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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/24/2008 12:19:55 AM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10419
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Oh, Sam! I don't feel like I know you well, but I am so sorry for your son's loss and for your loss also. Praying for God's comfort to be with you all right now.
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<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!! 
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/24/2008 9:49:02 AM
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Focusing
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Thank you Hot-N-Saucy, Joy, Darcy and Donna.
I ventured over to the "is suicide forgiven" thread. I'm thankful for all the others who have shared their stories of how suicide has affected their lives and shared their faith on the subject. I'm in a place where I know God has everything under control and I don't need to know any more than that. I'm not sure what to think of all this or if I even need to think about it. What I do feel is a need to help my son understand when the reality hits him and he has questions. For me, that will be the hardest part.
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/24/2008 6:41:11 PM
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wfisaac
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Sam, just wanted to let you know I am praying for both you and your son.
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Veronica
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/24/2008 7:46:24 PM
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utilityfielder
Posts: 12350
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Home of the Champions
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Sam, I just read the news. May God give comfort to you and your son.
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Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement. Ronald Reagan
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/24/2008 8:30:56 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 6034
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Thank you Veronica and Gary.
As difficult as this is, and it's more difficult than I would ever have imagined, I mean, after all, I left him and I divorced him, and the bonds that once were are no longer except for some memories, and a child of course. And still, God continues to reveal Himself to me. Today He presented me with two more gifts. Things He had planned out ahead of time ... just for me and just for this time.
This morning on my way to work, I was listening to worship music, and a song came on. The words included "Lord, I'm amazed how You love me". It really spoke to my heart and continued to remind me how much He loves me, and how He has paid attention to the little details, and how His timing is so perfect.
Not a single person has been careless with their words around me. And the person that I care for so very much at this time in my life was so amazingly sweet and compassionate when he told me "I understand that there was a time when you two loved each other very much, and that's the part that's reflected in your son" and he has allowed me to grieve as I need to. He truly has been a gift to me as well. Thank you sweetie.
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/24/2008 9:19:13 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5157
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Sam, I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your ex. That is so difficult. My mom left my dad when I was eight and took took his life about a year and a half later. I still cry and that was more than 40 years ago. Nothing can take the place of a dad. I will be praying for your son. He's got a rough road ahead of him.
How wonderful that your "sweetie" is being so supportive! You are blessed. I'll be praying for you as well.
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/24/2008 10:54:59 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5157
Joined: 4/11/2005
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My mom took me to my dad's funeral. I'm VERY grateful for that. Other than that, I can't remember anything that was done at the time. When I was older I poured a lot of energy into my family history and that was surely, in part, a way to connected with my dad. Two things my mom did wrong were that I guessed my dad had died before she told me and, though she told me how he died--car running in the garage with the garage door closed) she didn't tell me it was suicide. I figured that out a few years later.
I like your idea about the photo album. That's awesome! If you have contact info about relatives on his dad's side, keeping those up to date would also help him for the time he wants to make those connections.
Oh! Another thing. Is there any way for him (or you on your son's behalf) to obtain a few things that belonged to his dad? Things that he could treasure both now and later?
quote:
This really stinks. One minute I'm giggling with a friend, and a split second later I'm overcome with sadness, then a couple seconds later I'm okay and IM'ing again.
I think that's pretty normal. You have lost an important part of your past, even if you hated his guts (not saying you did).
_____________________________
Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/25/2008 12:07:00 PM
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joy2give2u
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From: Indiana
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Sam
I wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.........You and your son have been in my prayers
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Transformation happens NOT when we get through scripture BUT when scripture gets through Us
My Smiles
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/25/2008 12:34:57 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 6034
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Thank you Joy.
Maggie, I think your last statement might have been close to how I have felt towards my ex.  (I can't believe I just admitted that publicly) But, in all honesty, why be dishonest?
Last night I spoke with the lady that runs the grief recovery program at my church. Incidentally, it was only a couple weeks ago when meeting with my *design coach* (the lady assigned to me to help me find a place where I can help get involved in a ministry at church), and after talking for about an hour, the first thing she said to me was that she felt I had the perfect personality to work with people going through grief.  She wasn't even aware that I have been through three deaths in my immediate family. And of course, we didn't know what was about to happen. I had been thinking about it after we met, but for the time being decided upon another area I felt led to become involved with.
During our conversation last night, we discussed what happened with my ex, and we discussed the possibility of my getting involved in the grief recovery ministry at a later date. Surprisingly, she has not had to deal with anyone who has been a suicide survivor and was concerned with how to help someone best if it did happen. God has been incredible, showing me how He has placed so many people in my life who have been through this experience ... so they are here right now at this point in time when I need it.
