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RE: The Meet Market - 3/27/2008 1:09:57 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1774
Joined: 4/25/2005
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Hi besideherself!
I was wondering how you were. I hope you are doing well today. What pic are you using? Do you have more than one? Do you have a headshet and then another one kind of like what you have here - that shows you being active (boating etc.)? Your written profile is probably good (based on what you've written here). Also, on eHarmony - you can view someone elses profile anonymously or you can let it be known that you have viewed their profile (it will show your name and city). Maybe you could try letting it be known that you have looked if you aren't doing that already? I always look to see who's looked at me and if I haven't seen them, I take a peek. A lot of people looked at my profile at first, then it slowed down a little bit now that I have the anonymous view set. I actually don't get a lot of looks and I get more closes than not. I was starting to wonder if I had done something wrong. But then the next day things looked up, so this thing can be a bit of a roller coaster. You can also try initiating contact first with a few guys if you feel comfortable. I wish that eHarmony had the equivalent of sending that person a smile - but I guess indicating interest is the closest equivalent.
Also, I don't know if posting on the message board would work on eHarmony, but I joined one other dating site and decided to mozy on over to the chat room. The group had a great conversation about traveling, politics, globalization, poverty and the like. (I've never had such a good experience in a chat room - usually the conversations are lacking - but this one was clean - and pretty fun!) One of the guys there and I had been to a lot of the same places, so after he left, he sent me a little card and email and said that he wanted to talk with me further. (He wasn't in my matches - so we would have never met otherwise.) Not sure if this will work for e-Harmony, but perhaps just joining in on the message board from time to time might showcase your personality a bit more. I don't think that you have to do it only for that reason - just if you see an interesting thread - maybe you can chime in.
There is also a profile makeover section - so you might be able to evaluate your profile based on what you read. It is in the message board section.
But above all, don't stress about it too much. The right men/man will see you and will be interested - you are too neat of a person for someone to pass up. And God is in control - he can put it in the heart of your future husband (if that is what he has for you) to click or not to click - or to just go down a certain street where he'll see you. So don't be discouraged. Also, I know that I close people all the time because they live too far or for some other reason - but not usually because of the picture.
EDIT: I've posted another thought on this a couple of replies down. I'm not sure if anyone is reading this message still - so I thought I'd post this note here and then add a new reply instead of simply modifying this one.
rgod
< Message edited by rgod -- 3/28/2008 8:31:01 AM >
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/27/2008 1:56:09 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: trinigirl722
I wont' go on a date with someone who's not a Christian, either. That's the number one rule in dating for me. The Bible talks about not being unequally yoked, and I think that applies to dating as well as marriage.
so do you even contact someone who doesn't list God, Church, Jesus, Christianity, or anything to give a clue? question not necessarily geared toward you but anyone who has that belief. sorry if i'm repeating in my thread but personally i'm hesitant about building up an emotional bond - others might not have that same worry.
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/27/2008 2:59:45 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8015
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
quote:
ORIGINAL: trinigirl722
I wont' go on a date with someone who's not a Christian, either. That's the number one rule in dating for me. The Bible talks about not being unequally yoked, and I think that applies to dating as well as marriage.
so do you even contact someone who doesn't list God, Church, Jesus, Christianity, or anything to give a clue? question not necessarily geared toward you but anyone who has that belief. sorry if i'm repeating in my thread but personally i'm hesitant about building up an emotional bond - others might not have that same worry.
I won't contact them or even read their profile past the point where I believe they aren't serious about their walk. Example: The question is "Attend church?" and the answer is "sometimes". My response, Next!
(edited for typo. I've got to learn how to type one of these days)
< Message edited by John_O -- 3/27/2008 3:38:22 PM >
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/27/2008 3:00:08 PM
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rgod
Posts: 1774
Joined: 4/25/2005
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I won't make the initial contact to someone who has NOT indicated that they are a Christian on their profile. I will respond to someone who contacts me initially though, as long as the rest of the profile seems to be good. I then investigate through email, IM, phone or on an initial date. I won't let myself get beyond a date or two though with a non-believer. While I am in no rush to be married (well ... at least today) eventually I'd like to be and I certainly don't want to be unevenly yoked with someone or to lead someone else on. I hate rejecting people more than I hate to be rejected (it feels doubly bad because I feel their pain AND mine), so if I know early on there is no chance (because this is a non-negotiable) then I let them know sooner rather than later.
