RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?
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[Poll]
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Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?
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Total Votes : 79
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(last vote on : 5/5/2008 12:34:43 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 11:27:16 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 2316
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SonInMe1
If you are 19...or 40...and living at home with mom and dad...you are not an adult.
I agree with this. There comes a point when you have to suck it up and make your own way.
quote:
Its plain and simple respect. Sit in the back and sleep.
Won't the snoring annoy the pastor? 
I agree the parents have every right to insist that the people under their roof do this, but it's not a choice I would make for my adult children. Forcing someone to attend church embitters them even further. I doubt it will help lead someone to Christ if they are being dragged to church.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 11:31:42 AM
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sjd2008
Posts: 152
Joined: 1/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: sjd2008
God does not force anyone to accept a relationship Him. He woos us and loves us to Him. He does NOT force us or drag us kicking and screaming.
Case in point: Jonah
Except for the fact that Jonah was God's servant not doing God's will. Jonah DIDN'T want the town to be saved. God, however, had other plans. I think that's a slightly different situation.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 11:44:41 AM
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sjd2008
Posts: 152
Joined: 1/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
No one is FORCING anything. They have given him a CHOICE. He just doesn't like it. His parents aren't forcing a relationship just by having a rule that says that if he wants to live their that he has to attend church. As an adult they don't automatically OWE him room and board, and it may even be more loving for him to be on his own.
We don't know whether or not he is paying them some type of room and board. What the OP did state was that :
quote:
At the time I discussed moving here with my mom I brought up this issue
and was told I would not be forced to goto church. This is something
new they both decided FOR me.
If their original deal was no church, then they changed the deal. Please don't misunderstand.I don't believe that they OWE him anything. however, they are trying to leverage his living at home into church attendance. The decision that I believe that they are trying to make him confront seems to be his belief in Christ. Sounds to me like he's been thinking but not ready to make a decision yet.
Frankly, if his parents want him to be saved, pray,trust God, and let the Holy Spirit work in his life.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 12:10:00 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 4245
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
Status: online
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Whether or not he is getting room an d board free or not, his parents don't owe him the privilege (if you will) of staying in their home, especially if he is not submitting to house rules... an Yes, they can change.
They MAY have thought that they could live with him not attending, but after a while noticed disharmony in their home or just a change in atmosphere that they had not anticipated and decided that if he can't be more of a part of the family and such then him living at home was not a good fit for any of them.
Maybe it isn't so much leverage but more that they are attempting to bring harmony in their home and get people on the same page.
_____________________________
Isaiah 40:29
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 12:29:56 PM
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HighPlainsDrifter
Posts: 944
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Buffalo Trading Post
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quote:
My question is; is it acceptable (within Christian families) for the
parents to threaten to (and follow through with) kicking their adult
sons/daughters out of their household for refusing to follow Christianity
or goto church?
Most definitely, even without a reason to back it up.
_____________________________
John Galt '08
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 4:38:09 PM
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xpagan
Posts: 1
Joined: 4/15/2008
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When my son was in HS and we became BA Christians my son decided he was not going to church. I gave him 2 choices. 1. he would go in his under wear or he could get dressed himself and go. He got dressed and went. He later left home because he did not want to conform to house rules.
In your case I feel it is a case of exerting your adulthood if U will. What's your point in not wanting to go? U have a free roof over your head and all U have to do is go to church. I'll trade U. Sounds like a pride issue to me.
Pride comes before the fall.
Shalom
Jeff M
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 4:46:42 PM
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Kerrlaw1
Posts: 8701
Joined: 5/24/2006
From: Big Orange Country
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In general I agree with the posters who say that if you live with someone at their expense, you must follow their rules (unless those rules require you to do something illegal or immoral, in which case you should leave anyway).
However, this part gives me pause:
quote:
At the time I discussed moving here with my mom I brought up this issue
and was told I would not be forced to go to church. This is something
new
It implies that there was a bargaining process and certain assurances were made to you.
