Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (Full Version)

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fist.sensei -> Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/6/2008 10:41:53 AM)

Post after post I see "bring it before God" posted as realistic and palpable advice.

While it's a very necessary part of our walk to communicate with God through prayer, there is a lot more to our walk then waiting for some shrubbery to ignite itself and say something profound.

We know what the bible says on marriage. The most specific new testament guidance we are given on marriage is in Ephesians 5:22-33. I'm not going to quote it all here (go get your bible and read it yourself [;)] ) but it is where wives are told to "submit to your husbands as to the Lord", and husbands are told to "love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

And that simply boils back down to the two greatest commandments (I'm paraphrasing) "Love your God" and "Love your neighbor as yourself".

I'll take it a step further. We are taught throughout the bible that part of loving God is communicating with Him. And we know Christ constantly communicates with the church.

So that means spouses are supposed to communicate!

If there is something wrong in your marriage... of course you should pray about it. But before you get aggrivated that nothing is happening... you've already been told what you need to do:

Communicate your fears, worries, hurt, problems, whatever to your spouse.

It is hard to bring up issues. But it is also the right road... if it is a healthy relationship there should be no problem as long as you are loving in the way you broach the subject.

If your spouse has stopped being responsive to you, that is when it is wise to seek counseling. And remember, just because someone preaches does not mean they know the first thing about marital counseling.



Szaftoo -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/6/2008 10:56:21 AM)

I appreciate your comments and completely agree with you. However, in some of these posts you refer to, the relationships are past the point of communication.
Some people refuse to communicate, some are in denial, some are deep into some kind of sin or compromise and some simply don't want to put in the effort it takes for restoration.
To some hurting couples, prayer is the only thing they have.



maddog4god -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/7/2008 5:56:53 AM)

I would have to agree with Szaftoo - I have very recently had a huge (for lack of a better word) mental health issues that was pretty significant - abuse issues I was not aware that I had. it was frankly pretty ugly. He was stressing about it last night and I told him - call this pastor or that pastor (I happen to be working with both pastors at my church to get over the hump of this issue). Then he got indignent and said why don't you talk to me about it?

Because simply put he doesn't listen at all and is so busy "defending" himself that he can't hear what I am saying. For example, last night I said, if you want me to talk to you about it - you need to provide a safe enivornment and instead of asking what safe feels like to me - he immediately launched into the fact that he DOES provide a safe environment (long story, trust me no he doesn't).

Some of us have communicated backwards, forwards and standing on our heads to no avail. I suppose in a less challgening atmosphere, people do forget to communicate, but I find they typically are more likely to forget to pray.



TMeeks -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/7/2008 9:38:51 AM)

It's never either/or. It's both.

But, in BOTH cases it is also about attitude, technique and skills. Now, people will bristle at the idea that effective prayer takes skills. But, Jesus didn't chide the disciples when they asked to learn to pray. He taught them.

I just read a thread about how one's husband had 'changed' after two years of marriage. I'm guessing that what really happened is that communication was poor in that marriage that the issues not dealt with finally erupted after two years of marriage.

In both communication and prayer, the greatest barriers are having the goal of changing the other person.



SummerJane -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/7/2008 10:01:22 AM)

Sometimes it takes many years for couples to learn how to openly and effectively communicate, and it is my firm belief that you cant learn how to communicate in a way that is healing until you learn how to hear God.

Sometimes, the person who is trying to seek help, has learned to communicate well, but the person whom they are communicating with has yet to learn to be open and to listen. The lack of openess and willingness to listen makes it very difficult if not impossible to productively communicate with them, thus the reason they seek help.

In this situation sometimes prayer and talking to other Christians is the only means that they can freely express their frustrations. Which often in turn helps them to heal and to deal with their situation.

Communication is vital to the health of a marriage, but prayer is vital not only to the health of the marriage, but also to the spiritual health of the person in need, especially when open and productive communication is lacking in the relationship.



tiffywal -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/14/2008 7:23:04 PM)

I don't think there is nothing wrong with "bringing it before God first", sometimes it may help a person to do that first before communicating with their spouse. You never know what the situation is. One spouse may be willing to talk and the other may not be, seeking God can help when trying to talk a situation out. I know I have. Not just with your spouse with any relationship you have. I've prayed asking God how I should handle a certain situation and to give the other person a heart to recieve. It has worked for me and my DH.



HisCovenant -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/14/2008 8:44:53 PM)

I pretty much agree with everything everyone is saying in it's proper balance.

There's no denying that we as Christians need to start dealing with conflicts that we have and stop pretending that a main message of the Bible is to pretend there aren't real problems to deal with. I've seen the "turn the other cheek" and "be unified" and "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" (which isn't actiually Biblical) taken too far. Sure, we need to forebear with each other and not snipe at each other over unimportant stuff... but that doesn't mean ignoring problems. I hate to see it, too.



bride48 -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/16/2008 7:02:30 PM)

Don't you think it's necessary to really lay a foundation of prayer before you even consider talking to your spouse? Prayer can help you assess how much responsibility you have in the conflict, as well as preparing to address the issue with a godly attitude.



Focusing -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/16/2008 7:23:30 PM)

quote:

there is a lot more to our walk then waiting for some shrubbery to ignite itself and say something profound

You lost me right there ... God is shrubbery?

[&o]



HisCovenant -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/17/2008 10:13:35 AM)

The burning bush that spoke to Moses...

I think what the OP means is that God has already revealed instructions for our lives and we should get to know them and live them instead of taking prayer as an excuse not to act in the way we've already been instructed.



fist.sensei -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/17/2008 12:42:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
I think what the OP means is that God has already revealed instructions for our lives and we should get to know them and live them instead of taking prayer as an excuse not to act in the way we've already been instructed.


Bingo.



Szaftoo -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/17/2008 12:52:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fist.sensei

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisCovenant
I think what the OP means is that God has already revealed instructions for our lives and we should get to know them and live them instead of taking prayer as an excuse not to act in the way we've already been instructed.


Bingo.


I think we all understand that, however, what about the person who is married to an unbeliever, someone who does not read or believe the Bible? Or maybe they don't believe in God at all?

I am blessed with a husband who, like I, believe the Word has everything we need for guidance and direction, however, that is not always the case.



BrowneyedAL -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/18/2008 4:25:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bride48

Don't you think it's necessary to really lay a foundation of prayer before you even consider talking to your spouse? Prayer can help you assess how much responsibility you have in the conflict, as well as preparing to address the issue with a godly attitude.


Well said DebbieLynn!

I used to take it to my spouse first...and that usually didn't turn out so well...because I hadn't taken time to seek God's guidance before opening my mouth.



Mrs.Above_All -> RE: Stop bringing it before God and start bringing it before your spouse. (4/18/2008 9:19:50 PM)

When I look at the two greatest commandments, it says to love G-d and then to love others. This to me tells me that we should look to G-d first (whether through prayer or seeking what the Word says) and then look to our spouses.

I've been thinking about this a lot. Both my DF and I still need to learn this...how to foster our relationship with G-d first, then how to come together to discuss things as a couple. I really would like to hear more about how we each do this.

.
.
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What if something is clear to one spouse and not the other? Is it considered being in agreement if one spouse is fine with the other person's ideas?



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