do you get lonely? (Full Version)

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Leslie_JnJs_mom -> do you get lonely? (4/22/2008 10:06:35 PM)

I sure do sometimes. I even get to the point where I wonder what is wrong with me. Why is it so hard to make a good friend. I used to have them but they moved away or they hurt me so I distanced myself from them. I have really missed my one dear friend. She moved away and then her husband left her. That seemed to drive her over the edge and she started doing things that I could not stand by and approve of. We are still friends but her choices have landed her in a poverty situation where she has no phone and limited internet so we still cannot talk often. I see women at church that I talk to but we are not good friends. The other friend that I used to be close to every now and then I get the urge to get close but it is right about that time I hear of something she has just recently done to someone else that is a sharp reminder to not let her get close to me it will only end in hurt. I get so sad. I wish I had a good friend I would be happy with a friend if they had a child around my little one's age. I dont know what is wrong with me though. I strike up a conversation and we will talk but nothing ever comes of it. Why cant I make a dear friend or learn to just be happy without a dear friend?



lightshineon -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/22/2008 10:18:32 PM)

I know you need a physically there friend, but I am so glad we are on-line friends. I will pray for the Lord to send some one in your town that you can do things with. Nothing is wrong with you are a wonderful, wonderful person. I am lonely at rare times, but, am kind of a loner. I have one good church friend, lots of those I love but do not talk too on a regular basis. If I get lonley walk around park, or wal-mart, even home depot.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/22/2008 10:22:07 PM)

aaawww thanks that is sweet[:D] You help more then you know! It is so much fun talking to you!



sunshine4God -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/22/2008 10:28:07 PM)

I know how you feel 2 monkeys.I have trouble fitting in with others and don't have many close friends either.I even hang out with the little kids next door since they love being with me,and at church during fellowship I always feel left out. I am lonley alot also and would be happy to be your friend.



lightshineon -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/22/2008 10:30:04 PM)

you too. I imagine you voice having a Minnesota accent for some reason (LOL). Mine is soft and very Okie.
quote:

ORIGINAL: 2monkeysmom

aaawww thanks that is sweet[:D] You help more then you know! It is so much fun talking to you!



Kat_D -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/22/2008 10:38:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: 2monkeysmom

I sure do sometimes. I even get to the point where I wonder what is wrong with me. Why is it so hard to make a good friend. I used to have them but they moved away or they hurt me so I distanced myself from them. I have really missed my one dear friend. She moved away and then her husband left her. That seemed to drive her over the edge and she started doing things that I could not stand by and approve of. We are still friends but her choices have landed her in a poverty situation where she has no phone and limited internet so we still cannot talk often. I see women at church that I talk to but we are not good friends. The other friend that I used to be close to every now and then I get the urge to get close but it is right about that time I hear of something she has just recently done to someone else that is a sharp reminder to not let her get close to me it will only end in hurt. I get so sad. I wish I had a good friend I would be happy with a friend if they had a child around my little one's age. I dont know what is wrong with me though. I strike up a conversation and we will talk but nothing ever comes of it. Why cant I make a dear friend or learn to just be happy without a dear friend?


I don't know why you don't have a friend. In seeing you around the forums you seem like a very likable person with a good personality. I think people in general these days are so busy with their own issues, work and family, they often don't have time or don't make time for friends.

I will join Light in praying that God brings you a great friend.

As for being lonely, I honestly do not know what that feels like. I have friends, but also never mind spending time alone...sometimes I even prefer it![:D] I don't think I've ever experienced loneliness as far as I can tell.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/22/2008 10:48:14 PM)

quote:

quote:

you too. I imagine you voice having a Minnesota accent for some reason (LOL). Mine is soft and very Okie


LOL it is a southern Missouri Accent.


quote:

I think people in general these days are so busy with their own issues, work and family, they often don't have time or don't make time for friends.
quote:



Yeah most people work full time then have their children and chores to tend to.


quote:

I know how you feel 2 monkeys.I have trouble fitting in with others and don't have many close friends either.I even hang out with the little kids next door since they love being with me,and at church during fellowship I always feel left out. I am lonley alot also and would be happy to be your friend.
quote:



I know what you feel like. I can go up and talk to people but people rarely come and talk to me. Someone once told me that to make friends takes a lot of work. I had a time when I talked to a lot of people but I was doing all the work. I quit calling so much and that was it. I guess people are just too busy.



jaimestarcross -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/22/2008 11:18:17 PM)

Continue doing all that the Lord lays upon your heart to do concerning your
wayward friends....just remember Jesus had "dear friends" that made bad choices also... he continued to love them.

