RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (Full Version)

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Bosco -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/6/2008 8:16:36 AM)

Prayers going up mbgb!!!



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/6/2008 4:53:38 PM)

OK, here is what I copied from another thread. I would GREATLY appreciate any comments, questions, concerns, prayers. :) Thank you so much. I am not worthy of your time or God's salvation, but somehow I am here. That's just my side note:

Thanks everyone for your prayers. Things went "ok". I wouldn't say great. But as for now our status is still separated. He said he still loved me but wanted me to make changes: a, b, and c. I said I've done everything he has asked of me. All I wanted him to do was go to counseling. He said he agrees that I've done everything, but that he would not go to counseling because I am not a doctor. I said, but I would like for you to do it for me because you love me. I said, So what do you want to do, then? He said, I want you to make changes a, b, and c. I said, Rob I've done that. Do you want to get divorced, or what do you want to do? He agreed again that I have done everything, and he was completely confused, I guess because he couldn't fathom doing something like that for me. Grrrr. So I said that I still loved him deeply, and was sorry for everything, and that I have changed over the past 2 months. I held his hand and looked him in the eye and said, "You have to believe that God has been changing my heart." He looked away and I said we both have to repent to each other, and have to change inside. I then informed him that repent in Hebrew means to change. (I was watching Dr. Stanley on t.v. this morning, and the entire sermon was on Repentence, and it gave me a lot of information I used today..haha.) Anyway, he pulled away, and asked me if I could live with him if he never "believed". I said, I am married to you, and I still love you deeply, and biblically, I am not to leave you, and I choose to not leave you. He said, well, what if I choose to not believe, we're probably going to have arguments about it. I said that I guarantee we will have arguments. I said I do not mean to cause distress in our marriage, but God is alive and within me, and that there is a spiritual battle in my house. He seemed completely confused. I said that everything is just black and white, and that's just how things are with me and that I love God more than him. He seemed really put out by that, but I said I was sorry if it hurt him, but that's just how I feel. I seriously couldn't help it, it's just what came out when I held his hand. He also said that his mom (who is a very strong Christian, and has always loved me) calls and asks if I've killed him yet once a week. That hurt. I know why though, because I kicked holes in the wall and have called him names in the past, before I was convicted again by Christ. I am not belittling what I did at all, and I have hit him, but I'm only 125 lbs. and he's 200lbs. 6'1" tall, I'm 5'2". I know what I did was wrong, and have repented. I would be worried about that for my son too. I understand her point of view. And she also has to be on her son's side. I am not saying I've been perfect in this marriage at all. All I can do is say that now I am convicted again. Rob asked me if he was okay with him being a non-believer, and reminded me we almost broke up because of it. I said, I remember, and had I been walking with God completely, I probably would have not married him, but I wasn't at the time and I do love him deeply. I said, I can attempt to make all of these changes he asks of me, but I cannot guarantee that I will never fall short. I said, I've tried that before, and as soon as I mess up one time, you get really mad at me and it's as if I never tried at all. He got mad and wanted to leave then. I left without saying goodbye. I know that was not the right thing to do, but at least i didn't get mad and cuss him out or anything.

Anyway that's where I stand. I am imperfect, and not worthy of God's love, or Rob's probably. But the worst part is that I know I sound crazy, and his mom has every right to think horrible things about me, as she does not know anything he's done. However, she's always been on "my" side, as she knows he'd be quite hard to live with. I also feel guilt because who am I to say that Rob would ever be saved. His mom probably just wants him to be happy here on Earth, because nothing any of us can do can save him, except for our prayers. God decides. I just feel like a fool in so many ways. But I also feel okay, I guess, if God can use what I've said today for good, but I definitely know that Rob didn't receive it very well. I didn't expect him to, and I didn't mean to be so "preachy", as he put it. I just am I guess.

OK, in summary, thank you sooooooooooo much for every single one of your prayers on my behalf. I know God was with me way more than if it were only me praying. I am just confused about how I should act. But I do know that we are still separated, and that is a good thing to know because now I'm just going to go on with my life, knowing there is nothing more I can do, and I'll just wait for Rob to take action, which he still seems very unsure about any of his feelings about me. But the good thing is that I stood up and did the right thing by clarifying where he and i stand. I don't have to feel guilty about not being in his house becaue i'm doing what he's asked and what is best for us both right now.

