Kids and comfort objects (Full Version)

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3cappuccinosmom -> Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 6:40:22 AM)

How do children come to latch on to one particular thing as a "lovie" or comfort object? What do you think prompts that? Are some kids more likely to need them than others? Anybody or their kids ever have a really strange lovie? [8D]

The reason I'm wondering is, not one of my three boys has a lovie. They weren't even much interested in binkies (my second son wouldn't even take a sugar binky for a medical procedure--the tech was really annoyed!). Biruk sucked his thumb for all of a few weeks.

They do have stuffed animals and even a little baby doll--they play with them, hug them, kiss them (throw them, beat on them, bite them [8|]) but never insisted on keeping one to sleep with, or wanted to take one in the car, or carried one around all day. [&:]

But I think this makes my kids unusual. Having a "lovie" is pretty common, is it not?



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 6:56:50 AM)

Three of my (4) kids have lovies. The other isn't old enough yet..so we'll see. I know you know this Maggie, but this is for others reading too [8D][8D]
Amanda got her lovie in a funny way. It was my old baby security blanket and I had it on the couch as a lap blanket. She crawled over one day, pulled it down and layed down on it. That was it. It was hers.
My second is weird in that her lovie involves tags. She kept rubbing the tags in the back of her shirts, I thought they were irritating her, so I cut one out one day and she freaked. Now she has a washcloth with a tag on it, and I also sewed some satin-y ribbon on it, so it's got extra tags.
My third is attached to a little satin blanket with a bear on it that I got as a shower gift. He just loves it....right Donna?? [8D]

I think it definetly depends on the child. My kids all have the personality traits of needing something secure, increased by the fact that we're military and move a lot. And Daddy is gone...
I have met kids whose moms pushed security items on them, odd as that sounds. ("Here baby...want your lovie?") If my kids ask for it (or sometimes holler for it[8|]) then fine, but I don't push it on them.
I have also met many kids who don't have a special lovie at all. Or have one that's only needed at sleep time.

I don't think your kids are unusual for not needing or wanting a special item. Just means they find their security elsewhere I guess.

I was going to say "Just my .02"...but it ended up being more like a dollar. ...[;)]
Sandy



Sideways -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 7:35:00 AM)

My boy is 13 months and does not have a lovie. Don't when they are supposed to get them, but he definitely does not have one.



VisitorinWaiting -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 9:21:09 AM)

I have three children...two boys and a girl. BEFORE birth, I bought each of them a stuffed animal that I was actually hoping they would get attached to. My first boy, I bought a little blue dog that played music. He played with it for a while, and has never thought about it again since then. My second son, I bought a caterpillar that lit up and played music...still, no attachment...liked it for a while and then it was never thought of again. Both boys stopped playing with what I considered their special toys at about 6 months. My daughter, we bought her a little teddy bear that played music. She is 2 years old, and to this day, if we go somewhere without it, she will cry. She is very attached to it.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 10:01:44 AM)

My kids have favorite snugglies in their beds, but they've never been attached to them to the point where they would cry if we were somewhere else and they had to do without them. All of my kids have also taken binkies, but none past a year (Hannah may have been a bit longer...I don't remember).

I'm not sure what makes a kid need a lovie, but I'm not convinced it's something that parents do, though maybe sometimes it is. I also wouldn't be opposed to a kid of mine having a lovie if they needed it. I'd just try to make sure it was small and buy a double, just in case. A friend of mine has a little boy who had to have his blankie...and it was a HUGE blankie, not a little baby blankie. She let him carry it with him everywhere. I think that is a little much, and probably would cut a portion of the blankie if I had a kid like that.



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 10:11:06 AM)

Don't think I implied that lovies are something parents 'force' (not that you said that...I just wanted to clarify [:D])
I do think there is a difference between parents who allow them vs parents who encourage them
I allow them, I don't encourage them. If they ask to bring it along, I will sometimes, depending on where we are going....even then, they must stay in the car.



thisistheday -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 10:16:28 AM)

I bought my oldest a soft dolly for her first birthday that I let her sleep with and she became attached to it. She was also attached to her thumb.

