RE: #18 on the way (Full Version)

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OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:15:18 PM)

quote:

I think even the hardest core QFers have hopes for a baby's gender, even if they're willing to accept whatever they get. Maybe Michelle was just being honest about having a preference.


Ok, but I think there is a difference between wanting a girl, say, after 6 boys (supposing that 6 is how many kids you have), than wanting a girl when you've already got a ton of each. I mean, when you have a bunch of each, what difference does it make after a while?



Sideways -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:17:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
I mean, when you have a bunch of each, what difference does it make after a while?


Probably for a sister for Johannah, like I said. Maybe Ma Duggar saw that JoyAnna was a bit on her own, having no other females close in age.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:20:45 PM)

Well, Jennifer IS a girl, so this is kind of becoming a moot point.

However, if #18 is a boy, and it for some reason, is the last time she's able to conceive, he will be kind of by himself, too. I don't know though, I have this weird feeling in my gut that this pregnancy will be her 3rd set of twins.



Karaboo2 -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:21:00 PM)

I know that we are expecting our 4th boy (our first was a girl, and then boy boy boy ... and yet another boy), so we can honestly say that yes, we would love another girl. That isn't saying we don't love our boys to death, but another girl would be nice. We won't be upset though if we have nothing but boys from now on ... it is just that moms and sisters do like the thought of things like shopping for frilly dresses ... ;)



Sideways -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:25:19 PM)

Karaboo, do you ever have people ask you if your daughter is a second mother to all those little boys? I'm sorry, I don't know the ages of your group.

I've heard before that when a family is large and the oldest is a girl, she takes on the role of second mom, but I don't know if that's fair or accurate.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:25:24 PM)

quote:

TV specials do imply


I think that is important to remember. It is to the TV show's benefit to portray them as odd, yk. [;)]

I have a friend who was part of a "submissive wives" show done by bbc, and she said even though they *tried* to be respectful, she knew there would be a bias in the way they edited it (many, many hours of film shot, cut down to 3 minutes or so), and there was.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:27:15 PM)

quote:

I would *love* to have a baby girl. I may or may not get one. Having a girl is not my purpose in keeping one with childbearing, and I will be perfectly happy with a horde of boys. But I do want a baby girl. I will probably always want a baby girl. That doesn't mean I will be upset or angry at God if the next 7 are boys!


Maggie, ever thought about adopting a girl? I knew a black husband/white mom couple who had 2 boys of their own, and then adopted a girl..an adorable, beatiful girl at that. She was perfectly normal, but they got her because they requested to adopt a disabled girl, and they were living in the Southeast at the time, and there a mixed raced child was considered disabled[8|]. Because the girl was a hard to place adoption, it cost them little. They then adopted 2 or 3 more after her. I'm not saying, of course that a mixed baby is the only kind you should adopt. I'm just saying you never know how God can work things out.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:32:05 PM)

I think I cross posted with a couple people a couple of times.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:33:43 PM)

quote:

"We accept WHATEVER gift GOD chooses to give us WHENEVER he gives it,"

and

"I really really want this baby to be a girl," are almost two contradictory statements.

I personally think this is something that unfortunately you can't even fathom because you have never been pregnant. It isn't bad or wrong to say that you would prefer one over the other...and it isn't taking the blessing out of what God chooses to give you either. It simply is your desire. Sometimes our desire is because of our past (for instance I so badly wanted our #3 to NOT be a boy because I am the only girls between two boys, and I always hated that)...sometimes that desire is just something deep in us that we have always had (the "ideal" of our mind so to speak)...sometimes we can't even put our finger on it, it just is what we desire. Having that desire doesn't change reality and it doesn't mean you can't or don't or won't accept reality though.
I have had four kids so far...and only knew the gender of two before they were actually born. I was never disappointed after the delivery in which gender it turned out to be...but that doesn't mean that I didn't have a preference and *want* a specific gender for that particular pregnancy. It is natural to have that kind of desire



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:40:49 PM)

quote:

because you have never been pregnant.


That wasn't exactly my choice, though. I wanted to get married young (and I almost did, but that is neither here nor there, and that's another thread) and have babies young, but God had other plans. That doesn't mean I can't look at TV show and pick up on what seems (though not necessarily is) like an inconsistency to me.

I don't know, as I tried to make clear in a post upthread, having a SEVERELY disabled sister puts a different perspective on that kind of thinking.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:43:03 PM)

quote:

I mean, when you have a bunch of each, what difference does it make after a while?


