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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 8:26:22 PM
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Darcyjo
Posts: 15623
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Sunny NC!
Status: offline
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Oh, my.....first time I've been in this folder in weeks, and I fall into this conversation.....
Y'know, the "this folder is for OUR kind of people" isn't just limited to Singles, but it does come up here more often than some would think. I used to be a regular here, was for several years as a matter of fact, but I finally drifted over to PFY. Why? Because, eventually, I felt like my status (widowed) was considered "less single than thou".
There are lots of friendly, good folks here. But making it clear that you just want "your" kind of people around will cut you off from other good folks as well.
Okay, back to my own territory. (and hi, Shar-Mar!)
_____________________________
Who, me?....my blog!
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 8:42:44 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
Status: offline
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quote:
So . . . Does it bother you that married people post in here?
No, particularly if it is theological. I do believe people of all marital status can be inspired by God with good advice and biblically sound advice. For instance, the question, "Is it Ok to date an unbeliever?" comes up from time to time. I think that's an excellent spot for married who lurk in singles to jump in. It's a question that can be answered with the word of God, wisdom, and even personal experience. Threads however, like "Who is your dream mate?" Or "As a single what did you prepare for dinner." These seem more "every-day experiential; and i wouldn't understand why a married person would even post there, anyway. But, I don't think anything is off limits. Perhaps not the best personal choice, but definately no hard fast rules.
When someone posts, "Well my wife likes blue," or, "My dream mate is my hubby." That's kinda like . . . well, duh, you're married to 'em. 
Although, I must admit, If my dh was always lurking and posting in singles, I'd find that a little strange. Especially with the 30+ threads that cover a plethora of subjects where both married, single, divorced and widowed can express opinions, hang out, etc. Also, there is PM. Great way to keep in touch w/single friends.
Which reminds me, I once mistakenly posted in teens when I'd only read the subject title, but when and looked at my reply, I was embarrassed that I'd posted there. My thoughts with the teen section is, "been there, done that." Consequently, I don't post in the TTC threads in Womens or the Breast feeding threads, just wouldn't know what to contribute to that conversation--unless it was on a biblical level, or I needed advice or was curious about something. I have no use for it. But, wherever you post, unless its against TOS, I suppose its OK.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 9:04:36 PM
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ladioffaith
Posts: 2846
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: NE Ohio (L.A. . . Lower Akron)
Status: offline
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One thing that must be pointed out ... Thread titles are displayed in My Forums based on the 5 most recent posts. Often, a person may find himself in a folder they didn't intend to go to, just by clicking on an interesting title.
I've found myself in the "men's room" that way ... and quickly backed my way out!
It's only a problem if you're in a folder with gender restrictions.
DARCY! Wonderful to see you here ... and I, for one, have ALWAYS loved seeing you!
Lovely post, Shar-Mar. And I can't fathom why you get so many PMs from people who want to pick you up and others don't ... perhaps it's because you're so darned likable?
We don't need a new ABC. We get a new one every month ...Post in there, please!
Oh ... and I steer clear of the marriage folder, as do many married people I know. Nobody goes in there to talk about how happy their marriage is. As a never- married, it would give me a warped perspective of marriage that I don't need.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with
his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 10:13:14 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6949
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
In every singles forum, group, club or even just random gathering the search for a mate plays a part. We may not want to admit it sometimes but many singles are looking to not be single anymore and they will look at who's around to see if anyone fits. As long as there are singles, this will not change. John, not every singles group, etc. have people searching for mates. I can think of several such groups that are made up entirely of singles specifically not looking, not waiting, not doing anything focused on finding a mate.
Excellent point. But I'd guess that those singles who are looking for a mate don't normally hang around very long. Or that those groups were started expressly for those not looking.
quote:
Additionally, in the groups that do have singles looking, waiting, etc., there are also going to be people in those groups who are not. Nothing wrong with either.
This is true
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
As was stated in the other thread, it makes it hard when you are talking to someone and getting along really well and then find out they are married in the singles forum.
The issue comes down to (as Di said) that the married can't allow themselves to dominate the conversation. I think it would also help if they mentioned they were married from time to time so no one could lead on. I have seen people identify themselves as being married when posting here in Singles - many times.
and that's good.
quote:
Additionally, I think people here in this folder sometime forget that according to this site's very own rules, this Singles' Forum is not a pick-up joint. It's expressed purpose is not for Singles to hook up with each other; it's for us to edify and encourage each other.