If you are keeping your part of the bargain (i.e. attending classes, making grades, helping with housework, meeting curfew, not drinking or smoking, etc.), then it doesn't seem fair for the other parties to the bargain (Mom and Step-dad) to change the rules midstream.
Christians should keep their word to their children and everyone else.
It would help to know exactly what the agreement was at the beginning to properly judge your parents actions.
Regardless of what it was, it is probably only enforcable as a moral obligation, therefore I suppose that they can kick you out for any reason they want. You might want to start looking into other options.
However, a couple of hours on Sunday morning is a small price for room and board. Give it a try with an open mind and you might be pleasantly surprised.
_____________________________
My head is so full of knowledge that it has leaked into the rest of my body...
...So I'm not getting fatter, just smarter.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 5:11:02 PM
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FurGodWurLivin
Posts: 1069
Joined: 4/17/2005
From: Kansas City, MO
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My personal opinion............. If you are living in your parent's house, you follow their rules. If their rules include going to church, you better go to church. Once you are over the age of 18, you can legally enter into contracts including housing agreements. If they throw you out, it would be no different than if you were to be tossed out by your roommates for drinking too much. Besides, two hours on Sunday is a small price to pay to live in someone's house. At the very least, you have 166 other hours during the week to do what you like.
Adam
_____________________________
I am hyena, Jesus is my Mufasa...
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 5:51:34 PM
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Kat_D
Posts: 3397
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Where We Shake, Rattle & Roll!
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quote:
Once you are over the age of 18,
I thought he said he was 19.
But I agree with the others, if going to church is your parent's requirement to live there, just do it or find another place to live. After all, is it really too much to ask? I personally don't think it is.
_____________________________
~Kat
"...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes...no more death, sorrow, nor crying."
I weep for those who won't experience this because they have been deceived.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 6:41:26 PM
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car2ner
Posts: 2206
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: just north of Florida
Status: offline
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As one other poster mentioned, what changed since he moved in?
_____________________________
still selling my wonderful home http://www.car2ner.2ya.com (my blog)
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 7:15:50 PM
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cow451
Posts: 3672
Joined: 5/6/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: JimboFletch
quote:
ORIGINAL: SonInMe1
When you are dependant on people, its their rules or the highway.
Don't want to go to church? Get your own place.
I agree.
It may not be a particularly good or effective rule, but unless you are paying room and board, you have to obey the home owner's rules.
It is one of the cold, hard realities of life. I would certainly disagree as to whether their course is the best, but it is their house and, as they say in Vegas, the house rules. Did you use your full name in hopes of shaming your parents or is this some little college "research"? Sounds like you don't have much love for stepdad, huh?
If you need their suport for college, buckle up and eat hearty at the covered dish supper. Otherwise, find a roomie and split expenses in some rat-hole apartment.
_____________________________
Wenn zuerst Sie nicht gelingen, Versuch, versuch wieder. Geben Sie dann auf. Es gibt keinen punkt, in ein zu sein, verdammt Narren darum. -- W. C. Fields
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 7:48:45 PM
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HisLamb26
Posts: 375
Joined: 4/17/2005
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It's "right" in that it's their house, and they have the "right" to make the rules. You have a choice to follow or leave.
Having said that.............To me they are manipulating you.....I'm not big on conversion by gun point myself. As far as the "influence" on other family members, I don't think the parents are setting a great example to begin with.
< Message edited by HisLamb26 -- 4/15/2008 7:56:01 PM >
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 7:53:41 PM
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HisLamb26
Posts: 375
Joined: 4/17/2005
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Ohh...I didn't catch this:
quote:
At the time I discussed moving here with my mom I brought up this issue
and was told I would not be forced to go to church. This is something
new
Hmmm.....Did something else change besides THEIR WORD?
(Let your yes be yes and your no be no is coming to mind here.....)
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 8:09:49 PM
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zoebob
Posts: 8884
Joined: 4/13/2005
From: land of limbo
Status: online
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Because of the agreeement upon moving in I think they should set a reasonable amount of time for you to find a new place but it is their right to set the rules. OTOH, how hard is it to go to church for a month until you can find a new place?
