RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (Full Version)

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bluestone -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 2:50:12 PM)

I think that is a good
point about the cultural situation where you live.

If it could put your teen's life in danger, you have to bring that into consideration.

where I live dreadlocks =drugs.

Not so wth tattoos or earrings.



kohls356 -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 3:22:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bluestone

Having had two teens, I can tell you that what you think you will do when they are small, and what actually happens when they are 17-18 are two different matters.[;)]

I have seen rifts divide families on issues that in the grand scheme of things just are not that important.

The question to ask is: Is my kid rebelling? or is it the natural pulling away and growing up that is supposed to happen? And, am I just on a power trip and not wanting to lose a control issue?

When they are practically grown, the issue for me was not one of "my house, my rules" as much as "Is this worth killing my relationship with my child over?" Applying the same rules on a 16 year old that you do on a five years old does not work. You can't expect them to have that type of obedience on every issue.

One issue was(a serious sin issue) , most were not.


I couldn't agree with you more. I think a lot of times they want to do something that they can actually finally decide and do on their own. My oldest wants her belly button pierced and I told her when she turns 18 she can. She will not need my permission and she is free to get it done. This is one thing she can do that doesn't require a parents permission and I really think when the time comes she may just change her mind. For one thing she can't stand needles, and another being simply she can do this on her own now and it just might not have the same appeal as "getting her way" with needing parental permission, if I don't approve.

If someone would have asked me what I would do when she was 5, I would have said no way not if she is living in my home. But now that she is almost 18 I can't possibly imagine ruining our relationship or telling her she can't live here anymore over a navel piercing. Like what bluestone said it certainly isn't something I want to disown or take the chance of losing the relationship for.

Now if I had a son, I think if he were a teen and wanted his ear pierced I would more than likely let him.



bluestone -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 3:32:31 PM)

There comes a time when we stop being a boss and start being an advisor. They have to be allowed to test their wings and do a few dumb things while we are still around to pick them up, point out they were wrong, and that we were right![8D]

That way they have some experience in decision making before heading off to college or the military or whatever.



2shaye -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 3:41:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bluestone

There comes a time when we stop being a boss and start being an advisor. They have to be allowed to test their wings and do a few dumb things while we are still around to pick them up, point out they were wrong, and that we were right![8D]

That way they have some experience in decision making before heading off to college or the military or whatever.

Again, I agree. I think we, as the parents need to, at some point, begin treating our children with respect and trust. If we wait until they are out of the house, then we've missed out on some very valuable opportunities.

Not only have I been teaching my son (22), he has taught me so much as well - about stuff, and about myself.



hotsaucygma -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 3:53:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bluestone
They have to be allowed to test their wings and do a few dumb things while we are still around to pick them up, point out they were wrong, and that we were right![8D]

That really is so true. If they are able to make some decisions (I always prefered the non-permenant ones, but sometimes even the permenant decisions pay off in the long run) while we are still around to help them with the possible consequences, it can be to everyone's benefit!

A lot of this really depends on the age of the "child" too. I would not let a 11 year old decide to get a tattoo or ear pierced for that matter, but if my 18/19 yo were still living at home and wanted one... I might have to consider it. If I were to still say "no" and he decided to do it anyway, then I would have to consider if it was something I was willing to damage our relationship, even more, over. I say "even more" because if I had outright said No and he did it anyway, some damage has already been done to our relationship- by him. Then it is up to me to decide how to proceed from there.

Raising children isn't always easy!



doinkdom -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 4:07:08 PM)

Again, I take no issue with tats or piercings, but I do support whatever the family has made as rules for their home.

IMO, it is so important to teach kids about authority..biblical authority. Parents are under God's authority and children live under God's authority AND their parents authority.

Whenever authority is rebelliously challenged, there are consequences...usually bad, but not always.

If a parent rebels against God and does not do what the bible has laid out for them to do, then the consequences can be bad or damaged marriages, children in crisis, etc.

A child needs to understand that authority is NOT bad, it is actually quite biblical. It is up to the parents to show them that living under God's authority is a good thing.



doinkdom -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 4:08:17 PM)

BTW

testing one's wings and rebellion not usually the same thing



kohls356 -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 4:43:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: doinkdom
IMO, it is so important to teach kids about authority..biblical authority. Parents are under God's authority and children live under God's authority AND their parents authority.


I agree if the child is still a minor but once they are technically an adult I don't believe they are under my authority anymore but directly under God's. I personally don't believe that just because they are still living under my roof that they are still under my authority. Unless it is something illegal or totally disrespectful to us as parents, there comes a time they learn to make their own decisions and as a parent we need to learn to respect their choices, even if we don't agree with it. Respecting a choice and agreeing with it isn't the same.



doinkdom -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 5:06:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kohls356

quote:

ORIGINAL: doinkdom
IMO, it is so important to teach kids about authority..biblical authority. Parents are under God's authority and children live under God's authority AND their parents authority.