Just between you and me - I don't know of anyone who has a "dear friend" that hasn't let them down/or made bad choices. Many of them have had to spend less time with their friend due to their bad choices but somewhere down the road many of them have patched up their friendships and became friends again and are closer than ever before. Friendship like marriage takes work!



Anamchara -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/22/2008 11:36:14 PM)

2monkeysmom, its nice to see another Missourian :) I am originally from Northeast Missouri, moved to IL currently, but looking at moving Southeastern Missouri. MIssouri is a beautiful state. Anyhoot, nice to meet ya

I have found my self in a state of lonliness even though I know I have friends that surround me. For me, I dont long for the typical social friendships, but rather a deeper more inner connected one. Perhalps you could say a boyfriend/husband could provide. I am thankful for the girl friends that I have, but lately I still feel quite lonely.[8|]



Melitac -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 5:57:37 AM)

sunshine4God,

You remind me of my dd that is in college. She feels very close to little children and is very good with them.

You seem very sweet and kind.

Please PM me if you ever need to chat!!

-*-*-*

I get lonely. I lost my best friend a few months ago. Story very much like 2monkeysmom. We were friends for 16 years.

I enjoy talking with a couple of younger Moms at our church. My kids are mostly grown, my "baby" is 13.
But for some reason they seek me out when they get stressed with their kids. I try and help them through their struggles with them. One has a young son with ADD. I tell her about my experiences with my now grown son that had ADD.
I think it is important for the older women/moms to encourage the younger ones. I wish I had had someone there for me like this when I was a young Mom.
But some of the other young Moms at my church
are wary of me for whatever reason. They seem to be the "super-mom" oriented ones. They seem very worried about how capable a mother they come off as. I try to befriend them but maybe the fact that I have such a large family intimidates them (?). I just kept smiling at them and being kind to their children. Hubby and I began playing volleyball with the church and they are on the team too.
They kind of ignore me and stick to their own little click.
So for now at least the two other young Moms want to befriend me.

I don't have much in common with women my age because they all have careers and ALL of their kids are grown. I still have 3 at home, all teens.
I do have good fellowship with the older women in the church. They seem to understand me.
We connect on many levels, mostly domestic ones.
Most of them are stay at home wives with retired husbands. Maybe I fit in with their "era" more?

In the past 6 months I lost my best friend, my dog, my teenage dd had serious issues that I really struggled with, and now my 2 grown kids lost their father, my ex. He died on the 10th.
At this point I could really use a girlfriend to talk with.
My husband is very loving, but he just can't be there for me like another Mom/femal friend would.
Women relate differently to each other than men do. I listen to my husband about his job, sporting events he participates in. We talk about the kids.
But when it comes to my"really deep" thoughts, I just cannot connect with him about those things.
I don't think he is capable of listening like that. Like other women can.

Once here on CW someone suggested to me that God will lead us down lonely times so that we will lean on Him more.
This makes sense. But I still miss the laugh of a good joke shared with my best friend.



car2ner -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 6:20:51 AM)

I think you'd be surprised how many people wish that they had more and closer friends. Most of us can count our best buds on one hand (or finger), yet so few want to admit it. Many of us stand in a crowd wishing we knew everyone else better. Especially in places like church where we see the same people everyweek.



Cloak -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 8:25:47 AM)

Loneliness is a challenge for many of us. More so, if you happen to live in big cities, people are different. I know what you're talking about. The more picky you are, the harder it gets. It's just that people's priorities have changed.

Taking the time to sit back and enjoy people and listening to them is a missing art almost every where I go. Even in churches you can feel left out, sadly; although I believe that should not be the case.

