RE: I want my life back. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Life] >> Marriage



Message

cynthia -> RE: I want my life back. (1/7/2008 1:15:55 AM)

Oh, dear. Your posts have broken my heart. A sense of overwhelming loss and pain came over me while reading your posts. I remember feeling so lonely and broken when my husband left me. All my future was wrapped up in being married to him and in our future together, but then he left and shortly thereafter moved in with another woman. I didn’t know what to do and went into a tailspin. All of my choices were made through my pain and wanting my husband back. I made a lot of very foolish choices and spent most of the two years we were separated trying to cope with the pain, rather than actually dealing with the pain and the issues surrounding it.

I realize now, 20 years later, that I would have done much better to spend my time focusing on the Lord and working towards a brighter future for myself. I couldn’t see past the marriage and desperately wanted to hold onto it, even when he obviously didn’t want to come back to me. The problem was that I was putting my hope and future on my husband and not on the Lord. I just didn’t see how I could ever be happy again and found myself making really bad choices to try to feel better. Of course, hindsight is better than foresight. I can see now that all my depression and stagnation did nothing to bring my husband back. It served only to set me back personally and spiritually. As a matter of fact, I got so messed up I became even less attractive to my husband than I had been when he left me. It’s only a miracle that we got back together at all. I won’t go into the story here, but truly, it was a miracle. Our marriage is a miracle of God’s grace and mercy. Only the Lord could overcome our foolishness.

A person in sin will repent if they respond to the call of the Holy Spirit. Praying that his heart will soften and that he will repent can certainly help, but we cannot force the issue or make a person repent. Sleeping with someone’s clothing in and effort bring him back is a form of witchcraft. It is unhealthy and dangerous for your soul. You really ought to stop that immediately.

You say your life was centered around your husband and the church. You life should be centered around the Lord. If you continue to wrap yourself up in a cocoon of hurt and pain, things will not get any better. You have power through Christ to overcome the rejection and pain in your life. You really do! The Lord loves you. He has a plan for your benefit and your healing. In order to receive it, you have to see that you have been living a life based on a lie. The lie is that your husband could make you happy and that he was your hope and your future. Your hope and future is in the Lord. Sister, look up! The Lord is waiting for you to turn your pain over to Him. Let it go. Nail it to the cross. You don’t need it anymore!

How do you do that? Pray and tell the Lord that you have been hanging onto the pain and reject. Tell Him that you are giving it to Him and that you reject it and won’t hang onto it anymore. Ask Him to fill you with His hope. Ask Him to show you His grace and mercy and to help you see that your hope and future is based on Him. Thank Him for His love for you and His plan for your life and embrace it.

Start today in daily giving your life over to the Lord and completely saturating yourself in Him. It’s not about how you feel. It is about what you choose. Choose to make Him the center of your life and ask Him to help you make good daily choices to improve your situation and your future. Who knows. Your husband may repent and come back to you, but in the mean time, live to serve the Lord and through Him, others. He has given you this life to live for Him. He may not drive the RV, but He can help you form relationships and to get healing in your life to move forward to bigger and better things. I know. I too have experienced pain and loss in my life. Jesus is the Redeemer. He will redeem your life, if you let Him, just as He has done with mine.

God bless you, Sister.



W.O.F. -> RE: I want my life back. (1/7/2008 2:37:56 PM)

amen cynthia



Mike_D30 -> RE: I want my life back. (1/7/2008 11:09:59 PM)

I feel very bad for you, being lonely stinks, what about a hobby? Take up an instrument, join a club, you gotta get out there or you'll slink into depression and apathy.

You're husband is essentially a jerk, seriously the ideal you had probably never existed, or hasn't for a very long time. Much of it was idealizing something that probably wasn't there.

You should get into counseling, no one should live like this, you don't have too. Some old guy in the midst of a pathetic mid life crisis shouldn't dictate not only your happiness but your will to live. Good luck I hope things get better for you.



lightshineon -> RE: I want my life back. (1/8/2008 12:14:12 AM)

lol mike, do not hold back. Tell us what you really think. though you did nail it.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mike_D30

I feel very bad for you, being lonely stinks, what about a hobby? Take up an instrument, join a club, you gotta get out there or you'll slink into depression and apathy.

