RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?

RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (Full Version)

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[Poll]

Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church?

Yes.

56% (45)

No.

41% (33)

I don't know.

1% (1)

Total Votes : 79

(last vote on : 5/5/2008 12:34:43 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )

Message

Ps103 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:17:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SovereignIsHe quote: ORIGINAL: Kerrlaw1 The original question: [sm=s231.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd My question is; is it acceptable (within Christian families) for the parents to threaten to (and follow through with) kicking their adult sons/daughters out of their household for refusing to follow Christianity or goto church? Thank you for your time! It appears that the vast majority of posters (including me) say: Yes. In general terms. However I am still troubled by the mother promising to not make the young man go to church (possibly to lure him from the home of the ex-husband), and then breaking her word. I can't imagine my parents breaking their word to me (especially in a case like this, where it appears so easy so keep the agreement). It is also troubling to me that I get the sense of: It's OK for a Christian to break his word if he decides it's time to change the rules, especially if it's for a good reason like making someone go to church. Can anyone point to scripture that justifies such action? Good luck getting a straight answer.... John Well, there is this: quote: Deuteronomy 21: 18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid. Not that I am recommending it[:D]

SovereignIsHe -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:37:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ps103 quote: ORIGINAL: SovereignIsHe quote: ORIGINAL: Kerrlaw1 The original question: [sm=s231.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd My question is; is it acceptable (within Christian families) for the parents to threaten to (and follow through with) kicking their adult sons/daughters out of their household for refusing to follow Christianity or goto church? Thank you for your time! It appears that the vast majority of posters (including me) say: Yes. In general terms. However I am still troubled by the mother promising to not make the young man go to church (possibly to lure him from the home of the ex-husband), and then breaking her word. I can't imagine my parents breaking their word to me (especially in a case like this, where it appears so easy so keep the agreement). It is also troubling to me that I get the sense of: It's OK for a Christian to break his word if he decides it's time to change the rules, especially if it's for a good reason like making someone go to church. Can anyone point to scripture that justifies such action? Good luck getting a straight answer.... John Well, there is this: quote: Deuteronomy 21: 18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, 19 his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. 20 They shall say to the elders, "This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a profligate and a drunkard." 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid. Not that I am recommending it[:D] Breaking one's word is evil as well... I doubt the mother would wish to deal with the consequences of breaking an agreement back in the day when one could stone their children... As well there is the issue of provoking children to wrath... :P John

Kerrlaw -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:44:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: qtman ...I got a news flash for you. Anybody that comes to stay in my house, I don't care if it is family or just friends, they come under my rules. Bibically I am the head of my household. If you don't like it remove yourself from my household... Which include, if I remember correctly, drinking from the garden hose, dodging the Duchess, and laying wood flooring... oh, and wearing a Crimson Tide shirt. [sm=cooltilt.gif] I'm ready boss, What time is supper?[sm=chef.gif]

Ps103 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 10:46:44 PM)
When I was 19, my mother provoked me to wrath on numerous occasions[:D]. I got over it. Zedd, did your dad kick you out? Just curious. When The Lad left for college, we didn't rent out his room. Is it possible the "rebukes" you give your mother are a little more intense than what you posted?

Memaw. -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 11:05:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd quote: ORIGINAL: car2ner As one other poster mentioned, what changed since he moved in? THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REPLIES! Nothing really has changed. Someone previously inquired about alcohol. I have a 3.5 GPA, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. I never have, friends don't, never will. I try to be respectful and positive in everything I do. The disharmony comes with the constant religious lecturing that is thrown at me, my respect dwindles with this. They know what my beliefs are, and they know my beliefs don't follow their's. This is the root of the problem. This is their attempt to counter it. As far as tuition; my college expenses are paid via FAFSA. I do appreciate everything they've given me. Most of all the direction, counsel, and wisdom. What I don't appreciate is the archaic ultimatum they've thrown at me. I think it's weakening, demeaning, and most of all unchristian to force this choice of either abandoning the life I've made here, or abandoning my beliefs. Just wanted to bring this back up. According to Zedds post, he is not being disrespectful, he is defending his beliefs as we all defend ours. Whether or not we agree with anothers' beliefs, they do have the right to have those beliefs. And I will reiterate that his Mom knew of the difference in beliefs and agreed to those terms beforehand.

Ellie-Mae -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 11:12:24 PM)
i would still like to know if she is allowing him to finish out the semester or if she is kicking him out right away.

