What I've learned from dating/matching websites (Full Version)

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RichLP -> What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 9:15:06 PM)

Disclaimer: I'm not an expert. But, this is something a good lady friend told me that was sobering. She will, btw, be married soon, and to a man whom she met through friends and not through the Internet.

My lady friend told me that at one point she and 4 of her girlfriends all joined a certain dating site at the same time. They all agreed they would have the same password so that they could check each other's account inboxes at any time.

What did they find?

They saw that some men all were interested in some or ALL of the 5 girls, and that some of these guys sent the exact same messages to the same women.

I was somewhat surprised. Every time I've tried to meet a woman from such sites, I tailor what I say. "Are you an artist?" "So where is your CPA office at?"

But no, these guys wrote the same thing to all the women.

Bad move, fellas...



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 9:20:40 PM)

That's really cool that she and her friends did that. What an experiment. (it doesn't sound like there was any deception, so I"ll say Kudos!)

I've seen some really canned email messages, but a well-written email, even if it's just one or two sentences, is like gold!



dinomax55 -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 9:25:19 PM)

guys were probably trying a scattershot method, hoping that one of the women would respond.. to some men, it's a numbers game..



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 9:41:34 PM)

Sure it's a number's game. But personalize it a bit to show that you've at least looked at their profile. When I had a profile, I refused to respond to anyone who didn't view mine first.



John_O -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 9:57:13 PM)

I always personalize my emails, put lots of time into them. Doesn't seem to help though. Guess God has a different route for me.



BugLady -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 10:02:59 PM)

quote:

But no, these guys wrote the same thing to all the women.


Kinda like a form letter, huh? They were probably just approaching it like a business deal. Lookin' for the best response or the lowest bidder or some such thing.



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 10:04:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BugLady

quote:

But no, these guys wrote the same thing to all the women.


Kinda like a form letter, huh? They were probably just approaching it like a business deal. Lookin' for the best response or the lowest bidder or some such thing.


ROFLMHO!! That just struck me as funny! No such thing as high standards or anything. [:D]



mutinywxgirl -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 10:06:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy

quote:

ORIGINAL: BugLady

quote:

But no, these guys wrote the same thing to all the women.


Kinda like a form letter, huh? They were probably just approaching it like a business deal. Lookin' for the best response or the lowest bidder or some such thing.


ROFLMHO!! That just struck me as funny! No such thing as high standards or anything. [:D]


Seriously!!!!!!!!!!



ladioffaith -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 10:07:44 PM)

Reminds me of the old pen commercial where a sailor is writing letters with the pens that write by themselves:

"Dear Mary, Dear Jane, Dear Peggy Sue,

You are the only girl for me!"



PreserveWildlife -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 10:10:21 PM)

Depending upon the message, there's nothing wrong with copy/paste. Especially if it's something like? Hey, saw your profile and you look interesting. Would you mind chatting? Seems unnecessary to personalize that. Of course, back in the day (10 years ago) that I did the online thing I was very careful with who I corresponded with and what I said. I didn't have much problem with women responding back. My problem is that most were so far away from where I live. Hence one significant reason I don't do those things now.



BugLady -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/13/2008 10:48:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladioffaith

Reminds me of the old pen commercial where a sailor is writing letters with the pens that write by themselves:

"Dear Mary, Dear Jane, Dear Peggy Sue,

You are the only girl for me!"


Yeah, leave it to a sailor. I think I remember that one. [:D]



benelchi -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/14/2008 10:39:57 AM)

Family Life Radio did a program a few years back on Internet dating. One of the people they interviewed on the program spoke about an experiment she and tried on a very popular Christian dating site. She created three different profiles, one of a very beautiful and strong Christian woman, one of a very beautiful woman who introduced herself as a seeker unsure of the legitimacy of Christianity, and one of a very unattractive but strong Christian woman. Here results, the first two received immediate attention, very often from the same men and very often the messages were very sexually suggestive. Almost all of the men who responded had profiles that indicated high Christian values despite responses that strongly indicated otherwise. None responded to the third profile.

As I happened to be trying this site when I heard this radio program, I was encouraged to try my own experiment. I created a fictitious profile with a picture of a model from a clothing advertisement, and a stated salary of over $100,000. However, in the profile I described a person who rarely attend church, enjoyed partying and drinking. And someone who measured their success in life by their vocation. In the first six hours I had over 30 responses, and two requests for a date on the initial email! Many of the woman who had responded had profiles that indicated that their faith in Christ "defines who they are", and that they would only date men who were equally serious about their faith in Christ. The following day I added a note to the end the profile, indicating what I had done and letting all those who had responded know that I would not be responding to their inquiries. What was said was Courteous , but to the point. What happened next shocked me, the dating site removed the note at the end of the profile indicating that fictitious nature of the profile, but left the profile intact and sent me a email letting me know that I could not say anything like that; however, the were content to let me keep using the profile????? I quickly realized that the management of the site did not uphold Christian values and immediately closed my account.