You're husband is essentially a jerk, seriously the ideal you had probably never existed, or hasn't for a very long time. Much of it was idealizing something that probably wasn't there.

You should get into counseling, no one should live like this, you don't have too. Some old guy in the midst of a pathetic mid life crisis shouldn't dictate not only your happiness but your will to live. Good luck I hope things get better for you.



W.O.F. -> RE: I want my life back. (1/12/2008 9:40:59 PM)

You mentioned you are agoraphobic....are you receiving any therapy for that?

How much does that figure into your difficulty in moving past some of the aspects of this situation (such as moving out of your home, even if it meant just renting it, etc)?



lightshineon -> RE: I want my life back. (1/14/2008 9:34:46 PM)

How are you doing today?



JCMK -> RE: I want my life back. (1/15/2008 8:46:14 PM)

I just noticed your posts. Thank you for asking. The last week has been hard because a church friend of mine of 30+ years was killed in a car wreck the other day. It was such a shock. I feel so bad for her family. I don't want to dwell on myself, but it was so hard to go to the funeral and sit by myself without a shoulder to cry on or someone to hold me. Of course, I didn't sit alone - I have friends who sat by me, but all the couples who were supporting each other were hard to watch. I attend a very strict church and divorce is just not done, so I am basically alone in my situation.

Also, I called my ex-husband to let him know. I wasn't going to, but I felt like it would be mean of me not to tell him. Of course, that conversation was very hard and I broke down crying. I want him back so much and times like this just makes it worse - if possible.

I asked him if he was going to the funeral and he said that he didn't know. I asked him to leave "her" home if he came. He said that he would, but he didn't come at all. I tried to prepare myself in case he did come, but honestly, I felt relieved that he didn't come. I know that I would have broken down and bawled if I had seen him and his face that I love so much.

I gotta get over him. I know that. I just don't know how to do it.

Someone asked above if I was being treated for agoraphobia. The answer is No, because I don't have any medical insurance and can't get any because I had cancer (part of the reason that he left me.)

I'm taking one day at a time. That's all I can do. I welcome bedtime so that 8-10 hours of my life will pass by without me being aware of it. That's 8-10 hours closer to the time that I will go home. I wonder why my friend was taken when her husband and family needs her so much. No one loves, wants or needs me and here I am. Makes a person question why, but God knows best.

Thanks again.



lightshineon -> RE: I want my life back. (1/15/2008 8:55:32 PM)

So sorry for your loss. I guess you and her husband are both alone. Pray that the Lord will take your love for this man away. It will get better. Remember God loves you, more than you can even know or imagine. I am praying for you. It is not your fault eft you. You are no damaged goods bcause you were sick. It will happen to him, soon.



JCMK -> RE: I want my life back. (1/15/2008 9:12:40 PM)

I believe that God does repay unkindness, disobedience and sin. Some people call it Karma. Some people say "what goes around comes around". Whatever you want to call it, I know that something will happen to him and he will NOT be happy. But, see, that also worries me. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. My friends tell me that he has lost weight and looks very sad. Even those that have seen him with his girlfriend. I am still friends with a woman that works where he does, and she tells me that he is stressed out and not handling his job very well. He has even been in trouble on his job because of his poor performance the last year. Yet he stays with her. He gave up me, our life, our home, our church family, our future plans for retirement - everything - for what? Hell??

I know in my heart that God loves me and will never forsake me. But I still want my husband and my life back.

I sure wish that I could get over this and somehow move on. I just don't know what/where to move on to. Does that make any sense?



mbgb -> RE: I want my life back. (1/15/2008 9:49:28 PM)

