Please talk me into believing this statement (Full Version)

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rsh -> Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 5:51:29 PM)

"When the right person comes along, you know it."

I hear this sentence ALL the time from people and I've never agreed with it for one second of my entire life. Those same people who say that are the ones who said it about at least one special person who wound up NOT being their spouse. They're either still single or married someone else. And I always ask how they know that this person is 'the one" and they always tell me, "You just know." I'm sure that took a long time to come up with that answer. Even someone as dumb as I am could have thought of that one. I'm sorry for being sarcastic, but I had to make my point.

I'm 31 (never had a g/f by the way) and I've thought a few times in my life that a certain person was "the one" and never was. So I'm just asking you all for an answer to my question of how you know someone is "the one." I've given you my argument against the statement listed above, so please tell me why I'm wrong because I truly don't believe that I am. And I'm a guy who loses more arguments than wins them. What exactly happens when you know? Is there even a Bible reference to that?

And let me apologize for my venting. To me, a relationship these days is this game you play where you wind up getting hurt in the end. And every once in a long while, you're the one hurting the other. I'm one of those guys who are very happy with my life (especially my relationship with God), but have this little void inside. It's to the point where I can't stand to be at a wedding. It's mostly because of a bad experience I had, but still. Plus, all my friends who get married ask me why I'm still single. It's like they look down on me b/c of that.



preserved -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 6:03:22 PM)

To be honest with you...You will probably never hear the answer...When you know you've met the right person is how the person makes you feel inside no matter who says different. You will not beable to explain it because it comes from God..You can't live without them..

The question you are asking is just like asking someone how do you know who God is...You really did not make your point...instead you are criticing those who believe in the statement just because you don't.

It just like seeing the capabilities of a person who seems to be so bad...looking beyond the person's faults

If you have to think you met the right person...chances are you did not..If you met the right person you will know and not beable to really explain it to someone to make sense



rsh -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 6:21:11 PM)

So did you actually believe that statement before it happened to you? Because I don't think I ever will until it does happen. Just asking. And like I said before, I can be talked into a lot of things.



ta_mosquito -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 6:27:23 PM)

I met my (now) husband when I was barely 31; we got married when I was 32.

How did I know he was the one for me? It took a while because I had been burned over the years. But in general, his lifestyle and attitudes about life, finances, children, spiritual things, etc. lined up with mine. I was attracted to him physically. Oh yeah - and I loved him. [8D]

Were there others out there who could've made me a good mate? I think so. I am not one to believe in THE ONE. You follow God's guidance and use your head; know yourself (very important and often skipped!) and get to know the other person; if all systems indicate GO, then go for it.

I remember about a month before Kevin asked me to marry him. We were having lunch with his pastor and pastor's wife, and I asked her how certain was she that Don was the one for her. She said that she was 95% certain, and the 5% doubt she had was just her own self-doubt. That really confirmed it for me - it's okay to have small doubts if they're self-doubt. But if you have doubts about the other's character, etc., you certainly should not ignore those... but I've never met anyone who went into marriage with eyes wide open who knew with 100% certainty that they were doing the right thing.



preserved -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 6:34:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rsh

So did you actually believe that statement before it happened to you? Because I don't think I ever will until it does happen. Just asking. And like I said before, I can be talked into a lot of things.


As for me...no I have not met the person that I just know he's the one. I put my trust in God in my relationships and He shows me why the people that I have dated were not the one. Have I met those who seemed to be the right one..sure...but that is when I stopped relying on my thoughts and turn it over to God. I am then at peace and content because I was then able to see the real person for who they were



rsh -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 6:43:12 PM)

"Have I met those who seemed to be the right one..sure...but that is when I stopped relying on my thoughts and turn it over to God."

Now, that may be my problem. I seem to feel a lot of the time that my thoughts come from God. That maybe it's God telling me certain things. Does that make any sense at all? Maybe I really don't know the difference between my thoughts and what God is telling me. I always thought I did.



HisCovenant -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 6:44:15 PM)

Well, I believe that statement is true... but I also believe it is false.

I totally get your point about hearing it misused and over used. I've even said it about a man that I dated who abused me. I wasn't mature enough to know what qualities "the one" should have... I certainly couldn't have recognized him at that point. I've also heard others use it about people from whom they ended up divorced.

