RE: SAHM support/encouragement (Full Version)

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peculiar_lady2 -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 8:23:16 AM)

quote:

When we get moved and get settled, I've already picked out a wall that I'm going to COVER with pics of Daddy.

don't forget things they can pick up and carry around themselves (look at the dollar store for picture cubes). Right before Paul deployed they had a mass paper day (had every part of all the base things at one building so we could go to one day and get everything signed and done at once)....one of the things they did was take a picture of dad with kids and made that into a placemat. The two older ones were in childcare that day, so the pic we got was just Paul and Emma. Even though she was only 11mo when he left, she understood that he was gone. She carried that placemat around with her everywhere during that year he was gone...I took it to my moms because she was so attached to it. We also made a special slideshow on the computer with the kids favorite pics of dad...so that when the computer wasn't in use (or just anytime) they could watch the slideshow and see pics of him. Anyway, with a simple printer and magnetic paper they can make magnets of pics....then to make those more resilliant to kids, put a couple of coats of white school glue on them...then they can easily be wiped off if grimy hands touch the pics. The biggest thing for me was making sure that his picture was around all the places they needed it to be, and that his stuff was put in his own places. We moved just literally days before he left into a larger place (from 3bd to 4bd on post housing)...and I made sure that his clothes were put in the closet still, that his things were out still, etc. It was still very obvious when you looked around that HE was still living there even if he wasn't there right then.



Georgia-Peach -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 8:32:08 AM)

Can I ask military wives a question and I am not wanting to be insensitive because I know Justin just deployed. We live in a military community, but we are not military. Our church has a lot of military families in them as well. One lady I know (not close, but we know each other), her husband deployed for a year and this is his first time every deploying. They have three boys and no family around them, but a good group of friends. My question is at church does it upset you when you are asked how you are doing or how your husband is doing? I know one time I asked a lady how everything was going and how her husband was doing, I thought she was going to break down on me so I have never asked another wife this again. I just don't know what the proper way to handle this is. I don't want to seem rude or insensitive by not asking, but I also don't want to make someone cry either.



lexie -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 8:54:50 AM)

Zippy - do you still do freelance writing? That is what I'm doing right now, and I'm loving it. I'm hoping to get out there a bit more in the near future.

Sandy - excellent writing! Do you regularly write devotionals? You could find a way to publish them, it would be an excellent way to minister to those around you, maybe do something for wives of deployed spouses. You have a wonderful ease in your writing.

I'm going to go spend the day with my sister and my nephew. Akeelah loves being around babies so it will be nice.



isaacsmom -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 9:16:56 AM)

Christina, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! Congrats.

Lexie, have a great time!

OK, I gotta go read Sandy's blog now. [:D]



HisCovenant -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 9:32:17 AM)

Happy Belated Anniversary, Christina, and Congrats on being one day closer to smoke-free!

Lexie- I haven't done free-lance writing in about 8 years. I loved getting to meet new people and learn stuff I never thought to dig into before, but I just wasn't into the lack of schedule. I would do better at it now, but straight out of college I didn't have the discipline to do anything free-lance!



isaacsmom -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 9:36:51 AM)

I would LOVE to do freelance writing. I just don't know how to break into it.



PrincessDonna -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 10:23:58 AM)

The best laid plans of mice and men...

are often ruined by a miserable teething boy.[&:] He now has six teeth nearing the gums, some pushing pretty hard. I am really getting sick of teething, though thankfully he is still sleeping well at night. I would much rather have a cranky baby all day than at night.

I did get some of what I wanted to done before he started his pitiful stare at Momma and scream routine. I sorted a bunch more clothes in Levi's room (still need more bins...these kids are growing faster than I can keep up with them!), tore down as much loose wallpaper as I could, and bagged up donation clothes. Laundry going and dishes started...will finish those once Levi's drugs kick in.

His room looks a ton better and once I get all the wallpaper off, I can start painting. Haven't decided whether to do pink or purple yet. Is it too girlie to do both? LOL This room will be Hannah's room and she will share with the baby, girl or boy, for a while. I have a lot of people saying the baby must be a girl, since I'm going to paint a girl's room, but really, the baby won't care one way or the other and my motivation is to get Hannah to sleep in there and not in with the big boys (where Levi will be going when the baby needs the crib).



