RE: Were my friends too harsh? (Full Version)

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Kat_D -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 12:19:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2

quote:

I'm not talking about the terms of service. I'm not even a moderator anymore. He just mentioned that his friends trust him. If I had a friend that was posting stuff about my personal issues on the internet, I wouldn't trust them. That's just me.

me either Lisa....that would be way too hard for me to get over. It is a totally different thing when you are posting about YOU or your family (kids), but when it is about someone else or their family I think it is the polite thing to ask their permission before doing so. I even do that with my hubby...I don't post anything about him that he hasn't read first.


I highly agree. I did a little research, and if I counted correctly, Rich has had four or five threads on this family that exposes a lot of the details of their private lives. I would be extremely disturbed If I found out a friend had written about me on the internet to that extent. Frankly, our friendship would probably end over it.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 12:22:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kat_D

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2

quote:

I'm not talking about the terms of service. I'm not even a moderator anymore. He just mentioned that his friends trust him. If I had a friend that was posting stuff about my personal issues on the internet, I wouldn't trust them. That's just me.

me either Lisa....that would be way too hard for me to get over. It is a totally different thing when you are posting about YOU or your family (kids), but when it is about someone else or their family I think it is the polite thing to ask their permission before doing so. I even do that with my hubby...I don't post anything about him that he hasn't read first.


I highly agree. I did a little research, and if I counted correctly, Rich has had four or five threads on this family that exposes a lot of the details of their private lives. I would be extremely disturbed If I found out a friend had written about me on the internet to that extent. Frankly, our friendship would probably end over it.

yup...there's no "probably" for me...it WOULD end.



Consecrated2God -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 12:27:41 PM)

quote:

he's just questioning what they did and asking us as to whether we'd parent a similar situation in a similar way.


It would bother me if a person was getting feedback on my parenting skills in public without my knowledge, no matter how often they said they loved me.



manda59 -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 12:34:13 PM)

Isn't all of this Rich's business? IMO it isn't up to any of us IMO to say whether he should or should not have posted the question.

I am also not sure why Rich appears to have been singled out for this criticism when plenty of other people, every day, post here about other people.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 12:41:22 PM)

Manda...he asked for our opinions on his observations of another family....a family he has said he has not even told that he talks about them AND THEIR KIDS not just this one time but frequently on the internet. If I found out that someone were posting about me all over the internet then I would be mad....but if I found out they were posting about my kids and my family business, I would be furious. If he doesn't want us pointing that out then maybe he needs to think about talking with them before posting about them...even is he is supposedly changing their names...he is still talking about them without their knowledge.



RichLP -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 12:44:02 PM)

Let me get this straight.

I write posts about people whose names I change, and not one of you knows exactly where I live, where I worship, let alone these 2 friends.

And, several here talk about cheating spouses, incorrigible teenagers, bankrupt finances, difficult parents who disown you if you don't do their bidding.

I talk about what I saw as a family friend and you guys have the affrontery to tell me that I'm disrespecting their friendship?

I am actually chuckling and smirking at the naivete some of you demonstrate. But whatever. I have to remember that even in a wholesome website like Crosswalk, there are going to be drama queens.

Have a great weekend y'all. Oh by the way, James called me from the foreign country he's at this week to say hello. He had asked me to carry out an errand for his family this week and I readily agreed two weeks before his trip, ensuring I had nothing scheduled for that day. At the last minute, James' wife informed me a relative of theirs had volunteered to help, so my help wouldn't be needed. This is just so you know how close we are as friends.

Pathetic... LOL.



manda59 -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 12:47:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
If I found out that someone were posting about me all over the internet then I would be mad....but if I found out they were posting about my kids and my family business, I would be furious.


Crosswalk is hardly "all over the internet".

And besides, it remains Rich's own business IMO.



Consecrated2God -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 12:48:11 PM)

quote:

And, several here talk about cheating spouses, incorrigible teenagers, bankrupt finances, difficult parents who disown you if you don't do their bidding.


I don't. I also don't participate in threads that do. I'm very careful about what I post, because I don't know who may be reading. I think some of the things that people post online are very unwise.