JCMK,
I know it is hard to hear about and see your husband without you. Please try to focus on the fact that none of this is your fault. Nothing that the devil tries to tell you that is bad about yourself is true. You are a loving, wise woman who has a lot to offer anyone. I know it's VERY hard right now to see past the low point you're in. I hope that you can find a way to focus this time on God because there's no doubt He wants you to focus on Him at this point, maybe there is a reason this has to happen. I know it doesn't seem fair or right at this moment, and no stranger's words will help you see past the hurt, but I do promise it will get better. Focus on your friends, and try to do everything you've ever wanted to do that you couldn't do with him, or that you just never got around to doing. Don't let his absence interfere with your own life. I know it sounds harsh and unfathomable, but I promise you won't regret getting out there and living your life. Either way, you win then. You haven't lost a second of your own life. I will pray that God will comfort you during this time, and begin to illuminate the steps He wants you to take, and the reasons for why this has to happen. I will also pray that He will begin to heal your marriage, but will definitely hold your hand through all of this, and will pull you close to Him so that you will not feel alone anymore or abandoned. God did not abandon you. Satan is trying to make your husband abandon you, but God is still there and can snap Satan's slimey neck back in a heartbeat if He really wanted to. Just remember who your Father in Heaven is, He ain't no push-over, and He rules everything. He can even make your thoughts happy again if you let Him. Our Lord is caring and just. Please take this time to draw closer to Him with all of your power, and let Him do the rest. It's no longer your battle, it's for God to fight. My thoughts and prayers are with you on this day. Bless you.



leah777 -> RE: I want my life back. (1/15/2008 11:33:57 PM)


JCMK, my heart aches for you tonight as I read through your posts. I can't begin to fathom what you're going through.

Someone in one of the above posts said it's not about feelings, it's about choosing, and they are so right. So many times in my Christian life I've heard we should not base our relationship with Christ -- or our worship of Him -- on feelings. Yes, feelings ARE a part of it. But we are to worship Him whether we feel it or not because He is worthy of our worship.

Our feelings are fickle . . they come and they go -- so changeable -- and so many things affect them. They are not to be trusted. But what we know to be true, what we read in His word -- that we can trust. And His Word tells us He loves us more than we love our own children. He loves us enough to die for us -- and He did. His Word tells us that when we hurt, He hurts . . . that He wants only the best for us . . . . and that He will never, ever leave us. Even when we don't 'feel' Him, He's there.

JCMK, I will be praying that God will give you the strength, through His Holy Spirit, to "choose" to push thru the pain and do things you don't want to do in spite of how you feel. I know that is too much to ask you to do on your own, but that is why He sent us the Helper -- the Holy Spirit. He can give us the supernatural strength we need to do what is beyond our capabilities.

This will be necessary to start the healing process. Languishing in your pain will only bring you down further in so many ways. You must reach out . . reach out to help others so that you can be helped. Whether it's on here, or with your family, your church friends -- God can lead you to where He wants you to lend support and help. Reach out to some of the support groups and books/literature that has been suggested on here. You will find there are more out there in your shoes -- some who've already been thru it and can share some insight, as has been done in here.

Consider finding a church that will not be a constant reminder of what's happened, at least until you get thru this. Also one that will not make you feel like you stick out like a sore thumb -- you don't need that right now.

You've been dealt so much, JCMK, but in the end you must put your love for Christ above all -- above the pain, above the fear, above the loneliness -- above this one who may never come back to you.

God has an answer for you. Pray that He will give you HIS answer . . yes, it would be right and proper to pray for your marriage back, but pray that His will be done . . . right now you think that if only you had your husband back things would get back to normal. But seriously, even if he did beg forgiveness and come back, things may never be the same. He has betrayed you when you needed him the most and you may never be able to trust him again. Complete restoration would require divine intervention from God, so try to leave it in His hands.

Please know I will be praying for you.



RichLP -> RE: I want my life back. (1/18/2008 12:57:19 AM)

JCMK,

.....

I don't even know where to start. I've had some tough periods in my life - being alone, discouragement, depression (mild), betrayed by fellow believers, extreme stress at work leading to feelings of hopelessness, very painful breakups.

And yet all of these difficult chapters of my life together are NOTHING next to that which you have described.

I only ask God to heal you and to help you get through this. Remember that He is there and that He is not going to abandon you even when you feel like the loneliest person in the world.