SweetLittleErin -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 10:43:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Georgia-Peach

Can I ask military wives a question and I am not wanting to be insensitive because I know Justin just deployed. We live in a military community, but we are not military. Our church has a lot of military families in them as well. One lady I know (not close, but we know each other), her husband deployed for a year and this is his first time every deploying. They have three boys and no family around them, but a good group of friends. My question is at church does it upset you when you are asked how you are doing or how your husband is doing? I know one time I asked a lady how everything was going and how her husband was doing, I thought she was going to break down on me so I have never asked another wife this again. I just don't know what the proper way to handle this is. I don't want to seem rude or insensitive by not asking, but I also don't want to make someone cry either.


Thats good question Chelle. I know what you mean about not knowing just what to say. My best friends husband just deployed for the first time, and I know for me personally, I try to not mention it to her. I mean if she brings it up I'll listen and be supportive, but for me personally, I feel like its something she has to deal with all the time and might just want to talk/think about something else. People ask me all the time "hows A's husband doing?" etc. And honestly, I dont really know. I know she'll tell me if she wants to talk about it, but I feel like maybe I can be a better friend by just being her friend? Does that make sense? Military wives, feel free to tell me if I am all wrong...this is very new to me and I feel so awkward and helpless.[&o]



PrincessDonna -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 11:07:46 AM)

I feel kind of the same way even with our Sandy. I want to help, and I'm close enough to be able to help, but I'm not sure how to help. I think it's important for our military friends to know that we love them, we care what they are going through, we are there when they need us for any reason, and most importantly, that we are praying for them.

It probably depends on the person how much they want to talk about it, but maybe if you're not sure, just a nice encouraging note in the mail would be good. It would let them know you care without putting them on the spot if they don't want to talk about it.0



ChelseaRae -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 11:39:58 AM)

I have wondered about that too Chelle. I want to be able to say I am praying for someone but I don't them to feel like I am trying to bring it up over and over, I don't know if I should say something or just keep praying and keep it to myself.



Mrs.X -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 11:41:15 AM)

Thanks for the anniversary wishes. I need to pump today so we can go out tomorrow night....UGH! I hate pumping. My mom is going to watch the kids. Nicotine patches are so expensive that we'll just be going to Olive Garden. But, it should still be nice to have some yummy food, I'm starting to get sick of my own cooking. Next year we'll go to Cheesecake Factory.

LOL, I just looked at the calendar...Today is Thursday! Not Friday! OK, good I have two days to pump. And, our last cigarette will be tomorrow night. LOL!

Being a SAHM, do ya'll lose track of the days? When I worked I never did because I had to type the date so much.



PrincessDonna -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 11:45:36 AM)

Ooooh...have fun at Olive Garden, Christina! Yum!

Losing track of days...only if we have no plans for a whole week. Having Noah in school helps with that though. Wouldn't want him standing out waiting for the bus on the weekend![;)]



RepentanceIsRequired -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 11:57:30 AM)

I'm always losing track of the days. If I don't put the school events onto my calendar from their calendar which is posted right next to eachother, I always forget about things like two hour late starts or early dismissals. [8|]

Donna -- You can answer me in the decorating thread, but what kind of walls are behind your walpaper, plaster or drywall? At our house we have plaster walls and I am trying to decide if I want to take down all the wallpaper or just paint over it. I keep getting two different opinions about it.



Mrs.Wifey -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 12:01:30 PM)

Hey, Ladies! The National Marrow Donor Program is doing a "free" Mother's Day special. Your kit is free if you are one of the first 10,000 people to register(it normally costs $20) and it puts you (obviously) into the national registry. HERE is the page, PLEASE consider doing this, it can literally safe a life!



PrincessDonna -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 12:03:07 PM)

I don't frequent the decorating thread, so I'll answer here.[:D] Our walls are plaster and under that, those really skinny boards they used 200 years ago. Makes a giant mess when you tear it out.[&:] We may have to paint over some of the wallpaper if we can't get it off without tearing the plaster apart. I am sooooo not going there. A lot of the wallpaper was loose though, so I pulled all that off today. I'm hoping I can scrape the rest off without hurting the plaster.

ETA...there are actually two different wallpapers in that room, both hideous.[8|] One kind seems like it is stuck more and may not come off with scraping, but it is two whole walls. I *think* I may be able to primer over it and just paint over it. It'll have a textured kind of look, but that's okay with me.[:D]



RepentanceIsRequired -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 12:11:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna

I don't frequent the decorating thread, so I'll answer here.[:D] Our walls are plaster and under that, those really skinny boards they used 200 years ago. Makes a giant mess when you tear it out.[&:] We may have to paint over some of the wallpaper if we can't get it off without tearing the plaster apart. I am sooooo not going there. A lot of the wallpaper was loose though, so I pulled all that off today. I'm hoping I can scrape the rest off without hurting the plaster.

