How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (Full Version)

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willfs -> How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/10/2008 2:16:21 PM)

I have trouble with girls who think I just need to be chased enough and they've got me. I think some of them think I am too shy or whatever. It is not just annoying but it makes me very uncomfortable.

Recently, I had a girl at work ask me out four times. The last time she wouldn't take no. I now don't even talk to her, pass by her quickly with a quick hello, and try to avoid her.

There are other stories that I just don't like repeating because it is really uncomfortable.

There is a girl who is in my singles group. I could really tell something was up by stuff she said and little things her friend said to me.... actually I don't like going into detail but just trust me. My mom and a friend have even told me that the way she acts towards me, it really shows.

She doesn't flirt a lot Its mostly little stuff and it doesn't seem to come out a lot. She is an awesome Christian girl. She doesn't let it out of the box that much but I know its still there.

She touches me some but I guess she is kinda a touchy feely person. I tried to make an announcement to all my friends that I am not really a hugger and I have a bubble (To hopefully stop her). It did nothing. She came up and hugged me the other day as a funny reaction to "my bubble".

The other day we were helping out a friend. We ended up working in the same room. She started asking me about how my dating life was going and if there was anyone on the horizon. I answered her question by telling her all about a girl I really, really want to meet. I was mostly telling her because I was enjoying talking about this girl I am interested in. However, I also hoped she would get the hint. Several days later this girl (who likes me) and her friend told me they didn't think the person I am interested in would like me because we are at different points in our lives. They don't even know this person!

I had trouble in college with a girl and her friend who just "didn't understand" why I wouldn't want to go out with her. They would even argue some about it. This girl in my singles group seems to do the same in subtle ways when she talks about how looks shouldn't matter at all and when she nicely said that the girl I like, probably wouldn't like me.

When I enter a room, I don't know how much I should avoid sitting by her or whatever.

Like I said, there is nothing overt she has done. It is all sublte stuff that has been verified by others. I would feel real uncomfortable about talking to her straight out because she hasn't done anything obvious. How can I handle this? I almost stopped going to the singles group because of it.

BTW - Please don't tell me that I need to give her a chance. I really, really, really don't like this girl. I like her as a friend and enjoy her company most of the time.



song -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/10/2008 2:29:43 PM)

Sit down and be straight with her. [;)]

That's what I do. It makes them a little uncomfortable but it fixes it.



willfs -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/10/2008 2:32:42 PM)

But she could totally deny it. She has been extremely subtle.

Besides it probably wouldn't make her stop likeing me. She would continue to do the small things she does now.

A friend of mine used to like a guy until he opened his mouth. Maybe I should ask him what he said.



Dakotasunbeam -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/10/2008 11:17:44 PM)

Tell her that you see her as a sister, and that you will always for all eternity see her as a sister. That you love her so much in Christ as a sister that dating her would be like dating your sister or your aunt or something. Tell her that once your mind is made up about something its made up. Of course say this in a nice way. But get the hint across that not only would you not date her, but you see her SO MUCH like a sister it would be gross to even consider dating her. Maybe you could say:

You: Wow, I realize your just like a sister to me. I completely see you as a sister.
Her: Oh . . . really? But maybe that could change.
You: Oh, no way! There was this other girl I knew, who was kinda like you. I mean, I saw her as a sister too--just like you. I mean, the thought of dating her was like dating my aunt or my little sister. I mean, man, that's just gross--you know, the thought of dating your aunt or your sister. Ugh. And this NEVER changed for us.
Her: You see me as a sister?
You: Yeah, it would just be wierd for me to see you as anything else.



song -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/11/2008 1:44:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

But she could totally deny it. She has been extremely subtle.

Besides it probably wouldn't make her stop likeing me. She would continue to do the small things she does now.

A friend of mine used to like a guy until he opened his mouth. Maybe I should ask him what he said.


Most likely, she'll be embarrassed and won't continue anymore.

Unless she really is crazy. [;)]



car2ner -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/11/2008 6:17:39 AM)

Or even more fun, point her in the direction of a guy who would like to go out with her.



WhiteRoseBlessings -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/11/2008 6:34:38 AM)

Several years back, there was a guy at church that I found myself interested in. We would occasionally do things together, but they weren't anything that could be construed as dates in either one of our eyes. That much I knew.

However, I guess my interest in him was a little more obvious than I realized.

One day during something we were doing, completely out of the blue he looked at me and said, Sharon-Marie, you're a good friend. However you need to know that I am not interested in you for anything else and that you and I becoming anything more than friends just isn't going to happen.