Ps103 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/17/2008 11:16:15 PM)
Hi, Kimmie! This: quote: I try to be respectful and positive in everything I do does not square with this: quote: She has also "had it" with my "disrespect" to her aka my tendency to rebuke her statements and criticisms made toward me in all matters of religion. Sure wish mom would come on and talk to us....

Memaw. -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 12:10:46 AM)
quote: Sure wish mom would come on and talk to us.... Me too.

SovereignIsHe -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 1:18:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Memaw. quote: Sure wish mom would come on and talk to us.... Me too. Me three... I would like to ask her why she thinks she can break her word and give Christianity a bad name... John

Ephesians4_32 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 2:47:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd Hello Forumers, My name is Zedd Stubblefield, I'm 19 years old, I am a college student, and I moved to live with my mother and step-father in Kirtland, Ohio last year. My question is; is it acceptable (within Christian families) for the parents to threaten to (and follow through with) kicking their adult sons/daughters out of their household for refusing to follow Christianity or goto church? My personal opinion is; its not. They're forcing me to make a decision I would rather not confront at this point in my life. They seem to be (I'm no expert) using unchristian means (threatening to take away the life I've made here) to achieve the ends of me going to church. At the time I discussed moving here with my mom I brought up this issue and was told I would not be forced to goto church. This is something new they both decided FOR me. Thank you for your time! What can I say? My mother told me that children need to be out on their own at age eighteen just because they are eighteen. It made no sense to me! I myself would allow my son to stay at home in order to finish college whether he went to church or not because I'm not a controlling type of person. I have rules about respecting us as parents, our home and furniture, not destroying it, respecting our belongings (ask before you borrow),etc. I figure at your age, you have to be treated like an adult. In your case, I guess I'd try to make them happy if I wanted to live with them. Or I'd go somewhere else to live. BTW, our daughter stopped going to church at around age thirteen when her father stopped going. I couldn't do much about it. You don't tell your non-adult children to move out! For those of you who think I don't care about my children's faith in God, I can tell you that I care very much. I cry to God for their salvation.

Roberta_ -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 3:48:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SovereignIsHe quote: ORIGINAL: zoebob I don't think I would say she lied unless as soon as she moved in she said "oh, now I expect you to go to church" Maybe in the last several months she has been convicted that those in her household should go to church. That conviction doesn't overide the agreement she made... Conviction from the Holy Spirit overrides everything.

Zedd -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 5:16:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: qtman And all of this based on what information he decided to put in the op. Please. Do not discredit me. Thank you. quote: ORIGINAL: Ps103 Zedd, do you feel it is your place to "rebuke" (your word) your mother in her own home? How long (before you moved in this time) had it been since you had lived with her? No. I feel wrong doing it. I lived with her for a short period (about a year) when I was 13 or 14. quote: ORIGINAL: Ps103 When I was 19, my mother provoked me to wrath on numerous occasions[:D]. I got over it. Zedd, did your dad kick you out? Just curious. When The Lad left for college, we didn't rent out his room. Is it possible the "rebukes" you give your mother are a little more intense than what you posted? No. My dad didn't kick me out, but he was unhappy with the progress I was making there. Yes. They've turned into full-blown arguments. quote: ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae i would still like to know if she is allowing him to finish out the semester or if she is kicking him out right away. If her threats aren't idle, right away.

Qtman -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 9:22:53 AM)
Since I apparently do not know the difference between apples and oranges this will be my last post in this thread. I do find it rather humorous that the OP has made 9 posts and the rest of us have filled up 7 pages taking one side or another. Zedd I was in no way discrediting you but, at the same time I was not accepting everything you said as the gospel truth either. I can't help but wonder if your mother posted her side of the story would we be able to tell we were talking about the same subject. I will say now that when I tell someone something I try to keep my word. However there are circumstances that prevent that. I have to think your mother felt justified in changing the rules or she would not have. She is still giving you a choice. Life is full of choices. Sometimes you get to choose between something bad and something good. Then again sometimes the choice boils down to picking the least undesirable option. The later may be where you are now. But I would say the ball is in your court. Based on what you said in one of your recent posts I can assure you that you should be thankful you are not my son. If one of my children (both are adults) or their spouses show disrespect or take it upon themselves to "rebuke" their mother in my presence they will be more than glad to go to church. Right after they leave the Dentists office. As for the rest of you posting here, it might be good advice to let young Zedd and his mother settle their own disagreement in the privacy of their home. We do not know everything about this situation and I doubt we ever will. I will however, pray that the situation is resolved amicably among both parties and that peace and harmony is found. God Bless.