ETA...there are actually two different wallpapers in that room, both hideous.[8|] One kind seems like it is stuck more and may not come off with scraping, but it is two whole walls. I *think* I may be able to primer over it and just paint over it. It'll have a textured kind of look, but that's okay with me.[:D]


Holy smokes! That sounds exatly like our house! The wallpaper has probably been there since like the 40's. I'm still undecided if I want to try taking all of it off or just where it is peeling/bubbling and then paint over it. From what I have been told from a couple of my friends it would be easier to just paint over it.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 12:22:35 PM)

quote:

My question is at church does it upset you when you are asked how you are doing or how your husband is doing?

depends on who's asking and the day. I personally hated when people ask that at church because it usually meant they weren't ones to call during the week to check up on me...so really they weren't asking for MY benefit they were just asking for theirs or to be nosy (not saying you were being nosy, that's just how I perceived it to be). IMO if you care enough to really want to know, then call them at home and ask and be willing to offer support or help if they need it. To me it's like commenting to a pregnant woman about them still being pregnant when obviously they are and haven't had the baby yet.

quote:

People ask me all the time "hows A's husband doing?" etc. And honestly, I dont really know.

another point is I know in my case Paul didn't contact me very often at all. (the longest he couldn't was two months...but it was typical to only get one phone call a month). So the old saying "no news is good news" is what we lived by.

quote:

I want to help, and I'm close enough to be able to help, but I'm not sure how to help.

ways that I appreciated were....
*caring (and I mean really caring, not caring one day a week or whenever you happen to run into them in the store)
*sending cards or notes of "praying or just thinking about you"...or even better sometimes are funny notes or cards. (one thing that annoyed me the most when he was deployed was the people that would send me mushy "support the troops" type of emails...NOT the best time to remind a soldiers wife of what could happen)
*ask and write down any holidays or special days and go out of your way to remember those days and pray and talk to them about those days...it's amazing the stupid little days that you miss when he is gone...it may be something that isn't even a "real" holiday or anniversary...like the day they got engaged or the day they went on their first date or whatever.
*if you are living close to the friend, then don't forget to invite them out for "getting away" nights....having the kids around ALL the time with no one to help can be daunting. Or invite them all over for dinner or whatever. Simply BE FRIENDLY.
*understand that they may be fine one minute and not the next...so always have tissues on hand....lol
*I would have loved it if someone had helped with meals....fixing freezer stuff...cause that's one thing that got really tiring every day, every meal (but then again I was pregnant...so that might have been part of it)

quote:

Being a SAHM, do ya'll lose track of the days? When I worked I never did because I had to type the date so much.

I tend to lose track of days...esp right now since Paul isn't even going to work.



JoyfulLady -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 12:34:10 PM)

Forget losing track of days....I sometimes lose track of what MONTH it is. [8|][:D]



Georgia-Peach -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 12:43:50 PM)

I have lost track of days at times, but for the most part I don't. It helps that I have calendar posted on our fridge or else I am sure I would be absolutely clueless.

We had a great day today so far. A few us got together and took the kids to the Air Force Museum and then hubby met us there to have a picnic lunch. I let Hunter walk with the other kids and he did really good. He would go astray a few times, but I directed him back to where he needed to be. He only fussed at me a few times so then he didn't get to walk for a few minutes until he stopped. He is now napping and hopefully for a few hours, he is so worn out. We are meeting hubby for dinner at Taco Bell and then switching cars because I am getting a couple of hours alone to go shopping. I am still wearing my nursing bras and haven't nursed in almost 3 months so I think it is time that I go do the dreaded bra shopping. I am also going to do a little clothes shopping as well and just enjoy myself. Then tomorrow is family day...so excited!



isaacsmom -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 12:46:02 PM)

Chelle, sounds like a lot of fun! Getting away and shopping alone for a couple of hours is heavenly. Ahhh! [:D]



paulsbride -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 1:14:36 PM)