I myself do not happen to have only single girlfriend. It's really hard to find quality people in big cities. However, since I am planning to relocate I am praying for a good church with good believers whom I can count on.

We all need the fellowship of other believers on whom we can rely. I hope and pray you will find a real kind and genuine lady who lives nearby with whom you can go to church, grocery and shopping together and so some other hobbies. I pray that God would send a new person who would move into your area so soon who would make a perfect match with you sweetie. Just thinking about it makes your heart melt with joy.

A true friend is a real treasure forever!



shadowspring -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 10:42:42 AM)

When it comes to true friends, I think of the Rich Mullins song Brother's Keeper. It so describes my friends, and the kind of friend I want to be:

"The roofer's got a few missing shingles; the mechanic's got a clink in his car; the preacher's thinking thoughts that are wicked; and the lover's got a lonely heart; my friends aren't the way I wish they were; they are just the way they are. And I will be my brother's keeper, not the one who judges him, I won't despise him for his weakness. I won't regard him for his strength. I won't take away his freedom. I will help him learn to stand. And I will, I will be my brother's keeper."

I don't have one true friend who is always there for me. I have several friends that understand and accept certain parts of who I am. They all have faults, some of them glaring. I try to love them as they are, and not expect more of them than they have to offer.

The more I pray,"Lord, love them through me. Let me be a representative of you."; the more people see me as a friend.

Of course, love is risky. People will betray you, and you will have to forgive them. People will burn you, and you will have to trust again. If your main goal is protecting your self from hurt, friends will be hard to come by. But if your main goal is showing the love of Christ to others, friends will come.

They won't be perfect. They might hurt you. They might let you down. And it may take time for the friendships to build up to a comfortable place. But if you are looking to be a friend, I think that you will wind up with friends.

PS It's taken me four years in this state to be in a comfortable place. My best friends are telephone friends from the last state I lived in. Those friendships took years to build. During the nine years I lived in the last state, I was betrayed, gossiped about, and burned more than once. I went through a lot of friends that were not keepers, but it was worth it to get the two who will be lifelong friends. [:D] Now in this state, I have also been betrayed, gossiped about and burned more than once. But I keep reaching out, and I do have many friends. I hope the same for you, that as you find the love in Christ to keep reaching out, you will be richly rewarded with friends that last.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 10:47:28 AM)

quote:

I don't know of anyone who has a "dear friend" that hasn't let them down/or made bad choices. Many of them have had to spend less time with their friend due to their bad choices but somewhere down the road many of them have patched up their friendships and became friends again and are closer than ever before.
I already said we were still good friends she just lives in another state. At one time we were not talking much but that was when she was going to bars and bringing strange men home while her 2 little girls were sleeping in the next room. She has since stopped living like that and we email one another again.

quote:

My husband is very loving, but he just can't be there for me like another Mom/femal friend would.
Women relate differently to each other than men do. I listen to my husband about his job, sporting events he participates in. We talk about the kids.
But when it comes to my"really deep" thoughts, I just cannot connect with him about those things.
I don't think he is capable of listening like that. Like other women can.
quote:

Yeah my husband asked me one day why he wasn't enough when I confessed to him how lonely I got. I told him that when he was home I was fine but while he is at work and interacting with his co workers I was at home and the phone only rings when someone wants something.

quote:

2monkeysmom, its nice to see another Missourian :) I am originally from Northeast Missouri, moved to IL currently, but looking at moving Southeastern Missouri. MIssouri is a beautiful state. Anyhoot, nice to meet ya
quote:

It sure is pretty here. Being completely biased here I would say that south western Missouri is much more fun[;)]



shadowspring -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 12:39:57 PM)

quote:

I already said we were still good friends she just lives in another state. At one time we were not talking much but that was when she was going to bars and bringing strange men home while her 2 little girls were sleeping in the next room. She has since stopped living like that and we email one another again.


I have lost two super-close best friends during the coures of my 25 years following the Lord. Like your situation, it was because they walked away from the Lord. One of them exposed her boys to a pedophile repeatedly, hoping the ex-pediatrician would marry her. Didn't happen, of course. I cut off my relationship with her because she wouldn't stop seeing this man.

