Dance Class (Full Version)

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MrsTracy72 -> Dance Class (4/15/2008 3:41:28 PM)

Ok, any advice here is welcome, but I think I am more venting than anything. My kids have been in dance for two years now, and I have never ever in all that time had any problems. The school they are in is great. The teachers are great, and the parents I have dealt with are great.

Yesterday was parent obversation day and I usually skip those because I have been to so many and my daughters really don't care, but yesterday, Kali asked me if I would stay. I told her that I had to go home and get Kay because my husband had to take Jake to soccer practice and he is the assistant coach so he coudn't keep her with him. I was gone for 10 minutes. I got there and there was an empty seat right next to a father of one of the kids I knew, so I took it.

My daughter saw me come in and waved. I waved back and told her (signaled) to turn around and pay attention. After that, a lady who was one person down from me asked if she was mine. So I simply said yes. Then this lady proceeded to tell me that my daughter was "very mean" while I was gone.

I never saw this parent before, and am probably glad that I didn't. So I said to her "so you are trying to tell me she was sassy" And the woman said "yes very." Ok, now while I know my child is not perfect, neither is any other child in that class. So I looked at her and told her that every child is sassy now and then, and I am sure that if she was, the teacher would tell me after class what happened. Then this woman went on to the lady next to me about my daughter being a brat. She did that in between barking orders at her daughter and having to yell at her because she wasn't listening to the teacher and walking all over the place. (after she complains about my daughter)

I hardly ever get angry like that, in fact yesterday was the second time in my life, a parent has said something to me about my kids that made me want to do more than just tell her what I thought. So I decided that it would be a good time to go upstairs and get their tights and shoes for the recital.

While I was up there, I told the director what had happened and she knew exactly what parent I was talking about and proceeded to tell me that she gets alot of complaints about that mother. In looking at that child, she is obviously younger than the age to be in the class. She was half the size of my daughter and looked more like she was two rather than 4. The class is for kids from 4 to 6 and Kali just turned 7 so that is why she is in that class. Had her birthday been in January, she would have been bumped up at the change of semesters.

I kind of want to ask the director why that child was allowed to be in a class with older children to begin with but it is her school, and Kali is up a year in poms. So anyway, my point here is did I react to this woman in the wrong way? I didn't raise my voice, I didn't call her or her child any names, I simply told her that every child at one time or another was not perfect. And while I didn't say it, her child demonstrated that throughout the class.

Next year it won't be an issue because Kali will be up a level and this child won't be so it probably doesn't matter now, but I didn't appreciate a parent talking about my child like that to another parent. Especially in front of my face. And to that, I didn't even respond. What would you have done if anything? I felt like asking her if she thought it was a good idea to gossip to parents about small children and if she thought that might be just a little extreme or too much like being a bully.



IAMJulie -> RE: Dance Class (4/15/2008 5:07:36 PM)

I probably would have nicely asked what happened to get more info. I don't think that you did anything wrong though. In my experience with my nieces and dancing it is only going to get worse. My nieces are 14 and 17 and they've been dancing since they were 3 each. They are both exceptional dancers and compete a ton and I am apalled at the behavior at some of the other dancers and moms. One of my nieces team mates actually threw herself on the floor kicking and hitting the floor and screaming like a 3 year old (this is a teenager) and her mom stood there and made like it was everybody else's fault her daughter was upset (she was missing a scruncie that was later found in her own bag) and accused the other girls of stealing. Not everyone is like this of course but my sister and nieces sure do get a lot of practice bitting their own tongues. But no matter what you get into or what you do there will be people who are obnoxious and immature.



MrsTracy72 -> RE: Dance Class (4/15/2008 6:04:59 PM)

Actually, I did first ask her what happened and she told me that my daughter was "poking" other kids. My daughter is one of the "senior" classmembers and I know most of the other parents at least by face.

This child was clearly under the age of 4 which is the youngest you are to be if you are going to be in the class. But the teacher or director can decide to let a child participate if the parent insists that their child is good enough or if they have an older sibling that they don't want to be separated from.

Between my two girls, we are at the studio 5 times a week and I make sure to try to at least meet with parents in the classes. Not to mention I have friends who have older kids there so I meet the parents they associate with too.

I am just upset that after she told me my daughter was basically a brat, she went on to the woman next to me about my daughter. AND according to my daughter, she was playing with her three friends who are her age so if there was any messing around it was between the four older girls and none of them were complaining nor were their parents or the teachers. And the director had also told me that this is a problem parent.

I just hate it when you are doing something that is supposed to be fun and parents have to go and ruin it. I mean what did she think she was gaining by complaining about a 7 year old to another person in front of that 7 year olds parent? If my daughter had heard any of that, I would have said something more and then insisted to the director that the parent be removed because no adult has the right to do that to a child no matter what. If she had a problem, she probably should have brought it to the teacher or the director. At least that is what I would have done.



csl7037 -> RE: Dance Class (4/15/2008 6:42:17 PM)

It sounds like you just got a dose of what the poor instructor and other parents had already been getting. In any group like that, it seems, there's one mom who's sole purpose is to drive everyone else nutso. I think you handle it fine.

