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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/4/2008 12:29:55 PM
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AngelInWaiting1983
Posts: 3910
Joined: 6/8/2007
From: My heart is in SC, but i'm WV bound
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I usually just sit down and start talking. If the conversation is good it will lead to other topics.
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Reflecting with Terri
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/4/2008 12:34:34 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3019
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AngelInWaiting1983
I usually just sit down and start talking. If the conversation is good it will lead to other topics.
Exactly OA!
_____________________________
Nadine
The LORD repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge.” Ruth 2:12
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/5/2008 1:41:58 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3019
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
You know when you meet someone you're attracted to but you hardly know them, you want to ask them questions that would give you an insight to their character without interrogating them. What type of questions are good to ask? I mean, you want to casually just ask conversational questions, and not get into heavy discussion about his theological, or political leanings. It's more like picking their brains to see if he has any of your deal breakers before you start getting into some fantazy land about finding the "one". I guess it's also dealing with the issue of how to guard your heart.
Usually, if I am attracted, the guy is a christian. I have only had one incidence where the guy was catholic and not dateable, only because our beliefs would have conflicted, not because he did not love Christ, because he did.
Based on what the OP said about hardly knowing the guy, I would try to either ask open ended questions about something obvious about the guy,(something his shirt says for example) or our surroundings to get him talking about himself. I like to make open ended statements, that are really not direct questions, because I do not want to give him the impression that I am interrgating, or picking his brain. The rate at which he chooses to divulge information, is fine with me, I am not in a hurry. Since I don't believe in the whole "can't be friends with a guy or you will never date theory," I am making a friend, not looking for a partner. After I know a few things about the guy, I can decide whether he is dateable or not. Every relationship I have ever had has gone this way. (eccept Hubby) It was always a very smooth transition, from friend to boyfriend. I am still friends with many of them. Two, in fact are married to close friends of mine.
In regards to guarding my heart as mentioned by the OP:
I never have regretted a relationship that I have had, since becoming a Christian. There is always something to be learned either about people (men in general) or yourself. Guarding my heart is not an issue. Feeling deeply, is a good thing. I want to guard my spirit and my thoughts/actions though (meaning, is my time with this person honoring God?)
_____________________________
Nadine
The LORD repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge.” Ruth 2:12
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/5/2008 5:44:13 PM
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doer
Posts: 2752
Joined: 4/13/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Prairiehiker
You know when you meet someone you're attracted to but you hardly know them, you want to ask them questions that would give you an insight to their character without interrogating them. What type of questions are good to ask? I mean, you want to casually just ask conversational questions, and not get into heavy discussion about his theological, or political leanings. It's more like picking their brains to see if he has any of your deal breakers before you start getting into some fantazy land about finding the "one". I guess it's also dealing with the issue of how to guard your heart.
I leave this completely up to good observation and divine providence.
the most important thing (as a guy who has been asked "that question")
is stay away from anything negative.
one might think that a 'mutual complaint' would work, but it seldom does.
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/5/2008 9:07:15 PM
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TomTurn
Posts: 758
Joined: 3/13/2008
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Do you enjoy your job?
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/5/2008 10:24:28 PM
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totalfaith
Posts: 82
Joined: 12/11/2007
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I usually start out with "How you doin?" and it goes down hill from there..
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/6/2008 3:33:19 PM
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Elena1030
Posts: 869
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Music City, USA
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Hmm... If I see a guy out in public and I have some sort of instant attraction to him, I probably won't talk to him unless there is some sort of natural context to start a conversation. I mean, striking up conversation in a line or in an elevator isn't unheard of. Or in a store. You immediately have some commonality---you're in the same place at the same time for SOME purpose. I can usually gauge whether someone is open to just light chit-chat with a stranger. But I'm not forward enough to ask for a phone number or e-mail from a complete stranger I just met. I would let the guy do that. He's supposed to be the initiator.
At church, it's easier---either he's a Christian looking for a new church home or a seeker of some level. And at my age (mid 30s), work seems to be the common denominator, so I ask what the person does for a living, ask how long he has lived in the area or if he is a native (natives are actually rather rare around here!), and what drew him to my church.
At work, most of us are Christians (required by the job descriptions), and more specifically, active, involved members of our churches (and many of the jobs require that the churches we belong to be of this denomination). So... ya ask what area the person works in, what he does for his job, where he went to college, what church he goes to, what ministries he's involved in, and go from there.
I'm with Terri. As long as the person gives you something to work with in the initial responses to the basic questions, asking follow-up questions isn't too hard.
What can be challenging at times is figuring out what questions are not prying and will elicit a response and will draw the person out and make him feel comfortable at the same time.
C'est the art of conversation, no? Mais oui!
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"We're not odd, we're just over-expressive."—Helen in Howard's End
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/6/2008 6:45:32 PM
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Dakotasunbeam
Posts: 1146
Joined: 6/2/2005
From: Midwest USA
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I generally like the kind of conversations that just get started and flow from naturally. I don't try to poke in any questions and I have no problem asking guys questions, even personal ones (as long as it isn't impertinent), you'd be surprised of the guys who will actually ANSWER. The point is to be comfortable in the conversation and pick up verbal and non-verbal cues. To keep your discerning ears ****ed and listen with an open heart and mind filtered by the Holy Spirit. In ONE conversation I can find out SO much about a person. It's wonderful. Sometimes, I go away feeling like I'm in love, other times I've been soberred from my filly giggling.