My second daughter was attached to her binky. She also liked sleeping with a small beanie type animal when she was a little older, after she no longer had her binky. I think she was 3 when she got the little animal.

My 3rd child, my only boy, was never particularly attached to anything.

My current four year old forms short, temporary attachments to things. I'm kind of glad they don't last. It's interesting to see what her next favorite stuffed animal/doll will be and for how long.

Dee



Consecrated2God -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 10:23:58 AM)

I was very attached to my special blanket as a kid. I had to have it to sleep, although I had a substitute blanket if it were in the laundry. I didn't carry it with me like Linus or anything, but I was definitely attached to it. I never called it a "lovie" though.

I still have my special blanket. I don't sleep with it...often. It usually falls behind the bed, and I notice it when I'm cleaning back there. Then I hug it for a few minutes because I still really like my blankey. Now I usually just sleep with my husband. He's pretty cuddly, too.

All my kids have been attached to something. Most of them, like me, have also had a blanket. One daughter liked the pacifier instead of a blanket. None of the my kids have been as loyal to their special blankets as I was to mine, though. [:D]



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 10:29:29 AM)

quote:

My second is weird in that her lovie involves tags. She kept rubbing the tags in the back of her shirts, I thought they were irritating her, so I cut one out one day and she freaked. Now she has a washcloth with a tag on it, and I also sewed some satin-y ribbon on it, so it's got extra tags.

LOL...ok, I have to take a pic of this thing someone gave me when I was pregnant with Emma....it's a small blanket square (a little bigger then a wash cloth) with ribbons around it. hold on...pic coming (it's uploading now). OK...HERE IS THE PIC

out of my four so far it really comes down to their ages and what is going on in our lives at certain times in their lives. I also think it has a lot to do with personalities. I have two that can't stand any change at all whatsoever (which is hard being a military family that lives on change every day practically). I have found that for those two they have to have some things constant....and I can't choose what that constant it for them. Our oldest is 8yo and is better now, but when he was our third's age (3yo) he was very much just like her. She can't stand it when anything is done different then it was done before. If you are going to do something once one way, then you better be prepared to ALWAYS do it that way from now on...other wise she freaks out and can't handle it. So for her it's not really a "lovie" item, it's more of a consistency in how things happen or are done.
My other two (7yo and 21mo) are very similar in that they have one thing they like...blankets...blankets blankets blankets. Neither are too picky with which one they finally end up with, but they know which ones are theirs. Our oldest the past two years or so has switched to just stuff...when she is sleeping it is comical what we will find in bed with her or how we will find her sleeping (hubby even takes pics sometimes of what he finds when he does the final check of her up in her bunk....he does that cause I am too short to see way up there on the top bunk). HERE and HERE are examples...lol. Right now up on her bed she has about five dolls, seven blankets of various sizes, and five stuffed animals. She can't sleep without all her stuff with her...lol.



zoebob -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 11:36:27 AM)

With my oldest it has always been her teddy bear that Grandma bought her when she was 3 months old. This poor thing is losing its head and some of it's limbs. They've been reattahed several times and the poor bear is several inches shorter than it first was because there's not as much material left. We know this because when she was about 4 someone found another of the same bear and bought it so when the first one wore out she had a replacement. She saw it and said "Mommy BOBO" (the original is BoBo). However, she never liked Mommy Bobo. She still sleeps with BoBo but doesn't take him anywhere. Of course she's 12 now.

DD2 is 9. She had a special bear that Grandma gave her at birth but lost him at about 2 yrs old. Her favorite has always been the newest bear.

Ds was also given a bear by Grandma and Grandpa (notice a trend here: first bear comes from Grandma). He never cared for it too much. He has also kind of been most attached to the most recent stuffed animal. For his first birthday he got a stuffed puppy that was a favorite. Then a little orange beanie Baby type bear that his dad brought back from a trip. Now it is more his pillow and quilt that I made him. He has to use his pillow. If he forgets it when he goes to Grandma's house or something he has trouble sleeping. The other pillows don't smell right. His pillow smells like him. He doesn't like me to change the pillow case either but I insist. THe smell does come through. HE has always had very accute senses...especially smell.