I've never said you shouldn't be allowed to post this question. I was just responding to your post about how your friends trust you, because I wanted to warn you that doing things like this could end that friendship. It could easily break that trust you have with them. Just be careful. That's all I wanted to say.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 12:49:19 PM)

quote:

I write posts about people whose names I change, and not one of you knows exactly where I live, where I worship, let alone these 2 friends.

it's not about us knowing or not knowing them, it's about their own privacy and their own decision to post things about THEIR family on the internet, vs your decision to do it for them without their knowledge. Many people even on here do not talk about anyone but themselves...not even their kids...because they want to keep that private. You have chosen to do so of another family without even telling them you are doing so. THAT is where MY problem lies with this whole thing. No matter how close you think you are to ME, if you don't have MY permission to discuss MY kids on the open internet, then yes, I would be MAD (more then mad) about it. If you are that close, then get their permission before posting about them...invite them here to get into the conversation.



Kat_D -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 1:03:19 PM)

Okay, let's try and put ourselves in the position of this family and try and think about how we'd feel...

When my kids were little, my husband had a close single, male friend who became a family friend. He loved spending time with our family and really liked our kids. While I personally would never have let him babysit for us (personal conviction), he did come over for dinners, game nites, and was invited to most of our birthday parties, etc. As far as I could tell, I don't think he even took notice of how we parented, which I think is the norm for most young single guys. He just enjoyed being with us.

However, if I had ever found out that he was talking about us behind our backs...telling others the details (sometimes in a critical way) of how we handled specific situations with our kids, disciplined them, etc., I would have been extremely angry. Had he broadcasted it over the internet, I would have been furious. I would have considered it to be a betrayal of our friendship and I would have been forever guarded around him. Consequently, our relationship (if it were to even continue) would have been impacted in a very negative way.



Corne -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 1:05:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59

quote:

ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
If I found out that someone were posting about me all over the internet then I would be mad....but if I found out they were posting about my kids and my family business, I would be furious.


Crosswalk is hardly "all over the internet".

And besides, it remains Rich's own business IMO.


If you google the words: "friends harsh" no quotes, nothing else, this thread is number 6 on page ONE of the google results. there are a few words of the thread included on the result enough to clue you in on the discussion.

The threads from this place are very very present in google searches.



manda59 -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 1:14:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Corne
If you google the words: "friends harsh" no quotes, nothing else, this thread is number 6 on page ONE of the google results. there are a few words of the thread included on the result enough to clue you in on the discussion.



So what? Who do you think will google "friends harsh" (except everyone who views this thread, and who will now google it because you mentioned it)?

If anyone had concerns about Rich posting this here, they could easily have pm'd him and kept all of this out of the thread. OR started a new one about confidentiality/posting about other people on the net rather than clogging ths thread up.



Corne -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 1:28:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: manda59

quote:

ORIGINAL: Corne
If you google the words: "friends harsh" no quotes, nothing else, this thread is number 6 on page ONE of the google results. there are a few words of the thread included on the result enough to clue you in on the discussion.



So what? Who do you think will google "friends harsh" (except everyone who views this thread, and who will now google it because you mentioned it)?

If anyone had concerns about Rich posting this here, they could easily have pm'd him and kept all of this out of the thread. OR started a new one about confidentiality/posting about other people on the net rather than clogging ths thread up.

Well for starters, someone that had their own harsh friends on their mind and wanted to look for the topic. Having been a statistics watcher for blogs and websites, I see MANY interesting and unexpected hits and what people googled to see that result. Then they are actually looking at the results, blogs, sites even when it's not a perfect match because something caught their eye.

A web site does not generate traffic only from their intended audiences.

The threads from these forums are VERY visible on google.



garsyt -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 1:38:36 PM)

Come on folks! This has turned into a thread about what RICH did and not about the original topic.

Granted it may not have been the wisest decsion for him to post about his friends here but he has, from what I understand a pretty decent relationship with his friends. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if Rich has already spoken with his friend about how he saw what happened or will shortly.

I would say that if Rich is not worried about posting things about his interactions and observations of his friends family than we should let it be. Rich isn't a child. He may not be a parent - but he hopes to be. He asked if we thought his friends reaction was harsh - it was already obvious (at least to me) that Rich thought it might be excessive based on his prior knowledge of the family.

Rich I do also beleive that your friend may have been a bit harsh with his daughter and that things could have been handled differently. I don't know a parent alive that hasn't made some mistake or error in judgement regarding their children and if they think that, they are mistaken! I would suggest that you maybe ask your friend WHY they reacted the way they did, without judgement and maybe you would receive a bit of insight as well. From the sounds of things maybe EVERYONE involved was a bit tired in which case they all should have just packed in in and gone home.