I'm not going to waste your time because others have given far better encouragement than I could. Hang in there and be strong! You WILL get through this. How, I don't know, but He is faithful.



ershela -> RE: I want my life back. (1/18/2008 4:01:54 PM)

[:(] i am so sorry what has happened and is going on. i pray that your ex husband repents and turns to the LORD and to you so you can experience GOD'S grace. there is a reason of why this thing happened to you, and it will be known to you, keep the faith up to that day, eventhough it may be when you meet face to face with the Lord Jesus.
just want also to write " I SHALL PASS THIS WAY BUT ONCE, ANY GOOD THEREFORE THAT I CAN DO OR ANY KINDNESS THAT I CAN SHOW TO ANY HUMAN BEINGS, LET ME DO IT NOW. LET ME NOT DEFER NOR NEGLECT IT, FOR I SHALL NOT PASS THIS WAY AGAIN" even in this condition you are so precious to God and you can still be usefull in his kingdom.
if my father whould have done such a thing, I would have considered my issue and will not let e day pass away not talking with him and praying for my father's repent and restauration of the family.

may GOD be your best friend in this time!

love in Christ



JCMK -> RE: I want my life back. (1/18/2008 8:57:48 PM)

I feel that I need the consolation of writing once again, as tragedy has hit our church with another death just one week after my dear sister-in-Christ was killed in a car accident. Today our young piano player (I believe he was 32) died of a sudden heart attack. I am in shock. Our church is small and these two sudden deaths will greatly effect everyone. I don't even know what to say right now.

As soon as I heard, I called my ex-husband to tell him. I was bawling. Without thinking I started saying "come home, please come home, I need you, I need you". My heart was breaking and I felt as though I couldn't stop pleading with him. I needed him so much to come home, hold me and comfort me. He became very upset and I tried to calm myself down and listen to what he was saying. First he was upset about the death of our young friend, but then he was upset about me being upset. I started talking about the Lord to him, and how we never know when it would be our time. Just a week ago our piano player was at the funeral for the sister who was killed, and tonight he is gone.

As I was talking to my husband, I felt the Spirit of the Lord come into my room. It was a feeling of peace and comfort, yet grief for my husband. I felt like telling him that time was short and that he didn't have time to waste. The feeling of fear for his soul grew until I knew in my heart that I had to warn him that he didn't have long, that he needed to decide today whom he will serve. I asked him what would he give in exchange for his soul. He started crying. I began to say things to him that I hadn't even thought of. I told him that I now understood why I had grieved and mourned and prayed for him for so long. And why that God wouldn't take the burden from me. It is because I have been "standing in the gap" for my husband's soul. I have been standing between Satan and him to keep Satan from taking his soul. I have been fighting a war like no other war that I have ever fought.

No wonder I couldn't let go. I have been warring for his soul. While I was talking to him, I felt like I was holding onto him for dear life. In reality, I think that I was. My husband kept listening to me and he said that he heard what I was saying. And then he would say "But.....". The "but" is that he loves her and can't leave her. He is so blinded by the Devil that he can't see that he is giving up his whole life, and most importantly, his soul for her. He knows it - he just can not leave her.

It was hard to hang up. Before we did I asked him to promise me something. He said okay. I asked him to imagine that he was holding onto me, and I would imagine that I was holding onto him. He said that he would. I asked him not to let go because I was in a war for his soul. He said that he would hold on to me and not let go. I literally had my hand in a fist. I told him that I wouldn't let go of him and he said that he wouldn't let go either.

There is only one reason that he won't come home - that is the other woman. She and the devil has such a strong hold on him. But now is the time for him to decide. I feel that with all my heart.

I desire the prayers of everyone that reads this OP - please pray for the family of our young piano player, for the family of our sister that passed away last week, and for the soul of my husband that he will turn to God to give him the strength to come home.



leah777 -> RE: I want my life back. (1/18/2008 11:57:57 PM)


JCMK, that is so powerful. I will pray with you for those needs.



captainfraulein -> RE: I want my life back. (1/19/2008 3:23:10 PM)

JCMK, I am praying for you and this whole situation. LORD have mercy.
[:o]



lightshineon -> RE: I want my life back. (1/19/2008 3:28:34 PM)

was your husband emotionally, and or physically abusive during or before illness. Your self-worth is so low, that you worship this man. Forgive me being forward.



JCMK -> RE: I want my life back. (1/19/2008 3:59:37 PM)

Wow! That's hard to answer. He is emotionally weak and very dependent on others to meet all his needs and take care of everything. I did that until I got sick and then I couldn't any longer. Instead of him picking up the slack, plus supporting me through the cancer, he withdrew into a depression and then found "her" and left. I'm sure that she has a strong personality and is taking care of everything. I recognize this, but the bottom line is - he is my husband. We are divorced by law, but bound by God. He is the husband of my heart and soul. I am well enough now to take care of things. That's the way our marriage was. I'd rather have him than nothing. I know how to make him happy and therefore, I am happy. I want him back. I don't like being alone and it's a horrifying thought for me to think that I'll be alone the rest of my life. I guess you would say that we both are co-dependent. But we were a good match. (just to be totally honest).