Paul has never been deployed overseas so I'm not anywhere in the same boat as those wives whose husbands have been gone for months on end.
With his work now he goes away for 2 weeks or slightly longer several times a year, and then 1-5 nights several times a month.
He is rarely off on Sundays, so it's just Judah and me at church.
It means the world to me when people invite the two of us out to eat - I see families (with the daddy!) getting invited over to peoples homes, but Judah and I are often left out (it's a small church where everyone knows everyone.) So when someone extends an invitation to Judah and myself it makes me feel loved.
There is very little people say that bothers me. I'm pretty understanding of the fact that people mean well and that we're in a totally unique situation (husband gone a lot, but not actually overseas either) and people don't really know what to say.
The two things that do get to me are when the same person asks the same question(s) (about Paul) week after week - question(s) that the answers *never* change to - they just forget they've asked me and are trying to make conversation.
The other one is pity comments. The biggest thing right now is two weeks after the baby is due Paul has to go away for two weeks. No one seems to understand that this is mandatory - we can't do anything about it, it's not like Paul asked for it! But so many people say things like "Wow, I could never do that. Those first x-amount of weeks are so rough, you won't be able to live without your husband." [8|] Tell me - what on earth good does it do to say that?!?!

Like Sarah said getting phone calls mid week is nice. Or emails. That's a rather non-intimidating way of saying you were thinking and caring.

Paul's best guy friend was just deployed, leaving his bride of 1 year. We plan to send his friend packages, but also his wife.



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 3:46:17 PM)

quote:


ways that I appreciated were....
*caring (and I mean really caring, not caring one day a week or whenever you happen to run into them in the store)
*sending cards or notes of "praying or just thinking about you"...or even better sometimes are funny notes or cards. (one thing that annoyed me the most when he was deployed was the people that would send me mushy "support the troops" type of emails...NOT the best time to remind a soldiers wife of what could happen)
*ask and write down any holidays or special days and go out of your way to remember those days and pray and talk to them about those days...it's amazing the stupid little days that you miss when he is gone...it may be something that isn't even a "real" holiday or anniversary...like the day they got engaged or the day they went on their first date or whatever.
*if you are living close to the friend, then don't forget to invite them out for "getting away" nights....having the kids around ALL the time with no one to help can be daunting. Or invite them all over for dinner or whatever. Simply BE FRIENDLY.
*understand that they may be fine one minute and not the next...so always have tissues on hand....lol
*I would have loved it if someone had helped with meals....fixing freezer stuff...cause that's one thing that got really tiring every day, every meal (but then again I was pregnant...so that might have been part of it)

Excellent. I agree with pretty much all of this. So much so that I really have nothing to add.
Chelle, if I were you, I would call her mid week and have some time set aside to really talk to her...be prepared that she may really need to unload.
Sandy
ps. I didn't think that was insentive of you to ask at all. I think it's so wonderful that you all care enough to ask and want to make sure what's okay and not. That means so very much. Truly.



Royal.Fortress -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 3:59:48 PM)

quote:

Our walls are plaster and under that, those really skinny boards they used 200 years ago.


It's called 'lathe' [;)] And we've got it too!!!



HisCovenant -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 4:12:17 PM)

That's how they finished walls before sheetrock. I'd just prime and paint over the wallpaper. It wouldn't be worth it to risk the plaster coming down. If it does, you'll have to take it all down and sheetrock or replaster. It's not always easy finding a plasterer. If the wallpaper is up the well, if you prime, you can paint. If the wallpaper is coming off in a place or two, but mostly is up well, you can reglue. If you don't prime, it is possible that the paint (if you use latex/ acrylic) can reactivate the glue and it all can come down. So I would prime and then paint.

Rachel- my freelance job fell in my lap, so I don't know how to break into it.

Christina- I usually know what day of the week it is because I keep a schedule and have certain things I do on certain days of the week... but I rarely know the date. If someone tells me to date something, I have to figure out the date or ask someone every time.



paulsbride -> RE: SAHM support/encouragement (5/8/2008 4:33:46 PM)

I discovered something cool today for those of you working on saving money.
It is entirely dependent on your stores coupon policy, however this worked for me today.
I had a bunch of coupons (7) for various items. The coupon had no size limit on them (make sure to check for that!! A lot of them do specify a minimum size). Each coupon was for $1/off and one was for $1.50 off. I was at Target and went to the travel size items section. The items were less than $1/each and when I checked out they took off the full amount of the coupon (even tho the items were less than the coupons) and so I ended up getting $1.80 taken off the rest of my order (a humidifier I needed for Judah.)
I know $1.80 isn't massive savings, but it's still something, and I thought it was cool the store did that. I don't know if that is all Target stores or not.



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