I was, to state the obvious, a bit embarrassed.

But it wasn't earth-shattering. It didn't even hurt my feelings.

It was in fact, a very cool way for him to handle the situation: he was straightforward honest and he didn't give me any lengthy flowery speeches about what a terrific catch I would be for someone else, etc., etc., etc. He simply said what he needed to say and then the matter was closed.

I have always respected the way he handled the situation; even back then in the very moment of experiencing it.

He is a missionary now in a foreign country. A couple of years ago, he married a woman and last year they had a beautiful baby girl. It's pretty cool.



funny_girl -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/13/2008 11:21:31 PM)

You're not going to be able to control other people and you can't make her stop liking you. You're a likeable kind of guy and the girls are attracted to you. They alway will be. Just be kind to them but don't ever lead them on to think you're interested in them, if you aren't. NO flirting. Just be yourself and start a friendship with the girl you do like.

Blessings!



cinderella092003 -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/14/2008 1:40:42 AM)

My brother has is in a similar situation. He is a great guy, and his love for Christ and joy is attractive to a lot of women inside and outside of the church. They have approached him and he outright says he is not interested. A few have continued to persue him and his is kind of at a loss as to what to do now after he told them that he is not interested.

I told him that he needed to be very frank with them. I told him that he needed to tell them that if they truly respect and care for him, then they need to respect his decision. I have seen this time and time again. When you say nothing, it gives them hope. When you say something, and they ignore you, and continue to persue, and you don't do anything about that, they think there is hope but that you need a little persuasion.

As far as the hugging thing goes, I think that needs to be a separate issue addressed away from whether she is interested in you or not. She is not respecting the boundaries that you have set up. You are excusing her actions by saying "she is a touchy-feely person". If it truly makes you uncomfortable, she needs to respect you enough to not invade your space and make you uncomfortable. She also could be rationalizing in her head that she is the only one you allow to hug you, so therefore there is something there.

You need to send a clear message. You need to be responsible with your words, but you need to either set up or clarify your boundaries for those that are crossing over them.



funny_girl -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/14/2008 2:20:47 AM)

quote:

You are excusing her actions by saying "she is a touchy-feely person". If it truly makes you uncomfortable, she needs to respect you enough to not invade your space and make you uncomfortable
OH GIRL! I think you may have a good one here. If she tries this again and you tell her in a way that you look a bit upset and say, "Look, I don't want to be touched or I respect you but you need to respect me because I don't like it please." She should take a step back and give you some space. I think that you couldn't get much clearer than that then saying in general I don't like hugs. It's like, nah, I can hug him.



jlp1 -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/14/2008 8:06:32 PM)

If I was told by a guy that i'm interested in, that he is not into me, that would be all he wrote.... he would never get another look, smile, flirt etc. and i would not be mad, i would totally turned off. Everone who likes you you don't have to like them back and vice versa.



ohmandy80 -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/15/2008 11:14:33 PM)

If it were me, I would prefer to know the truth. In the long run it will make it easier for her, and it might enable you two to become better friends.



turtlesforever -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/16/2008 11:23:01 AM)

I agree. I was terribly attracted to one of my guy friends. I told another friend about it with the "understanding" that she wasn't going to tell anyone. She went and told him. He sat down and had a very uncomfortable conversation with me about how it wouldn't work. I was very hurt, but we still talk and get together everyonce in awhile a year and a half later. [&:]



willfs -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/17/2008 5:07:16 PM)

I appreciate all of the responses. I was seriously thinking of confronting this girl; however, I still have some reseravations. I am a very nonconfrontational person to begin with. I am not 100% sure this girl likes me. I have been wrong before. But when two other friends told me that she really acted that way, my feelings were somewhat confirmed. However, I am still unsure. She might very well not be interested and I just feel real uncomfortable around her for some other reason.

I will try to say something about the over touchiness. I really don't have a "bubble" and I can be touchy feely myself some. But these girls seem to be taking advantage. It's like with some guys who get a kick out of getting a hug from the hot girl. I feel like these girls are all touchy feely with me because they like me and I don't like it.

Furthermore, I now have another girl in my singles group who is always wanting to "be with me'. When we ride in cars or pair up for something or whatever. She has gotten kinda touchy feely with me as well. It is really annoying and makes me feel uncomfortable. Do I now have to have two very awkward, very risky conversations!?