We talked about how there is a stigma attached to *suicide*. It is very tragic. But having been married to him for so long, and watching him go through the severe depression, and the manic/depressive cycles, and the suicidal thoughts, and the hopelessness that he experienced ... and having done so much research to try and understand the various types of depression, what to say or not say, how to act or not act, etc., and having lived through so much abuse ... I have gone right back to the *coping / survival mode*. I am amazed how this instinct kicked in. It was immediate. Upon hearing the words "I have some terrible news ..." Click. Back into The Mode. It protects me. My heart. My thoughts. It forces me to go through the motions, no matter what my emotions are.
For all I have been through, I can honestly say that I am very thankful for The Mode and how instantaneous it is.
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/25/2008 12:45:22 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10419
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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Sam, I have thought a lot about how "nice" it would be if my stepson's mother were to die. And carried a lot of guilt for those thoughts too.  She is a hateful, spiteful, backstabbing person who has no desire to work together for Nick's best interest. But she is also Nick's mother, so while I know that if she were to die today a lot of our problems would be gone (custody-wise and such), I also know it would be a devastating life event for him and I cannot wish him that pain. I can certainly understand the majority of your pain and grief being over what your son is and will experience because of this.
All that to say...this is a hard, hard thing for you son and will be with him the rest of his life. BUT I pray that with support from you, other family, and your church, that he will rise above this pain and be assured in the love God has for him.
_____________________________
<<-----------Brian + vacuum= sexy man!!
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/25/2008 1:58:35 PM
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hotsaucygma
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Sam, I soooo understand the mixture of emotions you are probably feeling right now. My Ex did not commit suicide, but his death brought up every, every, emotion I had ever felt for him all over again. You remember the early days of loving them; the anger, confusion, and stress of the days of living with them; and the "hate". Since his death I have often said my Ex was the man I loved to hate, and hated to love. I remember grieving when I first heard... then some things happened that made me remember why I divorced him in the first place! I told a friend that for a moment I was so sad that he died, and in the next moment I wanted to make him alive again so I could kill him! (just kidding- sort of ) I truly believe that (as usual- what a surprise  ) God knew what he meant when he said the two become one. When the "one" is torn apart, you are never quite the same, and so far I have found that you are still affected to a degree by what happens to the other half of that "one". It's almost a year later for me, other than how it continues to effect my kids I can say that things are pretty much back to better than normal! As sad as it is to say, he is not here to continue to hurt them/me. I am grateful for that...
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Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/25/2008 2:52:36 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 6034
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(((Donna)))
I have a little story to share. My ex-MIL, whom I believed to be satan's twin sister (I know ... but if I were to share some things, you may believe it as well), when my ex and I were separated, the things she did to me, the things she did to my son, the things she told my son ... oh! All I will share is that the judge threatened to stop visitation immediately between my son and his father (who was living with his parents) if it happened again. Period. Nothing to discuss on the subject. I was so worn down by what had been going on, and I prayed, I begged God to just make her go away. I said I didn't want anything bad to happen to her, I just wanted her to go away. Days later (not weeks or months), she suddenly decided to sell her house and move out of state. Yes!! She moved all the way across the country. I have never seen or heard of anyone moving as quickly as she did. It was nothing short of a miracle! And I just remember my mind going completely blank when I heard the news, and I thought "God? Did You do this for moi?"
So, I can understand how you would want someone out of your life so badly. Yeah. Don't be too harsh on yourself. God knows your heart. He also knows Nick's heart and is looking out for his best interests. kwim?
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/25/2008 6:25:11 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5157
Joined: 4/11/2005
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quote:
I have gone right back to the *coping / survival mode*. I am amazed how this instinct kicked in. It was immediate. Upon hearing the words "I have some terrible news ..." Click. Back into The Mode. It protects me. My heart. My thoughts. It forces me to go through the motions, no matter what my emotions are.
Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes that's what we need to get us through the pain and trauma.
quote:
I said I didn't want anything bad to happen to her, I just wanted her to go away. Days later (not weeks or months), she suddenly decided to sell her house and move out of state. Yes!! She moved all the way across the country.
That's amazing! How cool of God to do that!
I understand the hate too. Thirty years ago I walked out on my marriage, determined that I would never have any more contact with my husband (no kids so it was easy). I hated him to the core. And yet I would cry for all that was lost. It was an odd place to be.