The other friend dumped me when she walked away from the Lord. I guess it was just too convicting to be around me, even though I was totally accepting of her.

Both situations hurt. But these things just happen sometimes.

It hurts me less to know they walked away from JESUS first! Hello! They walked away from perfection! Perfect love! No wonder I wasn't "good enough" for them. [;)]

Hang in there, monkeys. It will get better if you keep on reaching out, and don't let the discouragement make you bitter. (I struggle with that sometimes!)



NoDumbBlonde -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 12:55:59 PM)

There are times when I really miss having a close female friend. My husband is my best friend and since we own our own business we work together as well. It works well for us but its just not the same. I'm close to my mom who now lives close to me but she's still my mom first. My daughter (11 yo) and I are close and she is always with me since I homeschool her in my office but she's my daughter 1st. No real friend/friends.

I guess I've never been one to really have close friends for too long. A dear friend and I were very close for quite some time years ago. Both of us single parents but when she got married I knew things would change. Her commitment was to her husband and that's the way its supposed to be but in the end I lost my friend. Singles and marrieds have different issues. Marrieds tend to gravitate to married friends. Within the first year she became pregnant so we drifted even father apart. I've not seen or talked to her in a good while even since I married 3+ years ago.

I have to admit that most of my friends are more acquaintances than true friends. I have "online" friends which are great but its just not the same. You can't shop or do lunch together. It makes a difference. I can't say I'm lonely though as I'm too busy with work and family and really miss time to myself. But that being said I really miss having a good friend (other than my hubby).



delete123 -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 7:09:07 PM)

Boy do I know this too well.
I was a "working" woman before I had my child late and try to find others in this situation. It ain't happening.
So all day I have either elderly ladies I can converse with, an egyptian woman who can barely speak english!
Other than that most folks work while I am home and frankly it stinks!

I may be an older mother but I am far from old! The same deal at the park, most of the mothers are very young and look at me like I'm a granny, puleeze, get over it.

I feel for you, as I definitely know your situation. Praying for you
CRH



creationtalk -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 8:46:52 PM)

I can relate to being lonely. I think that's why I spend so much time online. I'm a single mom, work a very demanding job (shiftwork and overtime). I had my son when I was 37, so most women my age have grown or nearly grown children and those with children my son's age are, many of them, younger than the first child I helped raise (my sister's oldest) and it's hard to relate. Also I don't have much time. Between job and child (I only visit others when I can have my son with me or when he is with his father), I have very little time. Most people who could be friends ALSO have very little time. The other homeschool moms could be friends...except they can do things during the day while hubby works...but I'm at work then. My working friends spend evenings and weekends doing things with their families. One difficulty is I live very far from my family in an area where most people have extended family all over the place. Plus as a single, I don't fit in social situations with couples.

So do not feel you are alone in feeling alone or lonely. We live in a society where many people feel lonely. I think the fear of being alone or lonely is behind a lot of the stupid things we see people do--drinking and hanging out in bars gives them a social outlet. I wish that there was something for people who want a social life--fun things to do--that does not include alcohol and smoke (or other illicit or unhealthy practices).



delete123 -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 9:17:51 PM)

Yeah Creationtalk~
Like a nice coffeshop that allows kids and has a Mc Donalds playground, so we know where they are and can have a nice chat.
Maybe we should co op the idea

CRH



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 9:41:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crh737

Boy do I know this too well.
I was a "working" woman before I had my child late and try to find others in this situation. It ain't happening.
So all day I have either elderly ladies I can converse with, an egyptian woman who can barely speak english!
Other than that most folks work while I am home and frankly it stinks!

I may be an older mother but I am far from old! The same deal at the park, most of the mothers are very young and look at me like I'm a granny, puleeze, get over it.

I feel for you, as I definitely know your situation. Praying for you
CRH


Yeah I am 35 with a 3 year old and trying for one more. All the ladies at church that have kids that small are in their early 20's or work full time and have no time for friends.

