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RE: ...the wife - 4/11/2008 8:31:29 PM
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delete123
Posts: 778
Joined: 6/1/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: McGuinessMagee
quote:
Any man who called me the wife, I would call him divorced!
What does that tell ya
I'd have to wonder why you're letting a couple of words have that much power in your relationship..
Wouldn't it just be easier to say to your husband, "I don't like it when you speak about me that way"?
If he continues after that I would think the issue would be lack of respect, not the fact he was calling you 'the wife'.
I think this thread is great. It shows very clearly that one person can mean something with no malice intended and have it taken completely the wrong way. It's a really good example of why it's good to clarify what someone means when they say something you take offence to.
Kylie 
I find it very direspectful and is just as bad as a man referring to his wife as "the little woman," or "my old lady."
The thing many fail to see is words to have power. Power to speak life and/ or the power to speak death.
Words do hurt, ask anyone who has been verbally abused.
JMHO
CRH
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RE: ...the wife - 4/11/2008 8:50:53 PM
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kielbasa
Posts: 160
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quote:
I find it very direspectful and is just as bad as a man referring to his wife as "the little woman," or "my old lady."
Uh, pardon my profound ignorance, but how is a man's referring to his wife as "the wife" disrespectful? I can see how the other names you mentioned could be--depending on the situation, but not "the wife."
quote:
The thing many fail to see is words to have power. Power to speak life and/ or the power to speak death.
Yes, they do--and I am proud to be a wife. "Wife" is not an insult.
quote:
Words do hurt, ask anyone who has been verbally abused
I can think of a multitude of abusive things I have been called (never by "the husband" mind you  ), but "wife" does not number among them.
It is one thing to dislike a term, quite another to read something evil and abusive into it that is not there. If one does not like a name one's husband calls one, one needs to communicate this fact to one's husband--not file for divorce.
< Message edited by kielbasa -- 4/11/2008 8:57:10 PM >
_____________________________
"This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
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RE: ...the wife - 4/12/2008 2:23:30 AM
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azroadrunner
Posts: 248
Joined: 4/13/2007
From: Phoenix
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To me, the phrase has an air of entitlement to it, like "yeah . . . everyone's got one of those. That's the one I got stuck with." When I hear "the" anything, I get the sense that the person doesn't value what or whom they're speaking of.
_____________________________
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken ... lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket ... it will change ... it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. -C.S. Lewis
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RE: ...the wife - 4/13/2008 8:59:50 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1152
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
I find it very direspectful and is just as bad as a man referring to his wife as "the little woman," or "my old lady."
It is so interesting how we are different! I would look at "my old lady" as being kind of 70ish - like hip huggers, afro-sheen, and big medallioned necklaces. If I had a husband and he called me that, I'd probably laugh, give him the peace sign, and tell him to join me in the new millenium. I'm short, so I literally am the little lady so it would be accurate.
But, I'd probably laugh at that too.
I still don't like "the wife" but I think a lot depends on how he says it. But its better than the old "ball and chain."
rgod
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RE: ...the wife - 4/13/2008 10:01:03 PM
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car2ner
Posts: 2769
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From: just north of Florida
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The "little woman" I surely am not. The Old Lady just begs to be responded to by the Old Man. Or Old Coot. Again, if it is said with friendly bantar, all is good. If said as a cutting remark, it isn't the phrase but the attitude behind it that stinks.
For fun, I call m'love POOOOOkey! Military guys use teasing as a form of endearment and far be it from me to get huggy about it.
BTW, in He Says, when I asked why some guys say, "the wife" instead of "my wife" a few answered, (((no idea))). Bet some didn't even know it bothered people or thought anything about it.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: ...the wife - 5/29/2008 3:42:38 AM
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Tmorph
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Allow me, a newbie, to resurrect your old thread. My husband and I were talking this eve before he left for work and I used the endearing term "my boy" and quickly realized that, for him, he finds that phrase belittling. Now to me, it is simply a sweet nickname. Don't get me wrong, he is not especially worried about his masculinity, just rubs him the wrong way for whatever reason.
Same for me when he calls me "the" wife when talking to "the" boys from work. That is the only time "the"wife s ever used. SOOOO I do think it is a machismo deal, even if inadvertant. Anyway, it blew into a little irritated tiff wen he was on hids way out to work. We resolved it quickly over the phone with sincere "I love yous" and I'm sorrys.... but isn't it irritating how something so minor can flame a small fire. We have the most harmonious of marriages about 90-95% of the time but sometimes... POOF! Oh, well, praise the Lord, we are human too 
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RE: ...the wife - 6/14/2008 6:11:55 PM
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_CANCELLED_
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I think we've become a nation of people who are too easily offended. I like to use humor rather than be offended.
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RE: ...the wife - 6/18/2008 1:47:59 AM
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cheeky_monkey
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I don't like it. Similarly, many times when my husband talks about me he'll refer to me as "her" instead of "Lucy." It drives me nuts, but I guess some things will never change. I notice that a lot of men around here do this.
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Now, they're well into their 70s and he calls her 'baby'. LOL It's so cute. 
PLEASE PRAY FOR MY DEPLOYED (AGAIN) HUSBAND ... THIS IS HIS FIFTH TIME 