God bless you all. Any comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Anyway, we talked for about 2 hours, but this was the jist of everything.



kmangel -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/6/2008 7:50:55 PM)

He keeps asking you about what you will do if he remains an unbeliever. Is this is way out and he wants you to tell him so? Sounds like he wants to leave the ball in your court in order not to take any responsibility for your failed marriage. Irregardless, if going to counseling is not something he is willing to do (and it is a necessity IMO), then he's showing what your marriage means to him. Stand firm on truth and Jesus will sort it all out for you--whether or not your husband stands with you.



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/6/2008 8:07:23 PM)

Thanks. Yes, this is what I've dealt with for a long time. He seems to "love" me, but he won't make any changes. He also doesn't have the guts to sever the marriage. So, I'm just going to let him sit on it, I'm pretty sure he will end things though. But I will keep praying for answers.

On another note, I just told my sister what all happened, and she said, "What is unequally yolked?" Sheesh! So she obviously has no clue what I'm going through, she just thinks he is "mean". She's a Christian, but obviously not as well-versed as I, not that I'm that well-versed. But I guess I just pray for support from people around me, and to not be such a bad witness that I end up sending people away from God. That's not my purpose, but I feel very insecure at this very moment, and feel like that is what I am doing.

Thanks for your input and prayers. :)



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/8/2008 3:07:01 AM)

New prayer request:
I can't explain this, but can everyone please begin to pray specifically that Rob will go to counseling, and that his heart will not feel the need to be abusive anymore, or feel the desire to have hard feelings anymore.

Thanks. I know this sounds crazy, and I feel it's ok to post here, but I think I just received a gentle message that this is what we specifically need to pray for now.

Thanks for everyone's prayers. I'll keep you posted.



GutieNe -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/8/2008 5:40:16 AM)

I will bless the Lord at all times and his praise shall continually be in my mouth!

Hi,
I just happen to drop in - I work the late night shift and was more interested in looking in on some stream broadcasts'. I don't know how I got here but I am glad I did.
My husband and I are in the process of a separation. At first I was devastated, but now I have peace. I can not suggest to you what to do-every situation is diferent, but I can say that through it all I have allowed God to take complete control of the situation. I will be moving out in a few days with my 3 kids and I couldn't be happier. (Please, follow where I am going with this).
My husband has been in church all his life, and so have I, I love my husband, and I know I will miss him. We have been married only 10 months. I am saved and so is he, we take our walk with God very serious and I have an intimate relationship with God. I can go into my prayer room a complete mess and when I come out I am renewed! At first I complained and didn't understand what was happening. But God's word ask's us to cast our cares on Him, and I don't believe that means for us to go back and pick them up. I can testify that God alone can do the change from with in. He is the one who created us. He said that he would take us from faith to faith and glory to glory. We have to understand that its not about us but about God's word the uncompromising gospel being taught - ask your self what is you position and what are you to learn from all of this. God put us here not to be idle but he placed each of us here to have communion with him and to bring others in to the knowledge of his word. We all have an assignment, a ministry, a testimony. I admonish you to seek his face for your answers and not lean to your own understanding. The enemy is going to come with all he's got and I pray that as a believer you don't stand there and take a beating without fighting for what is yours. Abraham, our father of faith was accounted righteousness' unto him for fighting - how did he fight? - he humbled himself and his will and he said its not about me or the son God had blessed him with at such an old age. But because Abraham fought by letting go God blessed him. Today, in this new year for the number 8 = wholeness, please - Seek God in a new way that you can become the woman God intended you to be and a vessel for his glory and He will do the rest.
Pray, fast and after having done all to stand stand there for on God's promises witch is his word - for He is not a God that should or can lie.

Psalms 42

To God be the Glory !



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/9/2008 5:48:01 PM)

Thanks for your reply, I agree that I need to just give it to God. I have been having a REALLY difficult time doing this. However, let me explain why I asked for that last prayer.

This is kind of long, but it's what's led me to asking for the previous prayer. However, ultimately, I know I need to be praying for God's will to be done, and for me to want and try to do His will.