As far as abusive - some people would say that he was. My Dad says that he was. I guess I felt that he was verbally abusive to me sometimes when I didn't do things to suit him. But still, he is my husband and the only one that I can have. I don't want to live without a companion the rest of my life.

That's why I say - I want my life back. I liked it the way it was.

It may sound partly selfish of me, but on the other hand, the way he is living now will send him to Hell real fast. I don't want that to happen and I am willing to live however I need to live to keep him from living a life of sin. If he comes back home, he'll get back in church because he is a follower and I am a leader.

(boy! I did get honest, didn't I?)

Why do you say that my self worth is so low? Go ahead and be honest. It won't bother me. What makes you think that?



captainfraulein -> RE: I want my life back. (1/19/2008 5:26:38 PM)

I think I would be feeling the same exact way if I were in your shoes. You know how I feel about remarriage in the other thread.

I wish somehow you could see a path before you of Light and Love. God never forgets His children. We go through awful trials sometimes but that refines us. I am sorry your husband is being so unloving towards you.

I will continue to pray about this.



JCMK -> RE: I want my life back. (1/19/2008 6:21:01 PM)

redwhiterose - Thank you for your love and support. I believe as you do as far as remarriage after divorce. The Lord knows that I have done everything possible within my means to receive my husband back home. I have already forgiven him for everything that he has done. I made mistakes in the marriage, but I didn't do anything anywhere near as bad as he has. However, I still love him and would take him back. I guess it's hard to give up a lifetime of love and one-ness.

I do believe that God understands and see all things. He knows my heart, and He knows the heart of my ex-husband. There comes a point in time where God will let him go. The Bible says that God does not always strive with man. For the hardness of man's heart, God allows divorce. I definitely have Biblical reasons for divorce, and I believe, remarriage.

It will be hard to start my life all over again at the age of 60. It would be a miracle if I met someone that would accept my disability and bilateral mastectomy, plus believe as I do. And, don't forget - we have to fall in love. But God is a God of miracles. I believe that He will work a miracle one way or the other - either my husband will come home and our marriage will be restored. OR, God has something for me in the future that will be fulfilling and rewarding.

I believe that I am stuck in what I want to happen. I pray for God's will - which I truly do believe would be restoration of our marriage - but God also gave us free will and He will not make my husband repent and come home.

My biggest problem is seeing how to move on with my life. I was trying hard and then we had the two deaths in our church in one week. I need him so much for comfort. But if he doesn't come home this weekend (before the funeral) I will make it with the help of the Lord. Every time that my ex-husband lets me down like this, I get further from the belief that he will come home.

If he doesn't, or God sees in his heart that he isn't ever going to come home, I believe that God will release me from him. I'm waiting for God's will - one way or the other. God will let me know when I can let my husband go. Then I will be able to move on with my life.

I do appreciate your prayers and concern. It helps so much to receive this kind of support from strangers - although we are Christians in the Lord.

Thanks and God Bless!

P.S. If your avatar is your picture, you are a beautiful young lady.



Knolt -> RE: I want my life back. (1/19/2008 6:29:32 PM)

I'm really sorry you're going through what you're going through. It makes me blazin mad that well meaning people tell you you can't remarry should you meet someone else. Don't listen to those people. they need to mind their own business anyways. I hate meddlers and busybodies and legalists.



JCMK -> RE: I want my life back. (1/19/2008 7:29:55 PM)

WoW Knolt - tell us how you really feel! [:D]

You should post in the divorce/remarriage OP. You'd get a whole lot of people real stirred up!

