RE: SAHM support/encouragement (Full Version)

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peculiar_lady2 -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 10:38:24 AM)

at this point I am not to the "maintain" stage in the whole house....still in the organize and reorganize and de-clutter stage in part of it. I do have the bedrooms done, and the living room mostly done...so those are mostly "pick up, put up, vacuum" every day.
The organizing parts I am still working on (hopefully today too!!!) are....the kitchen. We are painting in there and getting it into working order...organizing where things go, etc. The hall closet and Jack's room closet....before the baby comes I want to get them gone through and get the sewing stuff organized (now its just thrown into boxes). Also get Jack's closet organized...everything not baby related out of there (except the sewing stuff that I will put in the plastic drawers that are now sitting empty in the hall closet). The vacuum cleaner needs to go somewhere, so I am going to put it in the hall closet once I get it cleaned out.
Today also we are working on the bathrooms...they are mostly organized but we need to work on the towels...we used to use one bathroom and not the other, because of plumbing problems, but have recently gotten that taken care of, so we now need to figure out the towel situation...where to store them for the front bathroom instead of them all being in the back bathroom. We have a closet in the hall I can put them in...but right now it has games...so I need to move those around first I guess.



lexie -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 11:50:30 AM)

I keep a daily routine for the bedrooms, kitchen and family room. Basically I make the beds in the morning after I get up, and then I do the dishes and sweep the kitchen floor after Akeelah has gone to bed, and tidy and sweep the floor in the family room after Akeelah has gone to bed.

I clean the bathroom when Akeelah is in the bath. I do the sink, mirror and toilet while she is playing and then I clean the tub after she has gotten out. I spray the shower with a daily cleanser after I shower.

I do laundry once a week when I go to visit my mom for her weekly visit with Akeelah. Saves me the money and hassle of doing it in the building, and it's great because she doesn't have to pay a monthly water bill so I can do as much as I want.

I've worked really hard to keep my apartment extremely organized so I don't end up overloaded with things to do.



paulsbride -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 12:30:48 PM)

quote:


I'm big into maintaining a clean home so I never feel overwhelmed. And no one task ever gets really big or too time consuming. I'd rather spend 10 minutes in the bathrooms a day, and a half hour once a week than spend an hour and a half Saturday morning trying to scrub mold growth. I get easily overwhelmed and upset when I feel my house is getting out of control.


That is my goal [:)] We moved a month ago, so we're still "moving in" and trying to get organized from that, but once a room has been tackled and organized to my liking I stay on top of keeping it clean and organized. Or at least try [:)]

It was nice when the crowd came last night for supper - I had very minimal housework to do before hand!!

I am sure that is huge motivation to keep your home in order when you never know when people will stop by!!
It's almost a given that we have company on Wed and Fri nights, and then occasionally on Sunday (if Paul isn't working) so it helps motivate me to keep it all in order too!!



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 1:44:38 PM)

I do agree that maintaining makes a huge difference. Although, some part of me balks at it, because if it's not *really* dirty, then I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. [8|] As unmotivated as I am to do deep cleaning, there is something in me that thinks I should *have* to do it on a regular basis (EgyptianPrincess, I *totally* know where you are coming from on the guilt thing![&o]).

I don't have my basic routine written down. There are certain things I do every day, sweeping and tidying, wiping down the bathroom and kitchen, dishes. I do laundry on Monday and try to have it all washed by the end of the day, and then do the folding while I watch movies early Tuesday morning (by myself! [:D]), then bring it upstairs and put it away Wednesday. That way I at least have 4 days where I'm just washing diapers. I do deep clean the bathroom once a week, and usually scrub the tub just before I put the boys in it on Saturday. I do my baking once or twice a week (saves gas). Cooking is actually probably the least difficult thing for me to do, even though I cook mostly from scratch. I've gotten good about planning, and it usually doesn't take me more than 10 or 15 minutes in the kitchen to get things going.

Guilt comes knocking about those things too. What am I doing here sitting at the computer instead of cleaning and polishing things? [8D]



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 1:46:37 PM)

btw, my dh doesn't care a whit about how the house looks (unless we have company) so there's no guilt coming from him. That's a good thing because as we get deeper into homeschooling, I have a feeling I'm going to be less and less inspired to spend time sweeping. [8D]



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 2:32:18 PM)

quote:

btw, my dh doesn't care a whit about how the house looks (unless we have company) so there's no guilt coming from him.
mine too!!! it is great isn't it!!!! Mine also doesn't mind getting in there and getting his hands busy cleaning either...or cooking...he loves to cook!!!



lexie -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 4:44:26 PM)

quote:

my dh doesn't care a whit about how the house looks (unless we have company) so there's no guilt coming from him


It's funny, my dh doesn't care too much as long as things are tidy, but he's awesome about cleaning when something needs to be done. While he never makes me feel guilty about not getting it done, and I know he's doing it to help me out, I still feel guilty seeing him clean because I think I should be doing it.