Anyway, I was laying there in bed the other night, distraught, not knowing what to do next, feeling like I never know what the right move is. I am having a hard time just "giving it to God". I don't know why, I just couldn't. I'm laying there, praying..sort of just conversing with God, but not fullly, I don't know what I was doing. I am just soooo at a brick wall and I've been there for a while. Frustrated, I just start saying, "God, I know you've told us about having faith the size of a mustard seed, and faith the size of a mountain. Right now I feel like I have faith a little bit bigger than a mustard seed, but I need you to move that mountain!" I don't know where it came from, it just came out. I didn't know what exactly I wanted Him to move, but I knew i needed Him to move something. I started thinking about what I should pray, and all of the things i'd been praying ran through my head, and I came to Rob's salvation in my thoughts. God said "It won't happen immediately, but it will be." So, basically, I think He is saying that it's already been done, and I don't have to worry about Rob dying without being saved. It may not be anytime soon, but He said, "It will be." He said for me to have peace. So, basically I feel like He's said to me that right now I don't need to be praying for his salvation anymore (for now), that it's already done. But that I do need to begin praying what I asked you to pray and many others. We need to pray for Rob to WANT to go to counseling, and for his heart to no longer have the desire to have hard thoughts, abusive thoughts and actions...because that's what's holding him in bondage. We need to begin praying for these desires to leave his heart. Does that make sense? God wants us to pray for this. This is beginning to move that mountain, I think. It's up to us to continue to ask for God's will and to continue to pray.

Also, I was still laying there, and I just said to myself, "I want my husband!" I've never felt it so strong before, but it was deep inside of me, and I thought that and said it out loud (in my head of course). I said he is mine, and I want him and no one else can have him! Not satan.


Anyway, so if everyone could pray that Rob's desire to have a hard heart and to have abusive thoughts or actions could be lifted from him, and that he would have a desire to go to counseling.



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/13/2008 3:39:47 PM)

Hi all,
Hope you're doing well, I just wanted to update.

Here's my latest update, today I decided to take Rob (my hubby) up on an invitation to go bowling (I made sure we were in public at all times) and then we drove separate cars to go get a late lunch. I wasn't sure what I should do about this, but I prayed and didn't really get a hint that I shouldn't. Things went okay. I mean, we didn't argue, but I was kind of quietly hinted from God (I think) that I should do 4 things: 1) be patient 2) take a back seat 3) submit 4) follow. So I did those, and kind of prayed the entire time I was out with Rob. It went pretty well. He seemed at ease, but I also found out from talking to him that he is very depressed and doesn't really have any plans for the future of any type right now because he's so depressed.

Anyway, I guess if anyone could just say a prayer or two for us, that'd still be greatly appreciated. I'm just praying for strength and wisdom right now. Also, to be able to find a way to speak to Rob in a way that makes sense to him, that I and my parents do still love him very much, but I am also able to stand my ground right now. He said, as we were leaving each other, he hopes we can figure out how to live together one day. I didn't say anything, I just said bye.

So please continue to pray for his heart to be softened, for the desires that remain in his heart to have hard thoughts/feelings and abusive thoughts to be taken away from his heart forever, and for him to WANT to go to counseling. Please pray that his hard heart is melted with the love that those who love him can surround him with. I mentioned my parents still love him very much and mention that to me often, and that I love him still. But I just kind of left it at that for him to think about.

Please also pray for my safety, and wisdom and strength, courage to do what is right by God in this situation. I am trying to remain very close to God right now, I don't want anything to mess that up ever again.

Thanks, I hate to ask of that, but prayers are exactly what this situation needs. It's a huge mess. I appreciate everyone's attentiveness and caring so far. It means so much. Thanks, and let me know if there's anything you'd like for me to pray for. God is good, and He loves us all. Bless you all and Praise be to God!!!



