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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 4:47:48 PM
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InBetweenDreams
Posts: 2714
Joined: 8/22/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
ORIGINAL: InBetweenDreams
Sarah, you and I are always in the same situations with church  . I am not happy you are dealing with the same things always, but I am happy knowing you will totally understand me when I do get frustrated and want to not deal with certain church things anymore. ((((((Sarah)))))) 
yeah I am not happy you are going through the same thing....but it is nice to know it's not just me. Esp since my mom has no clue about this kind of thing and always makes me feel like it's MY problem not the churches that we have gone to....when I know that I am doing all I can to fit in and they just aren't accepting of anyone. We have been here a year and I have no friends here at all....I am a friendly person, but there is only so much you can do and you can't make people be your friends.
Exactly! Some churches/groups just aren't going to go out of their way. Especially if they already have friends.
By the way, its not just Lorne and I that are going through this. My great uncle and aunt quit going 15 years ago and started inviting people to their home because they were tired of seeing church cliques that ignored so many people, my aunt and uncle rarely go anymore because they were once leaders and now they feel like outcasts after going through a VERY hard time, my parents haven't gone in years because everytime they seemed to meet people they were pushed aside and forgotten about, my brother wants to go, but doesn't want to at the same time because his last church was rude and ignored him even though he was the one trying to make plans (he knew some of the younger people his age). Usually he would just keep to himself, but he wanted to meet people his age and have a group to go to, but that just didn't work out for him at all. There are many more people that we know that quit going to church, but I don't feel like typing it all out.  They all want to be part of a church, but it just isn't happening which is sad.
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~Nicole~
<-----My Chika! Our first pet and the reason we wanted more. She's the best cat ever!
For the love of photography - my blog
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 4:49:25 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1437
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Do you all think it is a denominational thing?
Before Shane was called into the ministry, we went to my home church and tried to get involved with the Sunday School Class that was for young married couples. We just did not fit in at all and I considered leaving the church. Shortly after, the pastor started a class that was open to any one of any age group and was geared toward people who wanted to really dig deep into the word. We started going to that and loved it. Many of our friends were people my parents age but we loved them and they loved us so much.
The original class was more like a social club than a study group, kwim.
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Life Trumps Choice
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 4:53:35 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 5047
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From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
Do you all think it is a denominational thing?
I don't know. We attend a Vineyard, and I grew up in the Vineyard/Calvary Chapel world. People have always been open and friendly, IME with the exception of the horrible, rotton, evil, AOG church that I went to for 2 years.
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Ryanne
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 4:56:56 PM
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myka
Posts: 731
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I don't think it is a denominational thing. I've seen it across denominational lines.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 5:07:34 PM
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SweetLittleErin
Posts: 3471
Joined: 7/20/2005
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I have not always been in a "friendly" church. I've attended churches where the same kinds of things happen. I literally begged to volunteer. I had ideas, I wanted to implement, I wanted to be involved, but I was basically ignored. We werent noticed if we were or were not there. So after a while it became harder and harder to go to church, it seemed pointelss, I felt so dead just plopping down in a pew. I know that you dont go to church just for friends, but a big part of church is fellowship with other belivers, I wasnt having any fellowship. So finally, after struggling and trying to not be a "church jumper" I said, if we are going to go to church, I want to go where I feel wanted. So we ended up where we are now and its wonderful. Even hubby enjoys church. I finally feel like I am part of something. I guess I say this to say I sympathize, I'm in a good church now but havent always been. ((hugs)) I wish ya'll all lived closer!
Oh, I dont think its a denominational thing, I've personally seen it happen in Baptist and Assembly of God, I'm pretty sure it happens elsewhere.
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~Erin~
Mommy to Isaac, born 7/29, 12 weeks early,
Mommy's Little Miracle Man
<----"Yay! I'm home!
A Glimpse Of Pink
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 5:14:12 PM
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InBetweenDreams
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Erin, wasn't it you that wanted to help out with the daycare and no one ever really let you? I am so glad you both love your church now! That is really awesome!