That being said, I'm new to this so who I might get to the point where I don't even get past the profile. One day at a time.
< Message edited by rgod -- 3/27/2008 11:39:46 PM >
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/27/2008 11:34:50 PM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 324
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
I mean, they don't even click on it to look, so it can't be that they see the pic and are turned off.
I suppose one reason could be because some guys just join for free, and then don't have the paid subscription to use the communication. Alright, so there's nothing I can do about that. But what percentage of the matches are that, do you suppose?
Or do you think that guys join eHarmony and then find that they are too scared to start communicating?
I guess the only way to try to get someone to view your profile is to send a question. Even if they've joined for free it might still show they've viewed your profile, right (unless they have it set on anonymous)? There's no telling what percent of people on EH subscribe for free. My guess is those you contact who give no response are probably not paying members, hence not able to answer. I doubt the men who pay for Eharmony are too scared to communicate; I think most people would act after making that kind of financial investment. I imagine it's just those who haven't paid who aren't communicating.
quote:
One guy and I have gotten to open communication. But days will pass between my replies to his messages and his answers. So I just sent him a message saying "hey, I want to get to know you, but it's going to be hard if we never talk. Is there something I need to know?"
Should I have said that? Was that too pushy?
No, I think that's very witty and to the point! 
quote:
Also, I don't know if posting on the message board would work on eHarmony, but I joined one other dating site and decided to mozy on over to the chat room.
That's an interesting point about the message boards, RGod. I've skimmed them but most of the people don't seem to be believers (on the eHarmony boards). Have you read them much?
quote:
so do you even contact someone who doesn't list God, Church, Jesus, Christianity, or anything to give a clue?
Hmmmm ... good question. I never have simply because I have always been drawn to people because they mentioned their beliefs. But as far as contacting someone on an online site, I don't think I would rule it out. After all, the person could be a fervent Christian and just not have mentioned it. The absence of information in a few introductory paragraphs doesn't mean it's not there. If it weren't mentioned, I'd ask about it in the beginning online conversations--maybe start by asking where they go to church, then move on to questions about their personal faith and relationship with God.
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 12:06:30 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1774
Joined: 4/25/2005
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quote:
That's an interesting point about the message boards, RGod. I've skimmed them but most of the people don't seem to be believers (on the eHarmony boards). Have you read them much?
I have skimmed some of them and sometimes it has been impossible for me to tell if a person is Christian or not. (There are several and I went to the one that focused mostly on e-harmony issues, so maybe the others are different.) Mostly, I saw topics where people were discussing issues that didn't lend itself to the person speaking about Jesus or anything related to faith. So often, you can't tell if a person is "good" morally through works or a believer in Christ. I think the worst drawback of eharmony is that it is difficult to meet people if they aren't a match. While this can be good - I think it is sometimes difficult too - particularly if you are not getting matched with people in your area - which is why I suggested this.
But I think a lot of this depends on how comfortable you are with knowing whether a person is a Christian up front or not. I personally am ok with discovering during the course of the initial conversation or date whether the person is saved and if they are walking and ending it right there. I ask preliminary questions, I probe and I pray. Some people aren't comfortable with that and that is cool too. I think one of the reasons I feel the way I do is because the more I walk with Christ, the less holy I feel. Christ is part of my everyday life, whether I'm encouraging an Arab friend and witnessing the love of Christ to her or standing for Christ in the classroom while my art professors try to use post-modernist arguments to tear Him down. I feel like that might be the case for someone else too - so I cut them some slack and try to see what is going on with them before I make up my mind.
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 12:41:28 AM
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trinigirl722
Posts: 324
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Dallas, TX
Status: offline
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Yes, that's a good point about not being able to meet eHarmony people who aren't matches. (When I was on there, I also wished there were an "I just want to say hi" button  for those matches whom I knew weren't viable for me because of location, etc., but who I thought were really cool people.)