One person on here thought it was due to living in a big city where they never get a chance to meet people. I always figured it was because I was in a small town and I do not get a chance to meet new people.LOL that is funny. I keep thinking if only I can move to a bigger city where I have a chance at meeting some friends. Perhaps that would not happen, maybe the real problem is that families are so busy that they never get a chance to get to know people anymore.



JordanW -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 9:43:56 PM)

Yes I am lonely quite often. I find myself wondering why that is so. After me and my EX of almost 2 years broke up in November I feel like my life is a waste really...



delete123 -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 9:50:47 PM)

Yeah Cuz I live in a semi city in Massachusetts and I am lol 47 and my son is 2 y/o. So talk about alte, Rotfl!

Actually my son is my miracle baby. I was told at 18 y/o that I would never have them. I was previously married and had surgery at 37 for a polycystic ovary, so thought the lie was true! So now I rejoice when I hear *All Things Are Possible!*
Believe me, I was totally schocke to say the least when I got my diagnosis. I thought it was my thyroid acting up, lol!

Well Monkey it's nice to meet you and see you are not all alone, you have "old" timers like me and Creationtalk (Creation I am not calling you old my any means, so don't take it that way please.)
That struggle with the same thing.
Love to you sister
CRH



creationtalk -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/23/2008 11:47:26 PM)

quote:

Well Monkey it's nice to meet you and see you are not all alone, you have "old" timers like me and Creationtalk (Creation I am not calling you old my any means, so don't take it that way please.)
That struggle with the same thing.


Monkey, I agree with crh, and crh, I know and understand, no offense...and I love your idea of a place that works for parents AND children. That would be a nice switch (but please make sure that the coffee shop sells alternate sources of caffeine and has fans so the smell of coffee isn't as strong...coffee smell gives me migraine...wait, maybe it could be a cheese cake factory?)

It is true that older moms face different challenges than women who have their children young. Or perhaps it's not so much different challenges as that we are at different points in life than our contemporaries...who either have nearly grown children or no children, so cannot relate...or the mother's of our children's contemporaries who tend to be much younger and do not have many of the shared life experiences (we lived through the moon walk, Vietnam war, etc.). My niece (whom I helped raise) has three children; two of them are 2 and 4 years older than my son.



sunshine4God -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/24/2008 12:18:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Melitac

sunshine4God,

You remind me of my dd that is in college. She feels very close to little children and is very good with them.

You seem very sweet and kind.

Please PM me if you ever need to chat!!

-*-*-*

Thanks so much! You are very nice to encourage me like you do.



Leslie_JnJs_mom -> RE: do you get lonely? (4/24/2008 11:13:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: creationtalk

quote:

Well Monkey it's nice to meet you and see you are not all alone, you have "old" timers like me and Creationtalk (Creation I am not calling you old my any means, so don't take it that way please.)
That struggle with the same thing.


Monkey, I agree with crh, and crh, I know and understand, no offense...and I love your idea of a place that works for parents AND children. That would be a nice switch (but please make sure that the coffee shop sells alternate sources of caffeine and has fans so the smell of coffee isn't as strong...coffee smell gives me migraine...wait, maybe it could be a cheese cake factory?)

It is true that older moms face different challenges than women who have their children young. Or perhaps it's not so much different challenges as that we are at different points in life than our contemporaries...who either have nearly grown children or no children, so cannot relate...or the mother's of our children's contemporaries who tend to be much younger and do not have many of the shared life experiences (we lived through the moon walk, Vietnam war, etc.). My niece (whom I helped raise) has three children; two of them are 2 and 4 years older than my son.




That is wonderful that you were able to have a baby! Children are such a joy!




Iwent to one get together for moms of young children. I was not parents as teachers but something similiar. I lady in my church was the director so she thought I would enjoy it. I would have except all the moms were very young. One mom refused to pick up her baby that could not even walk yet because he was holding his arms up to her. The others were complaining about different aspects of parenthood. UUGG young parents just don't seem to get it. FF a few years to women in thier late 20's and early 30's sure there are still some self centered moms who just want to be left alone but not near like I saw with the late teens and early 20's.



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