RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Life] >> Parenting



Message

peculiar_lady2 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/19/2008 6:49:34 PM)

LOL....Charles Wesley's mom?

My mom had a prayer closet...in every house we lived in she had it set up...and from toddlerhood on we knew that if she was exasperated and weht in there and turned her sign around then we were NOT to disturb her. She says many times she would hear us running through the house yelling something or other, then we would get to that door, see that she was in there, and would turn around saying we had to figure it out for ourselves. I know with a baby it's not possible, but there are ways to do it still. Leave little reminders around your house pinned to things you do every day. On those cards leave things to pray about. For instance....pinned to a curtain leave a card saying "Pray for hubby's safety"...on a card taped to the inside of the bathroom cabinet have one that says "Pray for hubby's day" etc. Then when you go about doing your daily stuff you can look up and see those cards all over the place and can take the time to say out loud a prayer for that situation or whatever that card refers to. Not just about hubby either...about anything God lays on your heart. Eventually you start realizing that your prayers are not so much focused on the "help me now" kind of prayers, but are instead conversing with God about daily life kind of stuff. Things that you would say to anyone else, you need to learn (and teach yourself) to say to God too.



Jenny-Fair -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/19/2008 6:54:31 PM)

Well, I trained mine not to bother me when I was in the bathroom unless it was an emergency, so I guess I had a prayer-slash-water closet! LOL

Seriously, though, until they are three or four you can't even go to the bathroom alone most times. It's a stage, and it'll pass. You know, all those women who spend hours in prayer and are so calm and sweet? They are GRANDMOTHERS. And you didn't know them when they had small children[;)]



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/19/2008 6:58:09 PM)

quote:

You know, all those women who spend hours in prayer and are so calm and sweet? They are GRANDMOTHERS. And you didn't know them when they had small children

oh yeah...the sweet little old ladies that will pray your house down...I know a few of those....lol. Yup...they have been through it to get to where they are, and they typically don't have little ones around anymore.



nicole6598 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/19/2008 7:20:12 PM)

:) thanks girls for making me smile today, its been a rough few weeks so that has meant alot to have a bit of fun with this topic.

Oh yeah, I can't go toilet in piece although Grace is getting better at leaving me alone, that's where I read my daily devotional [:D]
good idea Sarah about the notes around places. I used to do that when I first became a Christian, had scriptures all over my room and I tried it here but hubby didn't like it, so I may have to hide them where others can't see. I also need to replace the scriptures that are on my toilet wall too. I might make it a list of prayer points instead (not personal ones).



Mrs.X -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/20/2008 6:49:11 PM)

Nicole, I know how you feel. Timmy is just like Grace, except he can't talk as well as her yet. I ask for hubby's advice when it comes to Timmy to help make Robert feel involved, and every once in a while he comes up with something good. I never ask his advice about the baby though. That would be bad for Jimmy's health, LOL! But, I think if you just ask his advice about Grace solely for the purpose of making him feel involved may help your situation a little. "Do you think we should only let him throw balloons, or should he able to throw all the soft toys?" was something that came up recently. I could see the look on Robert's face when I asked his advice, he was happy. Honestly, you have the education and experience when it comes to babies and children, he doesn't. You are with them 24/7, he is not. You know what you're doing, Nicole, and you're a good mum.

To answer your other question, I agree with Sarah. Talk to God all day long. Also is there a period of time when both kids are sleeping? It's so easy to try to squeeze chores into that time, but maybe you can forget about that to be with God.



nicole6598 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/20/2008 7:37:51 PM)

Christina-nope, Grace doesn't have naps anymore [&:] So there isn't a time they are both sleeping. But now that SIL is gone I will try making some lists and notes to put around the house.

Yesterday was hard, we had friends over and they are 6 (boy) and 2 (girl). Grace is not used to having kids over and they came earlier than expected otherwise I would of brought out toys they could play with and put ones away that are her special ones. But they came while I was feeding Nath so I couldn't do anything about it. The kids kept taking her toys at times she asked them not to and so then when Grace cried or screamed "no, not my baby" my SIL would roll her eyes or tell her off (not letting me do it). So I tried jumping in whenever I could to either put that specific toy away or explaining to Grace that she did need to share some toys and also to the other children that if they are not going to let Grace touch their special toys they brought then they may not play with her special toys. I felt so embarrassed by her behaviour and even more so because of my SIL (who has no kids btw).
Hubby was too tired last night to do anything with Grace so he left it all up to me. The weekend will prove differently. We are having friends and their girls over. I just always hate it when he says "you better make sure Grace doesn't cry, behaves today" etc. [&:]



Kat_D -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/20/2008 10:32:58 PM)

quote:

I just always hate it when he says "you better make sure Grace doesn't cry, behaves today" etc


Well, that just isn't right. That's an awful lot of pressure he's putting on you....as if, anyone could "make sure" a 3 year-old doesn't cry. I'm sorry, Nicole. That just isn't fair or reasonable.



nicole6598 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/20/2008 10:41:21 PM)

I agree Kat, the pressure is too much, its hard to know where to draw the line on being submissive etc towards hubby and when to tell him to back off and let me be.