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/15/2008 12:20:03 PM)

Update:
Well, my update goes like this. Rob called me 3 times yesterday and I didn't call him back even though he asked me to, because I'm trying to let him do that because each time I call he lets me down, or blames me for something, or is just angry for some reason. Well, this morning I answered, and he asked why I did not call him back. I told him because of the above reasons. He said it just hurts when I don't call him. I said I'm trying to protect myself and that I didn't feel safe being with him at all. He laughed at me and said he is the one that shouldn't feel safe, and that he never would have hurt me. He said he just tapped me on the head that day that I left. I said whatever you did, you should never lay one hand on me in anger, and I don't feel safe around you. He eventually hung up. Then called me right back, as I figured. He said he just didn't understand because he was very hurt that I didn't feel safe around him. He said I was the one the doctor said has anger issues. I won't even go into that here, but he sounds VERY CONVINCING in the doctor's office, I wouldn't believe he has anger issues either. Anyway, I said that it didn't matter because I was doing everything I could to help out with my anger. I'm on depression meds, I read books, I go to counseling. I told him he hasn't shown me any effort that he's trying to control his anger. He said he didn't think he has a problem. I said if he doesn't even recognize that, then we will just stay where we are. I reminded him how I saw him get madder and madder at me that day when I didn't do anything, and also we went over the incident in the car where he drove me 20 miles against my will, but he said he was just angry with me. I'd say that that qualifies as having an anger problem. I know I don't know yet how to not instigate him, please note that, and I am not perfect in this relationship at all, I just want to reitterate that. But after I reminded him of this he laughed, told me I was irrational, and that he didn't see how this would ever work if I remained irrational. I said so what if I am irrational, you can't change me. You married me, you need to respect my irrational desires. He went on for a little while more and eventually hung up on me again.

aaahhh, as goes my life. Anyway, I just wanted to update you all. I don't know WHAT he is thinking now. All I can do is wait on him. He did eventually admit that he has anger problems, but is he doing anything about it? No. So I stand my ground.

Please pray!!! Thanks!!!!



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/15/2008 12:47:13 PM)

Well, now he's just called me back and said he couldn't believe I said I felt unsafe, and that he's always tried very hard to provide for me and make me feel secure. I said he does do a good job of that, and keeps me safe from other people, and I just kind of left it at that. I honestly didn't know what else to say. Everything I say makes him frustrated and mad. Anyway, he ended our conversation by saying he guessed he would just quit trying for a while, and that he'll be calling me soon to talk about a separation agreement! I just said okay, because I honestly have told him everything, and I didn't know what else to say. What am I supposed to do now? He just said bye and I said bye and we both hung up. Does anyone have any input??? I mean, should I call him back or just leave it? Please pray



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/22/2008 12:22:56 PM)

Hey guys,
I just wanted to say that my husband just called me. I haven't heard from him in 2 days. He said he missed me but he guessed we couldn't be married because I said I didn't trust him. He said he didn't feel like he was a threat and that I lived with him for a year and if I didn't trust him by now, then he guessed he'd start writing up a separation agreement. I don't know how to respond to this! I guess he didn't really do anything except hit me on the head a little, but I don't know if the right thing for me to do is stop him and say let's work this out, or if I should just let him walk. I mean, maybe he's had a change of heart, how do I know??? Please pray for this situation! Thank you!



Kerryannism -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/22/2008 5:18:02 PM)

Hello mbgb,

Has he made any positive moves to make you feel he has had a change of heart or is indeed sorry for what he did and that he recognizes what he did was very wrong? What I mean by positive moves - has he seeked and received counseling?



workermom -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/22/2008 6:03:44 PM)

Hi mbgb-

I am certainely not an advocate of divorce, but you do seriously need to think about your marriage to this man. First you started off the marriage unequally yoked. Go did not intend for us to be unequally yoked.

I once dated a guy who I thought I loved and was my husband to be. I did anything and everything for him. Soon the realsonship turned for the worse, he began to smack me. Smacking turned into punching and kicking in my arms and legs. I took it for awhile, until one day he blackened both of my eyes. About two days later I called off our entire relasonship, he was furious. You know, I found out a few days later he was addicted to cocaine and was selling it too. I never knew. I could have found myself in jail over that crazy man or even dead. I also found out I wasnt the only women he did this to, many more. He had drug problems along with emotional problems that he hid from me for a very long time. It took me a very long time to heal from that and to forgive what he did to me. The funny thing to this was I thought I could "save" him from hisself. I was totally wrong.

From reading your different responses, you are going down the same path I was, thinking I could save this man. You cant, only Jesus can.