That may be true (the only ting I remember seeing is "no personal ads"). But that still doesn't change the fact that when you have a bunch of singles together it's highly likely that some of them will be looking for a mate.
quote:
If people come together as a couple after getting to know one another that's all fine and good; but if someone thinks they're being led on, then perhaps the issue lies with their own motives as to why they're posting in here or to a specific person and not necessarily an issue of someone else's motives (for clarity, I am not implying such motives are necessarily improper).
Let me use an example that everyone knows I am not guilty of. Lets say someone is in the flirt thread, or even in another thread bantering in a flirtatious manner with someone else. "hmmm" he thinks, "She may like me"
While she's thinking this is a fun place, I should tell my husband about it. The guy's going to get hurt.
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This isn't an across-the-board-statement because obviously I don't know every single poster who posts here and there's always going to be inappropriate people anywhere . . . but I've seen enough married people post in here with very honorable attentions to give other married posters the benefit of the doubt when they post in here.
As long as it's clear that they are married I agree.
quote:
I understand that some single people are, in fact, looking for a spouse. Wonderful! I truly have no problem with that. I love it when two people find each other. But why does it have to come down to no one else but Single people ever being allowed to come into our clubhouse?
Excellent concept. In the real world someone goes into a singles club and you can see the ring. Here we don't have that advantage. They are still more than welcome, but help us to not humiliate ourselves by approaching a married woman (or man)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 10:34:05 PM
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pruned
Posts: 1179
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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First, I'd like to say thank you to our wonderful thread hostess for starting this thread. Obviously, there are opinions to be shared.
While on one hand, I agree with those who approve of marrieds posting here, and on the other hand, I agree with those who disapprove of marrieds posting here. While I fall straight down the middle of that fence, overall I prefer fewer rules added to an already rule-laden forum.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 10:53:12 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 840
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
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I have no problem with it as long as they let us know that they are married so that there's no misunderstanding as where their coming from. I'm sure married folks have a lot of wisdom and encouragement to give us singletons.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 10:59:11 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26924
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
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Hey Pruned!
Thanks for letting me steal your question! I was hoping I'd see a post from you in here.
And you nutshelled everything so wonderfully! 
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Excellent point. But I'd guess that those singles who are looking for a mate don't normally hang around very long. Or that those groups were started expressly for those not looking. As to what I've bolded, no, not necessarily. If they're comfortable in their life with where they're at and if they've found a group of people they like to hang around, then why would they want to leave?
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
Additionally, I think people here in this folder sometime forget that according to this site's very own rules, this Singles' Forum is not a pick-up joint. It's expressed purpose is not for Singles to hook up with each other; it's for us to edify and encourage each other.
That may be true (the only ting I remember seeing is "no personal ads"). But that still doesn't change the fact that when you have a bunch of singles together it's highly likely that some of them will be looking for a mate. AND some of them won't be. This has got to be one of the most circular statements in the Singles thread. I've continually have acknowledged that there are, indeed, some people looking for mates . . . as well as people who aren't; but whenever I point this out, the rebuttal to me is that there are some people looking for mates.
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
If people come together as a couple after getting to know one another that's all fine and good; but if someone thinks they're being led on, then perhaps the issue lies with their own motives as to why they're posting in here or to a specific person and not necessarily an issue of someone else's motives (for clarity, I am not implying such motives are necessarily improper).
Let me use an example that everyone knows I am not guilty of. Lets say someone is in the flirt thread, or even in another thread bantering in a flirtatious manner with someone else. "hmmm" he thinks, "She may like me"
While she's thinking this is a fun place, I should tell my husband about it. The guy's going to get hurt. That's the chance a person takes when they decided to flirt or banter with someone without really getting to know them first. It happens to women, too. The responsibility of protecting one's heart lies with whom the heart belongs; i.e., the responsibility of protection oneself from flirtations lies with the flirtee; not the flirter. It's also one of the main reasons why I choose not to flirt with any man unless I'm in an exclusive relationship with him.
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
I understand that some single people are, in fact, looking for a spouse. Wonderful! I truly have no problem with that. I love it when two people find each other. But why does it have to come down to no one else but Single people ever being allowed to come into our clubhouse?
Excellent concept. In the real world someone goes into a singles club and you can see the ring. Here we don't have that advantage. They are still more than welcome, but help us to not humiliate ourselves by approaching a married woman (or man)
Whether or not someone humiliates themselves by how they behave towards me is not my responsibility; it is their responsibility to gather facts before doing anything that could be consider humiliating.
See, it's that ole "pick-up joint" mentality (except prettied up here on a Christian forum) working that causes one to get hurt from flirtations or one to humiliate oneself because of their behavior.
Actually taking the time to really get to know someone (including their marital status) beforehand could go far in preventing both unpleasant experiences.