BlessedMamaofmany -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 12:05:30 PM)

That's awesome Sarah! My Sissy would be nuts over that!
Hers is similar. It's just a cute washcloth with a monkey on it (she calls it her 'monkey tag'). not as many ribbons, and they're wider
Sandy



garsyt -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 2:33:49 PM)

All four of my kids have some sort of object or several objects that they turn to for comfort.

My eldest for the longest time had this little Elmo doll that went everywhere with us and the one time we forgot it at grandma's he pitched a fit so huge that we made a trip to Walmart just to find him a new one! He still has both Elmo dolls sitting on his shelf in his bedroom. Pretty brave for a 14 year old, if you ask me! He also has a teddy bear that he received when he was about 2 from his great grandfather - he named it Milk the Bear. Milk has been through it all! I've had to take him to a doll repair shop a couple times just to make sure the head was resewn tight enough to withstand all the love! Milk too is relagated to the shelf in his room - but there have been occassions where I've noticed that the bear has made it's way to the bed during some particularly tough times. [;)] I think my eldest just has a personality that NEEDS something that he knows will ALWAYS be there, some tangible object that he can tell his secrets too with no worries of someone finding out.

My eldest dd has several comfort items. She has a Build a Bear bear that we bought her when she was 4 years old that is her primary attachment right now even tho she is 10 years old. She sleeps with it every night! Blossom is showing major signs of wear and tear, and we've talked about getting her a new bear but she says Blossom is just fine! Blossom stays home tho as she is getting just a tad to fragile to bring anywhere. Recently we purchased her a Webkinz frog that she has become attached to as well. She asked to bring it in with her when she was facing oral surgery not that long ago and the dr agreed as long as the frog wore a face mask! Then put one on him! It was great! He was also the first thing she asked for after waking up in recovery. My dd associates her "lovies" (which is a term we don't use around here) with loved people in her family, either my husband or I, one of her siblings, her grandparents, an aunt or uncle and sometimes one particular stuffed animal or blanket is what she latches on to for a period of time just to get her through. When she was a baby it was certain blankets but she moved to stuffed animals at about 2 or 3 years old.

My youngest ds has a lion shaped pillow that he has had for going on 8 years now! He CANNOT sleep without it! He also collects certain stuffed animals that he becomes attached too, mostly lions, elephants, and turtles and right now is especially attached to he webkinz turtle and his one floppy lion that was given to him when he was a baby! He can deal with going away for a night without the stuffed toys but NEVER the pillow!

My youngest child, my dd has had an old nightie of mine that she keeps in her bed and snuggles against her face at night. She says it smells like mommy and she likes that smell![:)] She also has a few teddies and baby dolls that she uses as comfort items during tough times - but it changes so much that we are never sure what it's going to be from day to day.

Blessings,

Garsy



Tinkerbell_ -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 3:18:47 PM)

Thing 2 had a bunny he got as a baby for Easter. She was so soft and so pretty he named her "Bunny". *grin*

One day she was put on the heating grates of my parents house and it burned the paws on her left side. So mum patched her up and sent her on her way. Well, Thing 2 was horrified that his baby was hurt so he prayed for her for two weeks straight. One night he came to me sobbing because, "God hasn't heeled Bunny yet!" Oh my...

So one day when he was at school Bunny got "lost" (*ahem* Grandma threw her away...lol). That was almost 5 years ago. He talked about her ALL THE TIME. So one day I found the same bunny on eBay and bought it and left it on his bed as a surprise. He saw her and was sooo excited. "Mum! Bunny's home and she's healed!!!" LOLOL

So that's his lovey I suppose. Now he has another bunny named Vanilla Cream Sundae III. [8D]



zoebob -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/9/2008 3:37:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_

Thing 2 had a bunny he got as a baby for Easter. She was so soft and so pretty he named her "Bunny". *grin*

One day she was put on the heating grates of my parents house and it burned the paws on her left side. So mum patched her up and sent her on her way. Well, Thing 2 was horrified that his baby was hurt so he prayed for her for two weeks straight. One night he came to me sobbing because, "God hasn't heeled Bunny yet!" Oh my...