It stinks to want to help and not have anyone let you. It just makes it that much harder to want to look for a new church. It is the worst jumping from church to church never making real friends. I want to learn, but I want fellowship more so that I can have some people in my life I can learn from and talk to about the Lord.
_____________________________
~Nicole~
<-----My Chika! Our first pet and the reason we wanted more. She's the best cat ever!
For the love of photography - my blog
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 5:18:53 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10241
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: myka
quote:
I do find that most moms/wives don't want/need help if their husbands are sick, had surgery, or whatever. I do ask though (I do the meal ministry in our church, for those who don't know), just in case.
I think what gets to me is that no one asks around here.
Do you have a person or persons in charge of meals and other help? If so, maybe you could just give them a call or an email next time you know of a situation where the husband/dad is sick and suggest that maybe they could use a meal.
I often have people calling to check and make sure I know about certain situations and when they do that, I make sure to ask if they would like to bring a meal.  I don't mind the "reminder" calls because sometimes in my business or dealing with my own kids in church, I miss the need.
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I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
~Psalm 57:9-10~
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 5:30:59 PM
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bride48
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From: Near Boston
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With both our disabilities, we can't go to small group stuff. So, after six years, we still don't have any close friends at church. But I keep trying to reach out. Maybe one day it will pay off.
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Joyfully,
DebbieLynne
Dancing, Sam Malone, Arthur Fiedler and a Willow (blog entry)
<--Taken on August 24, 2008: our 6th anniversary
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 5:34:34 PM
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myka
Posts: 731
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The church that we are currently attending doesn't have a "meals ministry" in an organized way -- it is more loose. When we (a few of the women from church) were out of town recently, a number of the men offered to bring meals or have the dads over for meals. It was interesting that it was the men offering meals.
Anyway, our previous church it was the women, and it wasn't "for" the other circumstances -- like the husband being unavailable. Sadly enough, when I had my last miscarriage, the only person who brought a meal was from another church (I work at a different church than I attend). There were a number of people from church who knew about the miscarriage, but no one thought to bring meals.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 5:40:32 PM
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PrincessDonna
Posts: 10241
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Cow country, Upstate NY
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quote:
With both our disabilities, we can't go to small group stuff. So, after six years, we still don't have any close friends at church. But I keep trying to reach out. Maybe one day it will pay off.
Have you talked to your pastor about having a small group at your home instead of you going somewhere? We have a man who can't drive who did that, instead of having to find a ride every week.
Kylie, did you call them back? Maybe it was an honest mistake and they just forgot the days you said were good?
Myka, that is sad and I'm sorry.  With my last miscarriage, two of the three people who brought me meals were people who have had miscarriages before, so they were a help in more ways than just bringing the meal. I try to look for connections like that when arranging meals too.
_____________________________
I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
~Psalm 57:9-10~
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 6:00:39 PM
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bride48
Posts: 5327
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Near Boston
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
quote:
With both our disabilities, we can't go to small group stuff. So, after six years, we still don't have any close friends at church. But I keep trying to reach out. Maybe one day it will pay off.
Have you talked to your pastor about having a small group at your home instead of you going somewhere? We have a man who can't drive who did that, instead of having to find a ride every week.
The first time we proposed that, the pastor said, "Our church doesn't need another Bible Study."
After he retired, the new associate pastor tried to help us start a couple's study. Only one couple responded, and the husband wanted to meet on a night that we weren't available.
The Missions Committee does meet here once a month, which helps. 
_____________________________
Joyfully,
DebbieLynne
Dancing, Sam Malone, Arthur Fiedler and a Willow (blog entry)
<--Taken on August 24, 2008: our 6th anniversary
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 6:32:53 PM
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nicole6598
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Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
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My church is pretty friendly, as soon as I went there 6 years ago I felt welcomed and loved and cared for. My church is AOG. But then there is an AOG church my FIL is pastor of which is cliquey and snobby. I think it depends on the people you have in your congregation, the size of the church and the leadership. OUr church no matter what pastor has been there has always been inviting and friendly, you never see a new person sitting alone at the end of the service and the poor pastor when we break just before the sermon to greet everyone has a hard time getting us all back in our seats. We are also in the country and everyone is more friendlier in the country
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 6:34:59 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3207
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaurainAL
Do you all think it is a denominational thing?