I feel fine, too, about learning during beginning conversation if a person's a Christian or not. (Although I don't feel comfortable going on a date without knowing, as I mentioned in an earlier post.) I think I may have given the wrong impression with my comment about the message boards. I wasn't meaning the boards weren't a good place to get to know possible matches. That's a great idea to use them that way. I was just wondering about your general impression, partly because of personal experience. I recently posted a comment on a message board there, and a woman who was obviously not a believer just totally slammed me. (She said clearly in her profile that she was not a Christian.) I almost cried because her response was so sarcastic and attacking. So, I guess I just wondered about your general impression. But it sounds like you were on a more positive board than I was. 
It certainly is good to use grace when interacting with others and check things out before forming a firm opinion.
Thanks for your comments, RGod! You make some great points.
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 8:30:42 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1774
Joined: 4/25/2005
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besideherself -
I gave a lot of suggestions in post #201 earlier in this thread - but really - I believe that you just have to seek the Lord on what you should do. Also, I believe that the Lord will lead the man (or men) that you are supposed to meet also. Be encouraged - you've been pretty brave thus far!!!!
rgod
< Message edited by rgod -- 3/28/2008 12:40:15 PM >
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 12:22:55 PM
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gaylel1
Posts: 1151
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Southern California, the land of Fruit and nuts...
Status: offline
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Judging from the past posts about E-harmony and the issue of non-believers, this the problem w/the service. When Warren opened the floogates to non-believers, I'm leery to plump down 40 or so dollars to be promised on those commercials because you don't know who you are going to get.
You might get someone who say they are a christian and end up a Mormon or an Athiest or someone who is not of the faith.
_____________________________
Hear "The Truth" with the "other" Jeff Johnson(http://www.calvarydowney.org)
Visit me at http//:www.gayleplace.blogspot.com or http://www.myspace.com/gaylel121
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 12:32:16 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8015
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gaylel1
Judging from the past posts about E-harmony and the issue of non-believers, this the problem w/the service. When Warren opened the floogates to non-believers, I'm leery to plump down 40 or so dollars to be promised on those commercials because you don't know who you are going to get.
You might get someone who say they are a christian and end up a Mormon or an Athiest or someone who is not of the faith.
Hey! I heard of Jesus before. That makes me a Christian. Right?
(Kind of scary isn't it?)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 1:08:46 PM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Hey! I heard of Jesus before. That makes me a Christian. Right?
(Kind of scary isn't it?)
or different people may be looking for different levels of involvement or growth. someone desiring a mate who will go to church with them on Sunday, take the kids to Sunday School, and raise them up morally would take offense to being labeled not Christian enough to use a Christian dating site. however other people may be looking for a partner to be active in the church or even to go out on the mission field! i just don't know how one focused dating site could fit everyone's needs. if there's too narrow a focus, then you don't get enough active users.
i am not sure there is a truly "Christian" only dating site that is mainstream (popular - more than a couple of matches per 150 mile radius) and think we need to learn how to use what's available. i believe a thread containing lists of dating sites with people's experiences or summary may be worthwhile. honestly, after match, pof, yahoo, cl, eharmony i really don't know what is or isn't a scam and some of those sites i've mentioned make me nervous enough. does anyone else think it'd be a worthwhile thread - discussing sites pros/cons in general?
and free advice: if anyone wants to marry a pastor, go to bible college
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 2:58:16 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 4235
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil
and free advice: if anyone wants to marry a pastor, go to bible college
Interesting tag! I would, but alas they are all too young for me. Had myself a pastor once though. He was in bible college when we married.
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 3:42:17 PM
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tinydancer2
Posts: 1181
Joined: 3/21/2007
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quote:
and free advice: if anyone wants to marry a pastor, go to bible college
Well..this advice may be valid for US denominations, or at least some of them.
There are many pastors wives in the world who are prayer women and women of the word , who never went to Bible Colleges..plus I do think that Bible College is too easy - as anyone can graduate and receive diploma from it and may be not even saved...yep, there are many institutions that do not even believe and teach the basics of the faith, and very well known professors and high degree in academics etc rejects the orthodoxy of Christianity. hum hum...those are some teachers of the word, institutions made by men.