So one day when he was at school Bunny got "lost" (*ahem* Grandma threw her away...lol). That was almost 5 years ago. He talked about her ALL THE TIME. So one day I found the same bunny on eBay and bought it and left it on his bed as a surprise. He saw her and was sooo excited. "Mum! Bunny's home and she's healed!!!" LOLOL

So that's his lovey I suppose. Now he has another bunny named Vanilla Cream Sundae III. [8D]

LOl what a great story.

My ds has several stuffed puppies and they all have dog sounding names: Puppy, doggy, Barkley, etc. Puppy is the one he got for his first birthday.



NotDoneYet -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/10/2008 10:55:05 PM)

Of all my kids...only the youngest one has a "lovey". It's a Care Bear "Wish" bear. She's green, so she's named "green beebee". I got it for her the day I took her home (she and her sister are my granddaughters...that's a LONG story). That and a blanket that belonged to one of the big kids...known now as "snuggle blankee". She'll go most places without snuggle, but rarely will allow "green beebee" out of her sight. Eventually she'll give it up (I hope).

They're fun!



creationtalk -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/11/2008 10:28:59 PM)

My son's "comfort" object after Hurricane Katrina blew away our area was his "hiking backpack" (He was 4 at the time).

This backpack was packed with all sorts of survival and "protector" gear. He had toy knives--to fight off the bad guys, binoculars, a small first aid kit, various tools (real), map, rope, pencil, paper, pop-top canned food, and lots more. The backpack weighed almost as much as he did. I was worried because he didn't want to be without the backpack (for the first 2-3 months after the storm he also carried a lunch box stuffed with food and water, a first aid kit, and a tool box...); at his daycare it literally took 2 adults to separate him from the backpack (we did this because of the "no items from home" rule). I took him to a psychologist brought in at work to help people deal with the trauma. He said that my son's method of coping with the situation was very healthy. My son was not frightened, he was PREPARED. The daycare also commented on this--they said when storms came after the hurricane, a lot of children were scared, but not my son. He was ready to fight the storm off...so far he's done pretty well. We haven't had a hurricane here since Katrina.

He never used a binkie (or what ever it's called). At various times he's had special stuffed animals he carried everywhere and at different times he would not be without a blanket I had made for him.



Mrs.X -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/11/2008 11:50:30 PM)

So far, Jimmy doesn't have one, he is almost a year old. Timmy has a binky and is two and a half, but not a soft lovey or anything.

When I was getting weekly newsletters from AmericanBaby.com for Timmy, around the 9th month is when many kids get attached to alovey. American Baby also referred to it as a "parent substitute" because they are beginning to learn independence from their parents but still need security. It's a way for them to feel secure without you.

When I received that newsletter, I went to Babies R Us and bought a popular stuffed animal hoping Timmy would make it his lovey. I wanted this one because I knew if it got too nasty, I could go back to Babies R Us and buy another. But, he never did attach to it. Timmy sometimes asks for his Elmo stuffed animal when he goes to bed, but not always. He'll also ask for a different one everynight usually, but mostly Elmo.



Row1 -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/12/2008 10:19:14 AM)

some kids grab that one thing, and that is it. for a long time.
a friend of mine has a daughter. one day in her early childhood, this daughter grabbed one of her mom's slips.

that was it.

she carried this slip around for a couple years! kind of embarrasing but everybody got used to it.



Memaw. -> RE: Kids and comfort objects (5/13/2008 10:03:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Row1

some kids grab that one thing, and that is it. for a long time.
a friend of mine has a daughter. one day in her early childhood, this daughter grabbed one of her mom's slips.

that was it.

she carried this slip around for a couple years! kind of embarrasing but everybody got used to it.



My youngest brother got hold of one of Moms' nylon nightgowns and carried it everywhere too.
He called it his "rubby".[:D]



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