I also think it is a false statement because I don't believe that there is just "the one." I think there are good Christians with whom you can make a wonderful life and be happy and be in love. I don't believe that if you let "the one" get away that you are doomed to be without a marriage partner.

However, as a woman who is married to a wonderful Christian man, I have made that statement and believe that I truthfully spoke it about dh. After the hard relationships I had before dh, God opened my eyes to what I had been choosing. He drew me to Himself and gave me discernment in chosing a husband. When I say that statement, what I mean is this: you get to the point where you understand what will make a loving, lasting relationship that can be built on thru the years and you recognize that "the one" has the maturity, heart, and actions to build with you instead of tearing down what you try to build. I think it has more to do with wisely choosing than it does with the instinct of "knowing."

I don't think it really matters whether or not you believe it... just keep growing in the Lord and help all others (male and female friends) to grow in the Lord. If this longing is God calling you to marriage, eventually you will use wisdom and be led of the Holy Spirit to make a commitment to a lady.

I would like to say as a married women that I don't look down on anyone who is single. I may say something dumb that is one of your pet peeves, but 1. marriage is not for everyone, 2. my timing for marriage is not the same as your timing for marriage, 3. who cares? You're still my Christian brother. I understand that marrieds and singles don't have as much in common in some ways, but it really ticks me off the way we write each other off and don't form relationships in the church because we're not at the same season of life.



rsh -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 6:46:17 PM)

Did you know right away that he was it when you met him? Because a lot of stories I hear are the ones where people say, "I knew right when I saw him/her that I was going to marry him/her." That's another statement I have a problem with, probably moreso than the one I started this thread with.



HisCovenant -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 6:53:10 PM)

No... it took being friends and then slowly dating. I will say that once I decided he was "the one," I was ready to be married. But no, it took time to see if he was a fraud or a real Christian who would be committed for life.



Flintejae -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 6:57:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ta_mosquito

How did I know he was the one for me? It took a while because I had been burned over the years. But in general, his lifestyle and attitudes about life, finances, children, spiritual things, etc. lined up with mine. I was attracted to him physically. Oh yeah - and I loved him. [8D]



I can really relate to this statement. That's how I knew my husband was the one also.



rsh -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 7:12:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisCovenant

Well, I believe that statement is true... but I also believe it is false.

I totally get your point about hearing it misused and over used. I've even said it about a man that I dated who abused me. I wasn't mature enough to know what qualities "the one" should have... I certainly couldn't have recognized him at that point. I've also heard others use it about people from whom they ended up divorced.

I also think it is a false statement because I don't believe that there is just "the one." I think there are good Christians with whom you can make a wonderful life and be happy and be in love. I don't believe that if you let "the one" get away that you are doomed to be without a marriage partner.

However, as a woman who is married to a wonderful Christian man, I have made that statement and believe that I truthfully spoke it about dh. After the hard relationships I had before dh, God opened my eyes to what I had been choosing. He drew me to Himself and gave me discernment in chosing a husband. When I say that statement, what I mean is this: you get to the point where you understand what will make a loving, lasting relationship that can be built on thru the years and you recognize that "the one" has the maturity, heart, and actions to build with you instead of tearing down what you try to build. I think it has more to do with wisely choosing than it does with the instinct of "knowing."

I don't think it really matters whether or not you believe it... just keep growing in the Lord and help all others (male and female friends) to grow in the Lord. If this longing is God calling you to marriage, eventually you will use wisdom and be led of the Holy Spirit to make a commitment to a lady.

I would like to say as a married women that I don't look down on anyone who is single. I may say something dumb that is one of your pet peeves, but 1. marriage is not for everyone, 2. my timing for marriage is not the same as your timing for marriage, 3. who cares? You're still my Christian brother. I understand that marrieds and singles don't have as much in common in some ways, but it really ticks me off the way we write each other off and don't form relationships in the church because we're not at the same season of life.


That's a good post. It's interesting that you say marriage is not for everyone. Are you saying that these are the people who don't WANT to get married? Or is there something else behind that?



preserved -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 7:23:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rsh

"Have I met those who seemed to be the right one..sure...but that is when I stopped relying on my thoughts and turn it over to God."