_____________________________
L-R: DD1, Ellies DS2, DD2, Ellies DS1
L-R: Ellies DD1, Ellies DD2, DS, Ellies DS3
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/15/2008 8:39:50 PM
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1love1God1way
Posts: 1931
Joined: 5/16/2005
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Has our OP returned?
He probably isn't getting the answers he was looking for. . .
_____________________________
-Ben-
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 12:32:18 AM
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Zedd
Posts: 33
Joined: 4/14/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: car2ner
As one other poster mentioned, what changed since he moved in?
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REPLIES!
Nothing really has changed.
Someone previously inquired about alcohol. I have a 3.5 GPA, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. I never have, friends don't, never will. I try to be respectful and positive in everything I do. The disharmony comes with the constant religious lecturing that is thrown at me, my respect dwindles with this. They know what my beliefs are, and they know my beliefs don't follow their's. This is the root of the problem. This is their attempt to counter it.
As far as tuition; my college expenses are paid via FAFSA.
I do appreciate everything they've given me. Most of all the direction, counsel, and wisdom.
What I don't appreciate is the archaic ultimatum they've thrown at me. I think it's weakening, demeaning, and most of all unchristian to force this choice of either abandoning the life I've made here, or abandoning my beliefs.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 12:48:42 AM
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OLEEguacamole
Posts: 1197
Status: offline
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think on this, according to the beliefs of your parents, your lack of faith puts you in grave danger. this terrifies parents. they love you.
are they going about everything right? perhaps not. but they are human and parents. have a bit of understanding for that.
it is their house. wise or not, they absolutely have the right to set the rules for their domain. they know you have a free will. and with that free will you have, you have the responsibiblty to accept the consequences and cost for freedom. sometimes the cost is living in a more expensive, rule free, paid for by you, place.
_____________________________
there's life in a pit.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 1:00:06 AM
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lil_gringa
Posts: 729
Status: offline
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zedd,
When you live with someone else, as was stated in the first response, you subject yourself to their rules. If you were my son, you'd be going to church too.
My heart would just break if my sons didn't want to follow the Lord. Why is your heart so hard towards the things of God? Have your parents always been Christians?
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 1:19:58 AM
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Hayseed
Posts: 678
Joined: 4/15/2006
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It sounds ignorant and petty.
But, he/she who pays the bills gets to make the rules.
_____________________________
My entire goal in life is to live exactly like the man who was falsely accused of being a drunkard, heretic and a friend of sinners by the religious people. So, don't be surprised if I'm not too concerned if you think ill of me.
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RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adu... - 4/16/2008 2:55:21 AM
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everythingat
Posts: 172
Joined: 2/21/2008
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I think this question requires too much information to have a specific answer. I don't think any of us can really say what his parents should do in this situation because we don't know them personally.
I live with my mother. Because I am disabled. Does that make me not an adult? Does that mean I can't make decisions for myself? When I was younger, I was forced to go to church. Unfortunately, the church that was chosen for me to to go was Christ-like in appearance only. I was treated as the black sheep, and it pushed me quite far away from God. I not only blamed God and Christians for being treated as an outcast...but my parents for forcing me to go through that. It took a long time to repair the relationship and lose the bitterness. I don't believe a parent should risk losing a relationship with their own flesh and blood because of a decision not to follow Christ. Yes, you may be terrified for their soul. But they are still your child, and forcing your beliefs upon them when they are old enough to think for themselves is only going to push them further away from God and distance them from you, causing you to lose impact on their lives. There's too much at risk to make decisions like that, in my personal opinion. Respect is not a one-way street when it comes to relationships with your parents.
But as for the original topic...as I said, this situation is too personal and I believe there's no definitive answer. "Their rules or the highway" may seem like a general statement that can apply to any situation similar to this, but in reality...what do generalities ever accomplish?
< Message edited by everythingat -- 4/16/2008 3:02:36 AM >
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