So, the reason why I am telling you this is to think seriously about a man who does not know Jesus, who wont admit when he's wrong and taking out his frustrations on you by abuse, whether it be verbal or physical. This is not the kind of man God wants us to be married to and we cant save them.

Be strong, stand up for what's right and don't back down. Dont let anyone take your self-esteem or confindence that you have. Trust Jesus and let him lead the way.



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/22/2008 6:47:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kerryannism

Hello mbgb,

Has he made any positive moves to make you feel he has had a change of heart or is indeed sorry for what he did and that he recognizes what he did was very wrong? What I mean by positive moves - has he seeked and received counseling?



No, he just continues to say that he doesn't know what else we can do, and I have explained it until I'm blue in the face, so now I stay quiet when he says this. I just said something like, "uh huh." Then he says, "Well, I guess I'll try to write up a separatin agreement soon, and I'll be calling you about that." We pause, and I just say okay. He doesn't think he has any kind of problem. I know now that I am being irrational for thinking I can go back to him. I think I have spousal abuse syndrome. I just need to stay really strong. Thanks for commenting.



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/22/2008 6:50:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: workermom

Hi mbgb-

I am certainely not an advocate of divorce, but you do seriously need to think about your marriage to this man. First you started off the marriage unequally yoked. Go did not intend for us to be unequally yoked.

I once dated a guy who I thought I loved and was my husband to be. I did anything and everything for him. Soon the realsonship turned for the worse, he began to smack me. Smacking turned into punching and kicking in my arms and legs. I took it for awhile, until one day he blackened both of my eyes. About two days later I called off our entire relasonship, he was furious. You know, I found out a few days later he was addicted to cocaine and was selling it too. I never knew. I could have found myself in jail over that crazy man or even dead. I also found out I wasnt the only women he did this to, many more. He had drug problems along with emotional problems that he hid from me for a very long time. It took me a very long time to heal from that and to forgive what he did to me. The funny thing to this was I thought I could "save" him from hisself. I was totally wrong.

From reading your different responses, you are going down the same path I was, thinking I could save this man. You cant, only Jesus can.

So, the reason why I am telling you this is to think seriously about a man who does not know Jesus, who wont admit when he's wrong and taking out his frustrations on you by abuse, whether it be verbal or physical. This is not the kind of man God wants us to be married to and we cant save them.

Be strong, stand up for what's right and don't back down. Dont let anyone take your self-esteem or confindence that you have. Trust Jesus and let him lead the way.


Thank you. And you are absolutely right. After posting here and on another site, I have had so many people tell me not to back down. I will do my best not to. I am just confused and hurt. Thanks for your concern and stories. I'll keep everyone posted.



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/22/2008 6:59:18 PM)

Well, he just called me again. AFter he got home from work. He just asked me, "Do you really feel the way you said earlier....that you don't feel safe around me?" I paused and said, "No, I don't think your anger should be taken out on me in violence." He said he was just making sure I felt that way, and explained to me how our counselor always said I was the only one who had problems. I said we could go to counseling together, and he said that statement again. I said if he really loved me he would do anything to make me happy.... blah blah blah, I could go on all day, saying this, but you could probably read the exact same story a throughout this entire thread because we hash over the same thing over and over, and he never ever ever gets it. Anyway, he said he just wanted to make sure that's how I really felt, and said he guessed we'd go through with this. And he hung up.

I am just soooo sad, and completely confused, because he just doesn't understand. Please pray for God to work in this situation somehow someway, and let it all end up for the best for both of us. thanks.



neverbethesame -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/23/2008 10:15:44 AM)

mgbd,

I feel for you so much for you right now!!!

You are in a verbally and abusive relationship that has now turned the deadly corner into physical abuse. He was abusive before he met you and will continue to be abusive until he gets healing via counseling and possibly by coming to know the Lord as well.

I was in a verbally and abusive relationship with a Christian man- drummer on his church's praise & worship team, good friends with his pastor and getting closer all of the time with Christian men at his chuch so... even if your husband gets saved, unless God radically delivers him -which we all know that He can- or your husband sees what he really is, admits his sin and wants to be healed and free- he will be just be a saved verbally, emotionally and physically abusive man.