Kat_D -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/20/2008 10:46:10 PM)

Nicole, when you sit down with him to have your talk, you probably should tell him how it makes you feel when he puts that kind of pressure on you. It simply is not possible to keep a 3 year old quiet or from a little misbehaving for an entire afternoon.



nicole6598 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/20/2008 11:01:10 PM)

But the problem is Kat that he thinks it is, he says "i don't care about other kids, my kids are not going to misbehave". Its totally irrational thinking, it gets me so mad. He sees his parents and their upbringing through rose coloured glasses, but if the way his younger sister treated me this week is anything to go by then I CERTAINLY don't want to raise my kids like that. Just like Sarah has said, we are raising adults, not kids. I think it also comes down to the fact that he feels pressure from his own parents and siblings to be really good, he is always trying to prove himself to them and others and this is just another thing to prove to people that he is successful. meanwhile wearing me down and out!



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/20/2008 11:23:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nicole6598

I agree Kat, the pressure is too much, its hard to know where to draw the line on being submissive etc towards hubby and when to tell him to back off and let me be.

ignore his ignorance. You know when he is spouting stuff just to spout it...just ignore it. Don't take it personally. It's NOT you, it's HIM...and until God can knock him down a few notches he will continue to be like that. Believ eme, his time will come. God won't let him go too much longer like he is now....his time to grow up will come very shortly.



manda59 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/20/2008 11:37:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
Ignore his ignorance. You know when he is spouting stuff just to spout it...just ignore it. Don't take it personally.





[sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif][sm=thumbsup.gif]



nicole6598 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/20/2008 11:56:12 PM)

Thanks Sarah and Manda, I am just feeling so very overwhelmed at the moment, all I want to do is sit and cry and not take the kids anywhere in fear they will misbehave and I will get scolded for it, its been a rough few weeks and this week has been the worst.
Thank you



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/21/2008 7:19:44 AM)

{{{nicole}}}

I agree with Sarah. You are responsible to do the best you can. If he expects you to do the impossible (create a "perfect" child), you simply can't.

If it makes you feel better, we have been through that particular fire (having a 3 year old![8D]), and there were definately days when I was *so* ashamed by my children's behavior, and by my apparent lack of ability to raise them well. [:o] My dh tended to get harsher after our children embarassed us. He had the right idea (that we needed to make consistent training a serious focus) but he definately had to learn to soften his approach a bit.

This is where you and your dh balance each other out. Children need tenderness and understanding and time to grow. But they also need consistency and it is not unreasonable to want children who behave well *most* of the time, rather than children who melt down every day. Your dh is probably also frustrated and concerned seeing that you are being worn out and upset by your daughters behavior.



nicole6598 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/21/2008 4:05:14 PM)

Thanks Maggie, I am very consistent, more so than DH, being a teacher I know that consistency and persistance is what children need.
I did cry my eyes out last night about a whole heap of things and he did say "you do a good job with the kids". I told him that I need to hear that a bit more other than the other things he says, he said he was sorry. So that's a start I guess.



Sideways -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/21/2008 4:08:27 PM)

I'm glad to hear you had that affirmation from your husband, Nicole. Sometimes a start is just what we need.

Keep up the communication with your hubby. You're doing a great job.



Kat_D -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/21/2008 4:29:54 PM)

quote:

I did cry my eyes out last night about a whole heap of things and he did say "you do a good job with the kids". I told him that I need to hear that a bit more other than the other things he says, he said he was sorry. So that's a start I guess.


Oh, I'm glad he responded like that...that's a good start. Keep the lines of communication open...change is hard for everyone! ((((Nicole))))



nicole6598 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/21/2008 4:37:24 PM)

thanks girls :)



nicole6598 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/23/2008 10:36:17 PM)

ok, can i ask for some tips of advice?
today after church hubby wanted to get some hot chips to eat for lunch, so we drove there to get them, meanwhile Grace tells me she needs the toilet. We were not in a safe area and Nath was asleep, hubby had the keys so I didn't want to leave him in the car. I called hubby and asked if he could ask the fish and chip shop if there were toilets there. He said he didn't want to and she could wait. So she was crying because she needed to go and he got all grumpy and gruff telling her to stop it and then getting mad at me for not stopping her. How was I meant her to stop crying when she needed the toilet? Would you have told your child off? I tried to calm her down but it wasn't working. I was told (infront of her) that I spoil her, I don't discipline and i need to sort her out. I just kind of sat there not saying anything and when we got home he took another shot at me and I told him that I am doing my best, I am the one home all day and I think I am doing a pretty good job.