I agree if the child is still a minor but once they are technically an adult I don't believe they are under my authority anymore but directly under God's. I personally don't believe that just because they are still living under my roof that they are still under my authority. Unless it is something illegal or totally disrespectful to us as parents, there comes a time they learn to make their own decisions and as a parent we need to learn to respect their choices, even if we don't agree with it. Respecting a choice and agreeing with it isn't the same.


if that's what your family has agreed upon, then that should be what you do.



kohls356 -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 5:17:37 PM)

Well of course it is up to the family. Do you believe an adult child is still under the parents authority? If so when are they no longer under our authority and under God's?



OLEEguacamole -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 5:37:02 PM)

authority over a person's life and situational authority are different. ie an employer has an authority within a person's employment but not over their life. a parent temporarily has authority over a child's life. when the child is able to answer to God for himself and is of legal age a parent no longer has authority over that person's life. they retain authority of their own household but that is now a situational authority. that situational authority would extend to anyone living in ther house. house rules/conditions apply but ultimate authority does not.



doinkdom -> RE: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 5:43:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kohls356
Well of course it is up to the family. Do you believe an adult child is still under the parents authority? If so when are they no longer under our authority and under God's?


If the child is under my roof - then to some extent, the parent is still the final authority. That does prevent the child being allow to make their own choices and dealing with any consequences of those decisions. It's how much responsibility the parent is willing to give the child.

I do believe everyone (to include our children) are directly under God's authority, but God has also placed parents in a place of responsibility, nurting and authority over their children. I think when children see parents living under God's authority and that it is not a bad thing, they will not take such extreme issue with the concept of authority in their own lives.



faroukfarouk -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 6:12:18 PM)

SteelMagnolia
quote:


My boys can get their left ear pierced once (when they become teens) ...They will not be getting other piercings on their face under my roof.


Yes drawing the boundaries a bit sounds good. But also marking their
passage into their teen years with an earring is your way of gradually giving them a bit of freedom of personal expression, I guess.

I think that as long as sons are being taught prayer habits and appreciation for Bible reading, and are respecful with attempts to achieve good grades, the trip to the mall on about their 13 b-day. which you have decided to allow, is a pretty moderate course of action, really.

Take care, Christina.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 6:33:25 PM)

quote:

Yes drawing the boundaries a bit sounds good. But also marking their
passage into their teen years with an earring is your way of gradually giving them a bit of freedom of personal expression, I guess.

I think that as long as sons are being taught prayer habits and appreciation for Bible reading, and are respecful with attempts to achieve good grades, the trip to the mall on about their 13 b-day. which you have decided to allow, is a pretty moderate course of action, really.


So drawing a boundary is good if it is one you agree with, but not if you don't?

There are plenty of ways to mark the passage into the teen years that do not involve putting holes in one's body. How about a camping trip with Dad alone, or a blessing ceremony and picnic with family and friends? We plan to do both of those with our kids (for girls, the camping trip will be with mom and will probably involve a hotel, not a tent[;)]).

BTW, the school my oldest attends does not allow boys to have earrings. Ack! A boundary! [8D]



Sideways -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 6:46:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Memaw.

quote:

There are different rules for boys and girls.


I suppose so, but hindsight tells me that this "rule" was unfair.
Not to go off topic, but the way I see it now, if a boy isn't allowed to get his ear pierced because it's a "girl only" thing, then girls shouldn't be able to do things that are "boys only" (play with trucks, wear jeans, cut their hair short etc).

Not wanting to pick an argument with anyone, it's just my view on the subject.[;)]


I don't think to much of the idea that girls and boys should have inherently different rules. I think rules should either be equal or based upon the age and trustworthiness of the child.

My parents were much more protective and strict with me then they were of my brother, and I was much more trustworthy then he ever was. To this day, they don't know half the stuff he got away with.

I see this alot with ultra-conservative families, the idea that girls require much stricter protection and rules.



shadowspring -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 7:22:52 PM)

Posting blind- Yes, I would let him but I would strongly discourage him and put some time limit on it, as in, wait six months and pray about it. If you still want it, we'll talk again.

If he was not being rebellious or giving me any other kind of trouble, I would allow him to get his ear pierced, IF he still wanted to after waiting six months, thinking and praying about it.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 7:27:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessDonna

quote:

Yes drawing the boundaries a bit sounds good. But also marking their
passage into their teen years with an earring is your way of gradually giving them a bit of freedom of personal expression, I guess.

I think that as long as sons are being taught prayer habits and appreciation for Bible reading, and are respecful with attempts to achieve good grades, the trip to the mall on about their 13 b-day. which you have decided to allow, is a pretty moderate course of action, really.


So drawing a boundary is good if it is one you agree with, but not if you don't?



yeah exactly Donna...and obviously we can't know right now what we will think when we have teens cause our kids are too young still for us to know that[8|]



OLEEguacamole -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 7:38:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: faroukfarouk

SteelMagnolia
quote:


My boys can get their left ear pierced once (when they become teens) ...They will not be getting other piercings on their face under my roof.