Nah, I think it's a human being thing.
Before children (BC) we had trouble with small groups, because there were always a few toddlers running around screeching at the top of their lungs. I'm a lot more sympathetic now, but back then it was really distracting. We actually approached the pastor to start a NO KIDS small group; it went decently well, all things considered.
Well, I may have to eat crow. I asked my dH about the "church calls to see why you weren't there" idea, and he thought it was fine, shows people care. So, maybe I am wrong. Still wigs me out a little, but I might be wrong about something.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 6:48:43 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3207
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
Well, I may have to eat crow. I asked my dH about the "church calls to see why you weren't there" idea, and he thought it was fine, shows people care. So, maybe I am wrong. Still wigs me out a little, but I might be wrong about something.
well from your definition of it I would have a problem with it too....but like others have said, them calling to say "we missed you" is very different then "WHY weren't you there".
Well, one way is more diplomatic at least.
Our church has dH's cell phone number in stead of our home phone number, so he says he gets a least 3 calls a week letting him know stuff like changes to the service time, or that the youth is having a play, etc. I didn't know they call him that often, but they don't call if we miss a service.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 6:54:15 PM
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nicole6598
Posts: 3998
Joined: 11/3/2006
From: Australia
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we are encouraged in our church to call on people you know who weren't at church to see if they are ok and to let them know you missed them. I think its nice when I get a text message or a phone call or email to say "hey you weren't at church, things ok? we missed you!"
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Proud Aussie, Wife, Mother, Woman!
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 7:06:26 PM
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laughinggirl
Posts: 343
Joined: 8/2/2005
From: Dallas, TX
Status: online
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Here in our metro area, the "turnover" of new people is so constant that the it's a little hard to pour into someone's life only to have them disappear after a month or so. Also, it's a large church, so sometimes it's very difficult to tell who's new.
When I first joined, I was single and knew no one. I had to take the responsibility myself to get involved, meet people, chat with those in the pews around me, send bereavement cards to those I knew who suffered losses, join the Congregational Care committee, participate in the music ministry, etc etc etc. I can't in good conscience expect people who barely know me to drop everything and make me their #1 priority if I'm not willing to be involved and give of myself as well. It took a while to find a niche for myself, but it was definitely worth the effort. I love my church.
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 8:21:19 PM
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uponeagleswings
Posts: 1844
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Out here in the desert
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna
If you miss church, you can expect at least one phone call, and sometimes more around five, to find out why. It's not nosiness, just people caring for people.
What about the rest of you ladies? Does your church find out why you didn't show up? Do you like it? Would you like it if they did?
Pretty much, no (and we're in a small group). Dh hasn't been to church since about November, and I've only been going when I have nursery duty (usually 2x/month), and I often don't stay for service after that. For a little while people would ask me where Chris was, but now they've either stopped asking or don't really even stop to talk to me. No one has called to see how we are, although we're in the church directory. The pastor always stops me after service and tells me he's praying for us and available to talk, but that's about it.
At this point I don't know when or if DH will come back to this church. I think right now he's been away so long that he's afraid of the reaction when/if he does come back (he's quite shy), but I'm not getting the impression that he wants to switch churches- I know he doesn't like visiting new ones.
< Message edited by uponeagleswings -- 5/5/2008 8:27:34 PM >
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Stacy Why is it... "And Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
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RE: Kicka, part 3 - 5/5/2008 8:55:27 PM
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LaurainAL
Posts: 1437
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Honestly, it is hard sometimes for church leaders to tell if they should inquire further about why a person is missing church or if that would be too pushy. Some people want the phone calls, visits, and some people want to be left alone. If the pastor says he is available to talk with you, it seems to me that he is concerned about you. Recently there was a new couple in our church that a few of us ladies tried to befriend. The wife was coming only about once a month and her husband was trying to get her more involved. She was NOT happy that one of our members contacted her about a ministry she thought she might be interested in. She doesn't want to be involved and she wants to be left alone. So, what do you do?
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Life Trumps Choice
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And that whole time the church got dirtier and dirtier... 
