the eyes of ppl or men. The focus of my decision is the love and respect I have for my God not men. So if a man does not take notice of that value why would I want them anyway? Or why should I even care? I am not following a standard I am following God. I learned not to focus on getting married- but focus on making myself to be the women of God I’m called to be. I want to be the woman of God my husband needs me to be. And I can only do so if my focus is God NOT a man. I know God knows my desires, hopes and dreams. And I do believe that if I focus and Him and my ministries then in Gods timing it will all come. But, I am also prepared that it may not. Which ever the case maybe I desire to give my utmost not for the sake of marriage, rules, and guidelines but for the love of my savior.


This is awesome, FaithLegacy! You get it! You are exactly right!

I agree with Shelley, too, about getting ready and people being a perfect match but not perfect.

I met the man I would marry when I was 37. He moved into my town when I was 34 and leaving. God knew, and when we were ready I came back and then we ran across each other and married (I was 38. Had a kid at 40). Yeah, we're a perfect match - we joke that when we married each other we saved two innocent people a lot of trouble! [:D] Through the years I can see how each of us had what the other needed to promote their sanctification (if you are thinking rock tumbler, that's about right). It hasn't been all bliss but the outcome is good and we love each other more than ever. For older single people, I hope this encourages you.

If I had married him at 25, I would have destroyed him, I'm sure. God is gracious.



DrivenbyGod -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (4/10/2008 1:25:30 AM)

quote:

Many of us would sit and talk about where are the Christian guys who want to date a Christian girl who maintains her Christian walk.
We usually wound up dating a somewhat nice guy for a bit of time because we didn't have any Christian guys who would ask us out.


quote:

I'm very fortunate to have found a Christian man to marry - this happened when I was nearly 38.


All i can say is Jesus please help me!



DrivenbyGod -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (4/10/2008 1:41:18 AM)

quote:

My theory is that many were probably womanizers before they came to the Lord and revert to the opposite extreme after.


I was never a womanizer, but I didn't have a dating problem... till one day I lost it... and I mean completely - zero confidence for years. I thought I was cursed by our Lord.. I still don't know what happened and I still have a problem. I guess I will never know. Sorry for babbling, but this has been on my mind for a long time.



Sararileyann -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (4/10/2008 2:10:11 PM)

Ladies, first of all, you aren't going to find a good man until you get comfortable with you. I agree with Dinomax. Most of the true Christian women I have met sit around like knots on logs and are scared of speaking to a man. Lets face it, these aren't the olden days where you didn't have many options. There are almost 8 billion people on this planet, roughly 4 billion of those are women. Lots of those women have something to say. I am a Christian woman who happens to love talking to people and having fun and experiencing new things. I promise your purity will still be intact if you kick off your shoes and have a little fun and develop a personality. Oh, and realize you don't have to have a man to be happy. Nothing is more unattractive than someone who sits around moping. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a great man ride in to my life right now, preferably in a big 4x4 truck pulling a bass boat, but if he doesn't, I'm okay with that. The bottom line is, is that life isn't always as cut an dry as we thought it would be. School, boyfriend, marriage, babies, grandbabies, die. Sometimes God's plan for us doesn't include those things, at least not on our prefered time table. All I can say is love people, MEET PEOPLE, and live this life for God. You never know what tomorrow will bring and we all know we aren't promised it.
Good luck and God bless all you single ladies, and men! Oh, go on a mission trip! Great way to meet new people. Check out the International Mission Board through the SBC.



RubySparkles -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (4/10/2008 2:38:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sararileyann

Ladies, first of all, you aren't going to find a good man until you get comfortable with you. I agree with Dinomax. Most of the true Christian women I have met sit around like knots on logs and are scared of speaking to a man. Lets face it, these aren't the olden days where you didn't have many options. There are almost 8 billion people on this planet, roughly 4 billion of those are women. Lots of those women have something to say. I am a Christian woman who happens to love talking to people and having fun and experiencing new things. I promise your purity will still be intact if you kick off your shoes and have a little fun and develop a personality. Oh, and realize you don't have to have a man to be happy. Nothing is more unattractive than someone who sits around moping. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a great man ride in to my life right now, preferably in a big 4x4 truck pulling a bass boat, but if he doesn't, I'm okay with that. The bottom line is, is that life isn't always as cut an dry as we thought it would be. School, boyfriend, marriage, babies, grandbabies, die. Sometimes God's plan for us doesn't include those things, at least not on our prefered time table. All I can say is love people, MEET PEOPLE, and live this life for God. You never know what tomorrow will bring and we all know we aren't promised it.
Good luck and God bless all you single ladies, and men! Oh, go on a mission trip! Great way to meet new people. Check out the International Mission Board through the SBC.


It's great that you're so outgoing and can just relax and meet people. Some of those ladies you mentioned might be a little bit like me (never had a good relationship of any kind, consequent emotional problems) avoidance caused fear of rejection might be what keeps them going. I know I do that sometimes although I try not to.



Sararileyann -> RE: Where are the Single Christian men? (4/10/2008 2:56:46 PM)

I realize there are people who are naturally reserved, and there is nothing wrong with that. At the same time, you can't expect to meet someone if you don't ever put yourself out there. Prince charming isn't going to fall out of the sky and land next to you on the pugh. If he does, let me know because I'll be at your church next Sunday! :D
As for having not so great relationships. I've had two long relationships, both not so great. The first lasted from when I was eleven, that's right eleven, until I was 19, when I got pregnant. To say the least my daughter saved my life because I left a horribly destructive situation because I knew God had givin me another chance to follow Him and be a Godly mother. The second relationship was just not right from the beginning, but at the time I wanted a man to love me so much, I tried to pretend it was right. WRONG!
Anyways, all I am saying is I understand its hard when you have had bad relationships in the past, but from every situation I've seen, if you are living your life according to God's will, then you have nothing to worry about. I was so far away from God at the beginning of both of my relationships that there was no hope for either of the to work.



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