Pastor is a calling from God and the call for leadership is for the spiritual matures ones, reckon by the church they served and etc not for young believers, or because carrying diplomas and etc Sure I am not against education but it can be shallow to compare head education with fellowship with the Lord and His Word, as the same thing...it takes a life time to keep knowing Him, there is not short cuts and etc.
Sorry going off topic.
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 7:13:36 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2205
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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Ok, folks;
I finally figured out a way we can post our profile pictures for critique by other posters!
There is a link at the top and bottom of the page called "Photo Gallery". Anyone can start a photo album there, and put pics in it. You have to mess with them a bit to get them the right file size, but other than that it's a breeze.
Someone was suggesting that I put up my current avvy pic on my EH profile: well, now you can go and see what I actually HAVE on my profile.
Photo Album Here
If the link doesn't work, just go to the Photo Gallery, click on the Crosswalk Community Gallery, then find besiderself's album...it should be fairly easy.
The captions tell you which pic is the primary. Later I hope to upload some other photos, just of family and such for friends to look at, but for now the only ones up are the EH pics.
besiderself
_____________________________
SHALLBE’S BATTY BELFRY
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 7:50:03 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 4235
Joined: 2/11/2008
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
Ok, folks;
I finally figured out a way we can post our profile pictures for critique by other posters!
There is a link at the top and bottom of the page called "Photo Gallery". Anyone can start a photo album there, and put pics in it. You have to mess with them a bit to get them the right file size, but other than that it's a breeze.
Someone was suggesting that I put up my current avvy pic on my EH profile: well, now you can go and see what I actually HAVE on my profile.
Photo Album Here
If the link doesn't work, just go to the Photo Gallery, click on the Crosswalk Community Gallery, then find besiderself's album...it should be fairly easy.
The captions tell you which pic is the primary. Later I hope to upload some other photos, just of family and such for friends to look at, but for now the only ones up are the EH pics.
besiderself
First of all....You are lovely. The right man will find you very attractive.
I would switch out your boating picture with the Christmas one if you only have room for 3 though, because it shows your "fun and full of life" side. JMO
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 7:57:43 PM
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tinydancer2
Posts: 1181
Joined: 3/21/2007
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quote:
finally figured out a way we can post our profile pictures for critique by other posters!
You are a very attractive woman Besiderself! The only thing I would change is to invest in a hairstylist cut and warm hair color as grey dont show your features at least in the picture because I cant see your eyes as the hair is take all the attention away from your face- as grey its a cold color, at least to me...if you want to try it just to see try it and if dont like just change back to the original one. Yep, and I notice after a great hair styling and color, it iluminates the face all over and radiates warm all over, particularly the eyes!
Yep, that is my suggestion!
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 8:23:07 PM
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ladioffaith
Posts: 3098
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
Status: online
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Gayle, who e-harmony matches you up with (or any other site, for that matter) and who you CHOOSE to communicate with are two completely different things!
They can match me up with an unbeliever just the same as they can match me up with somebody who is mentally unstable, doesn't like plus sized girls, or who lives on the other side of the country. (All of which were more likely to be my matches and WERE during my brief e-harmony experience.)
That doesn't mean I have to communicate with these people.
If I were to choose to go out on a date with somebody who could not answer some really basic questions about his walk with the Lord, that speaks of a severe lack of discernment on my part.
_____________________________
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 9:29:15 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 2205
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
Quote=iwillfearnoevil
i believe a thread containing lists of dating sites with people's experiences or summary may be worthwhile. honestly, after match, pof, yahoo, cl, eharmony i really don't know what is or isn't a scam and some of those sites i've mentioned make me nervous enough. does anyone else think it'd be a worthwhile thread - discussing sites pros/cons in general?
iwillfear;
Here's the line in the OP that opens up this thread for just exactly that sort of discussion. PLEASE post your reviews of all these sites! We'll all chime in with our own experiences!
quote:
Quote=Original Post
You may review your favorite (or least favorite) dating site for the edification of the sistern and brethren.
quote:
Quote=followtheleader
First of all....You are lovely. The right man will find you very attractive.
quote:
Quote=AdrianS
You are a very attractive woman Besiderself!
quote:
Quote=trinigirl
Wow, Besiderself! I really like your primary photo. It's beautiful!