MamaMilty -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 4:47:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lexie

It's funny, my dh doesn't care too much as long as things are tidy, but he's awesome about cleaning when something needs to be done. While he never makes me feel guilty about not getting it done, and I know he's doing it to help me out, I still feel guilty seeing him clean because I think I should be doing it.


Same here. Right now, as I type, he is cleaning off the wall where Riley wrote all over it....ehem..last week[8|]



MamaMilty -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 4:59:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God

quote:

ORIGINAL: MamaMilty


Sideways(are you Ruth?) and Consecrated (are you Lisa?) I love my routines! I am a Flybaby, she really turned my household around. I have a control journal with stacks of lists...daily, weekly, monthly...I just love it and my home really shows it!



Wow, it sounds like you are on top of things! [:D] I have to keep mine pretty simple. I've tried Flylady before and it didn't help me. I need to have it simple enough I can keep it in my head.

I did change things around a bit when we moved, simply because I was adding on more rooms to clean, and I did print it out and put it on the bulletin board just because I don't have it memorized quite yet.

Here's my schedule:

Monday: My bedroom, stairway, hallway
Tuesday: Bathrooms, mop kitchen, fold laundry
Wednesday: Livingroom, grocery shopping
Thursday: Kids' rooms, laundry room
Friday: Kitchen, fold laundry
Saturday: Playroom, outside (lawn, porch)

It works really well for me. This is my first week since moving to have completely followed my new schedule, but I know the old one I had really helped keep my house looking nice.


Oh, don't let me mislead you all...I don't have so many dirty nooks and crannies anymore and we can whip the house into shape in a matter of minutes instead of hours, but we certainly do live in it, lol [:D]

Having detailed lists has really helped me actually get to the things that were always rolling around in my head that needed to get done, but I would forget the actual things that needed doing when I was doing...if that makes any sense at all to anyone but me. I really think having all the little ones has made me daft!



clag4christ -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 5:10:10 PM)

So I did well in our fantasy baseball draft today! [:)] And I'm really looking forward to going out to dinner with our new friends and their children! Sushi, yumm!!!


Why I love being a SAHM...I get to be with my children all day and see their precious moments, learning moments, and teach them through example. I also am priveleged enough to be the one who disciplines them (Hannah only right now) and gives them instruction on how to be a good citizen and thoughtful being. [:)] I love not having to 'be a super woman' and have to keep my house, kids, and hubby satisfied while simultaneously having to leave the home for an outside full or part time job. That would just stress me out! Granted I'm not as effecient as I could be, but I know for certain that I'd not be able to even keep a semblance of togetherness were I forced to work an outside job too! I love cooking and making delicious meals for my family and feeling that sense of accomplishment when I've had a good day! [:)]

Drawbacks...Well...there aren't really many. Right now I think the biggest thing I'm facing is frustration with the training up of our Hannah. I have to keep praying for the Lord to give me patience and compassion with her...and for the Holy Spirit to constantly remind me that she's been born into sin and that it's my responsibility to show her a way out from that in Christ...and to not be surprised when she acts out on that sinful nature (usually against poor Jael [&o]).



Consecrated2God -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 5:45:01 PM)

My husband likes the house to look nice, and he usually lends a hand, too. Today the kids cleaned the playroom, and pretty much all I did was cook and clean up after meals. I also read a lot--I've got a library book due Monday and I'm only halfway through it. I'm probably going to have to renew it because it's a long one. My husband came into my room while I was reading and asked, "Are you always this lazy?" As soon as he said he told me he was just kidding, but he's lucky I didn't kill him! [8D]



lexie -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 8:39:24 PM)

Here's one thing that annoys me about being a SAHM.

So, I became pregnant while we were both still in school (both in the last few months of grad school). I never went to work full time because by the time I was ready to go on interviews I was showing big time. So we decided I would just stay home during the pregnancy.

So I have two degrees and I have never worked a day in my field. Now I get asked all the time
"Don't you feel like your education was a waste?"

Hmm...well I did not meet my husband until I was in 3rd year, so if I did not go to university I wouldn't have met him to even have kids. Also we were not actively trying to get pregnant and thus it happened I became pregnant while in school to go out and get a career before I had children. Basically if I hadn't done either, I would not be in the situation I am not to be a SAHM.

So no I do not feel my education was a waste. I loved my time in school, I am a huge fan of higher education and when my children are in school full time I hope to go back to school to get another degree which I probably won't use either! Why? Because I love learning.

But seriously, people look at me as though I either should not have gone to school if all I was doing was planning to stay at home (I always knew I would but did not realize it would be so soon) or I should not be staying at home with my children and I should be putting my education to work for me.