There have been three suicides in my immediate family. Other than my dad, there was my step-brother and my sister. And I have fought suicide for myself. On every side it's a hard thing, leaving so many unanswered questions and so much pain. There's a book called, "On Death and Dying" by (I think) Kublai Ross. It's not a recent publication but it is a classic and although it isn't about suicide, per se, it might be a useful book to read--especially if you decide to get involved in grief ministry.
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/25/2008 8:24:07 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5157
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Go for it, Sam! (And then give us a link so we can find it, please.)
I don't know if you know her but WhiteRoseBlessings, who has been part of CW for over 7 years, her husband (of only a year or two) committed suicide a couple of years ago. If you start a suicide thread, she may have some words worth listening to.
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/26/2008 4:22:50 PM
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magdaleine
Posts: 5157
Joined: 4/11/2005
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You're welcome. You're someone I pray for often.
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Maggie
Ask me about my book. It's now available online!
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/27/2008 1:01:17 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 6034
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When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me? - Psalm 56:3-4
Further reading is Matthew chapter 10 ... Jesus sends out the twelve and gives instructions. Verse 28 tells us Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Wow! That puts things in perspective.
Father, help me in the areas where I experience fear. Help me to focus on having a healthy fear of You, and not be fearful of what others can do to me. I need Your great strength, I cannot go through this alone. Help me remember that when I do feel afraid, through new experiences or situations, to run to You for refuge and direction. Amen.
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/27/2008 1:10:24 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 6034
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
Please know that you have my prayers.
Thank you so much for your PM, it means so much to me.
I would never have expected the emotions to be so overwhelming.
Last night I attended a group doing Grief Share. We watched part 1 of 2 of the lesson on emotions. I feel somewhat distanced - or maybe "different" is a better word - from the others, in that we were divorced before his death. I've been through so much already. I've dealt with so many emotions, ripped up so many roots of bitterness, gave so many rocks (from little pebbles to giant boulders) to God ... and now this.
I truly, truly, from the very depths of my heart, am thankful that there is nothing more I need to be fearful of him doing to me or my munchkin.
How amazing God is, once again, that after putting my study about trust on hold this past week, I have come back to not only the subject of trust, but also a lesson on fear. I cannot imagine a more perfect timing for today's study.
Father, thank You!!
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/27/2008 1:22:57 PM
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hotsaucygma
Posts: 2984
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Focusing
I truly, truly, from the very depths of my heart, am thankful that there is nothing more I need to be fearful of him doing to me or my munchkin. I understand what you mean there Sam. Although my kids are grown and the Ex got along with one of them, I am grateful that I don'[t have to worry about him hurting me or my sons any more. There has been enough damage done to last a lifetime.
How old is the Munchkin? I know you've said (at least I think you have), but I can't remember.
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Dear Lord, let my words today be as sweet and delicious as cheesecake... for tomorrow I may have to eat them!
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/27/2008 1:47:36 PM
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Focusing
Posts: 6034
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He's 12.
Another thing I am extremely thankful about is that he does have Godly men who are good male role models in his life. This has been a huge Godsend to me as well as to him.
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 6/27/2008 11:14:55 PM
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humbleinspirit
Posts: 18135
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From: Just Outside of Boston
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Sam, I am only catching up to your thread now. I have no words to say other than your family will be in my thoughts and prayers!
((((((Sam))))))))
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RE: Let Everything That Has Breath Praise The Lord! - 7/1/2008 11:52:58 AM
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Focusing
Posts: 6034
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Thank you Mikey. 
I am doing significantly better this week than I was a week ago. My munchkin still seems unaffected. I told him Saturday morning that if he wanted to go into his room and listen to the messages from his dad that he has saved on his phone during the time he would normally get the call, that he can do that.
I can feel the prayers big time.
Last night in our final study on the life of Paul, through the book of Acts, a couple of the things we discussed was how do we react during difficult times, and we also discussed how those in the world watch and observe us during these difficult times.
Sunday we completed a 2-part study on weathering the storms of life. Where do we go, what do we do when the storms hit? Are we so focused on the storm that we see nothing else? Or do we look beyond the dark clouds? Do we continue to seek the face of God, knowing He is in complete control.
These have been very humbling messages.
It caused me to realize that in my walk, yes, I am seeking His face. Clinging to Him. Relying upon His guidance. Knowing that I need Him to help me. Reaching out to wonderful friends. Seeking prayer. Realizing how much I need my brothers and sisters at this time ... and looking ahead knowing there may be more storms on the horizon. Praising Him for all He has done, is doing, and confident that He will continue to do. Knowing that He will be there, my solid Rock, my firm Foundation, the One I can always trust in.
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There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven
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