Even after that experience, I don't think internet dating is completely a bad idea. I have have met a few women that I still enjoy friendships with today, and that alone was worth the time invested. However, I do realize that probably better than 90% of those on "Christian" sites are likely lying about what is important to them, and that has helped me to keep realistic expectations. My personal opinion is that I would much rather meet someone in real life than on the Internet, but I do realize that the Internet can provide an opportunity to meet someone you might never meet elsewhere. You just have to realize that on the Internet you are wading knee deep in the manure pile looking for that one precious gem.



iwillfearnoevil -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/14/2008 10:43:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: benelchi
However, I do realize that probably better than 90% of those on "Christian" sites are likely lying about what is important to them, and that has helped me to keep realistic expectations.


can you please define what the Christian dating sites are? i ask and don't seem to get responses. that was a real eye opening experiment benelchi. kinda sad when i think about what it means though.



imdeanam -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/14/2008 11:58:35 AM)

Yep, I have been matched in all 29 areas with quite a few people who really do not match me at all. Not that I think we have to match in 29 areas to BE a match. But these people were really nothing like me at all. We can all say what we are like on paper and really believe it and maybe it is true, but that doesn't mean we really match up in person.

I met someone on one another of those sites, likely the same one that has the "it defines who I am" and we had a long distance relationship for over a year. It was very serious but did not make it in the end.

I don't think there is anything wrong with internet dating but my experience well ummm....

I think that was a great experiment though!



imdeanam -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/14/2008 12:10:45 PM)

quote:

My personal opinion is that I would much rather meet someone in real life than on the Internet, but I do realize that the Internet can provide an opportunity to meet someone you might never meet elsewhere. You just have to realize that on the Internet you are wading knee deep in the manure pile looking for that one precious gem


I agree!



Grace-N-Mercy -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/14/2008 12:29:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillfearnoevil

quote:

ORIGINAL: benelchi
However, I do realize that probably better than 90% of those on "Christian" sites are likely lying about what is important to them, and that has helped me to keep realistic expectations.


can you please define what the Christian dating sites are? i ask and don't seem to get responses. that was a real eye opening experiment benelchi. kinda sad when i think about what it means though.


To be honest, I don't think any true Christian dating sites exist anymore. It's sad, but there's no way of screening out the fakes. Many of the Christian ones have changed their names and/or sold out to non-Christian values because this is a VERY lucrative industry. *shrugs* I think I'll go meet someone I've watched at church for the past year or so.



trainfan -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/14/2008 1:04:48 PM)

I have been on both "Christian" and regular internet sites.

I met a woman from the regular site and dated her a few weeks but it didn't work out. I also met two women from the "Christian" site I didn't hit it off with the one, although she seemed nice enough, and the other one was kind of scary.

Since my work keeps me here I think I'll stick to women I meet locally at church not on a dating site.



imdeanam -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/14/2008 1:06:33 PM)

Smart move! Wish there were some singles at my church other than women although one church in the area has put on a singles meet and greet type thing and is doing another one. The first one went pretty well and didn't seem like a meat market atmosphere but I can't make this next one darn!



BugLady -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/14/2008 11:41:41 PM)

quote:

You just have to realize that on the Internet you are wading knee deep in the manure pile looking for that one precious gem.


What a visual. [:D] That's why I'm glad when I ask for discernment, He provides.



AlwaysR8chel -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/16/2008 2:15:02 PM)

.
.
.
.
...... I've learned that some of the sharks are really good.

Discernment was very difficult on a few...

I won't go back. [:@]



derek_from_canada -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/16/2008 4:31:13 PM)

The "sharks", (male or female) are in the pew or at work or in the pub or in the volleyball team or anywhere.

The internet dating this is just another way to network, and it's quick and easy to filter for some of those big showstoppers
(like smoking or want children or divorced or whatever)

But yet you can't filter for character or "chemistry" or some of that other stuff that makes the mystery of two people connecting.

So take it with a grain of salt and a sense of humor.

It is all a learning experience, even the internet dating thing can help in finding the things in the opposite sex you thought you wanted but don't or the things you didn't think mattered but actually do.

But don't think the relationship is real until it really is real. Be extra guarded when it comes to long distance.



RichLP -> RE: What I've learned from dating/matching websites (4/16/2008 10:16:33 PM)

Benelchi, I'm not surprised.

I've used Christian and secular sites, and being a man of average looks at best, I got little attention, and had of course to be the initiator to get communication.

One time I got "winked" by a young female who professed to be a Protestant Christian, but I had much difficulty in believing the person was really her - it looked like a model.

Now, this is a paying site, so for anyone to participate, they need to spend money; and, I'd be loathe to honestly imagine someone would pay money to play pranks. You did an experiment based on the radio show.

I think it's what Derek From Canada said - you can via filters block out certain deal breakers, but even after phone calls, face-to-face encounters (at the very least, one) are required for us to get a "feel" of what the other person is like.

I still think it's worth trying. I met a nice Christian girl last year. It didn't work out, but it showed there are genuine people out there. And a cousin of my good friend is now engaged to somebody she met online.



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