~(blushes, looks down, digs toe into ground)~
Awww....geez, gals. That's very encouraging! I will be interested to see what some of the guys say, too, of course.
quote:
Quote=followtheleader
I would switch out your boating picture with the Christmas one if you only have room for 3 though, because it shows your "fun and full of life" side. JMO
I'm feeling more like putting that pic up on my profile--I have plenty of room for pics, and I like it so much...kayaking makes me HAPPY!
quote:
Quote=AdrianS
The only thing I would change is to invest in a hairstylist cut and warm hair color as grey dont show your features at least in the picture because I cant see your eyes as the hair is take all the attention away from your face- as grey its a cold color, at least to me...if you want to try it just to see try it and if dont like just change back to the original one. Yep, and I notice after a great hair styling and color, it iluminates the face all over and radiates warm all over, particularly the eyes!
Yep, that is my suggestion!
There is an interesting story that goes with that...
I have been going grey since I was 23. I have been just about that grey (in the pic) for well over 20 years. Most of the time I don't worry about it.
However, just after my husband was killed, my at-the-time five year old began to really take notice of my grey hair. She had just lost her daddy, completely incomprehensibly to her he just didn't come home one day. And so she started to be very worried about mommy not coming home one day.
She asked me if people who had grey hair were old. Of course I said, "well, yes, I suppose so." After all, to a five year old, everybody older than them is old, right?
She began weeping and became so distraught. It took me quite some time to get her to explain to me that she was afraid, since I had grey hair, that I was going to die, too.
It bothered her so much that I went to the hairdressers next day and got my hair colored, and kept it that way for a couple years. It did comfort her, strangely enough. If mom wasn't grey, mom wasn't going to die!
I guess it never occured to her that daddy wasn't grey when he died, but I didn't mention it, either.
But no...I'm not likely to go to coloring my hair. I'm a REALLY busy person, don't have time or money to invest in it, and I like grey (I'm told it's quite attractive in person). I'm told I look SMASHING in the grey hair, my black dress and my Swarovsky crystal necklace!
besiderself
_____________________________
SHALLBE’S BATTY BELFRY
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RE: The Meet Market - 3/28/2008 10:02:21 PM
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John_O
Posts: 8015
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
There is an interesting story that goes with that...
I have been going grey since I was 23. I have been just about that grey (in the pic) for well over 20 years. Most of the time I don't worry about it.
However, just after my husband was killed, my at-the-time five year old began to really take notice of my grey hair. She had just lost her daddy, completely incomprehensibly to her he just didn't come home one day. And so she started to be very worried about mommy not coming home one day.
She asked me if people who had grey hair were old. Of course I said, "well, yes, I suppose so." After all, to a five year old, everybody older than them is old, right?
She began weeping and became so distraught. It took me quite some time to get her to explain to me that she was afraid, since I had grey hair, that I was going to die, too.
It bothered her so much that I went to the hairdressers next day and got my hair colored, and kept it that way for a couple years. It did comfort her, strangely enough. If mom wasn't grey, mom wasn't going to die!
I guess it never occured to her that daddy wasn't grey when he died, but I didn't mention it, either.
They catch on quick. The Girl was 4 when M went to heaven. She told me to be really careful cause if I died she'd have to go live in the woods all alone. It was both very funny and so incredibly sad that my heart broke. So I promised her I'd be really careful and she'd never have to live in the woods
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: The Meet Market - 4/1/2008 9:05:04 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
Posts: 4461
Joined: 11/6/2007
From: upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: besiderself
I like grey (I'm told it's quite attractive in person). I'm told I look SMASHING in the grey hair, my black dress and my Swarovsky crystal necklace!
besiderself
sounds awesome - you should think about trying to get a picture of that outfit in there!
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Yes, often aetheists and non-believers will use any excuse to attack you if you profess Christ. It can be very cutting and can hurt a lot. That is very difficult. I haven't posted there - I just looked at messages so I didn't have that experience. But I've had that experience in other places - sometimes from other Christians 
. Thanks for raising that possiblity - I didn't think about that ...