The circular arguments, the phone calls, the not sure of what will set him off, the things are good then terrible-it is the cycle of abuse. There is SO much information out there on this subject!!! Have you talked to your counselor about this in particular? Women who stay in abusive relationships have to know why they value themselves so little and put up with such nonsense in order for them to get healed and become whole as God intends for us. It takes a lot of painful emotional work but it must be done! Please research this and talke to a professional who has dealt with abuse and how to help women who are in these types of relationships.

There is light at the end of this tunnel for you!! God loves you and has wonderful plan for your life!!!



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/29/2008 9:13:54 PM)

Hi all.
I just wanted to state that first of all I've felt a lot of peace in the past few days. Maybe it's because of the prayers, or maybe God just wanted me to feel that. Anyway, Rob and I had a big argument last night, not untypical for us any day of the week (all over the phone of course). Anyway, I called today and apologized on his voice mail, because I said some things. He called me back and said we just need to work on nurturing our relationship and stop looking for reasons to fight. I don't know, I'm just sooooooooooooo sooooooooooooo tired. I don't even have the strength to pray anymore. I just want God's will to be done, but even talking to my husband wears me out. We just talked again tonight, and he acts as if nothing's happened. I know much of that is just his personality, but I never know what he really means, and I'm kind of in limbo as to what to tell friends who don't know about us being separated yet, it's kind of embarrassing, if they don't know... you know?. I am trying to do God's will, and at the same time, I'm trying to make sure I am at least in control of my own destiny somewhat without being foolish, and I also get reeeaallly lonely some days. I want someone to hug me, and kiss me. I know I need to just pray for strength, and a solution to evolve soon, I guess. I just felt like posting this here.

Hope you are all doing well. Thanks for any prayers. :)



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (1/30/2008 3:46:57 PM)

I just wanted to ask for one more prayer request for now. Please pray that I will be able to see and DO God's will for my life. Please pray that I am not tempted to stray in any way. Not only is my own marriage burdening me right now, but I am still unclear as to how I'm supposed to approach it. I know I'm supposed to try to remain married and let Rob leave if he wants, and pray for him either way. However, I also am 29 years old. I just wonder if I'm supposed to be married and have kids one day. I guess 29 isn't too old, but I'm getting up there, and I would like to have kids one day. I just don't want to spend time doing my own will, and missing God's opportunity for me if that makes any sense. Please just pray that I will not worry about my own desires, and will do God's will. Thanks...that is if you want to of course, or can. Thanks so much!



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (2/3/2008 12:33:43 AM)

Hi all,
I just wanted to report that my husband and I had a "date" tonight, I just got home (at my parents' of course..as we are definitely still separated). But I drove seperately the whole time to the restaurant and to the movie. We had a really nice time, and I am positive it went so well because of everyone's prayers. He seemed to genuinely enjoy my company. I know God was with us, and I prayed to Him during the date sometimes, and He's just wonderful.

Anyway, I just thought it would be good to update. I am definitely planning on not moving forward with moving back in unless some definite changes on his part happen, which will be up to God as far as my sign of when it is okay, and if Rob will actually be able to do that. I just hope I can continue to do God's will, even if it means Rob still decides to leave, I just don't want to mess up anymore and want God to be first in my life, and I want Him to be my first love. Praise Jesus for His gift to us, and for Him loving me first before I could ever love Him because He is so good. He is the Alpha and the Omega, Prince of Peace, most wonderful Counselor. Amen.

Thank you so much for everyone's prayers and concerns. It has meant the world. I hope you are doing well, I'll keep you posted!



4IMPersuaded -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (2/4/2008 7:35:49 PM)

Darlin', I have read through all of your posts. Are you clear on the fact that your relationship bears all of the clear markings of abuse and co-dependency? You are constantly apologizing and trying to appease him. This is not what the Bible means when we, as wives, are called to submit. I am proud of you for your efforts, but know this-- the Bible's admonitions of submission are not instructions on enduring abuse. Abuse falls into a completely different category and you need to take a serious look at your behavior. I mean this is a positive and honest way, dear one. You are constantly apologizing for what? Not allowing him to continue his pattern of abuse? You cannot continue to enable his behavior. Don't allow him to keep manipulating you! Your counselor should be pointing this unhealthy behavior out to you and if she's not, you need to ask her why she isn't.