Now all I need is some 60-year-old "knight in shining armour" to knock on my door![sm=thumbsup.gif]



lightshineon -> RE: I want my life back. (1/19/2008 8:31:03 PM)

Well first, I think you are a very Godly and kind woman. The self worth issue is something I struggle with, so I recgonize it. False guilt is a hidden parasite. The difference though between us, is I would get used to being alone, than want a man back who left me down and out. I see rejection in your tone. Everybody hates it, but, all have been rejected, including the Lord. Quit wanting him back, pray that God himself will take these feelings away. You might find when he comes knocking, when his trophy whatever dumps him, the door will not be open.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JCMK

Wow! That's hard to answer. He is emotionally weak and very dependent on others to meet all his needs and take care of everything. I did that until I got sick and then I couldn't any longer. Instead of him picking up the slack, plus supporting me through the cancer, he withdrew into a depression and then found "her" and left. I'm sure that she has a strong personality and is taking care of everything. I recognize this, but the bottom line is - he is my husband. We are divorced by law, but bound by God. He is the husband of my heart and soul. I am well enough now to take care of things. That's the way our marriage was. I'd rather have him than nothing. I know how to make him happy and therefore, I am happy. I want him back. I don't like being alone and it's a horrifying thought for me to think that I'll be alone the rest of my life. I guess you would say that we both are co-dependent. But we were a good match. (just to be totally honest).

As far as abusive - some people would say that he was. My Dad says that he was. I guess I felt that he was verbally abusive to me sometimes when I didn't do things to suit him. But still, he is my husband and the only one that I can have. I don't want to live without a companion the rest of my life.

That's why I say - I want my life back. I liked it the way it was.

It may sound partly selfish of me, but on the other hand, the way he is living now will send him to Hell real fast. I don't want that to happen and I am willing to live however I need to live to keep him from living a life of sin. If he comes back home, he'll get back in church because he is a follower and I am a leader.

(boy! I did get honest, didn't I?)

Why do you say that my self worth is so low? Go ahead and be honest. It won't bother me. What makes you think that?



captainfraulein -> RE: I want my life back. (1/19/2008 11:12:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JCMK

redwhiterose - Thank you for your love and support. I believe as you do as far as remarriage after divorce. The Lord knows that I have done everything possible within my means to receive my husband back home. I have already forgiven him for everything that he has done. I made mistakes in the marriage, but I didn't do anything anywhere near as bad as he has. However, I still love him and would take him back. I guess it's hard to give up a lifetime of love and one-ness.

I do believe that God understands and see all things. He knows my heart, and He knows the heart of my ex-husband. There comes a point in time where God will let him go. The Bible says that God does not always strive with man. For the hardness of man's heart, God allows divorce. I definitely have Biblical reasons for divorce, and I believe, remarriage.

It will be hard to start my life all over again at the age of 60. It would be a miracle if I met someone that would accept my disability and bilateral mastectomy, plus believe as I do. And, don't forget - we have to fall in love. But God is a God of miracles. I believe that He will work a miracle one way or the other - either my husband will come home and our marriage will be restored. OR, God has something for me in the future that will be fulfilling and rewarding.

I believe that I am stuck in what I want to happen. I pray for God's will - which I truly do believe would be restoration of our marriage - but God also gave us free will and He will not make my husband repent and come home.

My biggest problem is seeing how to move on with my life. I was trying hard and then we had the two deaths in our church in one week. I need him so much for comfort. But if he doesn't come home this weekend (before the funeral) I will make it with the help of the Lord. Every time that my ex-husband lets me down like this, I get further from the belief that he will come home.

If he doesn't, or God sees in his heart that he isn't ever going to come home, I believe that God will release me from him. I'm waiting for God's will - one way or the other. God will let me know when I can let my husband go. Then I will be able to move on with my life.

I do appreciate your prayers and concern. It helps so much to receive this kind of support from strangers - although we are Christians in the Lord.

Thanks and God Bless!

P.S. If your avatar is your picture, you are a beautiful young lady.



I hope it helps you to know you have brothers and sisters out there who do care, who are praying for you. I will continue to hold you up to the Light. I am so sorry for the pain your beloved is causing you.

The photo is me, taken for fun experimenting with my cell phone. I think it is a good shot I managed to get. Thank you so much for your kind compliment.



JCMK -> RE: I want my life back. (1/20/2008 1:18:39 AM)

Thank you Rose for your Christian love and support and to everyone else for your prayers and PMs. I feel the support and have had a surprisingly peaceful day today considering all that has happened. It is the peace, joy and love of God that has dwelt with me all day and is now taking me to bed at 1:20 am! Goodnight all.



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>



Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition 2.5 ANSI