Both of these girls have heard me talk about other girls that I am interested in. Why don't they get the point?



jlp1 -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/17/2008 8:23:29 PM)

girls? how many girls do you like? and have you told the other girls you are interested in them?



cinderella092003 -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/20/2008 11:49:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

I appreciate all of the responses. I was seriously thinking of confronting this girl; however, I still have some reseravations. I am a very nonconfrontational person to begin with. I am not 100% sure this girl likes me. I have been wrong before. But when two other friends told me that she really acted that way, my feelings were somewhat confirmed. However, I am still unsure. She might very well not be interested and I just feel real uncomfortable around her for some other reason.

I will try to say something about the over touchiness. I really don't have a "bubble" and I can be touchy feely myself some. But these girls seem to be taking advantage. It's like with some guys who get a kick out of getting a hug from the hot girl. I feel like these girls are all touchy feely with me because they like me and I don't like it.

Furthermore, I now have another girl in my singles group who is always wanting to "be with me'. When we ride in cars or pair up for something or whatever. She has gotten kinda touchy feely with me as well. It is really annoying and makes me feel uncomfortable. Do I now have to have two very awkward, very risky conversations!?

Both of these girls have heard me talk about other girls that I am interested in. Why don't they get the point?


From what you said in your OP, you had a "bubble". I would forget the whole bubble thing and establish some boundaries. If you are unsure if this person likes you, you still need to talk to her. All you have to say is, "you have given me the impression that you like me" and ask her if this is the case. If she says yes, then tell her that you are not interested and she needs to move on. If she says no, then tell her that by her actions of flirting, etc that she has made you feel this way and it has made you very uncomfortable.

Nothing in that has to be confrontational. It is addressing an issue, and communicating to her that there is a problem. It can become confrontational if you allow it to go on and finally get sick of it and respond in a manner that is not Christ-like. It sounds like you aren't upset about it, but more uncomfortable. If that is so, now is the time to address it. Uncomfortable, can turn into frustration, which can turn into anger.

As far as the touchy girls go, you need to say something, not try and say something. They will never respect your boundaries if they don't know you have any. awkward conversations? maybe. Risky? No. I understand being non-confrontational. I used to be that same way. I would hate addressing issues because I was afraid they would react bad. Let's just say I got run over a lot. I learned to speak up because I was becoming bitter over things. I don't get confrontational, but I do address something when it needs to be addressed. A lot of the time, whoever offended me didn't know they did because I never spoke up about it. They were fine with me sharing because I came in a peaceful manner and we moved on. No big deal.



Luv4self -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/24/2008 3:53:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ohmandy80

If it were me, I would prefer to know the truth. In the long run it will make it easier for her, and it might enable you two to become better friends.



I second that...if you're not interested me and you see that I'm interested in you, just tell me you're not interested. I don't want to waste your time and I REALLY don't want to waste mine!!! SERIOUSLY!



MsSara -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (4/25/2008 12:21:48 PM)

Buy her a copy of "He's Just Not That Into You."



bzirk -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (5/1/2008 9:49:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: willfs

I appreciate all of the responses. I was seriously thinking of confronting this girl; however, I still have some reseravations. I am a very nonconfrontational person to begin with. I am not 100% sure this girl likes me. I have been wrong before. But when two other friends told me that she really acted that way, my feelings were somewhat confirmed. However, I am still unsure. She might very well not be interested and I just feel real uncomfortable around her for some other reason.

I will try to say something about the over touchiness. I really don't have a "bubble" and I can be touchy feely myself some. But these girls seem to be taking advantage. It's like with some guys who get a kick out of getting a hug from the hot girl. I feel like these girls are all touchy feely with me because they like me and I don't like it.

Furthermore, I now have another girl in my singles group who is always wanting to "be with me'. When we ride in cars or pair up for something or whatever. She has gotten kinda touchy feely with me as well. It is really annoying and makes me feel uncomfortable. Do I now have to have two very awkward, very risky conversations!?

Both of these girls have heard me talk about other girls that I am interested in. Why don't they get the point?


Pat at this might sound, ask the Lord to help you. Ask Him to show you how to convey your message or to be comfortable in these situations even if these two aren't so quick to get the message. Whatever you pray, just ask the Lord to show you what to do. He'll do it, and you might learn something very valuable. Who knows when the knowledge might come in handy.



ladyamythist -> RE: How do you nicely stop a girl who is chasing you? (5/3/2008 11:30:50 AM)

One of the things that people can do when in this situation is to tell the other person, straight on, that they are not open to anything. If the other person impales themself on their attempts to win your love, then, it is their fault. Sometimes you can't make anyone not like you. You can remove yourself from being around them, and that is a kind thing to do, cause you are removing any kind of involvement that they can have with you and read into. Sometimes women can be immature.



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