cow451 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 10:27:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SovereignIsHe quote: ORIGINAL: cow451 Zedd, my man, in the adult world when an agreement is broken, you can choose to take your business elsewhere or get a lawyer. The notion that everyone is supposed to be fair and honest is a remnant of childhood. In the army they give three options for addressing a problem: Fix it, Get rid of it, or Deal with it. Everyone is telling you that YOU have choices and YOU aren't getting it. Why should he get it? A bunch of Christians are telling him his parents can break the law of the Godhis parents claim to follow and it's ok because its their house... [8\|] I thinks it ironic that the person who doesn't care to go to church sees that it's wrong... John John: You don't get it, either. Humans are flawed and will sometimes make bad decisions and sometimes will be outright evil. I'm not justifying the parental behavior, I'm simply addressing the pragmatic aspect of Zedd's situation. We only control our own behavior, not other people. His parents are not cuffing him, putting him in a vehicle and MAKING him go to church. They are presenting him with a choice. As I said in a previous post, one can certainly question the wisdom of the parents, but they are the authority in the home.

cow451 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 10:30:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kerrlaw1 oh, and wearing a Crimson Tide shirt. [sm=cooltilt.gif] That should be a definite ticket to the back door.[:@]

Zedd -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 11:45:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: qtman Right after they leave the Dentists office. Times have changed. Your reactions to the situation at hand would no longer be deemed appropriate in today's society (even Christian.) I'm sorry if that's a hard nut for you to swallow.

Qtman -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 12:00:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd quote: ORIGINAL: qtman Right after they leave the Dentists office. Times have changed. Your reactions to the situation at hand would no longer be deemed appropriate in today's society (even Christian.) I'm sorry if that's a hard nut for you to swallow. That's the problem with todays society. Those that decide what is and is not appropriate have not been in those situations. True enough times have changed but common courtesy has not. Regardless of the appropriateness the Dental bill would still be high. And I have no problem swallowing that.

Ps103 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 12:04:05 PM)
quote: Yes. They've turned into full-blown arguments. Do you not think that this is the reason for everything that has happened? Do you think people have the right to not be rebuked and full-blown-argued with in their own homes?

Zedd -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 12:12:32 PM)
Sure she has the right. And I've tried to remain silent and not allow myself to be instigated, but that doesn't seem to work. (I'm still called on being disrespectful.) So I speak. She knows my response isn't going to be one she wants to hear, but much like the broad situation we're discussing, I'm moved into a position via her rules & expectations that no matter what I do it is negative in some way. eg A. allow myself to be instigated into argument -> disrespect B. not allow myself to be instigated into argument through silence -> disrespect quote: ORIGINAL: qtman And I have no problem swallowing that. While sitting in a prison cell? I urge you to take a step back and re-evaluate your position.

Memaw. -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 12:16:50 PM)
Zedd, I will have to agree that rebuking and full blown arguing with your Mom doesn't help your case. Regardless of your beliefs differing from her beliefs (which you do have the right to) she is still your mother and as her son you are to honor and respect her(Christian or not). Now I know it's hard because she is probably "in your face" (I say that because I would be[;)]) but really, the only way to get her "out of your face" is to either: 1. Suck it up and go to church with her 2. Move. I still don't think she has the Biblical backing to go back on her word, but since we haven't heard the other side to know just why she changed her mind, I am going to exersize my female prerogative to change my mind on this. It appears to me that there is a whole lot more than this going on, you haven't lived with her since you were 13 or so and there has to be a reason why. Your Dad was unhappy with your progress there with him (I don't know what progress he is talking about....could be many things), and so I am thinking that maybe you have some anger/bitterness toward your Mom that is coming out now since you are an "adult" and feel you can now "vent" those issues to her. OR I could be dead wrong.[:)]