Now, that may be my problem. I seem to feel a lot of the time that my thoughts come from God. That maybe it's God telling me certain things. Does that make any sense at all? Maybe I really don't know the difference between my thoughts and what God is telling me. I always thought I did.


That is a good question...I had someone ask me how do you know when it's God talking...It's your communications with Him and your close walk with Him to know when He is talking...God never talks of the negative, God nevers rationalize, God never doubts...Negatives, rationalize, doubts comes from us. God talks to your heart not thru your head...



rsh -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 7:52:49 PM)

Maybe I need to just give up on the dating/marriage thing. I'm not throwing in the towel on my life or anything, but maybe my priorities aren't in order like I thought they were.



ta_mosquito -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 8:03:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rsh

Did you know right away that he was it when you met him? Because a lot of stories I hear are the ones where people say, "I knew right when I saw him/her that I was going to marry him/her." That's another statement I have a problem with, probably moreso than the one I started this thread with.


No, I didn't know right away. We talked online for a couple months before he came out to visit me in person. Even on that first visit, while that first day/night went very well, I still wouldn't have said that he was it.



rsh -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 8:22:20 PM)

That's cool. By the way, I appreciate your answer when you said, "his lifestyle and attitudes about life, finances, children, spiritual things, etc. lined up with mine. I was attracted to him physically. Oh yeah - and I loved him." An answer to my question that I respect. I don't even have to fully agree with it. All I wanted was a detailed reason other than "I just knew." Thank you for that.



HisCovenant -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 8:48:42 PM)

I think God calls some to be single. I don't know about their "wants." You know, sometimes you don't want God's way and then you surrender to it and your emotions follow. It's just like some fight against being called into the ministry. For others, it's not a fight at all... their emotions back up the call.

It's something to take to God in prayer, there's not a one size fits all answer. 1 Cor 7:7 Read the whole chapter, but that's the main verse that backs up the ideas in this post.



DreadPirateRandy -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 9:17:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: preserved

When you know you've met the right person is how the person makes you feel inside no matter who says different. You will not beable to explain it because it comes from God..You can't live without them..


Indubitably.



deermousie -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 9:47:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rsh
And I always ask how they know that this person is 'the one" and they always tell me, "You just know."


Well, I am well-married 20 years, and the guy I married was one I didn't want to live without. I'd been proposed to 4-5 times before this, and I nearly ran away screaming. But not this guy.

A chaplain once told me, "If you know life is hard, why not go through it with someone you like?" True enough, but I think most married people will tell you they HAD to marry this person.

The thing that makes this hard, is that "HAVE TO" can be fabricated by premature physical involvement. To be sure, I think the people need to be non-touching and look to see if their ducks are in a row:Finished education? Got a career? Got spiritual maturity that your pastor/elders/mature Christians at church will testify to? Got skills for being married? Emotionally mature and not psychotic?

So I'd say, get to know a person for a while who looks interesting, DON'T TOUCH THEM, and if it's headed for marriage I am sure it will be obvious (The touching can make it look like you have to have them but it's just biology).

Personally, I'm death on dating. It's great preparation for divorce: give your heart away, get it broken, repeat. Not healthy or biblical. So do things in groups, be involved in ministry with other singles, pray like a maniac, and know that God isn't holding out any good thing (Ps. 84:11). Get on with your life (as you obviously are; good man!) and let God steer.

I met my future husband when I was 37; I was sure I'd be single for life. I married at 38 and had a wonderful kid at 40. I think God intended for me to be a poster child for older single adults. [:D] I haven't missed out on anything, and in fact, I had more to bring into my marriage because of all the things I did while single.

quote:

I'm 31 (never had a g/f by the way)


Wow, a man who hasn't been through the wringer and lost his heart 47 times. You have a lot to give to your future wife! It's all for her!

quote:

What exactly happens when you know? Is there even a Bible reference to that?


I've heard others talk about this; there's an openness you never want to end. You're "at home" in this person's life. Sorry, no Bible reference, just experience and hear-say. Go back and look at Ps. 84:11.

quote:

And let me apologize for my venting. To me, a relationship these days is this game you play where you wind up getting hurt in the end.