_____________________________
Crazy Toy Lady
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Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 11:08:21 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 7133
Joined: 9/4/2005
From: Inside my head
Status: offline
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I appreciate marrieds who post in Singles because, IMO, they bring real-life experience and a whole lot of common sense to the table. When several people who have never been married are discussing what marriage should or will be, I think it's extremely helpful for someone who is living it to bring their perspective to the discussion.
Those like myself who are divorced really have no credibility when it comes to marriage. So, just like those who are widowed, currently married folks have information and experience that can add much to the discussion.
_____________________________
When I have a little money I buy Books.
If any left over I buy food and clothes.
Erasmus
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 11:13:37 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3136
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
I appreciate marrieds who post in Singles because, IMO, they bring real-life experience and a whole lot of common sense to the table. When several people who have never been married are discussing what marriage should or will be, I think it's extremely helpful for someone who is living it to bring their perspective to the discussion.
Those like myself who are divorced really have no credibility when it comes to marriage. So, just like those who are widowed, currently married folks have information and experience that can add much to the discussion.
All of us do not feel this way....I know some do. I just personally choose to abstain.
_____________________________
Nadine
"It's like every thing good collided today" quote from my 8yr old daughter
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 11:19:09 PM
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LabGuy
Posts: 2504
Joined: 9/22/2007
From: NW Pennsylvania
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
Those like myself who are divorced really have no credibility when it comes to marriage.
I wouldn't say that, Lioness. I think those who are divorced can still have wisdom and insight to offer us never-marrieds; it may just be of a different kind is all.
-Robb
_____________________________
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. - II Corinthians 5:17
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 11:31:26 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6949
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteRoseBlessings
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
Excellent point. But I'd guess that those singles who are looking for a mate don't normally hang around very long. Or that those groups were started expressly for those not looking. As to what I've bolded, no, not necessarily. If they're comfortable in their life with where they're at and if they've found a group of people they like to hang around, then why would they want to leave?
Because if they are looking for a mate there are no prospects there. Perhaps I'm just too intentional about life. If I'm looking to find a base ball team to play on I don't sit at home and wait for someone to call me, nor do I go to a fern bar where sports aren't even allowed on the TV. I go to the ballpark or to a sports club where baseball will be discussed
quote:
quote:
quote:
Additionally, I think people here in this folder sometime forget that according to this site's very own rules, this Singles' Forum is not a pick-up joint. It's expressed purpose is not for Singles to hook up with each other; it's for us to edify and encourage each other.
That may be true (the only ting I remember seeing is "no personal ads"). But that still doesn't change the fact that when you have a bunch of singles together it's highly likely that some of them will be looking for a mate. AND some of them won't be. This has got to be one of the most circular statements in the Singles thread. I've continually have acknowledged that there are, indeed, some people looking for mates . . . as well as people who aren't; but whenever I point this out, the rebuttal to me is that there are some people looking for mates.
I think we've kind of been talking past each other on this point. A single who is not looking for a mate wouldn't normally care who posts in here as they are all the same anyway. A single who is looking for a mate comes to a singles folder because he expects the people there to be single.
quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
If people come together as a couple after getting to know one another that's all fine and good; but if someone thinks they're being led on, then perhaps the issue lies with their own motives as to why they're posting in here or to a specific person and not necessarily an issue of someone else's motives (for clarity, I am not implying such motives are necessarily improper).
Let me use an example that everyone knows I am not guilty of. Lets say someone is in the flirt thread, or even in another thread bantering in a flirtatious manner with someone else. "hmmm" he thinks, "She may like me"
While she's thinking this is a fun place, I should tell my husband about it. The guy's going to get hurt. That's the chance a person takes when they decided to flirt or banter with someone without really getting to know them first.
But how much protecting is enough? If a person goes into a singles forum. A place dedicated for singles, and avoid that places wear unavailable people would normally be hanging out, isn't that enough due diligence?
quote:
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
I understand that some single people are, in fact, looking for a spouse. Wonderful! I truly have no problem with that. I love it when two people find each other. But why does it have to come down to no one else but Single people ever being allowed to come into our clubhouse?
Excellent concept. In the real world someone goes into a singles club and you can see the ring. Here we don't have that advantage. They are still more than welcome, but help us to not humiliate ourselves by approaching a married woman (or man)
Whether or not someone humiliates themselves by how they behave towards me is not my responsibility; it is their responsibility to gather facts before doing anything that could be consider humiliating.
If a married person comes in here without being obviously married it is likely that some will assume they are single (It is a singles forum after all). It's almost akin to a woman going to a known meet market and complaining that the guys are hitting on her.