Don't try to think up questions, let the conversation GO. And run with it. Feel comfortable, get relaxed, look into their eyes, notice the way they meet your glare, how they answer, the way they respond to interruptions, how they use their hands when they talk, where their eyes wander. It's so beautiful it's like a dance. Keep your ears ****ed up and listen, listen, listen.
Ask questions that probe deeper. Try not to hop around subjects, especially ones you want to delve deeper into. Bring the conversation back to that and ask more questions to go further. I genuinely love talking to people and I have a tendency to get into rather long ones with peope of all genders. It isn't about finding the right questions, its about your listining, discerning, and observation skills. Touch the person you are talking to and watch how they respond--even if you are not a touchy feely person, it tells you so much. Life is so wonderfully, beautiful and dynamic, you just have to listen to catch all of the nuances. Have you ever went out on a still quiet day and just sat still? Do that sometimes, it helps to train the senses. Listen, observe, feel, notice the slight and the almost imperceptible, watch the ladybug crawling slowly, watch how a little girl twirls her hair, or how a guy maneuvers a few coins in his hand, notice the way a teenager walks on his/her way. Listen to hear the breeze, try to figure out where a certain noice is coming from. Detecting these sorts of things help to make us more keen with others. Learn to enjoy a conversation with a guy/gal more than the exchange of thoughts or the possiblity of a relationship. It's beautiful.
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/7/2008 11:35:56 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 4729
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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You know, I got to thinking about this and I realised I'm not a very good listener. I'm fairly selfish that way. However I do pay attention to responses to what I say about myself. That to me says loads more than what he's saying about himself.
I talk about the Things ALOT and if someone is rolling his eyes, or worse telling me how to discipline them, I generally smile, and wave as I'm turning the opposite direction.
Although this can backfire on me as I tend to not show my initial response to something someone has said. So perhaps I merely pay more attention to the reactions then lack of reactions and what he's reacting to.
I don't know...I'm babbling here as my brain tries to figure out what it's thinking.
It's an art I suppose. The art of communication or lack thereof.
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/8/2008 9:15:53 PM
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WaitingforBoaz
Posts: 3019
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: The Hundred Acre Wood
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dakotasunbeam
I generally like the kind of conversations that just get started and flow from naturally. I don't try to poke in any questions and I have no problem asking guys questions, even personal ones (as long as it isn't impertinent), you'd be surprised of the guys who will actually ANSWER. The point is to be comfortable in the conversation and pick up verbal and non-verbal cues. To keep your discerning ears ****ed and listen with an open heart and mind filtered by the Holy Spirit. In ONE conversation I can find out SO much about a person. It's wonderful. Sometimes, I go away feeling like I'm in love, other times I've been soberred from my filly giggling.
Don't try to think up questions, let the conversation GO. And run with it. Feel comfortable, get relaxed, look into their eyes, notice the way they meet your glare, how they answer, the way they respond to interruptions, how they use their hands when they talk, where their eyes wander. It's so beautiful it's like a dance. Keep your ears ****ed up and listen, listen, listen.
Ask questions that probe deeper. Try not to hop around subjects, especially ones you want to delve deeper into. Bring the conversation back to that and ask more questions to go further. I genuinely love talking to people and I have a tendency to get into rather long ones with peope of all genders. It isn't about finding the right questions, its about your listining, discerning, and observation skills. Touch the person you are talking to and watch how they respond--even if you are not a touchy feely person, it tells you so much. Life is so wonderfully, beautiful and dynamic, you just have to listen to catch all of the nuances. Have you ever went out on a still quiet day and just sat still? Do that sometimes, it helps to train the senses. Listen, observe, feel, notice the slight and the almost imperceptible, watch the ladybug crawling slowly, watch how a little girl twirls her hair, or how a guy maneuvers a few coins in his hand, notice the way a teenager walks on his/her way. Listen to hear the breeze, try to figure out where a certain noice is coming from. Detecting these sorts of things help to make us more keen with others. Learn to enjoy a conversation with a guy/gal more than the exchange of thoughts or the possiblity of a relationship. It's beautiful.
Dakota,
This is a truely awesome post!
_____________________________
Nadine
The LORD repay your work, and a full reward be given you by the LORD God of Israel, under whose wings you have come for refuge.” Ruth 2:12
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 5/9/2008 2:58:34 AM
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ebony101
Posts: 535
Joined: 4/1/2007
From: the big blue marble
Status: offline
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Really early on find out if they're otherwise committed. Some men leave out this very vital information.
_____________________________
'We're writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that we do & the words that we say.'
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RE: questions to ask someone you're attracted to...... - 6/14/2008 11:32:05 PM
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okrox
Posts: 71
Joined: 4/28/2005
Status: offline
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I guess I have never thought about it in terms of "asking questions". I think I take more of an anthropological approach.
You know, like, "Here we observe the Man Subject in his natural habitat. Note his temperament. Is it disrupted by the rude driver in the passing lane? Observe his primitive problem-solving skills when confronted with the wrong dinner entree'. "
I prefer the watch-and-learn method. True, it is more time-consuming than the ask-and-impress way, but I think it's more accurate.
_____________________________
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be 'til I die.
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