I had something similar with ds at a birthday party over the weekend. It was at park and there was another party at the same time. I don't know what started it but this much younger boy, maybe 4 (?) was just going after my son and his friend - the birthday boy (they're 7). The first thing I saw was this little brut pound ds' friend in the back of the head and then kick him. The boys looked at me shocked and I motioned to them to walk away and they did. To my horror, someone at the other party said "Did you see that? Cody just took up for his sister and went after those big boys! Way to go Cody!" The little sister was there, I doubt the boys even noticed her but whatever was said was a misunderstanding of some sort among kids. But I didn't misunderstand that mom or aunt or whoever. This just seemed to go on and on! I mentioned to the mom of the birthday boy, who hadn't seen all this how mature her son had been to just walk away. But a few minutes later my son ran up to say he'd knocked him down and slammed his head on the ground. Again, I told them to go play somewhere else. The next thing I knew the little hooligan is going at the boys about to throw a big rock!! Lucky for him his older sister or cousin (?) got to him before I did. After that all these bigger kids gathered around saying they'd back him up, blah, blah, blah. And someone from that party was complaining to my friend!! She's a pastor's wife (but not my church), and sweet as she can be, and I knew nothing good could come of me going over there; I was so mad at that point! My ds did get in trouble because he then kept going back over there - I was actually getting scared - especially after the big rock that almost went flying! I couldn't believe it! Typing this I'm all worked up again!!

These are just the things we have to face as parents, I guess. As if just being a parent wasn't enough work, we have to deal with all these crazy people.



csl7037 -> RE: Dance Class (4/15/2008 6:45:30 PM)

quote:

but I didn't appreciate a parent talking about my child like that to another parent. Especially in front of my face. And to that, I didn't even respond. What would you have done if anything? I felt like asking her if she thought it was a good idea to gossip to parents about small children and if she thought that might be just a little extreme or too much like being a bully.


This is where I would've had to say something, though. When she went on to the other lady, I'd have tried to be polite but would've told her to let the teacher handle it and whatever she needed to know she'd tell you after class; beyond that none of her business much less that of the rest of the room (as if they wanted to hear it). And when her dd was being a "brat", I'd have made some sarcastic joke about how all kids can be "sassy".

...But see that's why I let my friend talk to that mom at the park. Even though I think her little kid's a danger!



MrsTracy72 -> RE: Dance Class (4/15/2008 11:25:03 PM)

LOL, I so wanted to say something, but I also wanted to be civil. A friend of mine is so good about being able to just stop and pray for the person when she is in those situations. I am not. I have a hard time asking God to bless somebody who has just made my child look or feel bad. What I did do was make small talk with the woman next to me and she was nice. It was her daughters first dance class and she was upset because her daughter wasn't participating. I told her that it was probably because she was there and her daughter just wanted some mom time and it was ok to let her since next week, parents would once again not be allowed to sit in on dance classes. So I do hope that I showd that woman that i wasn't as rude as the one on the other side of her. But I did vent on the director who knew exactly what I was talking about so at least I wasn't too crazy because she agreed with me and helped me to calm down and go back with a smile. It was fake, but it was on my face.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: Dance Class (4/16/2008 12:01:46 AM)

I don't think that you did anything wrong. I wouldn't have said anything to her when she gossiped. It is my experience that other people who have been around my kids either wouldn't believe someone like that or would think that my kids were just having an off day. If my kids are acting up, people know that i will be dealing with it. Chances are, the only one that she is making look bad is herself. I really feel sorry for her little one. I hope she manages to have fun and not feel humiliated with her mother yelling at her in front of people.[:o]



pbaribeault -> RE: Dance Class (4/16/2008 6:57:36 PM)

I always find pity/grace for people like that by reminding myself how empty and destitute they must be, that they have a need to find their self worth in a parenting setting by putting down children. It's so sad that some people are living every day, just so messed up, not knowing how beloved they are by their Holy Father.

That kind of thinking kind of takes the sting out of their deeply offensive behaviour. It doesn't make it OK, but it reminds me that most horribleness is a result of brokenness, and that I am a mender not simply someone who reacts.



MrsTracy72 -> RE: Dance Class (4/16/2008 9:19:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae

I wouldn't have said anything to her when she gossiped.


Oh, I didn't say anything when she went to the other parent. I simply didn't respond. That is about the time I did get up and walk away though because I had to try really super hard to contain myself. So I am glad about that. I just have a hard time when people are so full of themselves that they can even go after a child.


quote:

ORIGINAL: pbaribeault

I always find pity/grace for people like that by reminding myself how empty and destitute they must be, that they have a need to find their self worth in a parenting setting by putting down children. It's so sad that some people are living every day, just so messed up, not knowing how beloved they are by their Holy Father.


And that is exactly how my friend is. She can just stop and pray. I really wish I could be that way because in reality, that is how it is supposed to be, and the thought did cross my mind, but I didn't do it. I let my anger get in the way and just occupied myself in a different way. I do look up to people like you because like I said before, that is exactly how it should be, and I am just not there. And I know it. That makes it worse.



pbaribeault -> RE: Dance Class (4/16/2008 9:40:39 PM)

You don't have to stop and pray every time, although that might come. You just need to remember that anybody who needs to push down a CHILD to feel better about themself feels pretty awful about themself. That's not super-holy, that's common sense.

Your anger is important, and an excellent response in defense of your child, but it was not the woman who attacked your child. It was the deceiver and destroyer who has destroyed her to that point, then USED her to spread the hurt further. GRRR. Go ahead... be angry! It's just wrong that any of God's beloved are reduced to that level!

You also might want to trust the Shepherd of your soul. If He has placed you on a path to learn a better response to this sort of thing, then that's right where He wants you - on the path learning - not beating yourself up for not being at the goal yet. (Guess who wants you to beat yourself up and feel discouraged as if you will never make it? Yup - the one who wants you to never make it.)

Just pray to God to continue sending you whatever you need in order to eventually become the person He has in mind for you. He's a faithful God. He'll do that. You don't need to worry about where you're not yet. (Unless you are resisting growing on purpose - you can pray that He will make it clear to you if you think you might be.)



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