Whether you have one or 20 children, each one is special. Each pregnancy comes with its own hopes and dreams. Each one is all the difference. The number makes no difference.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:47:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae

quote:

I mean, when you have a bunch of each, what difference does it make after a while?


Whether you have one or 20 children, each one is special. Each pregnancy comes with its own hopes and dreams. Each one is all the difference. The number makes no difference.



I meant, what difference does it make if the next one is a boy or a girl? I wasn't saying that each child wasn't still special.



Karaboo2 -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:48:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sideways
Karaboo, do you ever have people ask you if your daughter is a second mother to all those little boys? I'm sorry, I don't know the ages of your group.
I've heard before that when a family is large and the oldest is a girl, she takes on the role of second mom, but I don't know if that's fair or accurate.


No, I don't usually get asked that ... but I do remind dd on pretty much a daily basis that she isn't mom ... I am. She is more than welcome to be one of my helpers, but she is NOT to claim responsibility for the younger ones (especially when it comes to disciplining them!)

BTW, she is 7 ... the boys are 5,2,1 and another coming in August.



peculiar_lady2 -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:50:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels

quote:

because you have never been pregnant.


That wasn't exactly my choice, though. I wanted to get married young (and I almost did, but that is neither here nor there, and that's another thread) and have babies young, but God had other plans. That doesn't mean I can't look at TV show and pick up on what seems (though not necessarily is) like an inconsistency to me.

I know that it wasn't your choice, but because you have not been in that situation you really can't say what your hormones and feelings will be in that kind of situation. You would be amazed what hormones can do to you when you are pregnant!!!! That's like saying that someone who hasn't been in your shoes can't understand what you go through every day, every hour, with your sister and being her caretaker. YOU understand the mental challenges that you and your family go through because of her disabilities, but someone who has never been there can't understand it. They may be able to mentally TRY to understand it or have compassion because of seeing or hearing how you describe it, but they can't fully understand on a heart level what you live and know. That's how it is with pregnancy and this "desire" issue. You haven't BTDT so you really can't understand the hormone fluctuations that take place when you are pregnant...or the mental and emotional things that a pregnant woman goes through because of those hormones. I think in a way you are looking at what she said from a totally different place then she said it from. Youa re looking at it as her desire being a bad thing and something that the child will live with or that she will put regret on that child for. That's not how she meant it though...she simply meant that IF she were given the choice to choose, she would like to choose a girl. For whatever reason is in her head....or for no reason at all, just a desire in her heart. I do not think she would love that child any less if she had been a boy instead. I do not think she would have treated that child as a lesser being if it were a boy. Just as I do not think she could love that child more because she is a girl. The REALITY happened to match up to her DESIRE, but when it doesn't that doesn't mean that it is necessarily a bad thing to have that desire in the first place.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:51:36 PM)

Anyway, back to the original topic of #18 on the way, and off the topic of wanting a gender..

Does anyone else besides me think she might be having twins again this time around? Hey, what if it's triplets? Then she'll round it up to 20[:D]. I've thought for a while she would go to 20.



Ellie-Mae -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:52:13 PM)

I know what you meant, and it makes as much difference after 15 pregnancies as it does with the first. One will still have hopes and dreams for that child as one tries to imagine what they will be like and what their life will be like. #20 is still every bit as exciting as #1,2, or 3.



Karaboo2 -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 9:52:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
I don't know, as I tried to make clear in a post upthread, having a SEVERELY disabled sister puts a different perspective on that kind of thinking.


My dd has bipolar disorder ... it has hit every female on my side of the family. Even knowing the risks would be high that another daughter would have it, it doesn't stop me from thinking that another girl would be nice.

And as we all would probably agree ... healthy is the #1 desire ... but it isn't wrong to think that having a child of a certain gender would be nice ... we aren't going to be angry if we get the opposite ... but just saying it would be nice IF



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 10:04:58 PM)

I have lots and lots of friends who've had babies. And I've asked them all whether they would prefer a boy or a girl. I don't think that's necessarily a wrong desire. And I don't think Michelle's desire was wrong either. I was just trying to say, it MIGHT have been a better example to the media had she not said that. And, maybe not, maybe it didn't matter. It was just kind of a thought I had.