Roberta_ -> Is it acceptable for Christian family to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 12:19:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd quote: ORIGINAL: qtman Right after they leave the Dentists office. Times have changed. Your reactions to the situation at hand would no longer be deemed appropriate in today's society (even Christian.) I'm sorry if that's a hard nut for you to swallow. I'm a 43 year old woman. My children are 22, 20, 19 and 15. The 15 yo girl has been the one who has been the most rebellious and even she doesn't rebuke me in public. (Yes, I do allow for private discussions and/or debates.) I do not rebuke my mother, but we have had some private discussions about religion. We I go to visit her for a few hours or even a few weeks, I follow her rules because it's her home. She is a Seventh Day Adventist, that means church on Saturday, no meats and a few other things that I don't deem as being right or wrong. When my husband and I were together, we would go visit his mom. Since she lived about a 14 hour drive away, we'd go for a few weeks at a time. She's a Catholic and we're not. We went to mass with her. She didn't mandate it, but I'm glad we did it because a few years later my estranged husband's father passed away. It would've hurt his feelings if we didn't go. Is an hour or so a week really something to hurt a loved ones feelings over? When my husband and I first separated, my younger brother offered to let us stay with him and his family. He does not go to church, but his wife is a Mormon. She and the kids go every Sunday. I would've gone with her because it would've been time to spend with loved ones. Doctrinal debates would've been handled when we were alone and done in a respectful manner. When I lived in IN, my dad would come visit me from CA. It was generally a road trip and he'd drive the southern route and visit a close friend in TX. My dad is an agnostic with a lot of anger and resentments towards the churches in general. His friend is a Christian and an elder in his church. My dad would attend his church and even participate in Bible studies and morning and evening Bible readings with his friend. Then he'd drive up to visit me and attend church and Bible studies with us. He did this because he was in the homes of people he loves and felt that it was important to them. Doctrinal debates are handled in a respectful manner. What it boils down to is how much you want to save the relationship and what steps you are willing to take? Is sacrificing the relationship with your mom worth a difference of opinion over church? If not, then you either need to move out or go to church with her. I don't know the details of why your mom changed her mind. Regardless of the reasons and regardless of what your decision is about staying or going, you need to forgive her for hurting you by changing her mind. That forgiveness will go a long way towards helping your relationship with her grow.

Memaw. -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 12:23:15 PM)
quote: Since I apparently do not know the difference between apples and oranges Let me help.[:)] APPLE ORANGE Hope that clears things up for you![:D]

cow451 -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 12:24:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd While sitting in a prison cell? I urge you to take a step back and re-evaluate your position. Have you ever spent time in a real jail cell? It lowers your credibility to us such hyperbole.

Roberta_ -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian fam. to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 12:26:20 PM)
Thanks Kimmie for clearing that up for me! I've been having a struggle with that too. [:D]

Zedd -> RE: Is it acceptable for Christian family to kick out adult son for refusing to goto church? (4/18/2008 12:27:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DenimDiva quote: ORIGINAL: Zedd quote: ORIGINAL: qtman Right after they leave the Dentists office. Times have changed. Your reactions to the situation at hand would no longer be deemed appropriate in today's society (even Christian.) I'm sorry if that's a hard nut for you to swallow. I'm a 43 year old woman. My children are 22, 20, 19 and 15. The 15 yo girl has been the one who has been the most rebellious and even she doesn't rebuke me in public. (Yes, I do allow for private discussions and/or debates.) I do not rebuke my mother, but we have had some private discussions about religion. We I go to visit her for a few hours or even a few weeks, I follow her rules because it's her home. She is a Seventh Day Adventist, that means church on Saturday, no meats and a few other things that I don't deem as being right or wrong. When my husband and I were together, we would go visit his mom. Since she lived about a 14 hour drive away, we'd go for a few weeks at a time. She's a Catholic and we're not. We went to mass with her. She didn't mandate it, but I'm glad we did it because a few years later my estranged husband's father passed away. It would've hurt his feelings if we didn't go. Is an hour or so a week really something to hurt a loved ones feelings over? When my husband and I first separated, my younger brother offered to let us stay with him and his family. He does not go to church, but his wife is a Mormon. She and the kids go every Sunday. I would've gone with her because it would've been time to spend with loved ones. Doctrinal debates would've been handled when we were alone and done in a respectful manner. When I lived in IN, my dad would come visit me from CA. It was generally a road trip and he'd drive the southern route and visit a close friend in TX. My dad is an agnostic with a lot of anger and resentments towards the churches in general. His friend is a Christian and an elder in his church. My dad would attend his church and even participate in Bible studies and morning and evening Bible readings with his friend. Then he'd drive up to visit me and attend church and Bible studies with us. He did this because he was in the homes of people he loves and felt that it was important to them. Doctrinal debates are handled in a respectful manner. What it boils down to is how much you want to save the relationship and what steps you are willing to take? Is sacrificing the relationship with your mom worth a difference of opinion over church? If not, then you either need to move out or go to church with her. I don't know the details of why your mom changed her mind. Regardless of the reasons and regardless of what your decision is about staying or going, you need to forgive her for hurting you by changing her mind. That forgiveness will go a long way towards helping your relationship with her grow. You are religious. You believe in the notion of religion, the notion of God (regardless of the doctrine.) I do not. That's the difference. I'm supposed to respect my mother's beliefs/goto church every Sunday despite the fact that she won't respect mine enough to at least give me the CHOICE of going? As someone said earlier in this thread: Even in a parent/child relationship, respect is a two-way street.

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