Sarah-how do you get your kids to stop whining and crying? I tell Grace (well have been this week) "let's make our words sweet like honey" and anytime she has whined I ask her to say it again (i show her how to do it) and if she doesn't she doesn't get what she is wanting etc. Is that ok what I am doing?



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/23/2008 11:03:13 PM)

quote:

Sarah-how do you get your kids to stop whining and crying? I tell Grace (well have been this week) "let's make our words sweet like honey" and anytime she has whined I ask her to say it again (i show her how to do it) and if she doesn't she doesn't get what she is wanting etc. Is that ok what I am doing?

you are giving in to her whining by conversing with her. I simply say "I will not talk to you when you are whining...go somewhere else and come back to talk to me when you can talk". That's it...I won't say anything else. If they don't go get themselves under control, I look them in the face, make eye contact and say it again. If they still won't go I will lead them to their room or the wall and tell them to stay there until they can TALK to me. I don't talk to them when they whine...period...even to "explain how they need to be sweet".

In that situation I would have told him off...but that's the kind of mood I am in today...so that's probably no help to you. She had a valid reason to be upset...and her holding it like that can cause medical issues (UTI).



Sideways -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/23/2008 11:06:47 PM)

Yeah, I think your husband was way out of line on this one, Nicole. I can totally understand why Grace was upset.

I think sometimes that men have very little patience for small children. They have trouble empathizing with anyone who isn't an adult male.



nicole6598 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/24/2008 12:27:37 AM)

Yes hubby has very little patience for children, just now Nathy was making a "mmmm" sort of moaning sound (he is tired but I had to finish making a salad we have friends for tea and hubby is sitting infront of tv watching car racing) and he was saying in a gruff voice "that's enough of that, you don't need to be whining" [8|] hmmm babies cry when they are tired or something is wrong.

LOL Sarah she was just whining at me now because I have a bag of clothes of hers put aside for a friend, she wanted to keep a top (it doesn't fit) and was whining so I said "I don't want to hear the whining, come back when you can talk nicely" she went "hmph" and walked out [:D] So if they storm off or do "hmph" etc would you tell them off for that attitude or leave it?



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/24/2008 12:33:17 AM)

quote:

LOL Sarah she was just whining at me now because I have a bag of clothes of hers put aside for a friend, she wanted to keep a top (it doesn't fit) and was whining so I said "I don't want to hear the whining, come back when you can talk nicely" she went "hmph" and walked out So if they storm off or do "hmph" etc would you tell them off for that attitude or leave it?

LOL...sounds like she got it. I would just let her huff...as long as it isn't accompanied by a throwing of a toy or hitting a wall or other such physical sign of anger...then I would stop it. Huffing though is just a sign that she got what you said!!!! That's a good thing!!!!



nicole6598 -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/24/2008 1:14:54 AM)

ok cool :) Thanks!



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: 3 yr old and their behaviour (2/24/2008 1:25:20 AM)

quote:

I ask for hubby's advice when it comes to Timmy to help make Robert feel involved, and every once in a while he comes up with something good.


Men should be involved[&:] You didn't get pregnant on your own so why should you raise a child on your own? Oye. Anyway, Gabby has been waking in the middle of the night again and we(Micah and I) had been brainstorming things that had changed that might have "triggered" her night waking. The only thing he could come up with was that it coincided with starting solids so he took over feeding for the day, stopped her solids and only gave her formula until bed and then gave her a bowl of cereal and veggies right before her bath(about 30 minutes before bed) and she slept through the WHOLE night. He's such a good Daddy[:)]

Nicole, I just want to say that I totally agree with everything Sarah has said[;)] Also, my mom took pretty much the same approach to whining and on our "bad" days we had a "three strikes" rule, if you had to be told to stop more then 3 times then you would get spanked(3 swats) and sent to your bed until the next meal time. I don't think she started doing that until we were 5... Anyway, my parents were very strict and they still showed us ALL the time how much they loved us.

3 is old enough, IMO, to understand if you have to be told something repeatedly and you don't listen that there will be a consequence, but I think it's to young to send them to their room for 1-2 hours.

ETA- I don't have a 3yo, so take what I say with a grain of salt[sm=icon_smile.gif]



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4   next >   >>



Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition 2.5 ANSI