Georgia-Peach -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/8/2008 9:00:00 PM)

Lexie, I could see how that would be frustrating and annoying [&:]

Regarding the house's appearance and hubby, mine does prefer a tidy home and does have normal expectations. He has shared in a gently way (he has gotten much better at that) his frustrations with my lack of keeping the house tidy at times. Its not my strong suit, but I am trying to make an effort to do better. It is a lot easier to relax in a tidy house then one that is untidy, for me at least. I do struggle with guilt because I feel like this is my full time job, he works to provide for us, but also so that I able to stay home to raise our son so the least I can do is have a tidy house most of the time. This is guilt that I have put on myself, not my hubby just so that is clear [:D].



Harvie -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/9/2008 12:46:35 AM)

I am blessed to be a neat freak, married to another neat freak .... so our house is almost always unbelieveably organized, clean and tidy .... except for my DH's work spaces in the garage, and his shelf in the pantry! (He likes "controlled chaos" in those areas!) The house gets completely cleaned, dusted, vaccuumed, mopped, and all 3 bathrooms cleaned once a week ... plus spot cleaning, dusting, sweeping and tidying occurring every day!

My wonderful DH's work schedule is very unpredictable (long hours, last minute missions, short term assignments away from home, even overseas deployments -- eek) ... so I am able to handle most things on my own, if necessary. But when he's home, he's always willing to help out with pet care, dishes, folding laundry and taking out the trash. We've found that if we do household chores together, we have more time leftover to play more together!

[sm=funny.gif]



HisCovenant -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/9/2008 12:09:06 PM)

My dh and I are very different in the clean department. He is unorganized, but likes clean (dusted, washed, etc.) and I am organized, but will let the cleaning go somewhat. It's not that I never clean naturally, but rather that organization comes first and once I have all my surfaces tidied, then I'm ready to dust and scrub.

In 13 years, we haven't found anything that works to keep our home "housekeeper just left" fresh. We have tried several methods for working together and none of them last. So, we just muddle along in our not perfectly clean house in love with each other. [;)]



RepentanceIsRequired -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/9/2008 10:37:24 PM)

I'm a newcomer to this thread and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I've always wanted to be a SAHM. Little background:

In the beginning of Feb I was fired from my job. With eight weeks left in my pregnancy, I was made a SAHM. For the past 7 years, I have been the one working while Ryan was a SAHD while going to school. I never liked working, but I did it for the family because it was easier for me to find a higher paying job since I had a college degree and hubby did not. Anyway, I am on unemployment until the baby comes and part of that is to make at least two contacts to employers. I feel it is a waste of time because after all who is going to hire me now with just 3 1/2 weeks left of my preg?

So now my time is at home. Well actually it is not my home. Again another interesting story. A year ago this past Feb, we moved from Orlando into my parents' house. (It is a large farm house we "live" in the basement, and my brother "lives" in the upstairs bedroom because he too lost his job) Anyway, we are trying to sell our house in Orlando and it is not going very quickly (but then when does house selling go quickly?) Currently hubby only gets paid $9/hr and at the time I was making $11.89/hr so there was no way we could have afforded two mortages or even rent with a mortage to pay. So we live with my parents. We give them money for "living expenses" wich really goes to help with paying for the groceries.

Why am I telling you all this? I guess what it comes down to is I am on a roller coaster of emotions. At times I know we are exactly where God has led us. My parents believe in charity and helping others while we feel God is teaching us the beatitude of "blessed are the poor in spirit". So God has brought our families together for a purpose. On the other hand, I feel like such a burden on my parents (though they would NEVER even hint to anything of the sort). I do the best I can to keep up with the house work (mom has a lot of physical issues/pain).

Overall I have enjoyed being at home. It has allowed me to make things organized to my standards, and I have been able to get our finances into a workable order. It has also allowed me to take better care of myself physically. I am not stressed by a job that I dislike, and I can rest when my body tells me it is time to lay down.

So what's going to happen after the baby comes? Again, I begin to worry because of the unknown factor. As it stands now, it looks like I will have to work. However, beings that this is such a small rural community, where will I find a decent paying job? But that would mean I would have to find child care (which I know my mother would do in a heartbeat) but she would be watching a 6 year old, 5 year old, and a newborn. But then I am reminded that God said He would provide. He has exceeded my expectations by far in the past year. Ryan's work is also proving to be a blessing. It started out really rough, but the pay has been an issue. However, the other day he had jokingly told his boss (because business has increased since he put Ryan in charge of the Friday specials) when is he going to get a raise. And his boss said it's coming. Okay, so wow! Am I actually going to get that chance to really be a SAHM? It seems like our life is hinged on two factors, Ryan's raise and the sale of our house. Two things that are so totally out of our control. And yet God reminds me to trust Him. I have to believe in Him, and be assured that He has things well under control. That we are right where we are to be. Let tomorrow take care of itself, for today has enough problems of its own.