Yes drawing the boundaries a bit sounds good. But also marking their
passage into their teen years with an earring is your way of gradually giving them a bit of freedom of personal expression, I guess.

I think that as long as sons are being taught prayer habits and appreciation for Bible reading, and are respecful with attempts to achieve good grades, the trip to the mall on about their 13 b-day. which you have decided to allow, is a pretty moderate course of action, really.

Take care, Christina.

farouk was responding to the plan of a specific poster.



faroukfarouk -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 9:44:19 PM)

[/quote]
farouk was responding to the plan of a specific poster.
[/quote]

Yes, I guess I was.



bluestone -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 10:25:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2


yeah exactly Donna...and obviously we can't know right now what we will think when we have teens cause our kids are too young still for us to know that[8|]



Of course, there are those who think they know everything. Life experience has a way of kicking that attitude out your rear end. [8|][8|][8|]



faroukfarouk -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 10:28:23 PM)

shadowspring
quote:

If he was not being rebellious or giving me any other kind of trouble, I would allow him to get his ear pierced, IF he still wanted to after waiting six months, thinking and praying about it.


So:

Don't rush into it, I guess, but in the end: let him do it.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 10:41:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: bluestone

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2


yeah exactly Donna...and obviously we can't know right now what we will think when we have teens cause our kids are too young still for us to know that[8|]



Of course, there are those who think they know everything. Life experience has a way of kicking that attitude out your rear end. [8|][8|][8|]

you know what, this is ridiculous.....I know what OUR convictions are for OUR house....and that isn't going to change...there are things that we feel are right for us, they didn't change when we had a teen with us...oh and yes, we have had a teen here....but it's not like anyone asked that, they just wanted to know about MY kids...and several then have made comments about them being too small and that we will change our minds when they get bigger. Actually we won't....we know our own convictions and they are not unfounded or weird. We will not back down on those things...even when our kids are bigger. I have had my posts taken apart piece by piece over and over again because of the stance we take on this...last I checked the OP didn't ask for a support thread for those that only see things one way...they asked a question, and I and others have answered. Yet those that obviously don't see things the way you see them are getting this attitude from several on here about how it "will be" vs how we think it will be. We might have younger kids, but that's our conviction on this....we didn't post here so that we could be criticized for that conviction of ours....we simply posted here the answer to the OP's question. Obviously this thread wasn't started to get a real answer from people, they just wanted to hear from the people that believe just like them...and no amount of my saying what is going on in here is stopping the barrage of comments about how wrong I (and others) are....either because of our conviction or because we "haven't been there". Well, I HAVE been there, and it didn't change anything about our conviction.



bluestone -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 10:50:20 PM)

Peculiar:
It seems you can dish it, but can't take it.
If I don't want my posts responded to, I just don't post them.
I have not seen anyone attack you or your beliefs. We are all discussing the topic, and when you post your beliefs, it enters into the discussion.

I think that is the whole idea of discussion threads.

snarky is as snarky does.



faroukfarouk -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 11:07:18 PM)

Ms Peculiar
quote:

Obviously this thread wasn't started to get a real answer from people, they just wanted to hear from the people that believe just like them


Actually I started this thread, not because I originally intended to but because it was commented on another thread that there was no such thread and someone suggested that if I started such a thread, she would comment.

Obviously that person rightly forsaw that many ppl would want to comment.

Certainly, in starting the thread, there was no idea that only one view would be expressed, or that some views are not real. You can express your view freely and I am glad that you have done so. Take care.



landabee -> RE: Roberta asked: "would you let your son pierce his ears?" (4/18/2008 11:31:11 PM)

I have two teen sons. The eldest will be 18 in a few months.... the younger is 16.

Both have one ear pierced. The eldest has a tat on his upper right arm.

I took both for their piercings.

The tat, I was reluctant and voiced concern.... but did not outright forbid. He strongly wanted a tattoo to honor his deceased grandfather that was a minister. It is of a cross with his grandfather's favorite bible verse. Finally, it says: In Loving Memory, Pops and the the years he lived.

I have learned from my parenting experience with the eldest (strong personality... and brilliant) to pick battles carefully.

This has worked for MY home. In no way have I abdicated my parental responsibiity... however at this point, I feel for US that my role is to counsel, correct and advise. The only time I REALLY lay down an impenatrable boundary is when it is an issue of spiritual or physical danger.

Do I like tattoos and piercings? Nah.......... not really.

But what I DO like is the open line of communication between the kidlets and myself... and the fact that no matter what......... they can come to me and bounce off ideas. They know that we will have a rational discussion and pray about it. Sometimes I compromise. That isn't capitulation or abdication of duty......... is open communication and respect for the personhood that I have raised them to develop.

They will make mistakes.

I will always be here to pray, encourage and if necessary... love them through the consequences.

Please note: the above is my view of OUR family and piercing and tats with no direct or inferred bashing included towards other posters. [:)]



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