By chance is little brother the type to push and push and push until someone reacts back and then he goes running to Mommy with the complaint that so and so is picking on him? We have a little neighbor boy that does this. He will push and push and push until no one wants to play with him anymore then gets upset and runs crying to his parents. Thankfully his parents have recently observed him playing with my dd and getting extremely bossy and hitting and have been laying down the law with him.

Blessings,

Garsy



PrincessDonna -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 1:38:48 PM)

Please return to the topic of this thread. If you want to discuss whether people should post things about other people, you may start a thread on that topic. That's not what this one is for.

Thanks!
PrincessDonna
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peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 2:06:58 PM)

I started a thread about that topic so this one can more easily stay on topic...HERE is a link



buckifn -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/10/2008 9:58:27 PM)

I think we could view situations here like a tv show such as the nanny 911...it isn't someone we know...but problems, situations, etc are universal to some degree....I think most of us talk about various "what-if" scenarios in one form or another...and in the case of the op, I think it is good to get feedback and what route experienced parent's would take.

Who better to ask about kids than parent's who have taken care of them everyday, or are currently raising their children?



W.O.F. -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/13/2008 9:35:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RichLP

As an update... I briefly spoke to James' wife this week. She said Shane is much better, that Susan felt very bad and decided to pray for her brother at school. It seems, then, that the children have "reconciled" and that all is well at home.

As I said - Susan is an extremely sweet and innocent child who wouldn't hurt a fly. It's too bad this occurred.

And thanks for the no-knuckle-knocks-on-head warnings, guys... I will remember not to do that. I assume, then, that slapping a child's face is wrong too? (although I must say sometimes some rude teenagers look like they deserve a smack for how they utterly dishonor their parents).

I would not slap a child's face....but would probably slap an older teen (as in nearly adult) if they were particularly crude/rude/disrespectful. That is just me.

So far with my teens...a removal of privilege (such as being sent from the room during dinner or a favorite show/movie) has been PLENTY sufficient to stop the issue..but then..we taught them from the time they were little that disrespect was not tolerated and worked with them to teach them how to express disagreement without being disrespectful. We also are very careful to not disrespect them....

Rude teenagers were, most of the time, rude children who were not corrected. Not always, but usually.



Corne -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/13/2008 9:57:46 PM)

I always thought of face slapping as similar to an insult. Slapping a disrespectful teen might just reap a return slap.



astockto -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/15/2008 4:41:35 AM)

Just a sorry follow-up, but if Rich's friend did something in public at a group event, then I don't see why he would have a right to get upset if it got out to a larger audience. With today's easy media access, nothing except being in our houses with our curtains drawn is private...... Remember that people!

And as for disciplining, I only got smacked on my bottom once, and my 4 year old sister got it too, at about the same age, both of us for being royal snobish b-words. A knock on the head is totally unnecessary, all my parents have to do is look slightly disappointed!! Hitting on the head or face, in general, is not constructive, can be deadly to younger kids, and damaging to even older kids. Think what you want of this guy's friend's behavior, but watch yourself before you go pointing the finger.

But seriously, folks, I was just called for jury duty for a criminal case of child endangerment. You can't leave your 15 year old to look after your 9 and 7 year old for 15 minutes while you go buy milk w/o getting brought up on child endangerment criminal charges.....



buckifn -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/17/2008 4:51:54 AM)

slapping anyone, young or old, is not the answer to correct behavior. It's usually a spur of the moment emotional reaction to a situation that has underlying issues. All behavior has meaning and as a parent I would think it would be more helpful to find out why my teen is being rude and make sure they understand why that behavior is not acceptable.

If I react on the same level they do what am I teaching them?



W.O.F. -> RE: Were my friends too harsh? (5/17/2008 10:12:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: buckifn

slapping anyone, young or old, is not the answer to correct behavior. It's usually a spur of the moment emotional reaction to a situation that has underlying issues. All behavior has meaning and as a parent I would think it would be more helpful to find out why my teen is being rude and make sure they understand why that behavior is not acceptable.

If I react on the same level they do what am I teaching them?

notice I said MIGHT..and they would have to be especially rude/crude/etc. I have only slapped three people in my whole life..and all three of those times the language was..well...horrific and there was sexual inuendo involved as well...they were my peers at the time.

Again...as a parent of teens...I have NEVER had my kids even come close to being slapped...but then...we taught them when they were younger to know how to express themselves without being disrespectful.

You cannot teach them easily in their teen years what you neglect in their childhood.



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