You are precious to God-- His heart breaks when you are hurt and you do not need to continue to allow this man to treat you in this manner. He may not have physically struck you in some time, but you are continuing to give him the power to control you. If he is unable to admit that he has a problem, if he is unable to admit that physically striking you is unacceptable and a sign of a weak man... he does not deserve your attention. You may have a biblical issue with divorce, but this is the deal. Either he agrees to counseling or he agrees to separation until he addresses his problem. Let God deal with him. You are not the one that will lead him to salvation. I feel that strongly-- he will need a man in his life to call him out and hold him accountable. You may reap the benefit of his eventual salvation in reconciliation, but dear, he is not able to see you as anything but a means to support his comfort zone right now. No matter how well your dates go, he will return to his pattern of abuse unless he seeks treatment-- bank on it.



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (2/4/2008 11:30:23 PM)

Yes, I know, 4IMPersuaded. Thanks for your comments. I am really coming to full terms with everything, and taking things slowly, and asking God to guide me the entire way. He has even been telling me today that I probably need to leave him. I am not exactly sure, but I'm pretty sure that was the message I've been getting. I am trying to stay very open. I am fully aware Rob will probably not change and especially without God's help. God can do ANYTHING, but I know the entire circumstances, and I know it will only be if He wills it. In the meantime, all I can do is pray. I will keep everyone posted. Just know that I am safe right now, and have no intention of moving forward with anything except divorce if Rob wants to, and if God tells me to.



4IMPersuaded -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (2/5/2008 12:55:23 AM)

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. You are doing the right thing and going slow, praying for God to lead you and give you clear direction. The amazing thing is that in the end, He will use this valley for His glory and you will come out with a stronger faith and a richer understanding of God's unimaginable faithfullness than you ever thought possible. Don't lose heart and don't allow bitterness to take you over-- I have seen that in many dear sisters. This pain is not God's will, but he will never leave you nor forsake you-- claim that promise, especially when you are feeling like you have hit the lowest points possible. You are loved and pursued by the Creator of the Universe-- Elohim! He thinks that you are worth a personal, intimate relationship with HIM. He will see you through.



jaimestarcross -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (2/5/2008 1:23:36 AM)

I just read through all your post about the situation between
you and your husband.... what I'm still seeing is your husband isn't
making in headway in getting any help and he's still in denial.

The other thing I found out in your posts is you have anger issues - that's
why your relationship won't work either.... what is the source of this
problem with controlling the temper?
Even if you aren't saying things in anger - you are in thought... I read some of the
thoughts you posted.... a volatile temper and an abusive man don't make a good
match.... you just feed each other's fire!

What happened to not having anything to do with him until he gets help for his
problem(s)? You two going on dates and he's not even getting any counseling for
his anger/abusive behavior? Why reward him with dates when he's not attending any counseling sessions?
You two enable each other - that's why you don't need to be
dating at this time...
Continue doing your counseling and dealing with your issues with anger....
stay close to the Lord and build yourself up in His Truth.



mbgb -> RE: on our way to divorce....please PRAY for us!!! (2/5/2008 1:32:05 AM)

jaimestarcross, that's an interesting observation. I DO have anger issues. But I just never have completed my counseling. She wants to talk to me about it. It's just a lot right now and honestly I don't feel like being emotionally exhausted about it. I've dealt with my issues through God ever since my mom died...that's what actually began my journey with Christ. They say He's the best counselor, but sometimes I do just get mad at Him and at the world. I'm on depression meds.

Yeah, I have a whole bunch of childhood issues that supposedly makes me angry. That's a whole other thread. Rob has childhood stuff too. My mom and his dad both died of the same thing at the same hospital in the same year...1983. So, that's kind of our connection I guess. I guess I do need to get back into counseling. And maybe I shouldn't be dating him. It's just so hard not to date anyone. I know I should turn to God for comfort and not a man. I am probably co-dependent. I just HATE dealing with all of this stuff. Is it really necessary in order to have a normal life? I just go back and forth between anger and then trusting God with everything. I'm a big ole' mess. God loves me...but sometimes I just wish I saw it more. But He knows best.



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