All I am saying is if the marrieds want to come play in here, great. But please make sure we know they are married.
quote:
Actually taking the time to really get to know someone (including their marital status) beforehand could go far in preventing both unpleasant experiences.
But should the first line of every conversation in a singles forums be "Excuse me but before I talk to you can I ask if you are married?" Seems that the burden of proof is more on the married being where they are not really expected to be, then on the single who is expecting people in the singles forum to be single.
Now please note that I didn't say married can't be in here. I'm just saying it would be a great help if they identified themselves as married before confusion sets in.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 11:33:10 PM
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John_O
Posts: 6949
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
I appreciate marrieds who post in Singles because, IMO, they bring real-life experience and a whole lot of common sense to the table. When several people who have never been married are discussing what marriage should or will be, I think it's extremely helpful for someone who is living it to bring their perspective to the discussion.
Those like myself who are divorced really have no credibility when it comes to marriage. So, just like those who are widowed, currently married folks have information and experience that can add much to the discussion.
I agree. Although those who have been divorced still have something to offer. I'm assuming that in most cases they were the wronged party and in the rest they've repented.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 11:37:52 PM
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collie1
Posts: 825
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: The Place to Go: Idaho!!
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
Those like myself who are divorced really have no credibility when it comes to marriage.
Having been divorced myself, I still post in the marriage threads, if I think I have something to say. I have learned from some of my mistakes, (from both marriages) and like to think I can give some good advice on occasion.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/28/2008 11:47:35 PM
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pruned
Posts: 1179
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
Those like myself who are divorced really have no credibility when it comes to marriage. So, just like those who are widowed, currently married folks have information and experience that can add much to the discussion.
I disagree. I think a divorced person also has valuable wisdom, information, and experience that can add much to the discussion.
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 12:30:58 AM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 26924
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here, but subject to change . . . stay tuned!
Status: offline
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Oh fiddle; Darcy - hey there! Thanks for stopping by
(I thought I had posted this and just now saw where I didn't).
_____________________________
Crazy Toy Lady
.
Please Help Me Identify These Toys.
Updated 7/17/08
#160 - #205
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 12:39:12 AM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3136
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
Status: offline
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I was not successful in every area of my marriage. There are some things I would not begin to advise someone about because I was still working on that myself. Same for someone who is divorced they may have been very successful in some areas of their marriage. We can learn from their success stories.
_____________________________
Nadine
"It's like every thing good collided today" quote from my 8yr old daughter
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 2:38:32 AM
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Above_All
Posts: 12149
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: man's rib
Status: offline
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Sorry Gary, too lazy to quote. lol. But in regards to your comparison of here and a man posting in the Women's Only folder...that's entirely different. First, there are official rules that men cannot post there and vice versa. Secondly, a man has never been or never will be a woman so it would make no sense for a man to post in the Women's Only folder to give insight on the experiences of being a woman. And certain gender discussions is only appropriate when discussed with other women. For example, both men and women cannot discuss the physical challenges of PMS.
To me, being single is simply a season in life...one in which everyone has gone through in their lifetime. Both man and woman have once been single. I do think that yes, we tend to enjoy the company of those who are going through the same life experiences as we are. But that doesn't mean that our attitudes should be negative towards others who are not going the same season in life. A married person can simply come in here in the chat thread to just simply chat (many conversations occur here that have nothing to do with being single at all). If the very presence of that person bothers you for just being there then that's strange.
_____________________________
<--- Our engagement sketch
Table for Two...And then some
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RE: Online Fellowship for Single People - 4/29/2008 8:16:36 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 5056
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
quote:
ORIGINAL: collie1
quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
Those like myself who are divorced really have no credibility when it comes to marriage.
Having been divorced myself, I still post in the marriage threads, if I think I have something to say. I have learned from some of my mistakes, (from both marriages) and like to think I can give some good advice on occasion.
Collie1, please forgive me. What I was trying to convey about myself specifically was not what I wrote and I apologize.
And I appreciate all y'all's comments. Apparently, what I thought was a given, ain't.  But I didn't mean to turn the conversation in another direction in my defense of marrieds posting here when they have something to add.
Additionally, I agree with Denise. I can imagine no circumstances in which a married person would be posting in the flirt thread or any other inappropriate-for-them thread. When married folks do post here, unless it's a mistake, they invariably make mention of their spouse and/or marriage. I've never seen anything else.
Here's a shocker, Lioness; I agree with you!  I don't talk too much about being married because quite frankly mine failed miserably. Who would listen to my advice when it obviously didn't work for me? 
This is another one of the things where some people are okay with married people post here and some people aren't too comfortable. Since there is no rule stating they can't, then I suppose we should buck up and be happy that they are willing to share their pearls of wisdom with us.
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