Yeah, I encourage you to stop dating. Instead, organize groups of guys and gals for picnics. You and your buddies cook dinner for the gals (don't forget to pull out the chairs for them). Do fun stuff. Do picnics, play sports, go skiing.

quote:

but have this little void inside. It's to the point where I can't stand to be at a wedding. It's mostly because of a bad experience I had, but still.


God calls most people to be married; you're probably one of them. Keep praying, and thank God He's not holding out on you.

quote:

Plus, all my friends who get married ask me why I'm still single. It's like they look down on me b/c of that.


Give me their addresses; I'm going to go smack them. [:D] You'll be married when it's God's time, and no one pushes God around.

I'm sorry you're having a bit of rough time with it; I understand. What's in your hand today? Go do it, and thank God He has good plans for tomorrow. Keep asking for a woman... a good one. You have a lot of offer her! God bless, Bro'.



rsh -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/10/2008 10:54:25 PM)

"Wow, a man who hasn't been through the wringer and lost his heart 47 times. You have a lot to give to your future wife! It's all for her!"

47 times? You were probably trying to joke about that, but you're probably closer than you realize....lol



song -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/11/2008 1:22:11 AM)

Taken from Romans 12:

1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I think when we're filled with the Holy Spirit he speaks very clearly to us what God's will is. Sometimes it requires waiting, but when our heart's desire is to be a living sacrifice and to be conformed to God's thinking, we will know the plans that he has for us.

So I do believe that you will "just know". But it's a little different then your average Joe's interpretation.



fluffmonkey -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/11/2008 2:21:47 AM)

My mom told me "you will just know" but I wanted a better answer then that [8|] I used to think what kind of answer was that...

But when I met my fiance I was attracted to everything about him...and I prayed to God about him if he was the one or not...btw he also prayed if I was the one bc we were just friends that hung out in group...so the one time we hung out just us 2 ...we both "just knew" we were meant to be... and like preserved said..you want be able to explain it because it comes from God..you can't live without them..



Szaftoo -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/11/2008 9:35:36 AM)

That statement works for some people, not for all.

I met my husband in church where we prayed for each other during a service. I loved how we prayed for my request and thought he was good looking, however, I never thought he was "the one". Our first date was incredible and he was such a gentleman but I still didn't think he was "the one". After we dated for a while, I gradually started feeling differently.

I know singles who meet really great people but aren't open to a relationship because they didn't feel they were "the one". Don't limit yourself with a feeling or chemistry, sometimes that comes later.



laura... -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/11/2008 10:02:41 AM)

quote:

"When the right person comes along, you know it."


Yes. You do just "know it". Sometimes you know it right away and sometimes it takes awhile to "know it". And, nobody believes it to be true until it happens to them.

However, this does not negate the use of wisdom in choosing a spouse. The bible has some pretty clear criteria for marriage partners -- equally yoked (believer), not a fool, drunkard or violent person (check out Proverbs), and faithful.

I also do not believe in there only being one "the one". Someone could meet all the criteria for a wise choice and still not be "the one". Likewise, someone can seem like "the one" and not meet all the criteria of a wise choice. When those two elements come together (wise choice and "the one") it happens and you "just know".



gadita -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/11/2008 3:35:00 PM)

Shalom! May the peace and grace of our Lord of Glory be with u!

Just a short and simple remark: I'm single as old as u and I've been hurt to in the past, fortunately, praised be God, before I embraced Jesus Christ as my Lord. One thing I know about the "u'll know" when the right person crosses your way: believe.
I never stopped believing in love and now that Jesus Christ is my Love, I believe in it more and more.
Is your fear to love bigger than your fear of getting hurt?

Talk to our Lord, let Him work in you the answer!
If you want to get married, you will[:)]



HSmom2 -> RE: Please talk me into believing this statement (3/11/2008 5:31:35 PM)

Well if you don't believe it, then it won't happen.

I believe it, but I am a woman. I have always believed that somehow I would just "know" who to marry. Asked plenty of times but it wasn't right and deep down I knew it. However when my dh came along, it was subtle, a feeling like- this could be it. I prayed and believed God supported it, so we were married - 20 years this year.

God works different ways with different people. Some look for a sign, some use their best judgement, some follow their heart. How does God deal with you? What kind of person are you?

Think about what kind of wife you would like. Then ask God to bring her into your life when you are ready. Ask him to get you ready. When she comes, use your best judgement and pray.

Antaries7



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