Wow, ladies, my apologies for the length of this. Everything has just come rolling out of my fingers.



HisCovenant -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/9/2008 10:58:58 PM)

What a beautiful testimony you have! I am glad you shared.

My parents lived with us for 2.5 years. While I wish my father had been elsewhere because he is selfish, it was a joy having my mother there. I would gladly accept her back into my home. The fact that she worried about being a burden caused her to be no burden at all. She was willing to actively participate in our house. Don't assume you and you family aren't a joy to your parents, especially if you are pitching in.



RepentanceIsRequired -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/9/2008 11:03:32 PM)

Yes, thank you for those kind words. I feel that way because here it has been a year and we are still in their house. I never thought we would be here this long. But I always make sure we are doing our part to help maintain the house both physically and financially.



lexie -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/10/2008 12:10:37 AM)

Nicole, thank you for sharing your story.

I get people asking all the time how we can afford for me to be a SAHM. My husband is not in the field he went to school for (and is having an extremely difficult time with it) and he is working contract jobs to get us by. There are times when he is not working and is waiting on another contract to come along. It's been difficult.

But we've made up our mind for me to be home with our children. We've put our trust in God, and while we are doing so we are doing part by making sacrifices. We have a very strict budget. We don't live in the nicest part of the city (in fact the other day I was offended when someone told me they thought the last part of the city we lived in was ghetto - well I guess that makes me ghetto too because that is what we could afford, like most people in the neighbourhood).

We are considered low-income by people but we're rich through God's blessings. We have a roof over our head, food in our bellys and we are blessed with a car for transportation. We are saving for our daughter's education and future. Sure we aren't where we wanted to be at this point in our lives, but we've learned such a valuable lesson it. Only God can make plans for your life, and if you trust in Him, you'll be forever blessed.



HisCovenant -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/10/2008 10:45:14 AM)

We've had to sacrifice, too, especially at first. Now it is just habit and doesn't seem like sacrifice so much. We had to retrain ourselves from thinking like the typical American that a lot of junk was necessary, and to get back to basics like food, shelter, clothing, & transportation being what we consider needs. To be honest, it's a bit easier for us because we don't have children... we're not constantly having to replace clothing or save for college, etc. So, I may not be the best comparison to help you see that you can make it on one income... but these other ladies can.



Mrs.X -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/10/2008 11:39:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lexie
But seriously, people look at me as though I either should not have gone to school if all I was doing was planning to stay at home (I always knew I would but did not realize it would be so soon) or I should not be staying at home with my children and I should be putting my education to work for me.

Well, you can look at it this way too. When your kids are grown up, you can just take a few catch up classes and go into the field you were planning to.

When our kids are grown up, me and hubby are going to truck driving school to become a husband/wife team truckers...9 on, 9 off. We'll get to see the country together.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/10/2008 1:03:13 PM)

Nicole, we lived with my parents for a while and we did have those awkward feelings, but I am pretty sure some of it is cultural. We're supposed to be all independent and seperate. And while we do Biblically have to "leave and cleave" I don't think that has a whole lot to do with living arrangements. [;)]
If you are helping with groceries and care of the home, I don't think there is any reason to feel bad about living there. Perhaps you could have a sit-down with your parents and hubby to explain that you do feel awkward about it, and just clarify everything. Maybe they could help you feel more comfortable with SAHM while living there.
My parents loved having the opportunity to help us through a rough time and eat dinner with us every night, and I know they would do it again in a heartbeat if necessary. I know if disaster struck, or (God forbid!) dh died, we could go live in their basement and while I would probably work some to pay expenses, they would do the night-time "parenting" to allow me to work at night and continue homeschooling during the day.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/10/2008 1:05:49 PM)

On a totally different note--I am not doing well with the mommy or the housekeeping thing. I woke up sick on Saturday, and then my grandma died, and I am still sick.

I feel like I would just like to disappear for a week and sleep. [&:] Don't know if that is a pro or con of SAHM. On the one hand, I don't ahve to decide whether or not to miss work. On the other hand, disappearing is not an option.

I can ignore the laundry though, which I might very well do. [8D]



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/10/2008 1:08:10 PM)

quote:

When our kids are grown up, me and hubby are going to truck driving school to become a husband/wife team truckers...9 on, 9 off. We'll get to see the country together.

that's what hubby's mom and her husband do. She actually drives too, which is not common....usually the teams are still just the guys driving...but she loves it. Now they work for a company that hauls around band equipment for all sorts of famous people...so she goes all over the place and has met some great and not so great celebs.



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (3/10/2008 1:08:34 PM)

oh Maggie! I'm so sorry about your grandma...and that your sick, that's terrible. =(
I hope you feel better soon...
Sandy



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