Anyway, if we could get back to the OP, of #18 on the way (even though it's my fault for getting us off track), I'd appreciate that.[:D] I ask once again, does anyone else besides me think she might be having twins again?



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/13/2008 10:09:41 PM)

quote:

quote:

As for the Duggar daughter and her "if I have children" comment. Well, the context of the interview seemed to me, that she was saying she wasn't sure if she was even going to try for kids, and that seemed really strange for a female who is likely strongly encouraged to marry and be a SAHM above all other roles.

I know which interview you are talking about....but to me that's not how it came across. To me it came across more as a thing of leaving total fertility issues up to God....more on the lines of "if God blesses" kind of thing instead of just an all assuming that she would automatically have kids one day. (does that even make sense? I am tired so I don't know if I am just rambling or getting the point across that I got from that interview)


Yes, that makes sense. I think she was just trying to be careful not to come across as ASSUMING she WOULD marry and WOULD have children. She hopes she will, but was acknowledging that God was in control of her life, not her.



Roberta_ -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 12:04:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Consecrated2God

I was at the store the other day (with only one of mine) and there was a lady and her husband with two little children. We got to talking a bit, and I found that her older baby was only 21 months and her younger one was 7 months. She seemed so embarrased by how close her children were together in age--she obviously had taken a lot of flak over it. I told her that mine were all close together, too, and that I'd had six kids in eight years. She smiled and said, "That makes me feel a lot better."


I had three children and one miscarriage in 3 years, 3 months, 1 day, 2 hours and 21 minutes..... but who's counting. [8D]



Karaboo2 -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 12:05:43 AM)

Obviously not you ... [;)]



Roberta_ -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 12:21:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: stateofgrace

quote:

ORIGINAL: stellaluna

Also, the 15-year-old daughter makes lunch everyday and the 17-year-old daughter makes dinner every evening. I have no idea how much free time these kids get, if any. I hope they have some sort of social life, friends, fun things they do that are just for them. I have no idea.



I suspect that they don't have individual "social lives" because that's generally frowned upon in those circles. They probably socialize as a family with "like-minded" families.


Amish families often don't use birth control and many of the children have what many of us would consider an overload of work. However, they don't look at chores in the negative light that many of us do. They look at chores as a way of spending time together.

When I was 13 my parents divorced. As the oldest girl and the second oldest of four kids, I had to take on a lot of the household responsibilities. That's just life. I also went on to have one more child than any of my siblings did, I married younger and had my children at a younger age and I am more domestically inclined than my siblings.



OLEEguacamole -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 2:13:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karaboo2

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneOfHisJewels
I don't know, as I tried to make clear in a post upthread, having a SEVERELY disabled sister puts a different perspective on that kind of thinking.


My dd has bipolar disorder ... it has hit every female on my side of the family. Even knowing the risks would be high that another daughter would have it, it doesn't stop me from thinking that another girl would be nice.

And as we all would probably agree ... healthy is the #1 desire ... but it isn't wrong to think that having a child of a certain gender would be nice ... we aren't going to be angry if we get the opposite ... but just saying it would be nice IF

there were people in the old testament that certainly wished/prayed for and got specific gender babies.



OneOfHisJewels -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 2:32:50 AM)

quote:

there were people in the old testament that certainly wished/prayed for and got specific gender babies.


Well, I remember many requests for sons. I can't remember any for daughters. I'm not saying there aren't any, I just can't recall any. Anyway, I've seen enough justification for Michelle wanting a girl with Jennifer. I'm fine with it now, really. I would really like to get back to the original topic, which is #18 on the way.



3cappuccinosmom -> RE: #18 on the way (5/14/2008 8:01:16 AM)

As odd as this may seem, I don't spend much time thinking of the Duggars, and we don't have TV so I only got to watch the first two specials belatedly on dvd....so, it never occured to me that she might have twins. But that would be cool!
I do know a lady who has had (so far) three sets of twins. They were all within 5 years, and there was a singleton in there too, so that made 7 kids under 5. [:D]

quote:

Maggie, ever thought about adopting a girl?


Oh yes! I would love to adopt, period. Dh is working through some issues on adoption (it is not common in his country, and the ones he saw were messy and worked out poorly, *and* he's not sure he could love a child not his own blood). So I'm trusting God on that front too. Dh did actually say a few months ago "So, what would you think about adopting a baby from China?", so obviously something is going on in his heart, even if that was just a test-the-waters comment. [:D]



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