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Darien8869 -> RE: What have I done to deserve this (6/21/2008 12:22:07 AM)
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Hi Jeff,
Let me tell you what I done to deserve this and see if you can relate to any of it. When I was a young teenager the devil tempted me to drink. I said no. My friends all said yes. When he tempted me to have sex with a girl, I said NO. That isn't right outside of marriage. My friends all said yes. I said, I can't do that. If she gets pregnant it will ruin her life and bring a child into the world to two teenagers who aren't married. My friends didn't care. hey it feels good right? When I was tempted to do drugs, I said NO. Only a fool would take that chance. My friends said yes. What did I do? I started telling them that wasn't pleasing to God and how they needed to be saved. As they carried porn magazines or whatever to school, I carried my Bible. I was defiant against satan and I didn't care if he knew it. I prayed to God, others didn't. One by one people started staying away from me because the devil told them if they got close, I'd convert them. I got lonely. I felt hurt. Nobody wanted to be around me and I didn't do anything bad to any of them. I didn't understand. I wanted someone to love me, to be my friend, to want to spend time around me and take the time to get to know my heart because I knew my heart was good, kind and full of love if anyone wanted to be loved by a friend.
One day someone, another boy, decided he wanted that love and he somehow knew just how to make me feel so happy to have a friend. He wanted other things too. I never expected that to happen so I wasn't prepared to deal with it. It just felt so good to have someone to talk to, someone who wanted to listen to me talk. Get the idea? Next thing I knew, in my hunger for friendship and my absolute relief from the lonliness I had felt from being different, it's as if the devil thought, "hmmm, so you want to be different huh? So you don't want to be like everyone else? I can accomadate that for you. Take this! Curiosity, lonliness and a host of other feelings began to take shape and next thing I knew, I was different than everyone else. I done THAT, with a GUY. Guilt, shame, self hatred, all those terrible feelings began taking me over and at 17 years of age, after fighting these desires so long, I decided there was only one way out. Simple actually, I'd just kill myself. Everything was lost anyway. Fortunetly God showed me in time that you can escape this life, but once you land in hell and all it's problems, there is no more escaping and the problems of this life, no matter how harsh are NOTHING compared to an inescapable hell.
What did I do wrong? I said no when all my friends gave in to what the devil wanted. He didn't have to tempt them with homosexuality. He knocked them off their feet with the simplest of sins. I was defiant. I stood for God. It took stronger weapons to bring me down. And that's why this is happening to you and not to all your friends. That's why they never had to fight these desires. My friend, count yourself loved in the eyes of God, because HE KNOWS why you are fighting this. Because you stood for HIM when no one else would. It is because of God and His ways, and your obedience to those ways that the devil hated you so much that he would unleash this on you. Stand strong. Always keep praying. Never stop trying to resist no matter if you fall. Get back up and KEEP getting back up. God is with you. You chose to stand for God and God will stand for you as you fight this battle. Someway, somehow something good will come from it. God will use it to shape your life for a ministry later that will take others OUT OF HOMOSEXUALITY and out of the grips of satan, or he will use it for another purpose, but do not think that God is not aware of your struggle and WHY you are in it. It's not easy. The devil knew he couldn't get to you with something easy.
You might be tempted and you might even fall, but you will NOT be defeated as long as you refuse to surrender. You might lose a battle now and then, but you are strong. God has a purpose for you and the devil can't stand that. Everytime you're tempted just stop and say to yourself. I must scare satan to death. he must be trembling at the sight of me because if he wasn't, he wouldn't be fighting me so hard, but I fight for God, and God CANNOT be defeated. Sometimes it's easier to be lonely and alone than to have the wrong kind of company. If you seperate yourself from the wrong kind of friends, they won't be lost because of you. God will send someone else to reach them. You have to watch YOUR life first. You do not posess everything necessary to reach every soul for Christ. The devil makes homosexuality look so appealing. Some of it is........ but to be honest, it's not what it appears to be. It's a miserable life full of lonliness and self hatred, guilt and fear....with a little pleasure thrown in of course just to make it look good. Just think of what you DON'T want to do. Don't focus on the things you think you'd like to try. Think about the things you DON'T want to do and realize it all comes in one package my friend. With the appealing things, you also get that other stuff whether you want it or not.
Get all the help you can while you're young. The longer you wait before you form a resistance, the harder it is to battle this. Face it head on and say NO from the very start. Every experience etches memories in your mind. Memories that will come back to seduce you in the lonely hours. I've been battling many years and it's ruined my life. I never got to experience marriage, having children and fulfilling a lot of the dreams I had as a young man because I gave in to temptation and the more I did, the further away from reality I got and the further my dreams slipped away, right along with some of my relationship with Christ. I didn't resist enough and I lost many battles. Even so, I still fight and I'm not giving up!!! I will die victorious, or I will die believing there is still hope through Christ. I KNOW MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN SAME-SEX ATTRACTION and I don't care who thinks otherwise. If you weren't strong, you would have fallen long before this temptation found you. Remember that, and gain strength knowing you have already surpassed many other temptations.
But don't be blind.... your strength is not enough in itself. If you've never actually experienced anything yet with another man, just keep saying NO NO NO NO NO NO NO and stand your ground. Pray and trust God. Sooner or later (probably later) satan will realize this isn't going to happen and he'll move on to something else to throw in your path. W A T C H and pray Never lay down the armour of salvation. If you do, always remember where to find it and never think all is lost if for some reason you do fall to this. Are you a stubborn person Jeff? I am stubborn, sometimes not enough so. Be persistently stubborn when the devil tells you that you will fall. Determine in your heart it's N O T going to happen, and stand your ground!
God bless you my friend. You are in my prayers! Hold on to God and always remember that you are (as Roger Bennett would say) IN HIS GRIP! Jesus loves you very very much and if you hold on to Him with all you have, He will not let go of you.
"SIN IS FUN FOR A SEASON...................BUT SEASONS CHANGE"
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